BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
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BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
OPENING VIDEO PACKAGE- “tonight we make history” with a bunch of rematches from a recent PPV in which we f*cked you out of a finish on the show you paid for, and we’ve created this special video package just to rub that fact in your faces.
Seriously, though, I am so sick and tired of them hyping things up as “first time ever,” especially when such things are so minor. And I’m not just talking about “the first time ever that the Hardy Boyz team up with Finn Balor to face Cesaro, Sheamus, & The Drifter” minor. I’m talking about “the first time ever that MITB happens on Smackdown,” too. Because that IS minor. We’ve seen MITB before, so the only “new” bit here that the match is going to be interrupted for commercials. Oh goody.
And the sad part is that the reason that WWE constantly feels the need to hype things up as “first time ever” or as “making history” is because they’re just too lazy to build things up in a way where people actually want to see it without having to be told that such a thing is super-ultra-double-deluxe special.
OPENING SEGMENT- Terrible
Daniel Bryan comes out to tell us about matches that they just told us about in the opening video package. They made him say “women’s evolution” (because the problem with that marketing strategy was definitely the letter R and not the fact that at its core it was just a buzzword for the company to repeat rather than something to get the actual wrestlers over). He’s even explaining to us how a f*cking ladder match works. In case the last six weeks of TV didn’t do it, I guess. Anyone watching now who is tuning in for the first time was probably watching that video package a minute ago and was able to deduce how it works from that. They had me so frustrated that I actually popped when CARMELLA & JAMES ELLSWORTH came out to interrupt BRYAN DANIELSON. Think about that for a moment.
Carmella correctly pointed out that Bryan completely screwed her out of something that she had rightfully won. We can debate if it was done fairly, but it is undeniable that, according to the rules, Carmella was the rightful winner. Unfortunately, the way they had her say this made her look completely stupid. First she insisted that “the rulebook clearly states that a Money in the Bank Ladder Match is a no disqualifications match. There’s no rules! But what it does say is that ‘the first woman to gain possession of the contract wins the match.’” So she cites a directive written in “the rulebook,” then shouts that such a directive means that there are “no rules,” and then goes on to once again quote the part of the rulebook that tells you how you know who wins.” I hate to break this to the idiots who write this show, but A SET OF DIRECTIVES THAT TELLS YOU WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT DO IN A PARTICULAR CONTEST AND HOW YOU ACHIEVE VICTORY IN SAID CONTEST ARE THE RULES!. And how utterly f*cking stupid do you have to be to send someone out there to quote from something you have them call a “rulebook,” claim in the next sentence that “there’s no rules!” and then go right back to quoting the “rulebook?” This should have raised a big, honking red flag to anyone with even a smidgen of a brain, but that’s way too much to ask from WWE Creative.
Carmella continues repeating her talking points from last week, talking about interference in past MITB matches. I heard this all last week. The sad part is that, despite saying a number of idiotic things out here, Carmella is absolutely right in saying that she did nothing wrong and is getting punished for it.
Bryan, too, says the same stuff he said last week about how no one has ever handed someone else the briefcase. Okay. Fine. That hasn’t happened before. But the rules which Carmella just quoted don’t mention anything about how you come into possession of the briefcase; the only thing the rules say matter is who gets it first. Until you can provide a quote from the rulebook which countermands that idea, you haven’t proven that she is wrong!
Bryan decides to poll the fans, just to waste more time. It turns out the people in the building would rather see a Ladder Match then see the heel get her way, (even if her way is the legally correct way, which makes them all selfish assholes). Ellsworth reams them out for this and calls Bryan a “puppet.” The crowd chants “ELLSWORTH SUCKS!” I’ve been waiting about eight months for this, and now WWE has done it in such a way that I can’t even enjoy it.
Ellsworth calls Dragon “spineless” and claims that he made up his injury. Seriously. If you’re not going to let him wrestle again then constantly doing things that should imply that he will come back for at least one more match is cruel, both to Bryan and his fans. Bryan tells us that he banned Ellsworth from ringside on last week’s Talking Smack. Huh. That seems like something they should have mentioned in the hype for this match, whether on last night’s Raw or in tonight’s opening video package (you know… the thing that is supposed to indicate to us that we’re not just going to get another f*ck finish like the first one), but of course it was never mentioned. Bryan now declares that Ellsworth will be banned from the arena. Okay… except that the last time someone was banned from an arena on WWE TV he managed to sneak back in and do exactly the thing he wasn’t supposed to.
Bryan calls for security and we got a few minutes of Ellsworth trying to get away from them before being dragged out.
So we’re now over ten minutes into the show (more like ten minutes into last week’s show, really) and we have established one thing that was apparently already announced last week and we shouldn’t have even needed to establish here if the people in charge had had any clue what they were doing on last week’s show or on this week’s Raw. Oh. And on this show where Daniel Bryan insisted that tonight is going to be “about the real Superstars,” the only segment on the show was written so the retired authority figure could get all of the pops.
IF THE HYPE BROS. WIN THEY GET A SHOT AT THE WWE SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM TITLES: The Hype Bros. vs. The Usos- 5/10
JBL clearly doesn’t understand the angle, as when Tom was recounting how the Hype Bros. earned a title shot but never got it due to Ryder’s injury and Bryan is now making them earn it all over again, JBL said “They deserve that. They had it when they left, Zack got hurt in that match; they’re getting it tonight.”
The match was pretty exciting, despite having to watch most of it with no sound because they were doing one of those “you can watch it during the commercials” gimmicks and most of the match took place during the commercial. This included the entire heat and the hot tag. At one point during the commercial the Hype Bros. were set up for their finisher and I was kind of hoping they would win during the commercial. If you’ve got the ability to still show people the finish live via this “watch during the commercials” gimmick then why not put a finish during a commercial every once in a while- like, twice a year- just to make things feel less scripted.
When we got back from the commercial Ryder missed his finisher and then quickly got pinned, so the Hype Bros. will get no title shot. If they were just going to lose here then why not just have Bryan give them title shot so he doesn’t look like a dick.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good and funny
New Day show up and cut a promo on The Usos about them walking out of their tag title match at the PPV. Big E. said “we’re coming for you-“ and Xavier immediately jumped in and cut him off by saying “Usos. We’re coming for you, Usos.” That was wonderful.
The Usos said that New Day don’t deserve a title shot, but accepted their challenge to a title shot at Battleground anyway. They rhymed a lot, so Kofi cut a rhyming promo on them as well. Can someone explain to me what “Day one-ish” means?
We got a commercial hyping up John Cena’s return by showing us a clip form his debut when he slapped Kurt Angle in the face, which they called “the smack heard round the world.” As someone who watched that moment happen when it first aired, and has been watching WWE programming for the majority of the past fifteen years, not only do I never remember hearing a single person call this slap by that moniker, but I don’t even remember that slap happening. I remember Kurt Angle making an open challenge, some guy no one had ever seen before named John Cena coming out and almost beating Kurt before finally losing clean, and then being congratulated backstage by a bunch of guys including the then-heel, WWE Undisputed Champion The Undertaker for putting up such a great fight against such an accomplished Superstar. At no point do I ever remember a slap, and if anyone had ever made such a big deal out of it, you’d think that I would. You can’t just go back and start calling this moment by some silly nickname and pretending it has always been such a big deal when you’ve never made a big deal about it before!
FASHION VICE: THE INTERROGATION- Can someone please explain to me, from a kayfabe point of view, why The Ascension are cooperating with this?
I did laugh at the Viktor wanting the Eddie Money tickets but Konnor grabbing his arm and saying “we only listen to grindcore thrash metal.”
Anyway, it turns out that The Ascension didn’t do it, so I guess everyone owes them a big apology because they have all been so insistent that it was them over the past nine days.
WWE SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Naomi(c) vs. Lana- 0.5/10
Lana jumped Naomi before the match. Naomi said she could still go. Lana hit her finisher. Kickout at two. Naomi kicked Lana in the head and hit the split-legged moonsault for the win. That was it. If I hadn’t actually bought Lana’s move as a possible finish (because I think that’s exactly the sort of thing they’d do and think they’re being clever and “shocking” us all), I would have given this a dud.
DASHA INTERVIEWS BECKY LYNCH- good promo by Becky, but letting her get to cut an actual promo but no one of the others seems pretty telegraphing, don’t you think?
AIDEN ENGLISH SINGS- He gets interrupted by Randy Orton. The announcers tell me to “remember what Randy Orton said last week” and “it’s full speed ahead towards Jinder Mahal” and they kept saying that Aiden English should run away. I’m confused. What I remember from last week was Randy saying he would RKO Jinder’s entire family. Is Aiden English related to Jinder Mahal?
RANDY, SHANE, & JINDER SEGMENT- ATROCIOUS
He gave Aiden English an RKO during the commercial. What a douchebag. Randy says he isn’t leaving until he gets what he wants. What does he want? Didn’t he RKO the heels last week?
Randy said “I guess I haven’t made myself clear enough.” Yeah. It’d be nice if you could actually spell out what you want since I’m apparently not the only one who is confused. Randy said that “last week I tore into the WWE Champion. I did a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Feel free to refresh your memory.” Then the Tron obeyed Randy’s commands and showed us footage of Randy’s actions. This would have all been a lot less weird if they just had Randy cut a promo reminding us about what happened and then saying what it is that he wants.
Randy finally says that what he wants is a rematch. He says that we might ask why he deserves a rematch. You would think that he might point out that the Singh Brothers interfered in his match, then attacked his father, causing him to be distracted, so in order to ensure that he gets a fair shot this time, we should have a rematch in some sort of cage. Maybe even Hell in a Cell.
But no. Randy’s reasoning for why he should get another title shot is that he will go backstage and beat Jinder up if he isn’t given one. What a little brat. Randy is even threatening to jump Jinder in the parking lot. He’s coming off as totally unhinged.
Here comes Shane to deal with Randy, because I guess Shane decided to show up to work this week. Shane (after making sure to get at least two cheap pops) tells Randy that “we can’t have you threatening the safety and threatening to beat the holy hell out of the WWE Champion Jinder Mahal.” IT’S A F*CKING WRESTLING SHOW! People threaten to beat the sh*t out of each other multiple times a week!
Randy says that they must pay for attacking his family and thus he will have his revenge. Even if Shane fires him he will buy tickets to every show Jinder is at and jump the barricade to attack Jinder, even if he gets arrested. Shane makes the same point that I made at the PPV, which is that Randy has gone after other people’s fathers multiple times in the past. I love how Shane can remember angles from almost a decade ago but can’t remember that people threaten each other on this show with no punishment every single week.
Here’s something else that no one seems to remember: Jinder never touched Cowboy Bob. It was the Singh Brothers. So why is Randy so hell-bent on making Jinder pay for all of this?
Anyway, Shane says that because he understands what Randy is feeling, he’ll give him his rematch. Not because the heels cheated, and not because there was a controversial call, but because he can empathize with Randy, Shane will give Randy a rematch. And on another axis, Shane, who just came out here to tell Randy that “we can’t have people threatening each other” is now going to give Randy exactly what he wants, basically giving in to Randy’s threats of disrupting the shows and assaulting an employee.
Shane says Randy will get his rematch at Battleground, but he’s going to let Jinder choose the stips because… um… How the f*ck did Shane escape this without eating an RKO?
Jinder Mahal & the Singh Brothers then came out on the stage, and I guess Randy’s fiery vengeance can wait until the PPV. Jinder starts ranting, saying that Randy doesn’t deserve a rematch. YOU’RE GETTING TO CHOOSE THE STIPULATIONS OF A WORLD TITLE MATCH FOR NO REASON! WHY ARE YOU UPSET?! I just cannot stand this! Everyone in this feud is so completely detached from the most basic of logic! Randy should be angry at the Singh Brothers and not Jinder (and now angry at Shane), Shane shouldn’t be a pushover and should do things that actually make sense, and Jinder should be f*cking giddy that he is getting a massive advantage in a match when there is no reason for him to be granted this advantage. Every single match they’ve had has ended when the Singh Brothers distract Randy so Jinder can hit the Khallas, so Jinder should just make this a No DQs match and be happy with his three to one advantage! But no, instead he’s picking a Punjabi Prison Match… which is essentially a f*cking CAGE MATCH, where the Singh Brothers can’t help him! In fact, it’s like a double cage match, so it’s actually going to be twice as hard for them to help him!
And of course, despite the fact that not only did no one know what match Jinder would pick but no one even knew that ANYONE would get to pick any sort of stipulation (remember, the only reason Shane ever booked them against each other at Battleground tonight was because of Randy’s actions here tonight), they immediately have a video package for the Punjabi Prison Match ready to go. The video package was actually more of a photo package. It was a few shots of guys climbing and a lot of pictures of the cage itself. Not one single picture of any sort of action or people hurting each other or something to show us how violent and dangerous this match will be.
And for the cherry on top of this idiotic sundae, in his introduction of the Punjabi Prison Match, Jinder called The Great Khali his “personal hero.” Anyone remember what Jinder’s first angle was? It involved him constantly yelling at Khali, with the implication being that Khali had to do what Jinder sad or else Jinder would beat his wife, who was also Khali’s sister. But yeah. Khali is Jinder’s personal hero.
DANIEL BRYAN, KEVIN OWENS, & AJ STYLES- bad
AJ is upset because Owens wouldn’t let him answer the open challenge last week. Owens says that’s because his open challenges are only for people who he hasn’t defended the title against yet. Then why did you say last week that it was only for people from Dayton (or wherever they were)? If that’s the gimmick then why didn’t you just say so?
Bryan tells Owens “I don’t think you understand what an ‘open challenge’ is.” Well then why didn’t you do something about it last week, Bryan? If you have an objection to open challenges that aren’t fully open then why did you let him go out there and do an open challenge that was only open to locals? Surely you knew about this in advance because the announcers were hyping it up before it happened, and surely they wouldn’t hype a match up on the air without knowing it was okayed by the GM first, right? And if you didn’t okay it, why didn’t you stop them?
Bryan books an “Independence Day Battle Royale” for next week to determine the #1 contender to the US Title at Battleground. Whatever.
Don’t Hunter & Steph hate Seth Rollins? Then why did they give him the honor of being on the cover of WWE 2K18?
MIKE & MARIA MAKE IT TO TV THIS WEEK- their schtik is interrupted by Sami Zayn’s entrance. Props to Sami for apologizing to them. He didn’t mean to disrespect them but management sent him out there, and he wants them to know that he meant no offense, because he’s a nice person. Actually, now that I think about it, why did Bryan and/or Shane even send Mike & Maria out there if they weren’t going to give them any time to say anything?
SAMI ZAYN vs. BARON CORBIN- 6.5/10
Corbin dominated most of the match and then beat Sami clean. Sami sold his ass off for Corbin. They showed us Nakamura watching backstage just so they could plug him cutting a promo after this match.
DASHA INTERVIEWS SHINSUKE NAKAMURA- not good. Whatever they’ve got him doing with his face is way too weird.
Tom Phillips told us that “earlier today we learned that New Day are exercising their right to a rematch” at Battleground. What “right to a rematch?” They weren’t the champions! Don’t get me wrong: they obviously deserve one, but it needs to be made by the GMs. And if they do, in fact, have this right, why didn’t they talk about invoking it last week?
Anyway, they’re having a “rap battle” next week.
MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH: Carmella vs. Natalya vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch vs. Tamina- 7.75/10
So they had the “you can watch it during the commercials” gimmick for the other matches but not for this one?! WHAT THE F*CK?!
When Becky was climbing the ladder that was being propped up by the standing Tamina and Charlotte, why didn’t they just let go of the ladder?
Yup. Ellsworth got back into the building. He ran right by a referee, who did nothing but yell at him. No security came out to get him, either. The match was pretty great, with only one or two spots that really didn’t look good. Carmella won after Becky came very close, so we’re right back where we were after the PPV (maybe they set something up with Nattie and Charlotte, but either way it’s still not really any different than where we were after the PPV).
Even with the main event, this was a very bad show. Amazing as it seems, in a year where I have pretty much given up on both ROH and TNA, Smackdown might still be the worst TV show of the year.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. JBL said that Smackdown currently has “the most competitive tag team division I’ve seen in years.”
HOW?! The comment that prompted this was vaguely discussing the fact that New Day had a title shot at the PPV, and now the Hype Bros. might be able to earn one, meaning that there are at best THREE teams in the title picture. Back at WrestleMania Raw had four teams in their tag title match, so wouldn’t that make their scene from just three months ago more competitive according to this definition?
Or is JBL just talking about the number of teams in general? Because that would be dumb, too, simply because the tag team division obviously had more teams when there was just one roster rather than having them split across two, and we’re not even a year removed from that.
2. JBL- “Naomi has always been a fighting champion.”
Oh yeah? Well how about that time when Lana showed up and said “I want a title shot” and Naomi responded by laughing at her and saying no? You’d think JBL would be able to remember something from two weeks ago, but apparently not.
Seriously, though, I am so sick and tired of them hyping things up as “first time ever,” especially when such things are so minor. And I’m not just talking about “the first time ever that the Hardy Boyz team up with Finn Balor to face Cesaro, Sheamus, & The Drifter” minor. I’m talking about “the first time ever that MITB happens on Smackdown,” too. Because that IS minor. We’ve seen MITB before, so the only “new” bit here that the match is going to be interrupted for commercials. Oh goody.
And the sad part is that the reason that WWE constantly feels the need to hype things up as “first time ever” or as “making history” is because they’re just too lazy to build things up in a way where people actually want to see it without having to be told that such a thing is super-ultra-double-deluxe special.
OPENING SEGMENT- Terrible
Daniel Bryan comes out to tell us about matches that they just told us about in the opening video package. They made him say “women’s evolution” (because the problem with that marketing strategy was definitely the letter R and not the fact that at its core it was just a buzzword for the company to repeat rather than something to get the actual wrestlers over). He’s even explaining to us how a f*cking ladder match works. In case the last six weeks of TV didn’t do it, I guess. Anyone watching now who is tuning in for the first time was probably watching that video package a minute ago and was able to deduce how it works from that. They had me so frustrated that I actually popped when CARMELLA & JAMES ELLSWORTH came out to interrupt BRYAN DANIELSON. Think about that for a moment.
Carmella correctly pointed out that Bryan completely screwed her out of something that she had rightfully won. We can debate if it was done fairly, but it is undeniable that, according to the rules, Carmella was the rightful winner. Unfortunately, the way they had her say this made her look completely stupid. First she insisted that “the rulebook clearly states that a Money in the Bank Ladder Match is a no disqualifications match. There’s no rules! But what it does say is that ‘the first woman to gain possession of the contract wins the match.’” So she cites a directive written in “the rulebook,” then shouts that such a directive means that there are “no rules,” and then goes on to once again quote the part of the rulebook that tells you how you know who wins.” I hate to break this to the idiots who write this show, but A SET OF DIRECTIVES THAT TELLS YOU WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT DO IN A PARTICULAR CONTEST AND HOW YOU ACHIEVE VICTORY IN SAID CONTEST ARE THE RULES!. And how utterly f*cking stupid do you have to be to send someone out there to quote from something you have them call a “rulebook,” claim in the next sentence that “there’s no rules!” and then go right back to quoting the “rulebook?” This should have raised a big, honking red flag to anyone with even a smidgen of a brain, but that’s way too much to ask from WWE Creative.
Carmella continues repeating her talking points from last week, talking about interference in past MITB matches. I heard this all last week. The sad part is that, despite saying a number of idiotic things out here, Carmella is absolutely right in saying that she did nothing wrong and is getting punished for it.
Bryan, too, says the same stuff he said last week about how no one has ever handed someone else the briefcase. Okay. Fine. That hasn’t happened before. But the rules which Carmella just quoted don’t mention anything about how you come into possession of the briefcase; the only thing the rules say matter is who gets it first. Until you can provide a quote from the rulebook which countermands that idea, you haven’t proven that she is wrong!
Bryan decides to poll the fans, just to waste more time. It turns out the people in the building would rather see a Ladder Match then see the heel get her way, (even if her way is the legally correct way, which makes them all selfish assholes). Ellsworth reams them out for this and calls Bryan a “puppet.” The crowd chants “ELLSWORTH SUCKS!” I’ve been waiting about eight months for this, and now WWE has done it in such a way that I can’t even enjoy it.
Ellsworth calls Dragon “spineless” and claims that he made up his injury. Seriously. If you’re not going to let him wrestle again then constantly doing things that should imply that he will come back for at least one more match is cruel, both to Bryan and his fans. Bryan tells us that he banned Ellsworth from ringside on last week’s Talking Smack. Huh. That seems like something they should have mentioned in the hype for this match, whether on last night’s Raw or in tonight’s opening video package (you know… the thing that is supposed to indicate to us that we’re not just going to get another f*ck finish like the first one), but of course it was never mentioned. Bryan now declares that Ellsworth will be banned from the arena. Okay… except that the last time someone was banned from an arena on WWE TV he managed to sneak back in and do exactly the thing he wasn’t supposed to.
Bryan calls for security and we got a few minutes of Ellsworth trying to get away from them before being dragged out.
So we’re now over ten minutes into the show (more like ten minutes into last week’s show, really) and we have established one thing that was apparently already announced last week and we shouldn’t have even needed to establish here if the people in charge had had any clue what they were doing on last week’s show or on this week’s Raw. Oh. And on this show where Daniel Bryan insisted that tonight is going to be “about the real Superstars,” the only segment on the show was written so the retired authority figure could get all of the pops.
IF THE HYPE BROS. WIN THEY GET A SHOT AT THE WWE SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM TITLES: The Hype Bros. vs. The Usos- 5/10
JBL clearly doesn’t understand the angle, as when Tom was recounting how the Hype Bros. earned a title shot but never got it due to Ryder’s injury and Bryan is now making them earn it all over again, JBL said “They deserve that. They had it when they left, Zack got hurt in that match; they’re getting it tonight.”
The match was pretty exciting, despite having to watch most of it with no sound because they were doing one of those “you can watch it during the commercials” gimmicks and most of the match took place during the commercial. This included the entire heat and the hot tag. At one point during the commercial the Hype Bros. were set up for their finisher and I was kind of hoping they would win during the commercial. If you’ve got the ability to still show people the finish live via this “watch during the commercials” gimmick then why not put a finish during a commercial every once in a while- like, twice a year- just to make things feel less scripted.
When we got back from the commercial Ryder missed his finisher and then quickly got pinned, so the Hype Bros. will get no title shot. If they were just going to lose here then why not just have Bryan give them title shot so he doesn’t look like a dick.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good and funny
New Day show up and cut a promo on The Usos about them walking out of their tag title match at the PPV. Big E. said “we’re coming for you-“ and Xavier immediately jumped in and cut him off by saying “Usos. We’re coming for you, Usos.” That was wonderful.
The Usos said that New Day don’t deserve a title shot, but accepted their challenge to a title shot at Battleground anyway. They rhymed a lot, so Kofi cut a rhyming promo on them as well. Can someone explain to me what “Day one-ish” means?
We got a commercial hyping up John Cena’s return by showing us a clip form his debut when he slapped Kurt Angle in the face, which they called “the smack heard round the world.” As someone who watched that moment happen when it first aired, and has been watching WWE programming for the majority of the past fifteen years, not only do I never remember hearing a single person call this slap by that moniker, but I don’t even remember that slap happening. I remember Kurt Angle making an open challenge, some guy no one had ever seen before named John Cena coming out and almost beating Kurt before finally losing clean, and then being congratulated backstage by a bunch of guys including the then-heel, WWE Undisputed Champion The Undertaker for putting up such a great fight against such an accomplished Superstar. At no point do I ever remember a slap, and if anyone had ever made such a big deal out of it, you’d think that I would. You can’t just go back and start calling this moment by some silly nickname and pretending it has always been such a big deal when you’ve never made a big deal about it before!
FASHION VICE: THE INTERROGATION- Can someone please explain to me, from a kayfabe point of view, why The Ascension are cooperating with this?
I did laugh at the Viktor wanting the Eddie Money tickets but Konnor grabbing his arm and saying “we only listen to grindcore thrash metal.”
Anyway, it turns out that The Ascension didn’t do it, so I guess everyone owes them a big apology because they have all been so insistent that it was them over the past nine days.
WWE SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Naomi(c) vs. Lana- 0.5/10
Lana jumped Naomi before the match. Naomi said she could still go. Lana hit her finisher. Kickout at two. Naomi kicked Lana in the head and hit the split-legged moonsault for the win. That was it. If I hadn’t actually bought Lana’s move as a possible finish (because I think that’s exactly the sort of thing they’d do and think they’re being clever and “shocking” us all), I would have given this a dud.
DASHA INTERVIEWS BECKY LYNCH- good promo by Becky, but letting her get to cut an actual promo but no one of the others seems pretty telegraphing, don’t you think?
AIDEN ENGLISH SINGS- He gets interrupted by Randy Orton. The announcers tell me to “remember what Randy Orton said last week” and “it’s full speed ahead towards Jinder Mahal” and they kept saying that Aiden English should run away. I’m confused. What I remember from last week was Randy saying he would RKO Jinder’s entire family. Is Aiden English related to Jinder Mahal?
RANDY, SHANE, & JINDER SEGMENT- ATROCIOUS
He gave Aiden English an RKO during the commercial. What a douchebag. Randy says he isn’t leaving until he gets what he wants. What does he want? Didn’t he RKO the heels last week?
Randy said “I guess I haven’t made myself clear enough.” Yeah. It’d be nice if you could actually spell out what you want since I’m apparently not the only one who is confused. Randy said that “last week I tore into the WWE Champion. I did a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Feel free to refresh your memory.” Then the Tron obeyed Randy’s commands and showed us footage of Randy’s actions. This would have all been a lot less weird if they just had Randy cut a promo reminding us about what happened and then saying what it is that he wants.
Randy finally says that what he wants is a rematch. He says that we might ask why he deserves a rematch. You would think that he might point out that the Singh Brothers interfered in his match, then attacked his father, causing him to be distracted, so in order to ensure that he gets a fair shot this time, we should have a rematch in some sort of cage. Maybe even Hell in a Cell.
But no. Randy’s reasoning for why he should get another title shot is that he will go backstage and beat Jinder up if he isn’t given one. What a little brat. Randy is even threatening to jump Jinder in the parking lot. He’s coming off as totally unhinged.
Here comes Shane to deal with Randy, because I guess Shane decided to show up to work this week. Shane (after making sure to get at least two cheap pops) tells Randy that “we can’t have you threatening the safety and threatening to beat the holy hell out of the WWE Champion Jinder Mahal.” IT’S A F*CKING WRESTLING SHOW! People threaten to beat the sh*t out of each other multiple times a week!
Randy says that they must pay for attacking his family and thus he will have his revenge. Even if Shane fires him he will buy tickets to every show Jinder is at and jump the barricade to attack Jinder, even if he gets arrested. Shane makes the same point that I made at the PPV, which is that Randy has gone after other people’s fathers multiple times in the past. I love how Shane can remember angles from almost a decade ago but can’t remember that people threaten each other on this show with no punishment every single week.
Here’s something else that no one seems to remember: Jinder never touched Cowboy Bob. It was the Singh Brothers. So why is Randy so hell-bent on making Jinder pay for all of this?
Anyway, Shane says that because he understands what Randy is feeling, he’ll give him his rematch. Not because the heels cheated, and not because there was a controversial call, but because he can empathize with Randy, Shane will give Randy a rematch. And on another axis, Shane, who just came out here to tell Randy that “we can’t have people threatening each other” is now going to give Randy exactly what he wants, basically giving in to Randy’s threats of disrupting the shows and assaulting an employee.
Shane says Randy will get his rematch at Battleground, but he’s going to let Jinder choose the stips because… um… How the f*ck did Shane escape this without eating an RKO?
Jinder Mahal & the Singh Brothers then came out on the stage, and I guess Randy’s fiery vengeance can wait until the PPV. Jinder starts ranting, saying that Randy doesn’t deserve a rematch. YOU’RE GETTING TO CHOOSE THE STIPULATIONS OF A WORLD TITLE MATCH FOR NO REASON! WHY ARE YOU UPSET?! I just cannot stand this! Everyone in this feud is so completely detached from the most basic of logic! Randy should be angry at the Singh Brothers and not Jinder (and now angry at Shane), Shane shouldn’t be a pushover and should do things that actually make sense, and Jinder should be f*cking giddy that he is getting a massive advantage in a match when there is no reason for him to be granted this advantage. Every single match they’ve had has ended when the Singh Brothers distract Randy so Jinder can hit the Khallas, so Jinder should just make this a No DQs match and be happy with his three to one advantage! But no, instead he’s picking a Punjabi Prison Match… which is essentially a f*cking CAGE MATCH, where the Singh Brothers can’t help him! In fact, it’s like a double cage match, so it’s actually going to be twice as hard for them to help him!
And of course, despite the fact that not only did no one know what match Jinder would pick but no one even knew that ANYONE would get to pick any sort of stipulation (remember, the only reason Shane ever booked them against each other at Battleground tonight was because of Randy’s actions here tonight), they immediately have a video package for the Punjabi Prison Match ready to go. The video package was actually more of a photo package. It was a few shots of guys climbing and a lot of pictures of the cage itself. Not one single picture of any sort of action or people hurting each other or something to show us how violent and dangerous this match will be.
And for the cherry on top of this idiotic sundae, in his introduction of the Punjabi Prison Match, Jinder called The Great Khali his “personal hero.” Anyone remember what Jinder’s first angle was? It involved him constantly yelling at Khali, with the implication being that Khali had to do what Jinder sad or else Jinder would beat his wife, who was also Khali’s sister. But yeah. Khali is Jinder’s personal hero.
DANIEL BRYAN, KEVIN OWENS, & AJ STYLES- bad
AJ is upset because Owens wouldn’t let him answer the open challenge last week. Owens says that’s because his open challenges are only for people who he hasn’t defended the title against yet. Then why did you say last week that it was only for people from Dayton (or wherever they were)? If that’s the gimmick then why didn’t you just say so?
Bryan tells Owens “I don’t think you understand what an ‘open challenge’ is.” Well then why didn’t you do something about it last week, Bryan? If you have an objection to open challenges that aren’t fully open then why did you let him go out there and do an open challenge that was only open to locals? Surely you knew about this in advance because the announcers were hyping it up before it happened, and surely they wouldn’t hype a match up on the air without knowing it was okayed by the GM first, right? And if you didn’t okay it, why didn’t you stop them?
Bryan books an “Independence Day Battle Royale” for next week to determine the #1 contender to the US Title at Battleground. Whatever.
Don’t Hunter & Steph hate Seth Rollins? Then why did they give him the honor of being on the cover of WWE 2K18?
MIKE & MARIA MAKE IT TO TV THIS WEEK- their schtik is interrupted by Sami Zayn’s entrance. Props to Sami for apologizing to them. He didn’t mean to disrespect them but management sent him out there, and he wants them to know that he meant no offense, because he’s a nice person. Actually, now that I think about it, why did Bryan and/or Shane even send Mike & Maria out there if they weren’t going to give them any time to say anything?
SAMI ZAYN vs. BARON CORBIN- 6.5/10
Corbin dominated most of the match and then beat Sami clean. Sami sold his ass off for Corbin. They showed us Nakamura watching backstage just so they could plug him cutting a promo after this match.
DASHA INTERVIEWS SHINSUKE NAKAMURA- not good. Whatever they’ve got him doing with his face is way too weird.
Tom Phillips told us that “earlier today we learned that New Day are exercising their right to a rematch” at Battleground. What “right to a rematch?” They weren’t the champions! Don’t get me wrong: they obviously deserve one, but it needs to be made by the GMs. And if they do, in fact, have this right, why didn’t they talk about invoking it last week?
Anyway, they’re having a “rap battle” next week.
MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH: Carmella vs. Natalya vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch vs. Tamina- 7.75/10
So they had the “you can watch it during the commercials” gimmick for the other matches but not for this one?! WHAT THE F*CK?!
When Becky was climbing the ladder that was being propped up by the standing Tamina and Charlotte, why didn’t they just let go of the ladder?
Yup. Ellsworth got back into the building. He ran right by a referee, who did nothing but yell at him. No security came out to get him, either. The match was pretty great, with only one or two spots that really didn’t look good. Carmella won after Becky came very close, so we’re right back where we were after the PPV (maybe they set something up with Nattie and Charlotte, but either way it’s still not really any different than where we were after the PPV).
Even with the main event, this was a very bad show. Amazing as it seems, in a year where I have pretty much given up on both ROH and TNA, Smackdown might still be the worst TV show of the year.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. JBL said that Smackdown currently has “the most competitive tag team division I’ve seen in years.”
HOW?! The comment that prompted this was vaguely discussing the fact that New Day had a title shot at the PPV, and now the Hype Bros. might be able to earn one, meaning that there are at best THREE teams in the title picture. Back at WrestleMania Raw had four teams in their tag title match, so wouldn’t that make their scene from just three months ago more competitive according to this definition?
Or is JBL just talking about the number of teams in general? Because that would be dumb, too, simply because the tag team division obviously had more teams when there was just one roster rather than having them split across two, and we’re not even a year removed from that.
2. JBL- “Naomi has always been a fighting champion.”
Oh yeah? Well how about that time when Lana showed up and said “I want a title shot” and Naomi responded by laughing at her and saying no? You’d think JBL would be able to remember something from two weeks ago, but apparently not.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
You already know what it means : "Day one is H."
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
He'll probably at least end up kicking him in the head just for old times sake.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.
Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
Has no one ever said it before?
Don't believe the hype!
That would golden for a heel to say to him or about him in a pre-match interview.
Don't believe the hype!
That would golden for a heel to say to him or about him in a pre-match interview.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.
Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
He's just completely furious he actually lost the title to Jinder Mahal then lost the rematch...
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
But that's not what he said last week or this week.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
That's obviously what it is lol.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.
Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
That Naomi match though...that was a complete burial you hear so many people casually calling every loss now a days..wow.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
You know how Bryan said "I'm not going to let you run this moment in women's WWE history!"
Again with that word forced in...why couldn't it just be "WWE history"?
Again with that word forced in...why couldn't it just be "WWE history"?
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
I almost asked this in my review, but I think it's trying to PG a shirt or phrase that should be "Day One Shit". I could be terribly, dreadfully wrong.
I actually remember almost all of this segment from when it happened, only some of the in between match escapes me. I guess even... Wow, I would have been 14 at the time! I guess even 14 year old me understood the significance of it somehow.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jun 28th, '17, 00:12We got a commercial hyping up John Cena’s return by showing us a clip form his debut when he slapped Kurt Angle in the face, which they called “the smack heard round the world.” As someone who watched that moment happen when it first aired, and has been watching WWE programming for the majority of the past fifteen years, not only do I never remember hearing a single person call this slap by that moniker, but I don’t even remember that slap happening. I remember Kurt Angle making an open challenge, some guy no one had ever seen before named John Cena coming out and almost beating Kurt before finally losing clean, and then being congratulated backstage by a bunch of guys including the then-heel, WWE Undisputed Champion The Undertaker for putting up such a great fight against such an accomplished Superstar. At no point do I ever remember a slap, and if anyone had ever made such a big deal out of it, you’d think that I would. You can’t just go back and start calling this moment by some silly nickname and pretending it has always been such a big deal when you’ve never made a big deal about it before!
Jeebums, I forgot about this.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jun 28th, '17, 00:12It involved him constantly yelling at Khali, with the implication being that Khali had to do what Jinder sad or else Jinder would beat his wife, who was also Khali’s sister. But yeah. Khali is Jinder’s personal hero.
Honestly, this doesn't bug me too much, but mostly because Nakamura has me totally eating out of the palm of his hands and I love everything about him.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jun 28th, '17, 00:12 Whatever they’ve got him doing with his face is way too weird.
Because the women are apparently not that smart. And I even thought this bit was funny!Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jun 28th, '17, 00:12 When Becky was climb the ladder that was being propped by the standing Tamina and Charlotte, why didn’t they just let go of the ladder?
You definitely rated this much higher than I would have. I actually hated almost everything here, to me it seemed disorganised and poorly planned. Like it was telling too many different stories instead of one coherent one.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jun 28th, '17, 00:12 The match was pretty great, with one or two spots that really didn’t look good. Carmella won after Becky came very close, so we’re right back where we were after the PPV (maybe they set something up with Nattie and Charlotte, but either way it’s still not really any different than where we were after the PPV).
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
The way I've started looking at ladder matches (especially when it's more than two people) is that the story is always going to be "a bunch of wrestlers trying to win the match," and if we get any sort of real coherent story like HBK-Razor II or Jericho vs. Benoit, then I just consider it a bonus.Serujuunin wrote: ↑Jun 29th, '17, 00:30You definitely rated this much higher than I would have. I actually hated almost everything here, to me it seemed disorganised and poorly planned. Like it was telling too many different stories instead of one coherent one.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jun 28th, '17, 00:12 The match was pretty great, with one or two spots that really didn’t look good. Carmella won after Becky came very close, so we’re right back where we were after the PPV (maybe they set something up with Nattie and Charlotte, but either way it’s still not really any different than where we were after the PPV).
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
Something I noticed in the Mitb match though... Charlotte was the only one who was doing it, and constantly doing it, with the big overdramatic drawn out shouting every single move..."Aaaaahhhh-uhhhhh!"
I've noticed it before but wow.
I've noticed it before but wow.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
I suppose that's fair. I have a hard time ignoring things like that, but I suppose being able to do it will mean I can enjoy things more.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jun 29th, '17, 01:44The way I've started looking at ladder matches (especially when it's more than two people) is that the story is always going to be "a bunch of wrestlers trying to win the match," and if we get any sort of real coherent story like HBK-Razor II or Jericho vs. Benoit, then I just consider it a bonus.Serujuunin wrote: ↑Jun 29th, '17, 00:30You definitely rated this much higher than I would have. I actually hated almost everything here, to me it seemed disorganised and poorly planned. Like it was telling too many different stories instead of one coherent one.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jun 28th, '17, 00:12 The match was pretty great, with one or two spots that really didn’t look good. Carmella won after Becky came very close, so we’re right back where we were after the PPV (maybe they set something up with Nattie and Charlotte, but either way it’s still not really any different than where we were after the PPV).
![Razz :P](./images/smilies/icon_razz.png)
I liked the stories they were telling in the men's MITB though, so maybe I'm unfairly judging by comparison.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
In a correction, apparently Jinder's threat wasn't that he would beat Khali's wife but rather that he would divorce her, thus making her, Khali, and the whole Khali family poor because apparently WWE didn't pay Khali very much and no one else in the family has a job.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
Yeah because I'm sure he'd get away with threatening to assault THAT guy's sister lol.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jul 24th, '17, 00:49 In a correction, apparently Jinder's threat wasn't that he would beat Khali's wife but rather that he would divorce her, thus making her, Khali, and the whole Khali family poor because apparently WWE didn't pay Khali very much and no one else in the family has a job.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
You laugh, but I'm certain I remember Jinder squashing Khali at one point.KILLdozer wrote: ↑Jul 26th, '17, 10:59Yeah because I'm sure he'd get away with threatening to assault THAT guy's sister lol.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jul 24th, '17, 00:49 In a correction, apparently Jinder's threat wasn't that he would beat Khali's wife but rather that he would divorce her, thus making her, Khali, and the whole Khali family poor because apparently WWE didn't pay Khali very much and no one else in the family has a job.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
Oh yeah, because you always wanna make one of the most legitimately largest guys in WWE history look like a joke and a fool.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jul 26th, '17, 11:03You laugh, but I'm certain I remember Jinder squashing Khali at one point.KILLdozer wrote: ↑Jul 26th, '17, 10:59Yeah because I'm sure he'd get away with threatening to assault THAT guy's sister lol.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jul 24th, '17, 00:49 In a correction, apparently Jinder's threat wasn't that he would beat Khali's wife but rather that he would divorce her, thus making her, Khali, and the whole Khali family poor because apparently WWE didn't pay Khali very much and no one else in the family has a job.
On that note... who's the top 5 of tallest ever?
Khali is, 7"3 or 7"2 ? Gonzalez was billed as like 7'6? I'm not even talking ALL of the 7'0 and 7'1's we've seen over the decades.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
Shoot height or billed height? Big Show used to be billed at 7'2 and J.R. would always say that Kane was "a shade above seven feet tall." Kane might not be enough to make the cut but I can't imagine Big Show doesn't make it.KILLdozer wrote: ↑Jul 26th, '17, 11:50Oh yeah, because you always wanna make one of the most legitimately largest guys in WWE history look like a joke and a fool.Big Red Machine wrote: ↑Jul 26th, '17, 11:03You laugh, but I'm certain I remember Jinder squashing Khali at one point.
On that note... who's the top 5 of tallest ever?
Khali is, 7"3 or 7"2 ? Gonzalez was billed as like 7'6? I'm not even talking ALL of the 7'0 and 7'1's we've seen over the decades.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/27/2017 Smackdown (still bad, even with an MITB match)
Well Gonzalez is listed at 7'7...
He was on a basketball team so I fully believe it.
Yeah, let's not count all of the shoot heights and 6'11 exaggerated to over 7 or something.
Wasn't Ron Reis, (Reese from The Flock, and The Ye-Tay!) , Like legitimately 7'3 or something?
He was on a basketball team so I fully believe it.
Yeah, let's not count all of the shoot heights and 6'11 exaggerated to over 7 or something.
Wasn't Ron Reis, (Reese from The Flock, and The Ye-Tay!) , Like legitimately 7'3 or something?
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