BRM Reviews the 6/6/2017 Smackdown (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- The women (& Ellsworth) are already standing around the ring but of course Shane gets his big entrance shown on TV. But it’s definitely about the wrestlers on Smackdown, not the authority figures.
Then Shane gets to introduce the women. Why not just have them get normal entrances, then? If you’re worried about time then just cut Shane’s entrance out. Shane botches his first sentence, introducing Tamina as “a two-time Superstar, second generation.” They’re going to have a pointless six-woman tag later tonight, but the reason they’re all out here is that Shane wants to reveal what the Women’s MITB briefcase looks like. Because that’s definitely something that justifies having its own segment. How much do you want to bet that it’s pink? Either that or it’s just one big picture of Stephanie.
Oh look. It’s white with green lettering, and a gold border on half of it. You know… the same general design scheme as it has been in recent years, except with different colors. I sure was wrong in thinking that this totally didn’t warrant its own segment, wasn’t I?
The poor announcers have to pretend to be impressed by this thing. I feel so bad for them.
Shane then began to give a grand speech. He said “As you all know,” at which point I shouted “THEN WHY ARE YOU TELLING THEM?!” Did I jump the gun by yelling at Shane? Let’s take a look at the rest of his speech and find out:
“This type of match is extremely dangerous. And one of you- every Superstar that enters this match always leaves a piece of themselves, either physically or emotionally. There is great risk.
But with great risk comes, obviously, great reward, and let’s talk about the reward of what’s inside this: The winner- who will have this in their clutches- inside this case is guaranteed to have a shot at the Smackdown Women’s Champion anytime, anyplace that she wants.”
So in essence, what Shane said (very clumsily, I might add) is that this Money in the Bank Match will be a very dangerous Ladder Match and everything will work just like Money in the Bank has worked every single time they've done it, dating back over a decade. That was a waste of time. But hey! At least we got to let the promoter’s son be the center of attention and give a big speech on TV, right?
After McMahonsplaining (sorry, the pun was too good) this match to people who Shane himself already said knew how the match worked it seemed impossible for him to get any worse… but then he did. He told the women that “to add a little further motivation” (you know, in case the winner’s purse and the guaranteed title match wasn’t enough)… and then he proceeded to recite the annoying line that we’ve been hearing the announcers push since the last PPV about how winning MITB makes you “almost a guarantee” to become champion.
This was so atrocious that I was almost happy when Ellsworth started speaking. Then I became very happy when Ellsworth pointed out that Shane was a being a total asshole by telling them things that he knew they already knew.
The women then all took their turns cutting promos saying they would win. Charlotte is back in full heel mode again. Becky said that she would become “Miss Money in the Bank” which is a phrase that I fear we’re going to be hearing every week from now until whoever wins the match cashes it in for her title shot. Naomi then came out, and came across like quite the douchebag for doing her whole dancing entrance when everyone else was in the ring waiting for her to talk (Shane was clapping along like an idiot).
Naomi said the following “as much as I love being the Smackdown Women’s Champion, I wish I could be in this match. Because I know it’s about to be LIT, y’all.” Did that even make sense?
She then plugged that the match would be historic and that whoever won the match would have to face her, but that’s okay because she’s always ready. Then she got interrupted by Lana’s music and I popped huge because Lana- the eleventh WWE employee I have seen or heard on this show- was the first one who wasn’t annoying the hell out of me.
Lana showed up in a shiny, slinky, blue dress, shaking her boobs. She got into the ring and the people chanted her name. Shane calmly told her that this isn’t her time so she should go away. Yeah! You tell her, Shane! How dare she interrupt a talking segment on a wrestling show! What a horrendous breach of etiquette.
Lana still has her Russian accent so that’s one aneurysm I’ve been saved from. She wants to be in the MITB match (I guess she’s a wrestler and not just a manager now). This made Nattie burst out laughing because Nattie is awesome. Naomi also did, but in a very over the top, unnatural way, and well after Lana finished talking. If it wasn’t for this I would have been perfectly happy with Naomi’s promo, in which she pointed out that Lana hasn’t ever beaten anyone and has had a grand total of zero singles matches. Lana got in Naomi’s face and said she could beat her. Shane stepped between them and told Lana that “a Smackdown Women’s Championship match is something that you need to earn.” This would be the same Shane McMahon who gave every single woman on the roster a title shot at WrestleMania for no other reason than to mess with Alexa Bliss!.
Lana angrily stormed off. Naomi was a jerk. The fans chanted “WE WANT LANA!” Shane then announced that the aforementioned six-woman tag would be next. So yeah. We wasted the first fifteen minutes of the show on a segment in which the only thing remotely new that was either said or happened was Lana showing up and then angrily going to the back. And it was all so Shane could get cheered, while inadvertently denigrating the very women this segment was supposed to be promoting, forcing the announcers to act like idiots, and pissing me off to no end. And it’s all even worse because you know that later in this show we’re going to get Jinder cutting a promo where he’ll just repeat the same things he’s been saying for the past month and a half (likely verbatim), and we’ll be getting pointless matches between the men in the MITB match and this pointless six-woman tag, and it all contributes to the feeling that absolutely nothing is happening on this show. Same sh*t, different week.

Oh. Wait. Do you want to know what this segment did? It made me realize how much better both Raw and Smackdown would have been recently if KENTA had broken Shane’s jaw instead of Dash Wilder’s.

CHARLOTTE FLAIR, BECKY LYNCH, & NAOMI vs. NATALYA, TAMINA, & CARMELLA (w/James Ellsworth)- 5.75/10
The match was meh. Becky was the babyface in peril. Lana came out to trip up Naomi, resulting in Tamina pinning Naomi with one of her excellent superkicks.

SHANE AND MOJO BACKSTAGE- bad
Mojo points out that since winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale, he has barely been seen on TV. He’s got a point. Wow. WWE booking is just a sh*tty in kayfabe as it is outside of it. Mojo points that he is the only guy who has beaten Jinder since Jinder came to the main roster. Mojo says he wants an opportunity, so Shane tells him that he will be added to the MITB match if he can beat WWE Champion Jinder Mahal tonight. Shouldn’t beating the champion automatically earn him a title shot?!

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. AJ STYLES- 6.25/10

FASHION FILES WITH NEW DAY- There are other people in the den while I’m watching Smackdown, so I’m skipping this. I have dignity.

Cena is back on July 4th, so that’s probably when Owens is dropping the US Title.

IF MOJO WINS, HE GETS ADDED TO THE MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH: Mojo Rawley vs. Jinder Mahal (w/the Singh Brothers)- 3/10
Well… Jinder got his win back on Mojo Rawley. I guess that was necessary. But of course he couldn’t even do it cleanly.

JINDER MAHAL PROMO- different week, same sh*tty promo.

NAKAMURA VIDEO PACKAGE- meh

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS RANDY ORTON- Randy’s promo was like last week’s but without the implied racism, so that’s good.

THE COLONS vs. THE NEW DAY (w/Kofi Kingston)- 5/10
A good, solid win for New Day in their first match as members of the Smackdown roster.

USOS PROMO- fine. I actually liked the New Day just standing there and laughing off The Usos’ insults. It fits in with their characters.
DASHA INTERVIEWS SAMI ZAYN- it’s like they told Sami to go out there and suck and he is so good that he is actually doing a good job of it on purpose.
Then Baron Corbin showed up and beat Sami up AGAIN.

NAOMI WANTS LANA AT THE PPV- She offers to put her title on the line. Shane okays the match. If Shane doesn’t think Lana deserves a title shot then why doesn’t he just book it as a non-title match?

SHINSUKE NAKAMURA vs. KEVIN OWENS- 6.75/10
Corbin is on commentary because I guess he thinks doing the thing Sami wanted to do will make Sami extra mad or something. Haven’t they realized that he sucks at talking and that the more they have him talk the worse he comes off?

CORBIN ATTACKS NAKAMURA AFTER THE MATCH- I guess it’s his turn to stand tall this week.

Another bad episode of Smackdown. The best part of it was the fact that they plugged this week’s NXT A LOT more on this week’s show than I can ever remember them doing before. Not much hype for TJP vs. Neville for the Cruiserweight Title on 205 Live, though.

[XIV]

I actually enjoyed everything Baron Corbin did this week.

and actually I also liked that there was such a heavy focus on women's division. It's just a shame that 99% of it was executed poorly.

[KILLdozer]

I'm actually quite surprised Tamina didn't even react to Shane messing that up lol.

I guess a 2-time superstar means she Left and came back so now this is her second time? Lol

Still using that ridiculous song about Money ? Man enough of that.

Can we just get rid of Ellsworth already? He's actually one of the things they've put the most time to work on recently a while back.

So Charlotte is still full heel. Great, because that was working so great before. I'm just fed up with her whole act. So that whole 3 on 3 thing is over I guess.

Tamina actually made the most sense and wasn't a horrible non-stop cliche that's been repeated over and over.

Naomi is so bad and I just never liked her at all... I just remembered that. So I guess that whole dancing thing with Brodus Clay never happened. Why is she the champion of all of all these women? I'd rather see Tamina even just dominate everyone as champion than her.

Lana was very different but still in a good way and it seemed to work somehow.

[cero2k]

is that the lowest Nakamura has ever had in a one-on-one match? I think it is

[KILLdozer]

Oh, Jinder Mahal's "New physique" is definitely not that great. Sure, better than before, but it's not that impressive. I'll be way ahead of him soon enough so big deal.

[KILLdozer]

So is the new day's entire match centered around "New day rocks"?

[KILLdozer]

I definitely can't take them serious now as guys just standing there saying "Yeah well come on, we'll see."

Lol get out of here with that.

[Big Red Machine]

is that the lowest Nakamura has ever had in a one-on-one match? I think it is

Certainly in WWE (remember that Owens has a broken thumb). I'm sure I've rated some of his New Japan matches lower, especially during the G1. I remember not liking his match with Shibata very much.

[Big Red Machine]

FASHION FILES WITH NEW DAY- There are other people in the den while I’m watching Smackdown, so I’m skipping this. I have dignity.

I just went and watched this. It was decently funny, but I still think it's the sort of thing they shouldn't be doing. It's too out there. This is the sort of thing that you turn into a YouTube show.