BRM Reviews the 5/9/2017 Smackdown

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 5/9/2017 Smackdown

Post by Big Red Machine » May 11th, '17, 13:28

OPENING SEGMENT- fine
Randy Orton comes out and says that Jinder cost him the House of Horrors match at Payback. The less we mention that match, the better it will be. He starts to bury Jinder about Jinder stealing the title but Jinder and the Singh brothers come out on the stage and Jinder gives a rebuttal. Jinder basically says that actually beating Randy at the PPV is a just formality because his victory is already assured. So confident is he that he already had his promotional pictures taken and demands that they be shown on the screen and I was about to really put WWE over for both having the fact that the photoshoot Jinder was doing with the belt last week when Shane showed up to demand it back was actually made to be more relevant than just being a backdrop for the segment and for even mentioning promotional pictures on the air (I always love it when they mention these sorts of things on TV because it makes the wrestlers feel more like the combat athletes working for a combat sport promotion like they’re supposed to be instead of making it seem like they’re actors whose characters don’t exist when they’re not on TV or in front of a live crowd)… except that they had to and f*ck it all up by putting the WWE.com logo on the screen. Everyone we have heard speak about Jinder stealing the title belt has told us how disgraceful Jinder’s actions were because “he didn’t earn it” and isn’t the rightful champion so why would WWE’s website publish promotional photos of Jinder posing with the belt? GGGGRRRRRR!
Owens, AJ, and Corbin all come out to cut promos. Zayn jumps Corbin from behind as revenge for Cobrin doing it to him two weeks ago on Talking Smack. Then a schmoz broke out. When we got back from commercial we were told we were getting a six-man tag in the main event.

NAOMI, BECKY LYNCH, & CHARLOTTE FLAIR vs. NATALYA, TAMINA, & CARMELLA (w/James Ellsworth)-
What is up with wrestlers introducing themselves or each other tonight? Did they not bring any ring announcers on this tour?

Wait? What? This isn’t a tag team match? Then why the f*ck did all of these people come out here?

BECKY LYNCH (w/Charlotte Flair & Naomi) vs. NATALYA (w/Tamina, Carmella, & James Ellsworth)- DUD!
They only went three minutes and had a finish that felt weak. Meanwhile, on the outside, the spot that created the dissension between Naomi and Charlotte was completely baffling. I cannot even fathom why Charlotte decided to grab Naomi by the waist there and pull her back. It came across like something that happened because the plot demanded that it happen rather than any sort of natural reason stemming from the events that were occurring, and it didn’t even effect the finish much, either. Becky was already distracted thanks to the heels.

CHARLOTTE & NAOMI ARGUE BACKSTAGE- Due to the weaknesses I have described above, the first part of this was kind of painful to watch because it felt so forced. The good news is that once they had gotten past laying out the (lack of) substance of their arguments and it just became two personalities having an argument I thought they were both very good. I laughed my ass off at Charlotte’s “what are you gonna do? Glow on me?” line.
Then Becky came over and told them that they needed to work together because “Natalya and the welcoming committee have formed a bond against us.” That sounded awkward. As it would turn out, the reason Becky had so say this silly thing is because “bond” is one of Creative’s new favorite words. It was all over the rest of this segment and the announcers talking right after it.
Anyway, Becky says that what happened this week is the exact same thing that happened last week, but I don’t see that as being the case at all. Last week they all got beaten up because of the numbers game- first it was 3-on-2, and then when Becky finally came out it was 3-on-1. This week Becky lost because the heels distracted and then they were angry at each other because Charlotte did something completely stupid. Becky gives a speech on the importance of forming bonds with each other, then books a six-woman tag for Backslash because apparently she has the power to do that I guess.

FASHION FILES LONDON EDITION- in typical WWE fashion, once they find out that people liked something, they go overboard with it and kill it, often with no understanding of what made it funny in the first place.

LUKE HARPER vs. ERICK ROWAN- 4/10
I’m not saying that the referee didn’t do the right thing, but Rowan’s mask just does not look a threatening weapon so it looked totally goofy when he was lining up to hit Harper with it.

DOLPH ZIGGLER CALLS OUT NAKAMURA- bad segment
I don’t know if Dolph has actually said any of the things he said in this promo before, but it felt like I have heard this same promo from Dolph a million times already. He called out Nakamura and Nakamura came out and Dolph lectured him. No one cares about anything Dolph is saying. Nakamura snatches the mic away from him and tells him to “shut up” and challenges him to a match right now. A referee comes out but then Dolph says no and gives the lazy “we fight on my terms” line. He jumps Nakamura but Shinsuke beats Dolph up anyway. This was dull, and with anyone who isn’t both as over and new to the main roster as Nakamura, it would have been unbearably annoying.

ZAYN, ORTON, & AJ BACKSTAGE- terrible segment. They made Sami Zayn annoying enough that I was praying that Orton would drop him with an RKO. He came off like that guy who thinks he is a lot better and a much bigger star than he actually is.

NEW DAY ARE COMING- you know what I’d like to see? An explanation for why they’re not here already. Same with Lana, while we’re at it. Why are these people allowed to not show up to work? At least with Rusev they’ve presented it like he is an athlete holding out of his contract.

THE ASCENSION vs. TYLER BREEZE & FANDANGO- squash
After the match, The Usos came out and cut a promo that started off good but then got very weird when it got taken too far in standard WWE fashion. However, I was kept thoroughly engrossed by wondering if the hatless Uso was actually going to corpse, as he seems to be on the verge of it several times.

WRESTLEMANIA XXXIII DVD COMMERCIAL- A few things here:
1. Do they think anyone buying the DVD actually cares about their attendance record?
2. Why would anyone who has the WWE Network ever buy another WWE event DVD?

MOJO RAWLEY TALKS TO CHILDREN BACKSTAGE- Mojo must have remembered to take his Ritalin today. He kicked in the shin by a small child, but unfortunately did not break out into the full Family Guy. This was very weird.

RUSEV VIDEO- he demands an answer next week. At least this is actually moving forward.

AJ STYLES, SAMI ZAYN, & RANDY ORTON vs. KEVIN OWENS, BARON CORBIN & JINDER MAHAL (w/the Singh Brothers)- 7.75/10
They went twenty-two minutes, which was cool. Jinder pinned Randy mostly cleanly, although a Singh distraction prevented Randy rom RKOing him a few moments earlier.

This was a pretty bad episode of Smackdown aside from the main event.


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NWK2000
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/9/2017 Smackdown

Post by NWK2000 » May 11th, '17, 17:40

Big Red Machine wrote:
DOLPH ZIGGLER CALLS OUT NAKAMURA- bad segment
I don’t know if Dolph has actually said any of the things he said in this promo before, but it felt like I have heard this same promo from Dolph a million times already. He called out Nakamura and Nakamura came out and Dolph lectured him. No one cares about anything Dolph is saying. Nakamura snatches the mic away from him and tells him to “shut up” and challenges him to a match right now. A referee comes out but then Dolph says no and gives the lazy “we fight on my terms” line. He jumps Nakamura but Shinsuke beats Dolph up anyway. This was dull, and with anyone who isn’t both as over and new to the main roster as Nakamura, it would have been unbearably annoying.



I'm kind of amazed you didn't bury Nakamura's "shut up" line deeper. The rest of the internet seems to be burying it.
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Big Red Machine
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/9/2017 Smackdown

Post by Big Red Machine » May 11th, '17, 18:53

NWK2000 wrote:
Big Red Machine wrote:
DOLPH ZIGGLER CALLS OUT NAKAMURA- bad segment
I don’t know if Dolph has actually said any of the things he said in this promo before, but it felt like I have heard this same promo from Dolph a million times already. He called out Nakamura and Nakamura came out and Dolph lectured him. No one cares about anything Dolph is saying. Nakamura snatches the mic away from him and tells him to “shut up” and challenges him to a match right now. A referee comes out but then Dolph says no and gives the lazy “we fight on my terms” line. He jumps Nakamura but Shinsuke beats Dolph up anyway. This was dull, and with anyone who isn’t both as over and new to the main roster as Nakamura, it would have been unbearably annoying.



I'm kind of amazed you didn't bury Nakamura's "shut up" line deeper. The rest of the internet seems to be burying it.

It wasn't great or anything, but I don't see what people are so upset about.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
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TNA Victory Road 2008
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
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KILLdozer
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/9/2017 Smackdown

Post by KILLdozer » May 11th, '17, 18:58

He told Dolph Ziggler to shut up. Nothing wrong with that.
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