BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post Reply
User avatar
Big Red Machine
Posts: 18782
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 15:12
Favorite Wrestler: Kane

BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by Big Red Machine » May 24th, '17, 01:27

RECAP OF JINDER’S TITLE WIN- On the one hand I don’t fault them for trying to push this like it’s some sort of landmark historical moment because that’s what you do when you want to make something like this seem like a big deal, but on the other hand it’s just… not. I mean, it might be a sort of landmark moment, but the fans’ reaction isn’t the reaction they’re portraying it as. People aren’t shocked in the “I can’t believe that happened because it was so surprising” kind of way; they’re shocked in an “oh my G-d I can’t believe they actually went through with that” kind of way. It’s not surprise so much as it is disbelief.

JINDER SHOWS UP WITH A POLICE ESCORT- that was unusual. Why does he need a police escort?

SHANE MAKES SOME ANNOUNCEMENTS- bad
Randy is getting his rematch at Money in the Bank, which is in his home town, so that’s a good sign for Jinder.
Shane also announces the MITB match. He described it by saying that “inside that briefcase, as you well know, is a guaranteed contract to face the WWE Champion, whoever it may be, whenever that person chooses, at any time, at any arena.”
Well if we already “well know” what’s inside the briefcase, why are telling us? Yes, I realize that you need to treat almost every moment as if there are first-time viewers tuning in. My issue is not with the explanation; it’s with Shane saying “as you well know.” It’s just a pet peeve of mine.
There will be five participants in the MITB match, and Shane is going to announce them all right now: AJ, Corbin, Sami Zayn, Ziggler, and Kevin Owens. Wait, no, it’s Nakamura and not Owens, so now I have to make some adjustments to my below not-quite-rant. Congrats, WWE, you swerved us. I hope that is worth confusing people and making them wonder why the hell Owens came out here in the first place and why no one at Gorilla Position tried to stop him and why the guys in the truck played his music and why Shane waited until he was all the way at the bottom of the ramp to make this announcement.
Actually, I might just erase part of my ranting because Kevin Owens is making these points for me. Specifically, that three of the five guys they have chosen LOST CLEANLY ON SUNDAY, and yet they are all in the same spot (or, AJ’s case, above the spot) that the man who bested them is in. Shane just flat-out admits that Owens has some good points, so he puts Owens in this match as well, which while it rewards Owens for winning, doesn’t actually address the criticism that his selections here have basically rendered the results of Sunday’s big PPV null and void.
Also, just announcing these guys like this means that, just like over on Raw- where they also have a big multi-man #1 contendership match set for their next PPV- we’re going to get a whole moth of different combinations of these guys fighting each other in matches that won’t matter at all. Both of these problems could have been avoided by doing qualifiers on TV, which would have not only explained how these six men got into this match (as opposed to, say, Luke Harper, who also won at the PPV) but also would have given us TV matches that actually MEAN SOMETHING.
It should be noted that Owens definitely has a solid point about the whole “land of opportunity” thing revolving around whether or not Shane likes you. I ripped the chosen competitors in last month’s six-way #1 contendership match to shreds because none of them other than Mojo had done a damn thing to earn a #1 contendership match, and now we’ve got this here which clearly shows Shane ignoring the results of matches and just, as Owens put it, playing favorites. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times: babyface authority figures absolutely must be fair and impartial because that’s what makes them different from the heels. Is Shane screwing over someone because he has arbitrarily decided that he likes these guys in the ring now better than Harper or Rowan or Dillinger or Mojo really any different than Steph trying to screw over Sami Zayn because she arbitrarily decided that she didn’t like him?
Also, if I’m Luke Harper or Tye Dillinger, I’m getting my ass to the ring as soon as possible to demand my spot in this match just like Owens successfully did here. Corbin referred to what Owens did as “you cried and you whined and you got in the match.” I really hope that isn’t the way WWE wants us to feel about Owens’ actions here, because to me it seems like Owens is the one arguing for reason and logic and Shane is a screw-up.
Corbin said that none of them stand a chance and that Shane should just give him the briefcase right now. Didn’t someone do that same sort of thing in the build to the Raw match (Roman, maybe?)? AJ then got to cut a promo. He wound up referring to Owens as “the Eric Cartman of the WWE,” which made me laugh, then started calling everyone else by their WWE approved adjectives- “the Show-Off” for Ziggler, “The Lone Wolf” for Corbin, “The Underdog” for Sami… and Nakamura is apparently “the Rock Star.” Meanwhile, Nakamura is just standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, looking completely bored by all of this, although when AJ got in his face and called him “the Rock Star,” Nakamura had this completely wonderful facial expression that was, like, him shyly admitting that yes, he is a rock star, and thank you for noticing.
More talking happened. Corbin said Zayns win over him was a fluke and called Sami Zayn the “Rudy of WWE,” which he described as “some guy who made a play when the garbage players were in…” except that if we follow Corbin’s analogy, he himself would be the “garbage players.” Idiot.
Even more talking happened. Even Nakamura talked. They are trying their best to WWE-ify him. Shane booked Corbin vs. Zayn and AJ & Nakamura vs. Ziggler & Owens.

BECKY LYNCH & CHARLOTTE FLAIR (w/Naomi) vs. NATALYA & CARMELLA (w/James Elsworth & Tamina)- 4.5/10
They randomly did that gimmick they did during the draft last year where they left the match on without sound in the corner of the screen during the commercial break. Carmella, who just pinned Naomi last week tapped out clean to Becky, so we’re just spinning our wheels here, too. Either that or they’re going to do a big giant match.

SAMI ZAYN vs. BARON CORBIN- no rating, decent segment.
Zayn rolled Corbin up instantly for the win. Corbin then jumped Sami and beat the crap out of him, including hitting him with a chair and the beating him up in the crowd. When we came back from commercial we found out that Sami got stretchered off.

AJ & NAKAMURA BACKSTAGE- the stuff they had Nakamura say was quite lame. AJ’s dialogue was fine.

They’re teasing that this might be the final “Fashion File” ever. We can only hope this is true.

FASHION FILES- now they’ve moved their set to Shane’s “office” and he’s being included in their crap. Shane tells them that they’re not real cops. They are about to quit but Shane tells them “you guys have already proven yourselves.” How? By losing a million matches in a row, then winning two in a row before losing again? In his own way, Shane is more annoying than Steph or Foley. They are over-done characters that get way too much screen time (and, in Steph’s case, she never gets her comeuppance), but Shane is just so transparently shallow that it’s infuriating. The words that come out of his mouth don’t mean sh*t. He talks about wanting people to “earn” things but almost never actually makes them do anything substantial to earn something. He says that guys have “proven themselves” even though they haven’t accomplished a damn thing. He just makes arbitrary decisions with no thought whatsoever and then comes out and tries to put those decisions over with empty fluff. No wonder Vince hates millennials. His son has turned into one.
Anyway, Shane books each of them against an Uso tonight and thus their confidence is somehow renewed.

INDIAN JINDER MAHAL FROM THE PUNJAB REGION OF INDIA HAS A PUNJABI CELEBRATION- Seriously… it’s a just a f*cking celebration. You don’t have to call it a “Punjabi celebration” every f*cking time you mention it. Just call it a “celebration.” We know he’s Punjabi so no one will be surprised by the fact that Punjabi culture will feature in his celebration. JBL shows his respect for Punjabi culture by not shutting the f*ck up.
This went WAY too long before anyone actually said anything. Jinder’s promo was dull. I bet that between JBL and Jinder they said the words “Punjab,” “Punjabi,” and “India” at least one hundred times. Then fireworks happened. The people briefly chanted “USA!” but other than that no one cared. This was SOOOOO boring. It was so much set-up for absolutely nothing different.

LANA STILL ISN’T HERE YET- how much do you want to bet that they don’t actually have any plans for this character that they’re now trying for the second time.

JEY USO (w/Jimmy Uso) vs. TYLER BREEZE (w/Fandango)- DUD!
JBL was fluctuating back and forth from yelling about how Breeze & Fandango aren’t real cops to insisting that each of Tyler Breeze’s costumes at the PPV was a separate person. This sort of thing is why the first thing I do when I wake up every Tuesday is pray for JBL to have a very severe case of laryngitis.
Jey got pinned matter of seconds when Fandango jumped up on the apron and distracted him by squirting an extremely lame little water-gun at him to distract him and Breeze rolled him up for the win. This is the second straight match that has ended in a roll-up in a matter of seconds, and this one involved the babyfaces cheating to get the win, just two days after they failed to beat this man and his tag team partner despite the referee allowing them to use a weapon.

JIMMY USO (w/Jey Uso) vs. FANDANGO (w/Tyler Breeze)- DOUBLE DUD!
Breeze put on a wig and started waving fuzzy handcuffs at Jey, who was standing way on the other side of the ring, but still decided that this warranted chasing Breeze around the ring. Breeze rolled into the ring which wound up distracting Jimmy and Fandango rolled him up for the pin. F*ck this sh*t.

Then Breeze & Fandango baited The Usos into giving them a tag title shot right now. The referee went over to consult Shane via headset and the match was made official so we got a…

WWE SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Usos(c) vs. Tyler Breeze & Fandango- 4/10
They did the commercial gimmick again. The first thing that happened in this match was one of the Usos obliterating Tyler Breeze with a clothesline. That made me laugh. The match was basically a series of teases of Fandango & Breeze winning (although it was Fandango doing all of the work) before the Usos won completely cleanly with an extremely clever finish.
JBL just called The Usos “one of the greatest [teams] of all time.” THEY HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN IN THE F*CKING BUSINESS FOR EIGHT YEARS!” We lost Mauro Ranallo because of this asshole, and now we have to put up with even more of him because Mauro is gone and Bryon and Phillips are too timid so it’s just JBL rambling all the time. I hate this so much. This show F*CKING SUCKS! If the main event wasn’t up next and didn’t feature the talent that it does, I would just give up on this show right here.

SHANE & WOMEN BACKSTAGE- Nattie wants a title shot because she pinned Naomi at the PPV. Carmella showed up and notes that she pinned Naomi last week and also some other time that I don’t remember. Then Becky showed up and said that she deserved a title shot because earlier tonight she defeated the woman who has beaten the champion twice. Nope. Just kidding. That’s what Becky would have said if the people writing this show were competent. Instead she says that she deserves a title shot because she was the first ever Smackdown Women’s Champion. So f*cking what? Should Pat Patterson just be able to show up whenever he wants and get an IC Title shot? No. Because he lost the belt that was that. Becky lost to Alexa at TLC AND she lost in the six-way at Mania. You don’t get eternal title shots on demand just for being the first champion. If you did then why would the first champion just show up and demand a title shot every week?
Then Tamina showed up and said that she should get a title shot just because everyone else has had one and she hasn’t had one yet so it must be her turn now. They’re all arguing and talking over each other… and then Charlotte shows up and demands “QUIET!” and everyone stops what they’re doing and listens to her because she’s a f*cking star. She points out that she got screwed out of her last title shot when the heels attacked her and caused a DQ. Shane decrees that there will be a five-way elimination match next week to determine who gets the title shot at Money in the Bank. This is why Shane sucks. Five women come to him saying they should get a title shot. Three of them present him with 100% legitimate reasons why they deserve a title shot. The other two present him with utterly idiotic arguments. Instead of giving the three women with legitimate claims what they have earned and telling the other two that they haven’t done enough to deserve a title shot yet, he stick all five women into a #1 contendership match so that only one of them will get a title shot, with no guarantee that one who does will be one of the three who deserves one.
Also, I can’t help but remember that Money in the Bank is four weeks away. It’s already been almost a month since we last saw Naomi defend her title. Trivia time: does anyone remember how Naomi lost the title last time? That’s right: she was stripped of the title for mere possibility that she wouldn’t be able to defend it within thirty days. Naomi didn’t even wrestle tonight! Shouldn’t Shane have booked her to defend her title so that she doesn’t have to vacate it due to the Thirty Days Rule?
And speaking of Shane not scheduling things, it appears that, as of the moment Smackdown went on the air tonight, Shane had a grand total of ONE MATCH scheduled. ONE! That’s gross negligence right there! What does Shane even do all week if he’s not booking matches? Does he just sit in an office in Titan Towers and just spin around on his chair all day?

So we get back to the announcers… and AJ & NAKAMURA ARE ALREADY IN THE RING. That’s right: it’s Nakamura’s first match on Smackdown and they DIDN’T EVEN SHOW HIS ENTRANCE, like he’s some sort of jobber.

DOLPH ZIGGLER & KEVIN OWENS vs. AJ STYLES & SHINSUKE NAKAMURA- 7.5/10
Great tag team match with a double heat. Nakamura got the final hot tag, as he should have. He pinned Owens after the Kinshasa, but I wouldn’t expect him to be getting a US Title… which just makes me wonder why they had him pin Owens instead of pinning Ziggler again.

An utterly miserable episode of Smackdown that would have been even worse without the main event. It’s the day after the PPV but it feels like absolutely nothing has changed, and in some cases it feels like we’ve even gone backwards. That’s never a good thing.


Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
WWE in 2005
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
TNA Victory Road 2008
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
ECW Guilty As Charged 1999

User avatar
KILLdozer
Posts: 3531
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 22:54
Favorite Wrestler: Idk
Location: Ocean Springs,MS.

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by KILLdozer » May 24th, '17, 05:59

Everyone is "one of the greatest of all time!"

A lot of the complaints you have lately about this ridiculous style of announcing and WWE selling of things repetively are things I've been saying for months or have at least mentioned.

What if Lana does something similar to Emma and no dancing character ever arrives, instead it's just Russian manager Lana, and this gimmick and the vignettes become the ultimate troll device?

That's what it looks like.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

User avatar
Big Red Machine
Posts: 18782
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 15:12
Favorite Wrestler: Kane

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by Big Red Machine » May 24th, '17, 08:07

KILLdozer wrote:
May 24th, '17, 05:59
Everyone is "one of the greatest of all time!"

A lot of the complaints you have lately about this ridiculous style of announcing and WWE selling of things repetively are things I've been saying for months or have at least mentioned.
I realize that they're not new (my ROH announcing criticisms are a little bit more so), but they are what is bothering me at the moment. They affected my enjoyment of the show, there fore they go in the review.
KILLdozer wrote:
May 24th, '17, 05:59
What if Lana does something similar to Emma and no dancing character ever arrives, instead it's just Russian manager Lana, and this gimmick and the vignettes become the ultimate troll device?

That's what it looks like.
What would the benefit of doing this be?
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
WWE in 2005
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
TNA Victory Road 2008
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
ECW Guilty As Charged 1999

User avatar
KILLdozer
Posts: 3531
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 22:54
Favorite Wrestler: Idk
Location: Ocean Springs,MS.

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by KILLdozer » May 24th, '17, 09:02

Big Red Machine wrote:
May 24th, '17, 08:07
KILLdozer wrote:
May 24th, '17, 05:59
Everyone is "one of the greatest of all time!"

A lot of the complaints you have lately about this ridiculous style of announcing and WWE selling of things repetively are things I've been saying for months or have at least mentioned.
I realize that they're not new (my ROH announcing criticisms are a little bit more so), but they are what is bothering me at the moment. They affected my enjoyment of the show, there fore they go in the review.
KILLdozer wrote:
May 24th, '17, 05:59
What if Lana does something similar to Emma and no dancing character ever arrives, instead it's just Russian manager Lana, and this gimmick and the vignettes become the ultimate troll device?

That's what it looks like.
What would the benefit of doing this be?

Crapping all over the fans for being perverts wanting to see her dance in little outfits and helping push more anti American agenda, while keeping Lana in her current gimmick.

Or , because WWE wants to, so just because lol.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

User avatar
cero2k
Site Admin
Posts: 14873
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 11:32
Favorite Wrestler: Eddie Guerrero
Location: El Paso, TX
Contact:

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by cero2k » May 24th, '17, 10:21

KILLdozer wrote:
May 24th, '17, 09:02



Crapping all over the fans for being perverts wanting to see her dance in little outfits and helping push more anti American agenda, while keeping Lana in her current gimmick.

Or , because WWE wants to, so just because lol.
they build Emmalina for a third of a year, and when it didn't happen, they immediatly gave this to Lana. Someone backstage definitely wants a blond hot chick strutting down the ramp with small clothes
Image

User avatar
KILLdozer
Posts: 3531
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 22:54
Favorite Wrestler: Idk
Location: Ocean Springs,MS.

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by KILLdozer » May 24th, '17, 16:24

Simply because it's the WWE universe where any load of crap can and WILL happen!!!
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

User avatar
cero2k
Site Admin
Posts: 14873
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 11:32
Favorite Wrestler: Eddie Guerrero
Location: El Paso, TX
Contact:

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by cero2k » May 24th, '17, 16:54

the more i thnk about it, you may be close to right, I think they'll debut her like that, then Rusev will go Mike Knox on her
Image

User avatar
KILLdozer
Posts: 3531
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 22:54
Favorite Wrestler: Idk
Location: Ocean Springs,MS.

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by KILLdozer » May 24th, '17, 20:14

cero2k wrote:
May 24th, '17, 16:54
the more i thnk about it, you may be close to right, I think they'll debut her like that, then Rusev will go Mike Knox on her
One or the other. Either they'll get all excited when they hear that music and out comes regular old Lana talking about how it was all a work just to prove how filthy Americans are, or Rusev doesn't like it and you have Regular Lana back. It's not gonna be very long lasting. You heard it here first.

I'm usually right about these things!

(Ahem, Jinder Mahal actually winning!)
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

User avatar
KILLdozer
Posts: 3531
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 22:54
Favorite Wrestler: Idk
Location: Ocean Springs,MS.

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by KILLdozer » May 25th, '17, 14:33

I just heard a YouTube advert for a live event talking about "The Artist known as" , like that kind of language is just everyday stuff.

Oh, because you can't be The King Of Strong Style on the main roster!
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

User avatar
cero2k
Site Admin
Posts: 14873
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 11:32
Favorite Wrestler: Eddie Guerrero
Location: El Paso, TX
Contact:

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by cero2k » May 25th, '17, 14:47

KILLdozer wrote:
May 25th, '17, 14:33
I just heard a YouTube advert for a live event talking about "The Artist known as" , like that kind of language is just everyday stuff.

Oh, because you can't be The King Of Strong Style on the main roster!
judging by Nakamura's shirt and hair on tuesday, they'll transition him to be a wannabe-Prince geek
Image

User avatar
KILLdozer
Posts: 3531
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 22:54
Favorite Wrestler: Idk
Location: Ocean Springs,MS.

Re: BRM Reviews the 5/23/2017 Smackdown (miserable)

Post by KILLdozer » May 25th, '17, 15:03

cero2k wrote:
May 25th, '17, 14:47
KILLdozer wrote:
May 25th, '17, 14:33
I just heard a YouTube advert for a live event talking about "The Artist known as" , like that kind of language is just everyday stuff.

Oh, because you can't be The King Of Strong Style on the main roster!
judging by Nakamura's shirt and hair on tuesday, they'll transition him to be a wannabe-Prince geek
A pencil neck geek?
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest