BRM Reviews the 3/3/11 Impact (worst ever?)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- This started out atrociously, but ended up perfectly, averaging out to being above average.
Dixie comes out and thanks everyone for their “kind words and support”- Dixie, just because the word “good” is in the phrase “good riddance” doesn’t mean it is a supportive thing to say.

Then Dixie said, the following. “Your e-mails, your tweets, your Facebook messages, and especially talking to you in person at TNA live events around the world these past few weeks.” Oh… the events that you kayfabe AREN’T ALLOWED TO ATTEND? Dixie, there is a reason that everyone hates you, and stupidity like this is exactly it.

Bischoff tries to use random sexism for cheap heat. It fails. GOOD. Bischoff is too good a talker to need to rely on something as cheap as that.

Whoever’s idea it was to have FLAIR cut a heel promo on Dixie should be fired. THIS IS FLAIR COUNTRY! WOOOOO! They’re going to cheer anything Ric says (and they did)! Now we have the fans CHEERING for the guy insulting a woman who is supposed to be a pure, innocent babyface.

Flair then says to Dixie “if you really want to know what the legal ruling was today…” then introduces Hogan to tell her. DIXIE WAS THE PLAINTIFF IN THE LAWSUIT! I’m pretty sure she knows what the outcome is. Especially since she has been out here crying about it!

HOGAN PROMO- anyone who has ever criticized Hogan’s mic skills needs to listen to this promo. This was PERFECT… and didn’t even contain a single catchphrase! The problem is, that I 100% agree with Hogan here (and he is the heel).

AJ & BOBBY ROODE PROMOS- PERFECT!

THING WITH THAT GUY FROM THE JETS- wow. This actually did something.


Tonight we will have another title match against a mystery person.

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Beer Money(c) vs. Gunnar & Murphy- 3.5/10. Less than four minutes for a title match. And then Taz tried to sell it to us that this was a “good outing” for Gunnar and Murphy, and that they had nothing to be ashamed about. THEY LOST IN FOUR MINUTES!

After the match, Ink Inc. show up and challenge Beer Money to a tag team title match on the PPV that is coming up IN TEN DAYS! And this is the first time it has been mentioned!

FLAIR- JARRETT SEGMENT- Dumb sh*t. And you’d think that someone would object to the presence of a VIDEO CAMERA in the BATHROOM!

VELVET’S CAREER IS ON THE LINE: Velvet Sky (w/Angelina Love) vs. Sarita (w/Rosita)- DUD! They have spent MONTHS building up to this match… AND IT GOES TWO MINUTES? WTF?!
And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse… not only did this pay-off SUCK, but they also threw it under the bus for this f*cking Jersey Shore celebrity feud BS!
Then Angelina says that next week they are going to have a “six-way.” I’m pretty sure she meant six woman tag team match. A six way would be every woman for herself.

ANDERSON PROMO- GREAT!

DUMB SH*T with EY & OJ

WEDDING SEGMENT- dumb. Using the cake turned what was supposed to be a serious segment into stupid comedy. At least it was mercifully short, though.

HOGAN & JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE- If Hogan and Bischoff want Jeff to retain, why did they wait half an hour before telling him about his match?

ROB TERRY vs. SCOTT STEINER- DUD! This was an extended squash match, but it was terrible for the company, and here is why: This match killed the small amount of credibility that your main heel enforcer had. Way to go, TNA.

OH COME ON! Now they are using the football player to try to keep Kurt in line. DUMB!

MATT MORGAN vs. HERNANDEZ- 4.75/10. Hernandez gets DQed for smashing Morgan into the ring steps. LAME!

HOGAN-ANDERSON SEGMENT- Good.

WEDDING SEGMENT- Tedious, dumb, and boring. Bruce Prichard officiating the ceremony was a nice touch. Is this sh*t over with y-WHAT THE F*CK? KURT HAS AN AXE! A F*CKING AXE! WHY THE HELL DOES KURT HAVE AN AXE? A simple Angle Slam or two wouldn’t have sufficed?
Now that I think about it, the only way an angle as dumb as this one could have culminated is with something as moronic as this. And the sad part is that Bischoff, Russo, & Dixie probably all think that this was good TV.
Now they send the football player out, and Kurt kicks his ass.

TNA WORLD TITLE MATCH: Jeff Hardy(c) vs. Sting (because last week’s disgusting rip-off didn’t make this fairly obvious to everyone)- 4.5/10. Uch. Some good spots, psychology-wise in the beginning, but they are canceled out by bad psychology at the end (you don’t hit a Super version of a finisher, then go back to the regular version of the same move)!

TNA ONCE AGAIN gives away a match that should have been saved for PPV on FREE TV with NO HYPE WHATSOEVER AND A WORLD TITLE CHANGE! GRRR! And this time they put it on an almost 52 year old man who hasn’t put on a great match in a few years.

This episode of Impact freaking sucked. TERRIBLE wrestling (noting even at 5/10, and the longest matches clocked in at about 6 minutes!), a major waste of a blow-off they have been building to for months, and the culmination the Jarretts' stupidity. The MVP of this show, BY FAR, was Hulk Hogan. This, in a nutshell, is everything that is wrong with Russo. Crappy, soap-opera storylines with ridiculous occurrences, stupid attempts to insert comedy into the show, and almost no wrestling at all.

Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Tenay- “Jeff and Karen Jarrett walk the aisle… the wedding aisle that is.”- as opposed to what? The aisle at the supermarket? You are not clever, Tenay. Stop trying to pretend to be.

2. Tenay- “Coming off of their impressive win against Eric Young and Orlando Jordan last week”- There is nothing impressive about beating a team THAT HAS NEVER WON!

3. Taz once again misuses the term “sacrificial lamb.” Does anyone know if he has a Facebook or whatever so that I can tell him?

4. Taz- “Romeo and Juliet… or at least TNA’s version, anyway… they’re about to renew their vows”- Clearly Taz has not read Romeo and Juliet. But now that Taz said this, I can definitely see this segment ending with both Karen and Jeff dead.

[Lynas]

Shitfest.

No wonder I don't tune into TNA anymore.

[Rabid619]

This show was just plain terrible. They hyped the crap out of it and it was worse than Impact normally is.

[cero2k]

last night i fell sleep before the show and when i woke up, i thought to myself that i had missed impact....now i see that those 2 hours of sleep were well spent....

[Robert Randall]

[quote="Big Red Machine"]
3. Taz once again misuses the term “sacrificial lamb.” Does anyone know if he has a facebook or whatever so that I can tell him?
quote]

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Human-Suplex-Machine-Taz/

[Big Red Machine]

This will sound dumb, but I cna't figure out how to post on his wall

[NWK]

Beat ya to it BRM