The Undisputed ERA (c) vs. Oney Lorcan & Danny Burch
Things kick off to a slow start as Kyle O'Reilly grabs a live mic and reveals to the Chicago crowd that Oney Lorcan isn't even British to little response. Lorcan takes the mic from Kyle's hand and reveals that Kyle O'Reilly isn't even Irish, which causes a confused and uncomfortable silence to overtake the building. Danny Burch, unsure of what's going on, leans in to the mic and informs the crowd that Roderick Strong isn't Canadian. The jig is up, and this is apparently the worst thing that could have possibly happened. Garbage starts flying into the ring as Roderick pleads with the fans, "I never SAID I was Canadian, you ASSUMED..." the crowd is now rabid, as a few chairs make it over the barricade while security is doing everything in their power to get the four into the back alive. Triple H is on the stage now, "HEY! HEY! CM Punk might be here... and he might not... if he is, we might have him beat up Lio Rush a little later... or we might not... you're going to have to all sit down if you want to find out..." The crowd settles and returns to their seats.
Result: No Contest
Ricochet vs. Velveteen Dream
Ricochet comes out first, in the spirit of 'anything you can do, I can do better' does back handsprings all the way down the ramp, shoots himself up through the second rope feet first, lands on his stomach and shimmies backward taunting the ramp, clearly mocking Velveteen Dream. Dream's music hits as he confidently makes his way past the curtain on to the stage. He points to Ricochet, accepting the challenge, puckers his lips and does a spin move, squares off to do some flips of his own but face-plants with an echoing crash onto the steel ramp, sliding and rolling the rest of the way down. Titus O'Neal emerges from under the ring and attempts to fist bump Velveteen Dream, but The Dream is out cold. We're treated to 8 replays of Velveteen's botched entrance while doctor's attend to him at ringside, and he's eventually stretchered out as they begin concussion protocol.
Result: No Contest
Shayna Baszler (c) vs. Nikki Cross
The bell rings for the first time tonight! However, immediately upon it's chime, Nikki exits the ring and douses herself in 5 gallons of vegetable oil, "YOU MIGHT CATCH MEH, BUT YURVE NEVER REALLEH GOT MEH!" she yells as she slides back into the ring under the bottom rope and all the way across back under the opposite rope. She repeats this full ring slip n slide 3 more times, before Shayna attempts to double stomp her back but ends up riding a screeching Nikki Cross across the mat like a surf board. Shayna attempts a headlock, but Nikki slides out. Shayna pleads with the ref, but he shrugs her off as there's nothing illegal about greasing yourself up before a match. Shayna puts Nikki in a bear hug, until the pressure shoots Cross straight up, in what seems like slow motion, 15 feet over the ring. On her way down, Nikki Cross lands a hurricarana and the pinfall victory.
Winner, and new NXT Women's Champion - Nikki Cross
4 regular speed replays and 1 slow motion replay of Velveteen Dream's fall, and we can only assume Ronallo is being instructed to laugh louder with each replay, despite Percy Watson telling him to "chill out, dog". The ambulance is shown leaving the arena, and Nigel informs us that The Dream is still unconscious and on his way to receive emergency assistance. "Mama Mia!"
Johnny Gargano vs. Tommaso Ciampa
Ciampa waits silently in the ring licking his chops to a sea of hatred from the Chicago crowd. Gargano makes his way to the ring with full support, wearing jeans and a Skyrim tee shirt. He looks at Tommaso for while, confused because he's in wrestling gear. He explains to the ref that he was under the impression this was a Street FIGHTER match, which is why he was so passionate about it and why Candice wanted nothing to do with it (she HATES video games). Gargano tweets this to Candice, tagging Ciampa as well for some reason. Ciampa sets a steel chair down as he receives this notification. The insults and trash talk are flying now (via Twitter) and we've got us a 3 Way Dance! About 5 minutes into the Tweet war, Ronallo, Nigel, and Watson for lack of anything to commentate begin reading the Tweets as if they had written them - Nigel assuming the role of Candice as he has the highest pitched voice. Johnny Twitter begins CRUSHING it with the help of some black men in the front row, Tommaso cries fowl to the ref who informs him "anything goes in a Street Fight". Candice rallies with what we'll call a "weeny roast" as the 60 minute time limit to this contest comes to a close.
Winner: Candice Lerae with 644 favorites and 810 retweets, and Stephanie McMahon would like to speak privately with Tommaso Ciampa on Monday morning regarding WWE's serious stance on breast cancer and the social media policy.
4 more high speed slow motion replays of Velveteen Dream's botched entrance are shown, Ronallo is laughing too hard to talk coherently. Nigel informs us that Dream's condition is stable but will likely be supervised until morning.
Aleister Black (c) vs. Lars Sullivan
After Lars' entrance there's an awkward 5 minute pause before 'Cult of Personality' hits and CM Punk's Titantron plays. The Chicago crowd is going absolutely ape shit, and Triple H can be briefly seen shoving Aleister Black through the curtain. "Say it! Say the thing!" can be heard somehow over the deafening CM Punk chants. Aleister, looks back to curtain for direction, looks back to the crowd and shouts "IT'S CORBIN TIME!?" We can hear Triple H yell "goddamn it!", yet the crowd noise is so loud it doesn't matter as Black sits crisscross applesauce in the center of the ring. A 20 minute contest sees Aleister Black no-sell all of Sullivan's offence despite months of build, Black hit's Go To Sleep and we close the show with a joyous Chicago crowd chanting "Welcome Back! Welcome Back!"
Winner: Aleister Black