BRM Reviews the 9/4/2018 Smackdown

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- not good.
Renee Young brings out Dragon and Brie. She shows them footage of the assault from last week, then footage of Miz & Maryse calling the Bryans out in front of an empty arena well before the show started (but in front of WWE cameras for WWE.com). The Bryans said that Miz & Maryse were cowards (again). They demand that Miz & Maryse come out to fight them but Renee says that Miz & Maryse left the building, because apparently they’re allowed to do that.
Instead of Miz & Maryse, Almas & Vega came out. Didn’t I see this last week? They cut a promo on the Bryans. It involved Almas talking in English. He needs to stop that. The act works much better when Vega talks and English and Almas talks angrily in Spanish. Almas wants to wrestle Bryan. Again… didn’t all of this happen last week?

DANIEL BRYAN (w/Brie Bella) vs. ANDRADE “CIEN” ALMAS (w/Zelina Vega)- 7.25/10
Almas worked the arm. These guys had a great match. I’d love to see them feud at some point. Bryan won the match. Then Brie assaulted Vega for no reason.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Miz & Maryse then showed up on the TitanTron telling Bryan & Brie that they are at this fancy Italian restaurant because they are “taking tonight off” to go on a date. Why, exactly, did Paige okay this? And she let them take a camera just in case they wanted to tape some promos while they were there? And if she didn’t, then why isn’t she coming out here and announcing that she has fined them very heavily.

MIXED MATCH CHALLENGE SEASON 2 ANNOUNCEMENT- Truth & Carmella are going to be a team

AN INTERVIEWER INTERVIEWS BRYAN & BRIE WITH THIR SUITCASES IN THE PARKING LOT- I don’t know who this interviewer is, but she appears to be wearing a “Sexy Referee” Halloween costume. She asks Bryan & Brie why they are leaving early. For the benefit of this simpleton interviewer (as well as anyone else who was too dumb to figure it out) Bryan & Brie let us know that they’re going to go f*ck up the Mizanins’ dinner.

BECKY & CHARLOTTE INTERVIEW- Excellent
They are on the Tron in separate locations so that they don’t fight. Charlotte makes the completely logical point that she did nothing wrong, using Becky’s own words against her, to boot. Becky responded by whining and being petty. Charlotte came off condescending once or twice, but it was always after Becky was being an asshole. I’m sorry, everyone, but I don’t understand how anyone could be watching this feud and not think that Becky is a complete and total heel.
IICONICS PROMO- utterly terrible

NAOMI vs. PEYTON ROYCE (w/Billie Kay)- DUD!
Naomi won an extremely short match, then got assaulted afterwards. Asuka eventually came out to make the save, even though it has been established that Charlotte is the one who is friends with Naomi. Well… at least someone made the save, as opposed to the end of Raw last night.

JEFF HARDY VIDEO PACKAGE- Today I learned that Jeff Hardy is the only person on Earth who can use the term “WWE Universe” in a manner that feels natural.

PAIGE, MIZ, & MARYSE BACKSTAGE- bad
Paige told them “it’s nice of you two to show up to work today.” So they just blew off work to go on a date AND absconded with company property… and Paige isn’t even going to punish them? I mean… she tried to, but her attempt at a punishment was to force Miz to partake in an open challenge tonight. In other words, she is going to punish him by making him do the things he gets paid to do for a living.

MIZ, TRUTH, & MARYSE BACKSTAGE- Truth, being mentally deficient, does not know the difference between Maryse and Carmella. At least there was some entertainment value in Miz and Maryse insulting Truth and Carmella.

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BUILD SEGMENT- great!
Joe is proud of himself for tricking AJ into going home to Gainsville tonight because Joe had threatened to come to his house this week on last week’s show. Instead, we got Joe cutting another promo on AJ and his family. At least this time he said things that were actually offensive. Joe said he would take AJ’s title at the PPV.
AJ then appeared on the TitanTron because apparently he’s actually here tonight. In my head cannon, AJ got Daniels and Kazarian to guard his family. Byron posited that AJ didn’t leave his family undefended tonight but brought them to Detroit with him. A rare good point by Byron.
AJ came out and he and Joe had a good brawl. AJ got a chair and tried to kill Joe with it. Paige and some referees tried to stop him. This was all very well done.

TRUTH & DILLINGER BACKSTAGE- Why does Dillinger even hang out with this loser?
They come upon Carmella. Truth is so dumb that he now doesn’t recognize Carmella when he sees her. Stuff happened. This was almost entertaining. At least Carmella’s promo on Maryse was decent. Truth vs. Miz is now apparently the main event. Yes, really: R-Truth in a main event. If the idea of this was supposed to be that Truth was clever for “talking his way into the main event” then it was undermined by the fact that there was no reason for him to be acting like a buffoon in this segment, too, but he did.

RANDY ORTON VIDEO PACKAGE- AWESOME!

#1 CONTENDERSHIP QUALIFIER: The Usos vs. Aiden English & Rusev (w/Lana) vs. SAnitY (w/Alexander Wolfe)- 6.75/10
Rusev Day won, then Cesaro & Sheamus came out on the stage to have a stare-down with them.

This season’s Mixed Match Challenge teams will be:
1. Bliss & Strowman (whom I hereby officially name “Team Crash Holly”)
2. Nattie & Owens (whom I hereby officially name “Team Canada,” because it’s about time WWE had one of those)
3. Sasha Banks & Bobby Lashley (whom I hereby officially name “Team Bosses”)
4. Alicia Fox & Jinder Mahal (the Job Squad)
5. Bayley & Finn Balor (whom I hereby name “Finn Bayley.”
6. Miz & Asuka
7. Rusev & Lana (whom I hereby name “Happy Days”)
8. AJ Styles & Charlotte Flair (who I hereby name “TeamWork,” to steal the fan-name given to the Aries/Danielson team in ROH in 2008)
9. Jimmy Uso & Naomi (whom I hereby name “It’s About Time Creative Remembered These Two Are Married)
10. R-Truth & Carmella (whom I hereby name “Team Please Stop Torturing Me, Vince!”)

MIZ & MARYSE PROMO- good built to Hell in a Cell

THE MIZ (w/Maryse) vs. R-TRUTH (w/Carmella)- 6.5/10
There was about when there were about five camera cuts in less than ten seconds while a grand total of ONE offensive maneuver was performed. They had a decent match until the Bryans ran in for a DQ. They were going to beat the Mizanins down but Almas & Vega attacked them. Bryan & Brie managed to lock Almas & Vega in Yes Locks. This was kind of heat-killing, IMO.

This was an okay episode of Smackdown that probably looks a lot better than it was due to its proximity to last night’s drug-addled episode of Raw.