BRM Reviews the 3/8/2016 Impact (Kurt Angle Farewell)

[Big Red Machine]

THANK YOU KURT SEGMENT-
Josh Mathews seems to be trying to compete with Ryback’s attempts to woo Marvel from last night’s promo. I’m also almost certain that his claim that this was only the third time Kurt and Lashley had faced each other was incorrect.
Even when I know she was being sincere, but Dixie Carter just comes off as 100% phony. She’s like listening to Vince or Steph or Bischoff or Russo talk out of character.
Drew cut a promo saying that the main reason he came to TNA was to face the best competition in the world, including Kurt. Really, Drew? Because that’s not what you said when you actually came to TNA. I guess all of that “stand up for wrestling” and “save wrestling” stuff was just bullsh*t, huh? Some babyface you are.
Lashley came out and interrupted the whole thing, then cut a good promo aside from that whole “you’re just not ready to face me” part. That was both completely random and seems to go against the storyline.

KING OF THE MOUNTAIN MATCH FOR THE TNA KING OF THE MOUNTAIN TITLE: Eric Young(c) vs. Bram vs. Will Ospreay vs. Jimmy Havoc vs. Big Damo- 5.75/10
Sure. Why not to a big gimmick match for a title with absolutely no mention of it before it happens. Yeah. That’s the sort of good booking that has gotten TNA exactly where they are today.
No one other than EY and Bram got an entrance, and they entered together, so when they were coming out, I assumed it was just EY who was wrestling. And of course, one of these guys getting the title shot is a guy WHO JUST LOST TO EY LAST WEEK! Another one of them is a guy who is also 0-1 in his TNA career (and Pope had the audacity to claim that “the King of the Mountain Title is very prestigious”). The third non-Bram challenger, is Will Ospreay, who is being criminally wasted in this match.
This is one of the most complicated matches in wrestling today, but of course they didn’t even explain the rules beforehand, which they needed to do even for people like me who have seen this match many times before, because when the first pinfall occurred, I was shocked it was announced that the pinned competitor would only spend one minute in the penalty box instead of the usual two. Also, apparently it’s Falls Count Anywhere.
The match was short and served no purpose other than to fill out time.

DIXIE CARTER & MARIA BACKSTAGE- Maria was awesome here. Dixie came off as scripted.

DECAY VIDEO- f*cking weird. Is that someone cosplaying as the villainess from Sleeping Beauty? These don’t add anything to the show for me.

BENNETT, MARIA, & DREW SEGMENT- AWESOME!
Mike & Maria’s entrance got cut? BOOOOOOOOO!
Is it just me, or was Bennett’s promo meant to mock everything Drew said when he first showed up in TNA last year?
Anyway, these guys were GREAT! I popped HUGE for Bennett calling Feast or Fired “some weird gameshow thingamabobby.”

KURT & THE WOLVES BACKSTAGE- Kurt passes the torch to Davey by bestowing upon him the gift of permission to use the Ankle Lock.

TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Gail Kim(c) vs. Jade- 5.75/10
I was hoping for A LOT more out of this. They only gave it about seven minutes. Also, where was the rest of the Dollhouse?

MATT HARDY PROMO- very good.
Ethan is getting another title shot next week. Matt thinks this is unfair, but then cuts a confident promo.

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Wolves(c) vs. Beer Money- 8/10
An awesome match that probably would have been even better if Davey hadn’t hurt his leg towards the end.

DREW & LASHLEY IN THE HALLWAY- is Lashley trying to make “you’re not ready for it” some sort of catchphrase? Because if so, he needs to stop immediately.

KURT & BENNETT BACKSTAGE- Bennett was great! Kurt was meh.

MORE GRADO SH*T-
Did he come out from the back?! Even though he doesn’t work here?! And why the hell didn’t they cut his mic? And why is no security coming to get him?
Anyway, he gave his “proof” to his friend in the production truck to play, Eli Drake’s music played instead and Eli and Jesse showed up. Eli said he would bash Grado’s head in with his Feast or Fired briefcase. Jesse also cut a promo. Grado’s supposed “friend” the production truck STILL hasn’t played the footage. Some friend he is (although now that I think about it, the idea of Grado having a friend is pretty implausible. He probably took the proof and immediately deposited it in the nearest trash can). Mahabali Shera came out to help Grado (well… Shera was desperate enough to join James Storm’s psycho cult, so he’s desperate for friends so he doesn’t count). Shera got some offense in but eventually suffered the fate deserved by anyone who would do something as heinous as helping Grado: metal briefcase to the back!
Unfortunately, this allowed Grado time to recover and he took out both Godderz and Drake. Then he stole Eli Drake’s briefcase like the dirty thief he is. At this point we still have seen no sign of either security or this “proof” of Grado’s.

BOBBY LASHLEY vs. KURT ANGLE- 8/10
While this was awesome (not quite as good as the tag title match), it just didn’t feel worthy of being Kurt Angle’s last match.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- great segment. Lashley’s turn got a lot of heat and taking out Eddie and Drew helped him look like a monster. I didn’t like EC III showing up at the end, though. It felt out of place.

An awesome show from TNA, but I just can’t help but feel disappointed with both the Knockouts Title match and Angle vs. Lashely.


STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Will Ospreay fell off of the ladder and landed on the ropes on is arm. Josh Mathews described this by saying “that’s one way to stop Will Ospreay: take out his legs.”

[cero2k]

I was sure they would make the KOs title change here, I really don't know what good could come from keeping the title on Gail, especially if Gail vs Maria is on the works

[Big Red Machine]

I was sure they would make the KOs title change here, I really don't know what good could come from keeping the title on Gail, especially if Gail vs Maria is on the works

Exactly. Gail has feuded with and beaten everyone. (Unfortunately so has Jade but this point because there is no one left, but at least Jade as champion will feel fresh).