BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

Post by Big Red Machine » Jul 25th, '18, 01:01

MIZ, MARYSE, THEIR BABY ARRIVE IN A LIMO- why are we seeing this?


RANDY ORTON PROMO- fine
He mentioned the Smackdown Top Ten List for the first time in months. He told us it wasn’t the reason why he attacked Jeff Hardy. Instead, he revealed that he attacked Jeff Hardy because the fans don’t appreciate him even though he’s been here for so long. He asked us who is still in WWE that was in WWE when he debuted. He claimed it was no one. I’m assuming he’s not counting Triple H and The Undertaker don’t count because of their part-time status, and that he’s not counting people who left and came back (which would be the Hardys, Kurt, and Brock), but even with those relatively reasonable criteria, Kane and Big Show both come to mind immediately as people who were there back then and still there now.
His promo was pretty good, but what I think everyone will wind up talking about is one very interesting line. Randy talked about how he’s not an indy darling and he didn’t get over with a “stolen hand gesture” etc. etc. He started his career as a legend killer, but now he realizes that “the real legend killers are each and every one of you.” You know… I think Vince might just be a little annoyed that the fans are cheering for indy darlings instead of Roman Reigns.
Randy vows to destroy all of our favorites and says that we should refer to him by “the three most devastatingly destructive letters in sports entertainment”
OOH! OOH! LET ME GUESS:
APA?
RVD?
PCO?
ZSJ?
nWo?
ACH?
TNA?
CLM?
JBL?
HHH?
VKM?

Okay. I’m done.
By the way, I was wrong. Apparently the three most devastatingly destructive letters in sports entertainment are R.K. Mic-drop.


Oh wow! I don’t know if you guys heard about this or not, but apparently they made history last night on Raw when Steph announced the first all-women’s PPV in WWE history.

RUSEV, LANA, ALMAS, AND VEGA HAVE AN ARGUMENT EARLIER TODAY- wacky, but kind of fun. They were totally over the top, but all of it was in character and they were arguing over who was better.
Lana’s accent is gone, but Vega tried her best to make up for it by turning her own up to about a 17 out of 10. I can just hear Vince in the background, screaming “MORE BROOKLYN, DAMMIT!”

RUSEV (w/Lana) vs. ANDRADE “CIEN” ALMAS (w/Zelina Vega)- 6.75/10
Aiden English was not at ringside with Rusev this week, so I guess Lana is in his (meaning English’s) head after her comments last week. The match was a really nice middle ground between strong-style and a WWE style. It was very enjoyable and felt intense, but they also managed to avoid doing too much, both for their spot on the card and to save for future matches.
The finish saw the dudes wind up in a double-down, which cued the ladies to start yelling at each other. Vega slapped Lana so Lana took her down and started pounding on her. Aiden English came out to… help Lana? Break it up? I don’t know. The point is, he came out, and things resulted in Vega jumping on his back, causing him to bump into Lana, which Rusev saw, distracting Rusev and allowing Almas to hit his finisher for the win. This was a good finish for the Rusev/Lana/English story, Almas gets a win over Rusev when he feels like a relatively big deal, and we have an out for a rematch at some point down the line.

R-TRUTH & TYE DILLINGER BACKSTAGE- Dillinger gave Truth a pep talk. I guess the writers decided that they didn’t have enough annoying comedy tandems, so now these two will be one as well.

That Sasha Banks Cricket Wireless commercial is very strange.

AIDEN ENGLISH, LANA, & RUSEV BACKSTAGE- hmmm…
Lana and English were arguing. Rusev finally got fed up and shouted “ENOUGH!” then said “maybe none of you is good for Rusev Day!” and then walked off. The other two were concerned.

SAMOA JOE vs. R-TRUTH- squash
He’s got new lyrics to his song now.

DASHA FUENTES INTERVIEWS ASUKA- She asks her for her reaction to Steph’s big announcement. Asuka came off like a goof both in her putting the PPV over and in her declaration that “Billie Kay is not ready for Asuka.”

IICONICS PROMO- bad
They put over the all-women’s PPV, as has been apparently mandated by the company to happen in every single promo. They then claim to have been “the first to beat [Asuka] on Smackdown Live,” and therefore they tell each other that they are each “better than Asuka.” Didn’t I hear Carmella cut this exact same promo multiple times over the past two months?

ASUKA vs. BILLIE KAY (w/Peyton Royce)- squash

SHINSUKE NAKAMURA SELFIE PROMO- fine

PAIGE REVEALS AJ STYLES’ SUMMERSLAM OPPONENT-
But of course first she has to put over Evolution, WWE’s first-ever all-women’s PPV, taking place on October 28th live from the Nassau Coliseum. Should I watch the show? I’m not sure. But maybe you’ll change my mind if you just keep telling me the name and date of the show every five minutes for the next month and a half, so why don’t you just keep doing that instead of, like, announcing matches or something.
To those of you who might be saying “come on, BRM. Be realistic: three months out is WAY too early to start announcing matches,” I have two responses:
The first one “no it’s not!” I live in the New York market and am considering going to this show… but I REALLY don’t want to go to Nassau Coliseum. But if you tell me that you’ve got, say Trish Stratus coming back for this show and she is going to wrestle any one of the following women: Nattie, Charlotte, Sasha, Alexa, Mickie James, Asuka, Kairi Sane, Becky Lynch, or Jinny, then I will buy a ticket tomorrow, even if it means I have to hop in my car and drive right to the middle of Long Island’s equivalent of flyover country and spend four hours in the rat-infested sh*thole that is Nassau Coliseum, home of the New York Crylanders. If you want to sell this thing out, you’re going to need to announce some matches, and the sooner you start that, the better.
Not only that, but announcing a match would actually give you a way to keep the show in people’s minds without just yelling “WE’RE DOING THIS SHOW! IT WILL BE HISTORICAL AND GREAT!” For example, let’s say you’ve managed to talk Trish into coming back to wrestle, and you want to book her against Charlotte. Six weeks of Trish Stratus interviews and training videos that show me how much this show means to Trish and interviews with Charlotte telling me how much it means that Trish wanted to face her specifically is going to do a much better job of making the show feel important than just repeating the date and place and having every single person that walks on screen insist to me that it will be totally cool.
“That sounds nice in theory,” you say, “but clearly they don’t have someone like Trish or Lita willing to come back and work a match.” To that I would give my other response to someone telling me that it’s unrealistic to expect them to announce matches for Evolution (or any show, for that matter) three months in advance, which is “if you have nothing to push, then STOP PUSHING IT SO HARD!”
They announced this thing a show and a half ago, and I am already DREADING the next few months because I’m certain that they’re going to keep repeating this same information at me 3,972 times every show. What they’re doing now is like one of those stupid commercials they stick on the WWE Network starting in November that is just a dumb video of people partying with this year’s obnoxious party-music WrestleMania theme playing in the background and, then shows me this year’s WrestleMania logo and “X days until WrestleMania,” which makes me scream “WHY ARE YOU SHOWING THIS TO ME IN NOVEMBER?!” except I can’t fast forward through these.


PAIGE REVEALS WHO WILL CHALLENGE AJ STYLES FOR THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE AT SUMMERSLAM- they found a way to f*ck this up.
Paige brings out AJ… and now he’s putting over the women’s PPV. At least he managed to find a way to do it that was different and felt slightly authentic.
AJ cuts a good promo, then Paige brings out his opponent… and JAMES ELLSWORTH comes out. Paige very quickly waved this off to let us know that it wasn’t Ellsworth, so that was good… but why the hell is he even in the building? Why doesn’t Paige just fire him? Why did she even rehire him?
Ellsworth came out and proceeded to be a joke. He made fun of Paige for being pale. She told him she had two words for him… and the crowd shouted “SUCK IT!” that made me laugh.
Paige fires Ellsworth, which hopefully means that we will never, ever, have to see this waste of space again. Security carries Ellsworth away… and the crowd didn’t sing the goodbye song. What the f*ck, crowd? Don’t you know how this works? When someone is ejected from a game or a building, you always sing the goodbye song!
We followed them backstage, where Ellsworth was carried to a door. Paige then had security put him down specifically so she could literally kick his butt out the door. And because the cameras were showing us this, we missed Samoa Joe attacking AJ from behind. He choked AJ out, then signed the contract. The fact that the big screen was also showing Ellsworth meant that the crowd didn’t react to Joe very loudly because a good chunk of them didn’t notice it was happening.

PAIGE & JOE BACKSTAGE- Paige is angry at Joe for attacking AJ. She tells him that she picked Joe to be AJ’s challenger because he is “unpredictable” and has a “killer instinct.” Not because he has won a bunch of matches or anything logical like that. Joe replied to Paige that what he did to AJ WAS “unpredictable” and showed a “killer instinct.” He’s not wrong, either. This whole thing made Paige look kind of stupid.

PAIGE & CARMELLA BACKSTAGE- Carmella complained that Ellsworth was fired, but insisted that she would remain Smackdown Women’s Champion all the way through WWE’s first-ever all-women’s PPV. Not WrestleMania, or the SD after WrestleMania to make it a full year, or for another 405 days until she breaks Asuka’s record for longest (non-Moolah-booked) women’s title reign in WWE history. Just for the next three months until the all-women’s PPV. Well… at least she’s setting realistic goals for herself. Carmella then said she was going to beat Becky right now, so…

IF BECKY WINS, SHE GETS A TITLE SHOT AT SUMMERSLAM: Becky Lynch vs. Carmella- 5.75/10
As you would expect, Becky won cleanly with the Disarmer. Byron Saxton accidentally called Carmella “Kamala,” which has got to be the single funniest thing he has ever done.

BLUDEON BROTHERS PROMO- goofy, but this one worked for me.

#1 CONTENDERSHIP TOURNAMENT SEMIFINAL MATCH: New Day (w/Kofi Kingston) vs. SAnitY (w/Eric Young)- 4.75/10
Even in a tournament we’ve still got to have the two teams feuding with each other face off AGAIN? We can’t get two weeks off?
The Usos were on commentary for this match. One of them said that the pancakes that New Day gave them “taste like they’ve been soaked on hotdog juice.” Corey Graves then asked “are those the ones Big E. pulled out of his singlet?” This really happened. The Usos would later start to call the match in extremely annoying voices. I am hereby banning them from ever doing commentary again.
New Day won a relatively short match. My assumption is that SAnitY will screw them in the finals so that we can see them face off yet again at SummerSlam. Uch. And I don’t mean that I think the match will be bad. I’m just tired of seeing it, and being an undercard match, WWE won’t give it the time to really be worth seeing.

SHEAMUS & CESARO PROMO- good

MIZ, MARYSE, THE BABY, & SIN CARA BACKSTAGE- dumb
Miz and Maryse are unhappy that they asked Paige to procure a baby sitter for their child and the best she could find was Sin Cara. Why is it her job to find them a babysitter? They said they’d rather have the baby with them than leave her with Sin Cara. Sin Cara was very sad. Not only was this stupid, but it was very frustrating to review because every time I typed the letters “b-a-b-y” my fingers instinctively continued on to type “f-a-c-e” and I had to keep going back and deleting.

MIZ & MRS. PREMIERE PARTY- good segment
Maryse plugged the all-women’s PPV. She and Miz talked up their show. Miz claimed that their kid has already accomplished more in her life than Bryan has since he unretired. He then claimed that “the mere mention of Daniel Bryan’s name has sent Monroe Skye to dreamland” and thus demanded that everyone quiet down. That was awesome.
Miz then pitched it to a sneak-preview for the show, which turned out to be clips of Miz getting humiliated on WWE TV, so I assume Bryan switched the tapes. The beginning of that atrocious food fight segment from the July 4th Raw a few years ago nearly triggered PTSD for me. There was a bit in there when Miz asked his mother who her favorite WWE Superstar was and she said “Ramen Reigns.” Someone get Vince in contact with Toshiaki Kawada. I smell an opportunity for cross-promotion!
Bryan came out but Miz’s security wouldn’t let him past the end of the ramp, so Bryan kicked their asses. Miz THREW THE BABY AT BRYAN… who instinctively caught it… and it turns out it was a doll, and Miz booted Bryan in the face, then cut a great heel promo.

An okay episode of Smackdown. The SummerSlam card is starting to take shape, which means it feels like at least some things are moving forward. Hooray for small victories.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Clearly caught up in his “first-ever” fervor, Cory Graves claimed Asuka was the “sole survivor in the first ever women’s Survivor Series match last year.”
Dude… they had one THE YEAR BEFORE THAT, TOO. And there is absolutely no excuse for forgetting that because they’ve done the Raw vs. SD one women’s team, one men’s team format both years. And that is, of course, forgetting that they had relatively notable women’s Survivor Series matches at the first Survivor Series, Survivor Series 1994, and the infamous Total Divas vs. non-Total Divas match at Survivor Series 2013


Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
WWE in 2005
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
Beyond Flesh
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
ECW Guilty As Charged 1999

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NWK2000
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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

Post by NWK2000 » Jul 25th, '18, 08:27

Big Red Machine wrote:
Jul 25th, '18, 01:01


STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Clearly caught up in his “first-ever” fervor, Cory Graves claimed Asuka was the “sole survivor in the first ever women’s Survivor Series match last year.”
Dude… they had one THE YEAR BEFORE THAT, TOO. And there is absolutely no excuse for forgetting that because they’ve done the Raw vs. SD one women’s team, one men’s team format both years. And that is, of course, forgetting that they had relatively notable women’s Survivor Series matches at the first Survivor Series, Survivor Series 1994, and the infamous Total Divas vs. non-Total Divas match at Survivor Series 2013
What makes this even funnier is they had a Women's Survivor Series match at Survivor Series 1987....the first one.
Up next on NWK Reviews
Wrestlerock 1986
Terry Funk's Wrestlefest
TNA Bound for Glory 2009
Super J Cup 1994
Summerslam 2003

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Big Red Machine
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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

Post by Big Red Machine » Jul 25th, '18, 09:28

NWK2000 wrote:
Jul 25th, '18, 08:27
Big Red Machine wrote:
Jul 25th, '18, 01:01


STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Clearly caught up in his “first-ever” fervor, Cory Graves claimed Asuka was the “sole survivor in the first ever women’s Survivor Series match last year.”
Dude… they had one THE YEAR BEFORE THAT, TOO. And there is absolutely no excuse for forgetting that because they’ve done the Raw vs. SD one women’s team, one men’s team format both years. And that is, of course, forgetting that they had relatively notable women’s Survivor Series matches at the first Survivor Series, Survivor Series 1994, and the infamous Total Divas vs. non-Total Divas match at Survivor Series 2013
What makes this even funnier is they had a Women's Survivor Series match at Survivor Series 1987....the first one.
I'm not excusing not remembering that one, but I wouldn't fault most people for not remembering stuff from the early Survivor Series shows. I know a lot of people love it, but I HATE that all-elimination match format (even the mostly-elimination match format they used in the late 2000s). There were so many random matches that they were impossible to remember/keep track of.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
ECW Guilty As Charged 1999

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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

Post by KILLdozer » Jul 25th, '18, 14:23

The people love Rusev day. Finally gets a big shot and loses, then loses again. What was that about listening to what people tell us?
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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

Post by KILLdozer » Jul 25th, '18, 14:30

Lana sounds sooooo weird...it's almost really really bizarre. Like I legitimately don't even get the feeling of it being someone I know anymore when she talks now lol....maybe that's just more ways to send Rusev in the opposite direction then they should...now Lana also has no trademark accent either.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

Post by KILLdozer » Jul 25th, '18, 17:33

Asuka is one of the hottest in WWE. My goodness her sex appeals just oozes from her in her entrance lol.

I hate how they're using her btw.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

Post by cero2k » Jul 26th, '18, 09:04

Big Red Machine wrote:
Jul 25th, '18, 01:01

MIZ & MRS. PREMIERE PARTY- good segment
Maryse plugged the all-women’s PPV. She and Miz talked up their show. Miz claimed that their kid has already accomplished more in her life than Bryan has since he unretired. He then claimed that “the mere mention of Daniel Bryan’s name has sent Monroe Skye to dreamland” and thus demanded that everyone quiet down. That was awesome.
Miz then pitched it to a sneak-preview for the show, which turned out to be clips of Miz getting humiliated on WWE TV, so I assume Bryan switched the tapes. The beginning of that atrocious food fight segment from the July 4th Raw a few years ago nearly triggered PTSD for me. There was a bit in there when Miz asked his mother who her favorite WWE Superstar was and she said “Ramen Reigns.” Someone get Vince in contact with Toshiaki Kawada. I smell an opportunity for cross-promotion!
Bryan came out but Miz’s security wouldn’t let him past the end of the ramp, so Bryan kicked their asses. Miz THREW THE BABY AT BRYAN… who instinctively caught it… and it turns out it was a doll, and Miz booted Bryan in the face, then cut a great heel promo.
I love the argument that up to this point, we nor Dragon knew that this baby was a fake, so technically, Daniel Bryan came out ready to beat the shit out of a dude with a baby. babyface if the year.

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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

Post by Big Red Machine » Jul 26th, '18, 09:39

cero2k wrote:
Jul 26th, '18, 09:04
Big Red Machine wrote:
Jul 25th, '18, 01:01

MIZ & MRS. PREMIERE PARTY- good segment
Maryse plugged the all-women’s PPV. She and Miz talked up their show. Miz claimed that their kid has already accomplished more in her life than Bryan has since he unretired. He then claimed that “the mere mention of Daniel Bryan’s name has sent Monroe Skye to dreamland” and thus demanded that everyone quiet down. That was awesome.
Miz then pitched it to a sneak-preview for the show, which turned out to be clips of Miz getting humiliated on WWE TV, so I assume Bryan switched the tapes. The beginning of that atrocious food fight segment from the July 4th Raw a few years ago nearly triggered PTSD for me. There was a bit in there when Miz asked his mother who her favorite WWE Superstar was and she said “Ramen Reigns.” Someone get Vince in contact with Toshiaki Kawada. I smell an opportunity for cross-promotion!
Bryan came out but Miz’s security wouldn’t let him past the end of the ramp, so Bryan kicked their asses. Miz THREW THE BABY AT BRYAN… who instinctively caught it… and it turns out it was a doll, and Miz booted Bryan in the face, then cut a great heel promo.
I love the argument that up to this point, we nor Dragon knew that this baby was a fake, so technically, Daniel Bryan came out ready to beat the shit out of a dude with a baby. babyface if the year.
Um.. uh... the baby was safely strapped in and he was only going to punch Miz. in the face. Yeah. That's it.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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ECW Guilty As Charged 1999

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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/24/2018 Smackdown

Post by KILLdozer » Jul 26th, '18, 10:31

Yeah. Seen someone mention that on Fb.

*He's holdin' a baby. Fuck it, kickin' his ass anyway!*
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