Cena takes time off for broken heart over Simpson & Went

[Lynas]

Boston, Mass. – The WrestleMania storylines may have to be re-written after the sudden departure of top WWE Superstar John Cena. Reports are surfacing that Cena is on an “indefinite hiatus” until he nurses injuries from a broken heart stemming from hearing the news of the divorce of pop stars Ashlee Simpon and Pete Wentz.

“I knew he wasn’t going to be happy,” fellow wrestler Mark Henry told reporters. “He really liked those two, but I still figured he’d be able to suck it up, go out and perform.”

Around 3 p.m. on Wednesday afternoon, Cena was seen trying on different pairs of jean shorts in a WWE locker room. A group of WWE Superstars drew straws to decide who was going to tell him the news. He was then approached by William Regal who had the shortest straw, and he informed Cena of what happened.

“He just laughed at me,” Regal said. “I tried multiple bloody times, but he refused to believe it. He really thought it was a joke.”

After Cena dismissed Regal, the rest of the Raw locker room decided to stage an intervention. After some heated discussions, Daniel Bryan finally brought in a laptop and showed Cena Simpson’s Twitter feed which confirmed the bad news. From there, Cena remained inconsolable.

“I didn’t want to be the one to have to show him her Twitter account,” Bryan said. “It may seem like a low blow, but it was a last resort, he just wouldn’t listen. I just have never seen a grown man cry that much.”

An hour before a Raw house show was about to begin, Cena was nowhere to be found. After some initial worry, his locker was searched with all of his jean shorts missing. Eventually, a note was found.

“U Can’t See Me 4 Awhile,” the note said. “I’ve lost my smile, and my heart is broken. Hustle, Loyalty and...” The rest of the note could not be deciphered because of some heavy tear stains.

WWE officials are hoping that Cena will return with plenty of time left for Wrestlemania. They are cautiously optimistic as he only took two weeks off when Britney Spears and Kevin Federline announced their divorce.

[Chris Everlast]

This is a joke, right?

[WrestlingJoker]

This is a joke, right?

I REALLY hope it is.

[yourcrapsweak]

Yes of course it's a joke.

[ECWFlairfan]

Too bad... I'd love to see him replaced by CM Punk, Jerry Lawler, or John Morrison in the WWE title match...

[Serujuunin]

Too bad... I'd love to see him replaced by CM Punk, Jerry Lawler, or John Morrison in the WWE title match...

Morrison!!!!!