BRM Reviews WWE Hell in a Cell 2018 (or, "How to Ruin an Awesome PPV in One Easy Step")

[Big Red Machine]

WWE Hell in a Cell 2018 (9/16/2018)- San Antonio, TX


PRE-SHOW:
WWE SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The New Day(c) (w/Xavier Woods) vs. Aiden English & Rusev (w/Lana)- 5.5/10
And just like that Rusev Day are having problems again, meaning that we’re back to square one. AGAIN. Either take a sh*t or get off the pot.

MAIN SHOW:
HELL IN A CELL MATCH: Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy- 8.5/10
The geniuses at WWE have decided that it was a good idea to pain the cell red. I have no idea what they thought this would be a good idea. It makes this dangerous match look goofy, and I don’t see what they could possibly gain from it.
They had an awesome weapons match (making some use of the cell as well), with Orton working over Jeff’s back… and then Orton stuck a screwdriver through Jeff’s earhole and I had had enough. I don’t want to see anyone ripping at anyone else’s ear-holes. They creep me out enough as is, and this is just about the only thing worse. I understand that Orton is trying to “disturb” me, but if you disturb me too much then I’m going to just stop watching.
Fortunately Jeff got away started to make a comeback so that they could hopefully be done with this disgusting ear stuff. They then went into their false finishes and it got really awesome, although my earlier veiled complaint that they could have done everything pretty much the same without the fire-engine red cell surrounding the ring.
Then the finish came. Jeff had Orton on a table and went to do his leapfrog a ladder legdrop. It looked to me like the first ladder was too low for Jeff to be able to get over the top of the second, and Jeff apparently had similar thoughts, and he tentatively climbed the second lamer, then tried to money-bars across the cage roof and swing and hit some sort of splash. Orton moved out of the way, Jeff went through the table… and didn’t get up, and the referee immediately started screaming for help. If this was a work, then they sure as hell fooled me. Hopefully Jeff is okay. Best case scenario is that he “merely” knocked himself out.
Orton insisted that the referee count a pin for him. This is something that I’m sure will be discussed a lot in the next few days, and while I understand the reasoning for not touching Jeff, I put the fault here on the referee. If the guy is shoot hurt to the point where you are screaming for help then CALL FOR THE F*CKING BELL. It’s not an I Quit Match. It can end by referee stoppage. If you’re the referee then do as Jim Ross famously said in a similar situation and “STOP THE DAMN MATCH!”

AJ STYLES PROMO- fine

WWE SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Charlotte Flair(c) vs. Becky Lynch- 7.75/10
They were working an awesome “world title” style match with each woman picking apart a limb and they brought all of the necessary fire and intensity and started adding a bit of babyface/heel dynamics in there with Becky leaving the Disarm-her on until four even though Charlotte was in the ropes… and then it just ended abruptly with Becky rolling Charlotte up. That was almost painfully anticlimactic. After the match, Becky got in Charlotte’s face and Charlotte just took it like a good sport.

NEW DAY BACKSTAGE- They were stupid and embarrassing. And, even worse, this time, there were other people in the room.

WWE RAW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre(c) vs. The Shield (Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose)- 9/10
No, babyface announcers, I don’t have to “applaud” Dolph Ziggler for his f*cking CHEATING. You should be getting angry. (Then again, none of the tags to Ambrose should have counted because Dean was never holding the tag rope).
They had an AWESOME back-and-forth tag team match with tons of heat. The lesson of tonight’s show so far has been “if you take great workers and given them lots of time and don’t get in their way with stupid bullsh*t finishes, then they’ll put on awesome wrestling matches. And, sad as it seems, that is a lesson this company needs to learn at this point.

MICK FOLEY CONFRONTS BRAUN STROWMAN BACKSTAGE- bad
This was done solely to create a problem for later, which is made even worse by the fact that Mick was the one who instigated this by trying to give Braun a f*cking lecture for no reason. Did Mick really think Braun would said “yes, Mick. Thank you for telling me that the cell will change my life, and I will indeed submit to your authority as the referee?”

Are they really replaying Joe’s ENTIRE promo from Smackdown? Dude… it’s the f*cking PPV! Anyone who is seeing this HAS ALREADY GIVEN YOU THEIR MONEY!

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: AJ Styles(c) vs. Samoa Joe- 8.5/10
Yet another awesome match. They had some great nearfalls, and brought all of the necessary intensity to make this the brawl it needed to be. AJ rolled Joe up out of the Coquina Clutch. Joe is insistent that AJ tapped out but I didn’t see it. AJ posed with the belt but Joe took it away from him so AJ hit Joe with an enzugiri. They finally found a second camera angle… and it turns out Joe was right, and AJ did tap out as the referee was counting three, so that means that we have YET ANOTHER F*CK FINISH IN AN AJ STYLES TITLE DEFENSE. AJ has now had SIX PPV title defenses since WrestleMania and ALL BUT TWO OF THEM HAVE HAD A F*CK FINISH. Not cool.

MIZ & MARYSE INTERVIEW- fine

MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: The Miz & Maryse vs. Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella- 6/10
The story of this match was that the men did the work while the women just had Maryse run away from Brie a lot. This culminated in Miz trying to stand in Brie’s way sso she just started to punch him, then slid through his legs to hit Maryse with a baseball slide. Some stuff happened on the outside, and then Brie got Maryse in the Yes Lock in the middle of the ring but Miz pulled her off… and everyone acted like Miz had bashed her in the skull with a chair. I’m sorry, but it’s kind of hard for me to get upset about Miz pulling Brie off of a cover on Maryse when Brie was just punching Miz in the face a minute ago.
Some more stuff happened, resulting in Brie throwing Maryse into Miz, sending Miz to the outside, then rolling Maryse up… and Maryse just rolled over and wound up on top of Brie and pinned her, clean as a sheet that just went through the laundry six straight times. That finish made Brie look like a complete and total loser.

WWE RAW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Ronda Rousey(c) (w/Natalya) vs. Alexa Bliss! (w/Mickie James & Alicia Fox)- 7/10
We couldn’t put some tape on Ronda’s ribs or something to remind everyone of the go-home angle that is supposed to be the only reason we think Alexa has anything resembling a snowball’s chance of beating Ronda?
I thought this was BY FAR Ronda’s best match. They did a great job telling their story (Alexa’s work on Ronda’s ribs), Alexa was her usual excellent heel self, and Ronda sold very well. I was quite shocked that they didn’t have Ronda kick out of Twisted Bliss, though. It would have made for a great false finish because not only is it Alexa’s finisher but it also damages the opponent’s ribs, and this is almost certainly the last match of this feud, so there isn’t much reason not to have Ronda kick out of it. Also, can someone pretty please make me a gif of Alexa mocking Ronda’s angry face?

SAMOA JOE YELLS AT PAIGE & THE REFEREE- fine
Joe was very angry and screamed a lot. Paige managed to come across as fair, authoritative, and reasonable, which is what all babyface authority figures should be. We’re getting a rematch at Super Show-Down where we were promised that “there must be a winner,” but they didn’t tell us how they would ensure that. At this point this really just feels like a repeat of the Nakamura feud.

HELL IN A CELL MATCH FOR THE WWE UNIVERSAL TITLE WITH MICK FOLEY AS SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: Roman Reigns(c) vs. Braun Strowman- 6.75/10? Or maybe 6/10 and another 6/10? Or maybe just a bad segment? I give up.
Remember what I said earlier about how if you just give good workers a bunch of time and solid finish then the matches will be really great? Well…
Roman and Braun started off having a really great brawl. They used the cell, they used weapons, they did cool stuff, they hit their signatures moves, etc. Then they both went through a table, and all of a sudden Drew & Dolph came out, followed closely by Seth & Dean, and a second match broke out outside and eventually on top of the ring. This eventually culminated in Seth and Dolph taking a very forced-looking bump from half-way up the cell down through the one commentary table each. This really felt like it happened simply because someone thought fans would be disappointed if someone didn’t fall from a great height through a commentary table. Here’s an idea… how about we actually do an entire HIAC show where NO ONE takes a crazy, dangerous bump.
At this point Braun and Roman, supposedly two of the toughest guys in the company, have been down for at least five straight minutes. Then Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman came out. At this point I was honestly wondered if I had dozed off and missed Roman and Braun doing a finish before the tag title feud came out. One kick from Brock look this supposedly “reinforced” cell and not only knocked the door off of its hinges, but also broke the chain for good measure. Heyman sprayed something in Foley’s eyes to take care of him without him having to bump. Then Brock beat up both Braun and Roman. Oh goody. Brock is back to not wrestle some more. And, even better, they have now added a third person to this feud who they will go to extreme lengths to avoid beating cleanly, so we’ve now got months and months of f*ck finishes in our future. And in case you should somehow have some optimism that they won’t give us f*ck finish after f*ck finish for months to come, tonight’s main event world title HELL IN A CELL MATCH… WAS DECLARED A “NO-CONTEST” BECAUSE NEITHER MAN WAS ABLE TO CONTINUE. F*CK OFF!
Never mind the usual frustration of interference in the main event and no-contest in the main event and a no contest in a f*cking HELL IN A CELL MATCH, but Brock didn’t even do that much to them! So F-5s and he hit them with a table? So f*cking what! As were constantly reminded, Mick Foley fell off the top of the damn cell, then got back up… and then he got chokeslammed through the roof of it and managed to get up again! And yet these two are put down by a table a few F-5s? Barely a year ago we saw Braun walk off GETTING HIT BY A TRUCK! But Brock’s F-5s put him down? F*ck off.

WWE’s main roster has had a REALLY sh*tty year, booking-wise, in which they have done many, many, many things in idiotic and frustrating ways, but this might be the single most frustrating, and here is why. Before the bullsh*t in the main event, this was looking like it was going to be THE BEST WWE PPV IN A LONG, LONG, LONG TIME. I honestly cannot remember the last WWE PPV where never mind everything being at least good, but where there wasn’t even anything that dragged. Everything felt like it served a worthwhile purpose, everything got enough time, the finishes all made some manner of sense (the execution in the mixed tag was bad but Maryse pinning Brie to prevent the babyfaces from getting revenge, although personally I think that it’s Bryan’s revenge on Miz that is really the important part and thus Brie should have pinned Maryse here as that would still keep the Bryan/Miz heat going while giving Brie, the active wrestler, the win over the woman who is mostly a valet at this point)… hell, the show was good enough that several paragraphs ago, I of all people was arguing that Ronda Rousey should have gone the full Hogan and kicked out of Alexa Bliss!’s finisher before overcoming the odds and beating her clean. Then Roman and Braun go out there and start tearing it up… and then they just stop that match for… whatever you call a f*cking run-in that doesn’t actually affect the match, and then so Brock Lesnar could return and cause a f*cking NO CONTEST IN A HELL IN A CELL WORLD TITLE MAIN EVENT, because apparently we’re all supposed to get excited for the same exact Universal Title picture that we’ve had for an entire year now.
I mean… WHAT THE F*CK HAPPENED?! This show was going SO WELL! It honest to G-d felt like a TakeOver, with everything getting time and delivering. Did Vince doze off half an hour before bell time and Hunter quickly rebooked everything and gave us this awesome show and then Vince woke up in the middle of the main event and started screaming “HUNTER, WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS SH*T?! We can’t have all these clean finishes on PPV! Someone tell Foley to have them all play dead after the next big spot, then send Shield, Ziggler, and the one with the funny accent to go fall off the cell, then send Brock out there to make the match a no contest. That’s how you get people talking, dammit!”
F*CK. THIS. COMPANY.

[NWK2000]

I think the complaining about the main event finish is overrated. If Roman had won, Braun's credibility would've been kaput. If Braun had won, Roman's credibility would've been kaput. The reason why bookers do double down draw finishes is to extend feuds and be able to present it at another opportunity. You can look back through literally all of wrestling history and find this. Brock's introduction to the feud introduces an interesting wild card as well. I'm not saying a clean finish wouldn't have been preferable, because it always is, but I understand why it was done.

[Big Red Machine]

I think the complaining about the main event finish is overrated. If Roman had won, Braun's credibility would've been kaput. If Braun had won, Roman's credibility would've been kaput.

If you've got two guys and you don't want to beat either one of them then don't book them against each other.

The reason why bookers do double down draw finishes is to extend feuds and be able to present it at another opportunity. You can look back through literally all of wrestling history and find this. Brock's introduction to the feud introduces an interesting wild card as well. I'm not saying a clean finish wouldn't have been preferable, because it always is, but I understand why it was done.

Yeah. On TV. You don't do it in a PPV main event in your ultimate blow-off match. Everyone understands why it was done. The problem is that they did it at an appalling inappropriate and frustrating time. They took the match that couldn't be stopped by Mick Foley taking two of the scariest bumps in non-ultraviolent history IN THE SAME MATCH and they had it end in a double DQ due to a run-in, like any random match on Raw. The fact that it had a big, scary, life-changing cell around it that two dudes just died falling off of for no reason other than to be an explanation for why they wouldn't try to stop this run-in was made completely irrelevant.

And yes, this stuff did occur in the pre-PPV Era as well, but the mentality of doing it back then was often to keep the feud going to squeeze every dime you could out of it while the marks were still willing to pay to see it, and that is a mentality pro wrestling should be moving FAR away from. Yes, by all means go with something if it's hot, but have a story in mind, tell the story, and don't let it drag on past the point where it should have ended just to try to squeeze an extra month's Network subscription out of everyone. If you want to earn their Network subscriptions then put on a quality product and they'll be happy to pay for the Network every month rather than you having to get more and more desperate to keep them around each other and thus doing more and more ridiculous things like gimmick PPVs or "history-making" moments up the wazoo.


I will also greatly dispute your assertion that Brock's presence is in any way "interesting." What's it going to give us? Brock vs. Roman? I've had more than enough of that for one lifetime. I don't even want to see those two in the same room together, never mind have them in the same match. Brock vs. Braun? We had that before and they had Brock beat him clean. and, even if I was excited for that, I'll have to wait several months to actually get to see it because Braun and Roman are already booked for Australia (plus I doubt Brock is coming to Australia) and then the October PPV is the all-women's PPV, and then November is Survivor Series, the only night of the year where we get to see our favorite Raw and Smackdown Superstars spend all night competing in meaningless matches with nothing on the line as the announcers yell at us about how important "brand supremacy" is. So AT BEST it will be three months until we get to see this match, and that's assuming that they don't do Brock vs. Roman instead, and, of course, they'll probably do a f*ck finish (it's TLC, so no one has to do a job!) to give us the "big match" at Royal Rumble, so that's really FOUR MONTHS of waiting for ANYTHING.

[cero2k]

[NWK2000]

And they will be back next time WWE comes to San Antonio and continue to buy WWE products.

[cero2k]

And they will be back next time WWE comes to San Antonio and continue to buy WWE products.

yeap. People will eat shit and WWE knows it

[NWK2000]

And they will be back next time WWE comes to San Antonio and continue to buy WWE products.

yeap. People will eat shit and WWE knows it

Which is why I have no sympathy for people who pitch fits every month. They don't speak with their wallets like educated consumers.

[Big Red Machine]

And they will be back next time WWE comes to San Antonio and continue to buy WWE products.

yeap. People will eat shit and WWE knows it

Which is why I have no sympathy for people who pitch fits every month. They don't speak with their wallets like educated consumers.

The problem is as follows: because the Network links so many things together, the only people who can speak out are people who are buying tickets, but because WWE comes to Your Town so rarely each year, and doubly so for a PPV (I think the NYC market is the only one that is lucky enough to get two, and that's only because 1. we're the biggest by far, and 2. we have two PPV-size buildings so they can pretend that they're coming to different markets for P.R. purposes) that by the time the next show comes around, people have forgotten about getting f*cked.
If they were still on PPV, people could tell them to f*ck off by not buying the next PPV, but if you want to see the next TakeOver, you need to stay with the Network.

[KILLdozer]

No you don't. I've said over and over again Takeover is fully available on Hulu lol.

[Bob-O]

It's The WWE Universe, though, and this wasn't anything like The Fingerpoke Of Doom...

Was that crowd unhappy or were most of them just chanting "This Is Bullshit" because that was the cool thing to do in the moment? This is the same WWE Universe that ruined that Iron Man match a PPV or two ago, so I don't particularly care what they think anyway.

Honestly, as a fan at home, was that a bad way to close the show? Yes. But how cool would that have been live? Roman and Braun going all out in the Cell, Shield, Ziggler and McIntyre going at it ON the Cell, then a friggin' BROCK LESNAR appearance where he lays waste to the top 2 guys in the company!? If I bought a ticket, I'd be alright with that. I might be all "this is bullshit" in the moment, because that stinkin' Lesnar decided to grace us with his presence, ruin a great match and Braun's cash-in, but it's mark-out heat and the right kind for the situation. I'm still going home excited about what I saw. They'd have been chanting the same thing for any outcome that wasn't Braun walking out of there with the title.


Also, I like the red cell. I think it looks cool, and rumor has it, the red is actually a coating on the steel to make it safer for the performers. I like that too.

No you don't. I've said over and over again Takeover is fully available on Hulu lol.

This. As is 205 Live. Reasons 1 and 2 why I don't subscribe to The Network. Praying that doesn't change when they move to Fox...

[NWK2000]

It's The WWE Universe, though, and this wasn't anything like The Fingerpoke Of Doom...

Was that crowd unhappy or were most of them just chanting "This Is Bullshit" because that was the cool thing to do in the moment? This is the same WWE Universe that ruined that Iron Man match a PPV or two ago, so I don't particularly care what they think anyway.

This. the WWE Universe will never be happy

Honestly, as a fan at home, was that a bad way to close the show? Yes. But how cool would that have been live? Roman and Braun going all out in the Cell, Shield, Ziggler and McIntyre going at it ON the Cell, then a friggin' BROCK LESNAR appearance where he lays waste to the top 2 guys in the company!? If I bought a ticket, I'd be alright with that. I might be all "this is bullshit" in the moment, because that stinkin' Lesnar decided to grace us with his presence, ruin a great match and Braun's cash-in, but it's mark-out heat and the right kind for the situation. I'm still going home excited about what I saw. They'd have been chanting the same thing for any outcome that wasn't Braun walking out of there with the title.

This is absolutely correct. At MITB last year there were things that looked/sounded AMAZING live but didn't translate to the viewer at home.

[cero2k]

Honestly, as a fan at home, was that a bad way to close the show? Yes. But how cool would that have been live? Roman and Braun going all out in the Cell, Shield, Ziggler and McIntyre going at it ON the Cell, then a friggin' BROCK LESNAR appearance where he lays waste to the top 2 guys in the company!? If I bought a ticket, I'd be alright with that. I might be all "this is bullshit" in the moment, because that stinkin' Lesnar decided to grace us with his presence, ruin a great match and Braun's cash-in, but it's mark-out heat and the right kind for the situation. I'm still going home excited about what I saw. They'd have been chanting the same thing for any outcome that wasn't Braun walking out of there with the title.

This is exactly why WWE thrives, because people, especially in attendance, don't care about story consistency, match quality, performer's quality, they just care about highlights and being there when 'history' happens, and WWE can easily take advantage off that. People will say it was a good match because it was chaotic and had surprises, and that makes WWE's work ssooo much easier when you only need to plan for the entrances and the finish. Bryan Alvarez said it perfectly, WWE will rather put commercials during the important match part when the heel turns the match around and gets heat on the babyface, instead, they'll rather make sure that all the entrances are there and the required dive out of the ring spot. As long as people eat that up, WWE will keep making billions, and they won't need to improve, they just need to coast.

[KILLdozer]

Yeah, not only 205 Live and Takeover, but every NXT...next day at that.

[KILLdozer]

Hey, where was Nakamura? Oh, there's no reason for the US title actually appear and be defended on the PPV with all of the other SD titles, ok...of course lol.

[Big Red Machine]

Hey, where was Nakamura? Oh, there's no reason for the US title actually appear and be defended on the PPV with all of the other SD titles, ok...of course lol.

I noticed this, too. When it occurred to me that everything seemed to be getting a shockingly-appropriate amount of time I asked myself "who is missing from this PPV" and noticed that neither we didn't get Owens, Lashley, Balor, or either midcard title.

[NWK2000]

Hey, where was Nakamura? Oh, there's no reason for the US title actually appear and be defended on the PPV with all of the other SD titles, ok...of course lol.

I noticed this, too. When it occurred to me that everything seemed to be getting a shockingly-appropriate amount of time I asked myself "who is missing from this PPV" and noticed that neither we didn't get Owens, Lashley, Balor, or either midcard title.

Could it be at least in part because of Super-Showdown? Owens and Lashley are booked for that show probably don't want to overwork those guys? Balor I have no freaking idea.

[KILLdozer]

Balor isn't really going anywhere it seems.

[Big Red Machine]

It's The WWE Universe, though, and this wasn't anything like The Fingerpoke Of Doom...

Was that crowd unhappy or were most of them just chanting "This Is Bullshit" because that was the cool thing to do in the moment? This is the same WWE Universe that ruined that Iron Man match a PPV or two ago, so I don't particularly care what they think anyway.

Honestly, as a fan at home, was that a bad way to close the show? Yes. But how cool would that have been live? Roman and Braun going all out in the Cell, Shield, Ziggler and McIntyre going at it ON the Cell, then a friggin' BROCK LESNAR appearance where he lays waste to the top 2 guys in the company!? If I bought a ticket, I'd be alright with that. I might be all "this is bullshit" in the moment, because that stinkin' Lesnar decided to grace us with his presence, ruin a great match and Braun's cash-in, but it's mark-out heat and the right kind for the situation. I'm still going home excited about what I saw. They'd have been chanting the same thing for any outcome that wasn't Braun walking out of there with the title.

I think I've been fairly outspoken in my criticism of wrestling fans over the past few years (both in WWE and elsewhere), but in this case I don't think you're giving them enough credit. It's big bumps and a surprise appearance. I don't think people's reactions are going to be too much different (in terms of what their reaction is, not the intensity of their reactions) live as opposed to on TV. It's a sh*tty way to end the show for those of us at home and a sh*tty way to end the show live, too. It's a non-finish in a world title main event HELL IN A CELL MATCH. You f*cked the people out of a finish in the world title main event, and in a match whose very presence has always historically guaranteed us a finish. When people bought tickets to the Hell in a Cell PPV, they were expecting a finish in the Hell in a Cell matches. They weren't given that, so they felt screwed.
I don't think you're wrong that people would have been unhappy if Roman won, but I think they would be booing or chanting "F*CK YOU, ROMAN!" or some kind of chant that indicates an anger at Roman, not chanting "BULLSH*T!" in anger at the company.

Also, I like the red cell. I think it looks cool, and rumor has it, the red is actually a coating on the steel to make it safer for the performers. I like that too.

Safer is better, but you're negating the point of "safer" if you're gong to have people falling off of the thing.

No you don't. I've said over and over again Takeover is fully available on Hulu lol.

This. As is 205 Live. Reasons 1 and 2 why I don't subscribe to The Network. Praying that doesn't change when they move to Fox...

Did not know this, but I'm still happy with the on-demand library, plus MYC and other stuff.

[Big Red Machine]

Hey, where was Nakamura? Oh, there's no reason for the US title actually appear and be defended on the PPV with all of the other SD titles, ok...of course lol.

I noticed this, too. When it occurred to me that everything seemed to be getting a shockingly-appropriate amount of time I asked myself "who is missing from this PPV" and noticed that neither we didn't get Owens, Lashley, Balor, or either midcard title.

Could it be at least in part because of Super-Showdown? Owens and Lashley are booked for that show probably don't want to overwork those guys? Balor I have no freaking idea.

It's not an issue of "overwork." You can avoid overwork by having stories that only need someone wrestling once every two or three weeks to move forward. It's an issue of dual-branded PPVs meaning there isn't time for most of the roster on the PPV plus WWE being a slave to the "PPV as blow-off" mindset so they either do nothing with someone for weeks at a time or just have the story spin its wheels over and over and over again.

[KILLdozer]

There's not really a lot of places for Lashley, Owens, and Balor on a PPV that did so well on time without them, when they're not even really involved in directions that are actually leading towards big or pivotal things. Simple.

Why have their aimless booking even be involved if it will just waste valuable time?