BRM Reviews the 10/24/2017 Smackdown (bad)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 10/24/2017 Smackdown (bad)

Post by Big Red Machine » Oct 25th, '17, 19:28

OPENING SEGMENT- TERRIBLE!
I dreaded having to watch this show because I knew I would have to be deal with Shane acting like an arrogant piece of sh*t and being hailed as some sort of conquering hero for going Pearl Harbor on someone, so you can expect a lot of things to set me off tonight. For example, one of the first things Shane said:
“I learned at a very early age that when you’re going to get into a fight, it’s always better to strike first.”
Okay. Well…
1. This company has spent the past twenty years telling us that the person who probably taught you that is an immoral jackass. Learning from the tactics of your heel father makes you a heel, too. The tactics aren’t heel tactics because he use them. People are heels because they use heel tactics.
2. Do you know where that doesn’t apply? In a sporting event, which is what this is supposed to be! When Jessamyn Duke has a fight, she doesn’t send Ronda and Baszler to jump the other woman beforehand. Yes, we allow such things to happen in pro wrestling for the sake of the story because pro wrestling isn’t real, but such things are always looked down upon because they are unsporting. It’s no different that Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan. Tonya didn’t think she could beat Nancy in a fair competition, so she got some guys to attack Nancy beforehand in the hopes that they would injure Nancy to the point that she wouldn’t be able to compete at 100% and thus Tonya could win the competition. And a little history lesson for everyone: that was the last moment that anyone, anywhere in the world, ever liked Tonya Harding, because ASSAULTING YOUR OPPONENT BEFORE THE MATCH IS A HEEL MOVE.
Think about it. How many times have we seen the heel lay the babyface out the week before their match? Thousands. And the babyface announcers always decry it as a dirty tactic and condemn the heel for it. So why should this be any different?
Shane goes on to say that this was their evil plan form the beginning, implying that they let AJ work Raw all so that he could open the doors to let the Smackdown guys in. Then he says that Kurt should have been suspicious when Shane showed up unannounced, in his office. Then he said that Kurt “insulting” the Smackdown roster made them all very angry.
Okay. Let’s look at these statements:
First and most problematically seems to be the fact that Shane wants me to be angry at Kurt for insulting the Smackdown guys, or at least allow it as a justification for their actions. There are two problems with this. First, this banter was no different from usual terribly-scripted but theoretically playful crap we get every time authority figures from different shows are in the same place. If you and your friend occasionally give each other hard but playful punches in the arm, you do not just randomly one day respond to his punch in the arm by pulling out a .45 and shooting him in the stomach!
Secondly- and this is actually the one that makes me the angriest- YOU ALREADY HAD A PLAN IN MOTION TO LAUNCH AN UNPROVOKED ASSAULT ON HIM AND ALL OF HIS EMPLOYEES, AND YOU WANT ME TO GET UPSET AT HIM BECAUSE HE SAID SOMETHING MEAN TO YOU BEFORE YOU GOT THE CHANCE TO ACTUALLY LAUNCH YOUR ATTACK?! Does WWE just honestly somehow not see a problem with this? Because if that’s the cause, everyone in Creative should be fired because they’re clearly not qualified for their jobs. And if they do see the problem with it but went with it anyway, they should be fired for incompetence. I so badly wish every day that today will be the day that Vince just randomly decides to retire forever and he leaves everything to Hunter, who fires all of writers aside from Ryan Ward and gives Ward one show and Adam Pearce the other and that’s the entirety of the booking team forever.

Now on to the next statement If, as Shane said, Kurt should have been suspicious when Shane showed up in his office unannounced, then Shane is a f*cking idiot for doing something that jeopardized the plan, and for absolutely zero gain to boot.
But I honestly don’t blame Kurt for not being suspicious. I, as a viewer, certainly wasn’t. If I work for WWE and Shane McMahon shows up at the building and says “let me in,” I’m going to let him in. If some wrestlers from the other brand showed up, I wouldn’t even be suspicious, and the reason for that is because we haven’t been given any reason to be.
During the original Brand Extension, one of the first things they did was use a budding feud between Triple H and The Undertaker (and some other involved parties) who were on different brands, to set a rule that anyone who appeared on the other brand would get suspended. Then they spent a few months building up the idea that talent could sign contracts with either show and jump from one to the other, and they built this up to the point that even a midcarder like Matt Hardy or a total nobody like Randy Orton (never mind a main eventer like Triple H, The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, or Chris Jericho) jumping ship was a HUGE deal.
The biggest problem with this new Brand Extension (and a good part of what killed the old one) is that Raw and Smackdown in no way feel like separate promotions, which is the feel that WWE wants. Instead, they feel like exactly what they are, which is separate brands of the same company. When Tom Phillips is going to be “out on assignment” they don’t bring back JBL or fly Mauro or Ross in, or even use 205 Live’s Vic Joseph or Nigel McGuinness, who are already in the building anyway. Instead they fly in Raw’s Michael Cole, “The Voice of the WWE.” They plug each other’s PPVs and house shows, and just give each other talent to make the GMs feel good about themselves, without even so much as an explanation until weeks later (if we get one at all). So when, for example, Kane, a Smackdown guy, showed up on Raw last week and was then added to the main event of a Raw PPV, no one even mentioned that he had been a Smackdown guy the last time we saw him, never mind offered an explanation of why he was now on Raw. So what if some Smackdown guys are showing up on Raw? What’s particularly out of the norm about that?
Now look at the over-the-top way that WWE always tries to hype things up or drive home points. They keep telling us- in almost exactly these same words- that “Survivor Series is the one time of the year where Raw and Smackdown Superstars compete head-to-head.” And last night, for their TLC PPV, they constructed this goofy, elaborate set with ladders of all different size placed around the stage like a very boring sculpture garden, and giant strings of chairs hanging from the ceiling. Is it really that out of the realm of possibility to think that WWE just wanted to do some big goofy face-off with both rosters to push their PPV in their usual over-the-top way and thus these Smackdown wrestlers were all supposed to be here in their Smackdown shirts?

To strike a totally different cord of hatred within me (and I have many when it comes to bad wrestling), Shane then said the following: “And that’s when Hashtag Under Siege was unleashed.”
1. Congrats, Shane. You found the single most douchy, pretentious, and obnoxious way to say this.
2. We’re referring to this action as “Under Siege” because we need some branding.
3. Siege would be if they had surrounded the building and wouldn’t let the Raw crew out. This was an invasion.
4. General rule of thumb for every single being on Earth capable of speaking or writing: DON’T USE THE WORLD “HASHTAG” IN A SENTENCE UNLESS YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THE ACTUAL TWITTER CONCEPT ITSELF! If your sentence would make just as much sense if omitted the word “hashtag” then f*cking omit it! You are not speaking in Tweet (although I wish Shane would because then at least he would be limited to 140 characters per promo).

“We caught Raw completely by surprise.” Yeah. That’s what Yammamoto said about the US Navy. He was the bad guy.
But Shane vows that they won’t be caught by surprise because they’ll be ready. Thankfully, he was then interrupted by Sami Zayn. Sami starts to talk about Hell in a Cell and now all of a sudden we’re having a totally different segment.
Then that segment quickly ends, and now Sami is offering for him and Owens to be on the Smackdown team at Survivor Series. WHY? How does this benefit them at all?
Shane shuts Sami down and tells him that he doesn’t want Sami and Owens on the Smackdown team. Then Shane tells Sami that he will be in a match later tonight against Randy Orton where the winner will be on the team. Didn’t he just say that he didn’t want Sami on the team? This segment was atrocious.

Apparently Smackdown is sponsored by Jolly Ranchers, whose slogan is “keep on sucking.” That seems appropriate.

We then went backstage to New Day who literally just started throwing perfectly good food in the garbage (and we know it was perfectly good because Kofi took a bite of one of the apples befre throwing it away).

SHELTON BENJMAIN & CHAD GABLE vs. THE NEW DAY (w/Big E. Langston)- 6/10
The Usos are on guest commentary, because just giving the #1 contenders a clean win would be way too simple for WWE. Instead we’ve got to have two extra guys on commentary to spend half of their time talking about something else.
Shelton & Gable are already the #1 contenders, but while Cole is talking to The Usos he points out that they “might” have to defend the titles before Survivor Series. Yes. Might. Meaning it’s entirely possible that we wind up going almost two months without the tag titles being defended, simply because despite having twenty writers, WWE Creative is incapable of building up two big matches for someone at the same time.
Woods was the babyface in peril and Shelton & Gable won when Shelton, who wasn’t the legal man, kicked Woods from the apron to allow Gable to pin him, so I guess Shelton & Gable are heels now? Everyone certainly seems to be pushing it that way.

WOMEN BACKSTAGE- bad
Becky, Charlotte, Tamina, Lana, & Naomi are all hanging out together, bragging about how they assaulted the Raw women last night. Then Carmella showed up to ask where Ellsworth is because he is apparently missing. Then Bryan showed up to tell them that the team will consist of all of them but Lana, because Lana sucks.
Bryan then gave them a totally pointless lecture/pep talk, saying that they need to win this year because the Raw women won last year, something that has mattered so much that this is probably the first time it has been mentioned since last year’s Survivor Series. He told them that even though they don’t like each other, they must put aside their differences and work together, and that therefore there is going to need to be a captain. Cue bickering over who gets the completely worthless title of team captain. Bryan announces that there will be a five-way match later tonight to determine the captain. So not only is this more of the stupid crap that makes me hate the build to Survivor Series every year, but we’re also going to have YET ANOTHER big multi-woman match here on Smackdown, because that’s all these “writers” know how to book.

BREEZANGO SH*T- I skipped it. This has been going on for months now. Apparently they kidnapped Ellsworth or something. Who could possibly care?

BRYAN & SHANE BACKSTAGE-
Before the last commercial break we saw Corbin coming out for his match, so of course when we come back from the commercial, we’re looking at Bryan futzing around on his phone. Because that’s what authority figures do on the main roster. They stand at the set that I am somehow supposed to believe is an office even though it appears to have no chairs, desks, pens, or computers, and they chat and f*ck around on their phones until someone comes to them with a problem. Compare this to NXT, where every time we see Regal in his office he is sitting at his desk and either getting ready to make an announcement for the show, or he is sitting and doing paperwork. Like he actually has a job to do.
The good news is that Bryan seems totally uncool with Shane’s bullsh*t invasion last night, and was totally kept out of the loop. Shane defends his actions by saying he was “getting ready for Survivor Series” like that is some sort of excuse for organizing a gang assault on your coworkers. They show dissension in a very friendly manner.

BARON CORBIN vs. SIN CARA- no rating, meh segment.
Now we go back to the ring in time to see Sin Cara’s full entrance, which means that poor Corbin has had to stand there all alone in the ring for well over five minutes. After being angry at losing by count-out last week, Corbin went nuts on Sin Cara and got DQed for not breaking in the corner. He then attacked Sin Cara after the match and hit him with the End of Days on the floor, and the fans cared about Sin Cara so much that they chanted for Corbin to do it “one more time!”

JINDER MAHAL PROMO- The Singh Brothers claimed to be Jinder’s “advocates.” You know. Like Heyman is for Brock. Because this match is actually happening. This company sucks. Then Jinder cut your typically boring Jinder promo.

AJ STYLES vs. SUNIL SINGH (w/Samir Singh)- DUD!
Jinder came out with Sunil as well, but was ejected from ringside even before the match started. OH COME ON! The Singh Brothers interfere in every single f*cking match Jinder has and Shane hasn’t even had the brains to book Jinder in a cage to stop them from interfering (it was Jinder who picked the Punjabi Prison Match), never mind barring them from ringside, but for this totally pointless match between AJ Styles and a jobber, Jinder is ejected immediately? And if you’re going to eject Jinder, why didn’t you eject Samir, too?
So the match starts, and WITHIN TEN SECONDS, Samir is up on the apron trying to cause a distraction, and the referee doesn’t eject him! That right there is the entire reason for the dud. This match went just over thirty seconds, and a good chunk of that was rendered idiotic by one moronic decision the bookers made. AJ and Sunil are blameless in this, but it’s still a dud.

OWENS & ZAYN BACKSTAGE- Owens is facing Nakamura in a qualifier next week. I really hope that Owens & Zayn both win their qualifiers, then turn on their team at the PPV to punish Shane and Bryan for their stupidity in even giving them a chance to be on the team.

DANIEL BRYAN, JINDER, & THE SINGH BROTHERS BACKSTAGE- fine.
This was the same segment as last week except this time it will be Samir facing AJ next week. Hey. At least there is a story that is moving forward.

WINNER GETS TO BE CAPTAIN OF THE SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S SURVIVOR SERIES TEAM: Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. vs. Naomi vs. Tamina vs. Carmella (w/James Ellsworth)- 2/10
After all of the women have their entrances, Nattie’s music starts playing. Apparently she was standing next to the timekeeper the whole time, waiting like a chump. She’s the champion. She’s supposed to be a star. Why couldn’t she just come out after all of the other women?
Actually, why is she even out here at all? Oh. So the ring announcer can put her over. She has herself introduced as “the true queen of Smackdown Live.” It’s nice that someone remembers that she and Charlotte are supposed to be feuding. Maybe next they’ll remember that Charlotte won a title match when Nattie got herself purposely disqualified so Charlotte should be getting a rematch. The idea here was that Nattie was trying to steal the spotlight from the other women, and at least that part of this worked.
I had a lot of trouble following this match. It’s probably down more to the camerawork than the ring-work, but I could not remember what was happening from one spot to the next. Becky made Carmella tap to win the totally worthless captaincy. Lana attacked Charlotte during the match because why not?

They keep telling us that Shane has extra security tonight to prevent the Raw guys from breaking in, but all they keep showing us is pictures of doors where they zoom out from the exit sign, and I haven’t seen a single security person yet, never mind more than the usual amount.

JOLLY RANCHERS COMMERCIAL WITH KURT ANGLE- WWE actually allowed an ad in which there is a big WWE logo and someone (in this case a cartoon cherry) is standing right next to it with a word bubble saying “THIS SUCKS!”

BLUDGEON BROTHERS PROMO- yeah. I’ve decided. These are terrible.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS DOLPH ZIGGLER- Dolph cut a decent promo. Then Bobby Roode showed up and they actually managed to be entertaining to set up for a 2-out-of-3 falls match for next week. A “winner joins Team Smackdown” stip was later added when we were told this match had been made official.

WINNER GETS TO BE ON THE SMACKDOWN TEAM FOR SURVIVOR SERIES: Randy Orton vs. Sami Zayn- 7.5/10
I like how the first two people who Shane gives a shot to be part of the Survivor Series team weren’t even people who bothered to show up for Shane’s grand crusade last night. They had a very good match with a disappointing finish. Owens tried to distract Orton but wound up distracting the referee, which allowed Orton to hit Zayn with a low blow, then an RKO for the win. This finish made Zayn and Owens feel like any other random pair of heels.

BRYAN & SHANE BACKSTAGE- Shane notes that Raw didn’t attack tonight like Bryan was worried about (I don’t ever remember him expressing this worry). Bryan says that they didn’t attack tonight, but they might attack in the future.

Another very bad episode of Smackdown. I have no idea how I’m going to make it through Survivor Series without punching holes in my wall.


Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Serujuunin
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/24/2017 Smackdown (bad)

Post by Serujuunin » Oct 25th, '17, 21:45

Wow, I'm so glad I didn't watch this absolute pile of refuse.

I think I'm just not watching until after Survivor Series. You know, when the writers then forget that any of this ever happened? Because that's a thing.

Is this promotion run by children?

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Big Red Machine
Posts: 18794
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 15:12
Favorite Wrestler: Kane

Re: BRM Reviews the 10/24/2017 Smackdown (bad)

Post by Big Red Machine » Oct 25th, '17, 22:06

Serujuunin wrote:
Oct 25th, '17, 21:45
Wow, I'm so glad I didn't watch this absolute pile of refuse.

I think I'm just not watching until after Survivor Series. You know, when the writers then forget that any of this ever happened? Because that's a thing.

Is this promotion run by children?
The only thing giving me hope is a prediction Bryan Alvarez made that Dragon could turn heel and join with Owens and Zayn, which, as Bryan said, would actually be the biggest babyface stable in the company.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
WWE in 2005
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
TNA Victory Road 2008
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
ECW Guilty As Charged 1999

User avatar
Serujuunin
Posts: 1725
Joined: Dec 17th, '10, 19:56
Favorite Wrestler: Jeff Hardy
Location: Calgary, Alberta
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/24/2017 Smackdown (bad)

Post by Serujuunin » Oct 26th, '17, 14:03

Big Red Machine wrote:
Oct 25th, '17, 22:06
Serujuunin wrote:
Oct 25th, '17, 21:45
Wow, I'm so glad I didn't watch this absolute pile of refuse.

I think I'm just not watching until after Survivor Series. You know, when the writers then forget that any of this ever happened? Because that's a thing.

Is this promotion run by children?
The only thing giving me hope is a prediction Bryan Alvarez made that Dragon could turn heel and join with Owens and Zayn, which, as Bryan said, would actually be the biggest babyface stable in the company.
Except that would actually make sense.

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KILLdozer
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/24/2017 Smackdown (bad)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 26th, '17, 15:29

Gable's voice is pretty horrible lol.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

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