BRM Reviews the 7/4/2013 Impact (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Horrific!
Aries’ cuts an okay promo about the fact that he created Option C (I wish they would come up with a better name for it than that) and that he successfully chased it in last year (which is good build for his title match with Bully Ray). Then Hogan comes out (to a pretty pathetic sounding pop, which Tenay tried to put over as being an enormous pop) and cuts a bad promo. Firstly, for some reason, he kept speaking about Aries in the third person, saying he instead of you. He then says that Aries committed the horrible sin of “gimmick infringement”… which shows that Hulk either has no idea what that term means, or does not understand what happened last week. Gimmick infringement would be if Aries showed up in a blue and orange full body outfit with a grim reaper mask calling himself “Self-Killer” and claimed to be a character from a book come to life. What Aries did last week was just beat up TJP and steal his ring gear for one night. At least something good came out of Hogan’s stupidity, though, as immediately after Hogan accused Aries of gimmick infringement, Aries responded, “Hey! I don’t infringe on people’s gimmicks, brother!
Hogan then goes on to say that ere are “checks and balances” in TNA, and that one of those is the fact that although Aries may have created Option C but Hogan gets to choose when the title shot happens. Um… what? I’m pretty sure they have spend the last month saying it had to be at Destination X. Also, that isn’t not a system of checks and balances. That is Aries coming up with an idea and Hogan deciding he can f*ck around with it because he is the boss and he has all of the power.
Anyway, Hogan says that Option C is going to happen at the end of the night tonight. He then immediately says that tonight’s main event will be a triple threat X-Division match. Huh? I thought he just said that the main event would be Aries vs. Bully Ray for the World Heavyweight Title. Hogan then tells Aries that in this match, he will be facing the man he ”stabbed in the back” last week, Suicide. Umm… don’t you have be allies first before you an stab someone in the back?
But wait! What’s this? Apparently Suicide isn’t Suicide anymore. After all it makes sense that once they revealed his name to be TJ Perkins last week, that they would have him ditch the dumb outfit and dumb name and wrestle as himself, right? Doing that would also eliminate the possibility of anyone ever again doing what Aries did last week, so that would make sense… but this is TNA, so instead of doing the thing that would make sense, Hogan said that he decided (and yes, his doing- both Hogan and Tenay specified this) to rename Suicide “Manic.” Yeah. Because that is any better. Same dumb suit. New dumb name.
Anyway, Suic- sorry- “Manic” now comes out and Tenay tells us that this is the real Manic. DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM LAST WEEK, TENAY?! How the hell do you know that that is the real guy?
Props to TJ for getting right in Aries’ face when he came out.
Hogan then says that the final man in this match is the former champion, Chris Sabin. Sabin then cuts a very good promo, but he seems to think that this will be an X-Division Title match, but Hogan never actually said that.
This segment was long, dull, most of the things said made very little sense, and it ended with a lot of confusion as to what the main event would be. Is it going to be Aries vs. Bully Ray for the title? Is it going to be a triple threat X-Division match? For the title? Non-Title? Most of this was due to… prepare to be shocked… Hulk Hogan. This has been a recurring problem with the Hulkster and has become a lot worse in the past month or so. At this point, this isn’t even just my personal opinion. Even if you like his rambling promos, you have to admit that having an authority figure who regularly forgets to say entire words (especially when they are important ones like “Title” in “X-Division Title” or “Series” in “BFG Series”) is bad for the product. The Hulkster has to go.

We then get a graphic that tells us that it will indeed be a title match. It also tells us that TJP’s new ringname is spelled “Manik” with a k… because that will make it cooler or something, I guess.

Tenay then assures Taz (and the viewers at home) that the Main Event Mafia will be here tonight. Really Mike? Three contracted TNA employees who have been on the show almost every week for the past few years are going to be on the show tonight? You know, it’s surprises that THAT help to make Impact exactly the quality of show that it is.

BAD INFLUENCE PROMO- eh.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES MATCH: AJ Styles vs. Kazarian (w/Christopher Daniels)- 4.5/10
The match was very short, but I’m willing to overlook that because of how long Kaz spent in the submission before tapping. Bad Influence are dressed as Siegfried and Roy.

CHAVO GIVES HERNANDEZ A PEP-TALK- wow. Chavo showed something that almost resembled charisma here.

MICKIE JAMES PROMO- GREAT! Also, apparently next week’s random latter match between Gail and Taryn will be a #1 contendership match. Sure. Why not?

GUT CHECK JUDGES BACKSTAGE- you know who else needs to go? Bruce Prichard. He sucks as a booker, and 99% of the time, the things he says in these segments are idiotic. Listen to him here. I swear he expects these Gut Check nobodies they brings in to all be Terry Funk and he gets upset when they’re not. Watching Al Snow and Danny Davis intellectually mop the floor with him here was very satisfying.

WHO GETS THE CHANCE FOR A CONTRACT?- the guy who lost. So what, exactly, does winning this match do for you?

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES MATCH: Jay Bradley vs. Hernadnez (w/Chavo Guerrero Jr.)- 3.25/10
I love how they show us the Spanish announcers (implicitly reminding us that we can watch the show in Spanish, too) right as the two Hispanic guys are coming out. It’s like they think that Hispanic viewers will only tune in to see Chavo and Hernandez and couldn’t possibly care less about the rest of the show.
Anyway, the match itself was very short. The finish came when Chavo heelishly distracted Bradley, allowing Hernandez to get the pin after hitting Bradley with a shoulder tackle. Yup. That’s right. A SHOULDER TACKLE. Why not have “Super Mex” do some sort of feat of strength like lift up the very large Jay Bradley and hit him with a move? That would not only make Hernandez look strong, but it would also make the new guy NOT LOOK LIKE A FREAKIN’ CHUMP!

ACES & EIGHTS BACKSTAGE- stupid. The whole point of this was for Anderson and Doc to annoy each other and for Bully to tell everyone that his marriage is his own personal business. Then Bully asks “what if nobody wins tonight?” and then they all break out into evil laughter.
Hey, guys, if I could cut in here for a second? If “nobody wins” the X-Division Title match tonight, then the champ would retain, and you’d still be stuck facing Aries! You know? The guy who beat you multiple times last year? So if I were you guys I’d can the evil laughter and maybe start trying to not be such horrible losers. Maybe try winning a match or something.

JAMES STORM & GUNNER vs. BRO MANS (w/Robbie E. & Jessie Godderz) (w/Tara)- 4/10
Gunner and Storm put down these buffoons with little difficulty, and they get to show off their new tag team finisher.

JEFF HARDY PROMO- very good. I love how he subtly put over the possibility that Jospeh Park has a chance of winning.
MAIN EVENT MAFIA SEGMENT- Kurt tells us that the MEM’s goal is to get the belt off of Bully and rid TNA of Aces & Eights… which we already knew. Sting then says that the old MEM wasn’t as unified as it should have been because of the ego problems that arise between of group with too many former World Champions in it, and so he is now going to introduce someone to represent the “foundation of change” in the new MEM… Samoa Joe… who is both a former TNA World Heavyweight Champion and was a member of the old Main Event Mafia.
Anyway, they introduce the newest member of the Main Event Mafia is… MAGNUS! While I am very happy that Magnus is getting the rub and Kurt put him over pretty strong on the mic, but I still have to ask… WHAT THE F*CK?! Sting says that he is forming a new Main Event Mafia with people he can trust to have his back because all of the people he had been fighting against Aces & Eights with didn’t have his back at Slammiversary… so he goes and recruits THE SAME THREE GUYS WHO DIDN’T HAVE HIS BACK AT SLAMMIVERSARY?!
Magnus cuts a decent promo. Sting then says that they are challenging Aces & Eights to a fight in Louisville at Destination X, and that they will make sure that Aces & Eights don’t screw up tonight’s main event.

BFG SERIES MATCH: Jeff Hardy vs. Joseph Park- 4.75/10
I like what they did with Joseph here, but I think it would have played into Jeff’s promo better if Joseph had a also destroyed Jeff with a Black Hole Slam, too. This would also give Jeff something to do within the BFG Series and would Joseph as being more dangerous because he can destroy someone like Jeff, rather than just a referee.

DOES RYAN HOWE GET A CONTRACT?- no. But even if he did, I wouldn’t care because no one who has won Gut Check has ever amounted to anything in TNA, as is evidenced by the fact that almost all of them got released yesterday (or, in Silva’s case, last month).

ACES & EIGHTS BACKSTAGE- more bickering between Anderson and Doc.

GAIL & TARYN VIDEO PACKAGE- very good hype for next week’s ladder match.

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Austin Aries(c) vs. Manik vs. Chris Sabin- 7.75/10
Aces & Eights who vowed to ruin the match and make sure that “nobody wins” just stand there at ringside for most of the match, no doing anything, even when someone goes for a pin! Seeing that Aces & Eights have come out and could strike at any moment, the Main Event Mafia, who pledged to make sure that Aces & Eights don’t ruin the match, don’t come out until AFTER Aces & Eights have attacked Manik. When they do finally come out, the group of eight big tough bikers runs away from just four guys.
When we get back from commercial Tenay tells us that the Main Event Mafia are out here to ensure that we get a winner in this match not influenced by Aces & Eights. As he is saying this, Aries and Sabin are wrestling in the ring, while Manik is nowhere to be found, assumedly still down and out on the floor, selling the powerbomb from Doc. Nice job stopping Aces & Eights from influencing the outcome of the match there, guys!

Anyway, once that all happens, Aries and Sabin proceed to have one of the best matches on Impact in years (I would have given it an eight, but the whole storyline mess made me mark it down)… but I HATED the fact that Sabin went over.
TNA, last week, you actually managed to do something intriguing and entertaining. You created an interesting mystery with an entirely logical swerve that no one saw coming that sets up some great build for your TNA World Title match on a major episode of Impact… AND NOW YOU JUST THROW IS ALL AWAY! WHAT THE F*CK? All of that intrigue and mystery last week has now been rendered entirely moot!

Overall, a bad episode of Impact with an awesome main event. TNA has no f*cking idea how to book ANYTHING.

[cero2k]

I'm usually the one to defend TNA's booking. Not today, throwing away everything with Aries and Ray and the X Division title. Only thing that lifted my mood was The Bro Mans' matching attires.

[badnewzxl]

yeah; this episode was a real stinker; the main event was good but there were several elements distracting from it. And I think it ruined the impact that came from Aries winning the title at the end of the last episode when they had him lose to Sabin. I don't even want Sabin to turn the X-Division Title in for a shot at the World title bc it's explicitly making the X title a stepping stone. Plus, I doubt Sabin will win, and I don't think this is gonna help him in any way....

[cero2k]

Plus, I doubt Sabin will win, and I don't think this is gonna help him in any way....

this, with Aries I had a small thing in my mind that Aries could indeed win, with Sabin, he may deserve a run, but he's not likely to get it.

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

Best thing TNA could have done was have Perkins wrestle as TJ Perkins instead.

Don't like the Manik gimmick. Really think its ridiculous and pointless.

[badnewzxl]

Best thing TNA could have done was have Perkins wrestle as TJ Perkins instead.

Don't like the Manik gimmick. Really think its ridiculous and pointless.

It would be ok if Hogan hadn't come out the week before, blabbering about how TJP has always been Suicide (which we ALL know isn't true). THEN they change the name of the character BUT DON'T CHANGE THE ATTIRE AT ALL X( ! Give the guy a new fucking costume if you're gonna give him a new name. Or, how about this: HAVE HIM GO BACK TO BEING PUMA; you had him as Puma at the Xtravaganza PPV, why the hell not? At least he has a costume exclusive to that character.

Just the laziest shit; really....

[Big Red Machine]

Best thing TNA could have done was have Perkins wrestle as TJ Perkins instead.

Don't like the Manik gimmick. Really think its ridiculous and pointless.

It would be ok if Hogan hadn't come out the week before, blabbering about how TJP has always been Suicide (which we ALL know isn't true). THEN they change the name of the character BUT DON'T CHANGE THE ATTIRE AT ALL X( ! Give the guy a new f***ing costume if you're gonna give him a new name. Or, how about this: HAVE HIM GO BACK TO BEING PUMA; you had him as Puma at the Xtravaganza PPV, why the hell not? At least he has a costume exclusive to that character.

Just the laziest s**t; really....

It's not even lazy. Lazy would be if there was a reason behind the change but they didn't but any effort into the change. This was just entirely pointless, too.

[cero2k]

guys guys, Did you know that Manik is Kinam spelled backwards?

that's the first thing that came to mind when i saw the name

[Big Red Machine]

guys guys, Did you know that Manik is Kinam spelled backwards?

that's the first thing that came to mind when i saw the name

LOL!

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

guys guys, Did you know that Manik is Kinam spelled backwards?

that's the first thing that came to mind when i saw the name

Haha