BRM Reviews the 2/10/2011 episode of Impact (crap-tastic)
Posted: Feb 11th, '11, 04:04
Taz & Tenay’s crappy commenting and speculating while Immortal walked to the ring was just so… annoying. SHUT UP! You don’t have to be talking EVERY second. Tenay says every sentence in this tone that tries to make every statement sound “intriguing,” so his commentary will keep you interested. It doesn’t. It 100% fails. It comes off as if Tenay has no emotion whatsoever. He should be reacting, not speculating. And Taz… Taz just sounds like an idiot.
OPENING SEGMENT- Pretty good promos by Bischoff and Jarrett, followed by an early Promo of the Year candidate by Bobby Roode! The mini-brawl was great, Tenay’s comment excluded (“Immortal; they either all bailed or got TOSSED OUT OF THE RING!”- WE KNOW! WE CAN SEE THAT! SHUT UP!)
Tenay’s hype of Morgan vs. Anderson was completely undermined by the video package at the beginning of the show. “Who will go on to face Jeff Hardy in a Ladder Match at Against All Odds?”… Well, seeing as how we heard Anderson say “I would like to face Jeff Hardy in a Ladder Match,” I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Matt Morgan won’t be winning the World Title tonight. Putting that comment on the video package was a HUGE failure of production and booking logic.
BISCHOFF-HERNANDEZ SEGMENT- Good stuff. Immortal needs some big names, and Hernandez certainly counts.
6 MAN TABLES MATCH: Samoa Joe, Brother Devon, & RVD vs. Matt Hardy, Pope, & Brother Ray (good, not more of this “Bully Ray” bullysh*t… never mind. Tenay keeps saying it. Maybe JB just unintentionally made the show better by screwing up.[Only in TNA can a ring announcer screwing up an entrance make the show BETTER)].
Oh joy. An un-advertised, unnecessary gimmick match that made no sense. I will be extremely surprised if this match goes more than five minutes.
Well I’ll be damned! Five minutes and TEN SECONDS. Joe and Pope just ran away FOR THE SECOND WEEK IN A ROW, and babyface Devon gets a tainted win when his kids break the law by jumping the barricade. 0.5/10, and that half is PURELY for one spot that RVD & Matt did.
JARRETTS-ANGLE SEGMENT- The stips here are MORONIC, making this segment a HUGE waste of time. Also, they all but give away the results of the match at Against All Odds. Jarrett will obviously win and will thus be in a position to humiliate Kurt on the big episode of Impact that they are spending all of their time hyping up (and we all know that Kurt will find some way to disrupt things, because that’s what babyfaces do in this situation).
We had chants of “We want Angle!” *clap!**clap!* *clap!*clap!*clap!*… but when Kurt’s music started to play, the pop was pathetically small. That was weird. IMO, this is evidence that the garden at the Impact Zone is being coached.
SARITA, ROSITA, TARA & MADISON vs. VELVET, ANGELINA, WINTER, & MICKIE JAMES- No Rating. This match did a GREAT job of getting over the two things it needed to get over: The Velvet-Winter feud and Rosita. Would I have liked to see Mickie, Winter, Madison & Tara get some time in the ring? Yes, but they did this well enough that I am fine with them just standing on the apron.
Wow. “Sarita’s cousin” is so small… it’s like she is related to Amazing Red or something!
The TBP-Winter entrance was AWESOME. GREAT character work there.
Mickie’s pop was pathetically small.
MICKIE-MADISON SEGMENT- very good.
JEFF HARDY PROMO- short and sweet.
TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Mr. Anderson(c) vs. Matt Morgan- 4.25/10. YET ANOTHER ref bump. I am digging this Hernandez heel turn, though.
BROTHER RAY PROMO- This would have been a great promo if anyone cared about this angle. Bubba is doing the best with the bullsh*t he being is given. But really? The babyface has a 3-on-1 advantage in a Street Fight? At least one of the sons will turn on Devon. It is too obvious a swerve.
X-DIVISION #1 CONTENDERS MATCH QUALIFIER- Brian Kendrick vs. Suicide vs. Robbie E (w/Cookie)-3.5/10.
I thought we were done with this Suicide BS. Pretty good promo by Robbie E. An all-heel match at the PPV? Really? BOO!
INK INC. INTERVIEW- okay.
DEVON PROMO- eh.
AJ STYLES & KURT ANGLE vs. JEFF HARDY & JEFF JARRETT (w/Karen Angle)- 6.5/10. Almost good enough to be an acceptable main event. The brawl at the end stunk. If someone should take a finisher, it should be Gunnar or Murphy. Rob Terry should not be taking a Mic Check to end a post-match brawl.
Overall, this episode of Impact was atrocious. It has the worst match I have seen in a long time and a tough candidate to beat for “Worst Match of the Year,” almost no good wrestling, atrocious announcing, and general TNA stupidity.
Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Tenay- “The faction that turned the wrestling profession upside-down.” Really? The wrestling “profession?” So wrestlers all around the world don’t know what they are supposed to do in the ring anymore because these four guys turned babyface? Tenay constantly tries to sound smart by throwing in semi-big, formal-sounding words, and like every high school kid who does that… he just sounds like an idiot.
2. Tenay (when Fortune comes out after Jarrett called them out)- “Well the faction that turned the wrestling profession upside-down; has answered the call of Jeff Jarrett. AJ, Kazarian, & Beer Money, collectively known as Fortune- they showed that they’re not taking a back seat to anybody, especially Immortal”-
Why do you feel the need to tell us all of this. We just saw the introductory video package, including footage from last week. Then we heard Eric Bischoff insult every member of Fortune BY NAME. We don’t need you to recite the names for us, or tell us that they are “collectively known as Fortune.” And WE JUST HEARD Jeff Jarrett call them out. Then their music played and they showed up at the top of the ramp. You don’t need to tell us that they have “answered the call of Jeff Jarrett” BECAUSE WE CAN SEE THAT FOR OURSELVES! This is the hallmark of bad announcing. It is treating the fans like they are morons. We don’t need you to recite every little thing that happens. We have eyes, and we have brains.
(Quote #1 was part of #2, but it was dumb on two different levels, and the point I am trying to make are different, so I am counting it as two.)
3. Tenay- “The object, as we mentioned at the top; put your opponent through the table to be successful, to be victorious, and win this Tables Match”
- You DIDN’T mention it, so don’t pretend that you did. All you did was tell us that it was a tables match. You never told us how to win the match, which is something that it is your job as an announcer to do ASAP.
- “put your opponent through the table to ‘be successful, to be victorious, and win this Tables Match.’” Really Tenay? “to be successful, to be victorious, and win”? How about just saying “put your opponent through the table TO WIN (the match).” Stop trying to sound smart. Every time you do, you just prove that you clearly aren’t.
4. Taz- “There’s all sorts of different chemistry levels, and … biorhythms, and estrogen levels”- Do you EVER think before you speak, Taz? Even TENAY thinks before he speaks (he thinks wrong, but at least he f*cking thinks)!
5. Taz- “We heard Eric Bischoff earlier; talking to Hernandez, kind of… you know… I guess motivating him. Or manipulating him. Any way you want to put it.” “Manipulating”? “You do this for me, and I will pay you money.” There is no subtext there! Bischoff was being nothing but up-front with Hernandez. There is no “manipulation" going on at all!
Of course, not to be beaten at his own game, Tenay pipes in with:
6. Tenay- “That’s a good way to put it. You know what it is? It’s motivation through manipulation.” If anyone happens to see Mike Tenay walking down the street, PLEASE rip out his vocals cords.
7. Taz refers to Kendrick’s meditating as “yoga.” Yet again Taz proves that he is an ignorant moron. I don’t know much about yoga, but what Kendrick was doing definitely isn’t it.
8. Tenay (about Angle)- “He’s got an alignment with Fortune” ALLIANCE! Not “alignment.” Once again Tenay fails at sounding smart, and proves how dumb he really is.
OPENING SEGMENT- Pretty good promos by Bischoff and Jarrett, followed by an early Promo of the Year candidate by Bobby Roode! The mini-brawl was great, Tenay’s comment excluded (“Immortal; they either all bailed or got TOSSED OUT OF THE RING!”- WE KNOW! WE CAN SEE THAT! SHUT UP!)
Tenay’s hype of Morgan vs. Anderson was completely undermined by the video package at the beginning of the show. “Who will go on to face Jeff Hardy in a Ladder Match at Against All Odds?”… Well, seeing as how we heard Anderson say “I would like to face Jeff Hardy in a Ladder Match,” I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Matt Morgan won’t be winning the World Title tonight. Putting that comment on the video package was a HUGE failure of production and booking logic.
BISCHOFF-HERNANDEZ SEGMENT- Good stuff. Immortal needs some big names, and Hernandez certainly counts.
6 MAN TABLES MATCH: Samoa Joe, Brother Devon, & RVD vs. Matt Hardy, Pope, & Brother Ray (good, not more of this “Bully Ray” bullysh*t… never mind. Tenay keeps saying it. Maybe JB just unintentionally made the show better by screwing up.[Only in TNA can a ring announcer screwing up an entrance make the show BETTER)].
Oh joy. An un-advertised, unnecessary gimmick match that made no sense. I will be extremely surprised if this match goes more than five minutes.
Well I’ll be damned! Five minutes and TEN SECONDS. Joe and Pope just ran away FOR THE SECOND WEEK IN A ROW, and babyface Devon gets a tainted win when his kids break the law by jumping the barricade. 0.5/10, and that half is PURELY for one spot that RVD & Matt did.
JARRETTS-ANGLE SEGMENT- The stips here are MORONIC, making this segment a HUGE waste of time. Also, they all but give away the results of the match at Against All Odds. Jarrett will obviously win and will thus be in a position to humiliate Kurt on the big episode of Impact that they are spending all of their time hyping up (and we all know that Kurt will find some way to disrupt things, because that’s what babyfaces do in this situation).
We had chants of “We want Angle!” *clap!**clap!* *clap!*clap!*clap!*… but when Kurt’s music started to play, the pop was pathetically small. That was weird. IMO, this is evidence that the garden at the Impact Zone is being coached.
SARITA, ROSITA, TARA & MADISON vs. VELVET, ANGELINA, WINTER, & MICKIE JAMES- No Rating. This match did a GREAT job of getting over the two things it needed to get over: The Velvet-Winter feud and Rosita. Would I have liked to see Mickie, Winter, Madison & Tara get some time in the ring? Yes, but they did this well enough that I am fine with them just standing on the apron.
Wow. “Sarita’s cousin” is so small… it’s like she is related to Amazing Red or something!
The TBP-Winter entrance was AWESOME. GREAT character work there.
Mickie’s pop was pathetically small.
MICKIE-MADISON SEGMENT- very good.
JEFF HARDY PROMO- short and sweet.
TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Mr. Anderson(c) vs. Matt Morgan- 4.25/10. YET ANOTHER ref bump. I am digging this Hernandez heel turn, though.
BROTHER RAY PROMO- This would have been a great promo if anyone cared about this angle. Bubba is doing the best with the bullsh*t he being is given. But really? The babyface has a 3-on-1 advantage in a Street Fight? At least one of the sons will turn on Devon. It is too obvious a swerve.
X-DIVISION #1 CONTENDERS MATCH QUALIFIER- Brian Kendrick vs. Suicide vs. Robbie E (w/Cookie)-3.5/10.
I thought we were done with this Suicide BS. Pretty good promo by Robbie E. An all-heel match at the PPV? Really? BOO!
INK INC. INTERVIEW- okay.
DEVON PROMO- eh.
AJ STYLES & KURT ANGLE vs. JEFF HARDY & JEFF JARRETT (w/Karen Angle)- 6.5/10. Almost good enough to be an acceptable main event. The brawl at the end stunk. If someone should take a finisher, it should be Gunnar or Murphy. Rob Terry should not be taking a Mic Check to end a post-match brawl.
Overall, this episode of Impact was atrocious. It has the worst match I have seen in a long time and a tough candidate to beat for “Worst Match of the Year,” almost no good wrestling, atrocious announcing, and general TNA stupidity.
Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Tenay- “The faction that turned the wrestling profession upside-down.” Really? The wrestling “profession?” So wrestlers all around the world don’t know what they are supposed to do in the ring anymore because these four guys turned babyface? Tenay constantly tries to sound smart by throwing in semi-big, formal-sounding words, and like every high school kid who does that… he just sounds like an idiot.
2. Tenay (when Fortune comes out after Jarrett called them out)- “Well the faction that turned the wrestling profession upside-down; has answered the call of Jeff Jarrett. AJ, Kazarian, & Beer Money, collectively known as Fortune- they showed that they’re not taking a back seat to anybody, especially Immortal”-
Why do you feel the need to tell us all of this. We just saw the introductory video package, including footage from last week. Then we heard Eric Bischoff insult every member of Fortune BY NAME. We don’t need you to recite the names for us, or tell us that they are “collectively known as Fortune.” And WE JUST HEARD Jeff Jarrett call them out. Then their music played and they showed up at the top of the ramp. You don’t need to tell us that they have “answered the call of Jeff Jarrett” BECAUSE WE CAN SEE THAT FOR OURSELVES! This is the hallmark of bad announcing. It is treating the fans like they are morons. We don’t need you to recite every little thing that happens. We have eyes, and we have brains.
(Quote #1 was part of #2, but it was dumb on two different levels, and the point I am trying to make are different, so I am counting it as two.)
3. Tenay- “The object, as we mentioned at the top; put your opponent through the table to be successful, to be victorious, and win this Tables Match”
- You DIDN’T mention it, so don’t pretend that you did. All you did was tell us that it was a tables match. You never told us how to win the match, which is something that it is your job as an announcer to do ASAP.
- “put your opponent through the table to ‘be successful, to be victorious, and win this Tables Match.’” Really Tenay? “to be successful, to be victorious, and win”? How about just saying “put your opponent through the table TO WIN (the match).” Stop trying to sound smart. Every time you do, you just prove that you clearly aren’t.
4. Taz- “There’s all sorts of different chemistry levels, and … biorhythms, and estrogen levels”- Do you EVER think before you speak, Taz? Even TENAY thinks before he speaks (he thinks wrong, but at least he f*cking thinks)!
5. Taz- “We heard Eric Bischoff earlier; talking to Hernandez, kind of… you know… I guess motivating him. Or manipulating him. Any way you want to put it.” “Manipulating”? “You do this for me, and I will pay you money.” There is no subtext there! Bischoff was being nothing but up-front with Hernandez. There is no “manipulation" going on at all!
Of course, not to be beaten at his own game, Tenay pipes in with:
6. Tenay- “That’s a good way to put it. You know what it is? It’s motivation through manipulation.” If anyone happens to see Mike Tenay walking down the street, PLEASE rip out his vocals cords.
7. Taz refers to Kendrick’s meditating as “yoga.” Yet again Taz proves that he is an ignorant moron. I don’t know much about yoga, but what Kendrick was doing definitely isn’t it.
8. Tenay (about Angle)- “He’s got an alignment with Fortune” ALLIANCE! Not “alignment.” Once again Tenay fails at sounding smart, and proves how dumb he really is.