BRM Reviews the 7/23/2021 Smackdown

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 7/23/2021 Smackdown

Post by Big Red Machine » Jul 26th, '21, 12:29

OPENING SEGMENT- meh
John Cena says that “Smackdown with Roman Reigns as its champion absolutely sucks.” Cena is coming off as quite out of touch here. He says more things, including that Roman can’t see him. Paul Heyman comes out and tells Cena that it’s not that Roman can’t see him; it’s that Roman can’t hear him because he doesn’t have anything to say that is worth it for Roman to pay attention to. Heyman promised that Cena would get an answer to his SummerSlam challenge tonight. Then he mocked Cena and left.
Once again, the big weakness here to me is that Cena feels out of touch. You want to say that Roman is a selfish piece of sh*t? Sure. But saying that he is “overrated” or that the show “sucks” because of him makes you seem out of touch, and when you’re someone coming into a main event spot after taking a many, many months off to go do a bunch of movies (and have done so a bunch of times over the past few years), coming back and seeming out of touch is just about the worst thing you can do if you’re trying to be a babyface.

FINN BALOR vs. SAMI ZAYN- 7/10
Balor wins clean.

KAYLA BRAXTON INTERVIEWS BARON CORBIN- bad
He got scammed by someone trying to make a crowd-funding website and got his identity stolen. It seems like I’m supposed to feel bad for him, but then he insulted the locals by saying that their public buses are smelly.

BIG E.’S TALKING SEGMENT IS INTERRUPTED BY MANY PEOPLE- lazy booking
First it was Apollo Crews, telling him that winning MITB isn’t the same as winning an actual title, like Crews did when he beat Big E. for the IC Title. This would have been a great line if I wasn’t so sick and tired of seeing those two feud.
The Dirty Dawgs came out for no logical reason. Ziggler actually said “if you’re talking about the Intercontinental Title, you’d better be talking about the Dirty Dawgs.” If we’re talking about a singles title, why would we be talking about a tag team?
Shinsuke Nakamura and Rick Boogs came out. Then Cesaro came out and said he wanted the IC Title, and apparently this was everyone’s cue to start fighting. The babyfaces beat the heels up

ANGELO DAWKINS (w/Montez Ford) vs. CHAD GABLE (w/Otis Dozovic)- 4/10
This match was being broadcast live from some sort of hip-hop festival in Miami, and WWE was very proud that Smackdown was making history by airing from two different places for the first time ever, as if anyone would care about that.
The referee clearly saw Otis grab Dawkins’ foot, but there was no DQ. Other than that, this was an excellent four-minute match. Dawkins won clean.

WWE SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Bianca Belair(c) vs. Carmella- 5/10
This was also from the hip-hop festival. I suspected that they were piping noise in during the previous match, but Bianca’s entrance confirmed it for me, as no one on screen was visibly reacting to her in any way, but there were loud cheers coming through my speakers.
In case you’re wondering why Carmella is getting another title shot just one week after losing to Bianca, it’s because she complained that Bianca was using her hair. Look… either the hair is legal to use as a weapon, in which case someone should have told Carmella “tough sh*t” and this match shouldn’t have been made, or the hair isn’t legal, in which case the Bianca shouldn’t be using it when she’s a babyface and the announcers should reprimand her when she does so.
This was also very good for the short time it got (5:35). The crowd was chanting “WE WANT” something, but it didn’t sound like it was wrestling-related, so that’s not good.

SHOTZI & TEGAN’S TANK IS BROKEN- lol. Sucks to be them.

BARON CORBIN & KEVIN OWENS BACKSTAGE- GREAT… until the end
Corbin is asking Owens to help him out. Owens points out that Corbin has been a jerk to people for years… but he still gives him forty bucks and tells him to try not to be a jerk to people. Corbin seems to get it… and then Shotzi Blackheart shoots him in the nuts with the stupid nerf football launcher on her stupid tank. What a bitch! I think she needs Kevin Owens don’t be a jerk speech, too. At this point, I would fully support Corbin using the $40 he just got from Owens to pay someone off to break Shotzi’s legs.
Then Bobby Roode and Dolph Ziggler walk by and steal Corbin’s money. Owens comes back with a chair to shoo them away. That was nice of him. It would have ben ever nice if he told Shotzi and Tegan off, too, but apparently they get a pas because they’re babyfaces.
And I don’t care if it was an accident because they were in the process of fixing their tank or not! 1) don’t do that when it’s pointed at someone! Same as gun safety. 2) If you hurt someone by accident, you APOLOGIZE. Shotzi and Tegan did not do that. Sh*t like this is why I despise Shotzi Blackheart. She’s a total asshole, but she doesn’t get called out because she’s supposed to be the babyface.
As for the Owens/Corbin stuff, I think there is actual potential here, and the Dirty Dawgs are good opponents, but I think a better way to do it would have been to just have them be beating Owens down after a match next week and have Corbin come out to make the save. I’m not saying I don’t think they’ll do that next week, but I think that you don’t need to do this to set that up, and by not doing this you avoid 1) a new supposed babyface team you’re trying to push acting like assholes and 2) Roode and Ziggler committing theft on live TV without any consequences (and I’m sure there won’t be any for that).

WWE is marketing their tours as the “Summer of Cena.” I’m sure that makes everyone else (especially the guys who have been carrying the company like Roman, Drew, and Lashley) feel good.

EDGE’S PROMO IS INTERRUPTED BY SETH ROLLINS- fine
Edge came out and cut a great promo about how he would make Seth sorry for screwing him out of the Universal Title at Money in the Bank. Seth came out and laughed like an annoying cartoon. Edge’s line to him “shut up. You’re embarrassing yourself” was exactly what was going through my mind, too.
Edge promised not to put his hands on Seth, so Seth got in the ring with him. Seth’s promo was very good (he talked about how he hated Edge and would end his career), but it could have been fantastic if he hadn’t done so much of that cartoonish laughing. Cartoonish laughing is for a Jinder Mahal-level wrestler, not a main eventer, and even Jinder’s laugh isn’t as cartoonish or as frequent as Seth’s.
Edge eventually told Seth that he lied when he said he wouldn’t put his hands on him, then punched Seth in the face. They had a brawl which Edge won. He hit an Edge-acution but Seth rolled out of the ring before Edge could hit a Spear.

ZELINA VEGA vs. TONI STORM- 3.75/10
Zelina has been back for a month and is already getting her entrance cut. Toni won with a Saka-otoshi into a Cutter, which looked really awesome. It’s called “Storm One.” Toni’s a great wrestler, but she’s not very creative when it comes to naming things.

JIMMY USO (w/Jey Uso) vs. DOMINIK MYSTERIO (w/Rey Mysterio Jr.)- 6.5/10
They did stuff. Jimmy won with an assist by Jey in the form of some slightly silly but still technically feasible-looking illegal leverage.

ROMAN REIGNS RESPONDS TO JOHN CENA- very good
Roman cuts a promo accusing Cena of saying the same stuff he always says, and so he turns the challenge down. “I can’t see you because I don’t want to see you” was a great line.
Finn Balor came out and challenged Roman to a match. The fans insisted that Roman was scared, so he accepted the challenge.

This was a mostly inoffensive episode of Smackdown. I’m worried that whatever they’re doing to eventually get to Cena vs. Roman will backfire tremendously now that they’ve teased us with Roman vs. Balor but are going to give us Roman vs. Cena instead.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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