WWE TITLE MATCH: AJ Styles(c) vs. James Ellsworth- no rating. Excellent segment.
AJ destroyed him while the fans all cheered, even as AJ continued the beating after the match. He didn’t even have to use a finisher to beat Ellsworth. Ellsworth ought to consider himself lucky that the only body part he was missing when this was over was the chin that he was missing in the first place. I was hoping that some lucky fan in the front row would get to take home an authentic, one-of-a-kind James Ellsworth spleen.
And thus James Ellsworth disappeared forever. HOORAY!
AJ STYLES & DOLPH ZIGGLER SEGMENT- great!
Wait… I’m confused. They accomplished their goal of hyping next week’s match with some good back-and-forth, with Dolph’s even tying into the Ellsworth storyline, so shouldn’t the segment be over now? Why is Baron Corbin coming out?
Apparently some magazine named Corbin the “Most Metal Athlete,” which shows that they only watch WWE, because I think we all know that the Most Metal Athlete would be Brian Cage, on account of him being a machine. I long for the days when this prestigious award will have some competition again, like it did in 1993 when you had both Lex Luger and Brazo de Oro in the running (okay, I’ll stop now).
Anyway, this transitioned into a segment with Corbin and Ziggler in which Corbin cut a promo on Ziggler about him always losing and always getting opportunities, and then Corbin sucker-punched Dolph. Dolph made a short comeback but got laid out with End of Days.
DOLPH ZIGGLER & DANIEL BRYAN BACKSTAGE- bad.
Dolph wants a match with Corbin after what happened before, which is totally reasonable. Daniel Bryan tells him that he can only have this match if he puts his #1 contendership on the line, which doesn’t seem to be particularly reasonable at all. Dolph then cut an overdramatic promo.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: The Miz(c) (w/Maryse) vs. Apollo Crews- 5/10
Yeah guys, this title match will totally be a big deal… but we’re not even going to show you Crews’ entrance. The match was mediocre, but that spot where Maryse got ejected from ringside was fantastic, and I was really impressed that they also managed to use it to build up the idea of going for the eyes heading into the finish.
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS THE MIZ- well… that took an unexpected and interesting turn… but if Renee doesn’t do interviews anymore, then Smackdown won’t have a truly competent interviewer for tonight.
ZACK RYDER INJURY RECAP- the guys who won the #1 contendership match can’t get their title shot due to an injury. Fine. But why are we just handing a title shot to three other teams, two of whom just lost the #1 contendership? And why do American Alpha and Beast Kids get a title shot the Vaudevillains, Ascension, or Breezango don’t? If anyone should just be given a title shot they should have let Mojo pick another partner.
I understand that they want to make next week’s show big (I will be putting them over for this much more at the end of this review, so stay tuned for that), but there is no reason not to do a #1 contendership match and simply do the title match on the first show of 2017 to help make that show feel big as well.
NATTIE, NIKKI, & CARMELLA SEGMENT- EXCELLENT segment.
Carmella’s comment about Nikki’s implants leaking into her brain made me smile because it reminded me of that fantastic angle that they used to turn babyface “chronically cute” Jillian Hall into a heel by saying that her new implants had leaked into her brain and made her psychotic. That right there is a PRO WRESTLING ANGLE in big f*cking letters.
This was actually really great aside from the “Staten Island snitch” line, and the reason for that is that the emotion and performances were all 100% believable. If Nattie had just called her a “stooge” or some similar term that I can believe is actually used in wrestling it would have been perfect.
DANIEL BRYAN & ALEXA BLISS! BACKSTAGE- Yet another example of why Alexa Bliss! is the best.
First she limps up to Bryan, doing everything she can to sell her leg, and she demands that Bryan punish Becky for attacking her last week. When Bryan says he thinks he has come up with “a fair punishment” Alexa gets SOOOOO excited because she thinks she has fooled Bryan with her acting and that she is going to get her way and Becky will actually be punished. And then, when Bryan reveals that he is giving Becky a title match next week, Alexa immediately goes back to selling her leg in the hopes that this will fool Bryan into cancelling the match. SOOOO F*CKING GREAT.
It turns out Bryan just got off the phone with the trainer, who said that Alexa is totally cleared to compete tonight. Bryan tells her that if she doesn’t compete tonight (like she tried to avoid competing last week) she will be stripped of the title. Now realizing that she is trapped, she stops trying to fool Bryan and goes full heel and vows to destroy her opponent tonight. Alexa is the best.
DEAN AMBROSE vs. LUKE HARPER (w/the Wyatt Family)- 6/10
Dean wins, then gets jumped. No one comes to save Douchebag Dean. Instead, Miz comes out to hit him with the Skull-Crushing Finale and make out with Maryse. Alexa might be the best individual heel, but Miz and Maryse are definitely the best multi-person act. I’m still laughing at that segment last week.
ALEXA BLISS! vs. LA LUCHADORA- no rating, PERFECT segment.
JBL claimed that this Luchadora is “Miss Mascaras,” who once famously defeated “Jumbo Seniorita.” I laughed my ass off at this.
Her body is completely covered aside from her hands, including her hair being tied up into her mask… which tells you that it should be Becky, which will be revealed when she wins with the Disarmer, which is 100% the right way to do this (and is exactly how they did this).
SOME DUDE BACKSTAGE IS LOOKING FOR RANDY ORTON- he finds Mojo Rawley and Curt Hawkins instead. That’s like digging for buried treasure and instead finding toxic waste. A TERRIBLE segment ensued, resulting in a Mojo vs. Hawkins match which I am greatly considering fast-forwarding through.
Also, this segment revealed that this guy doesn’t know that Randy is now a Wyatt, so I guess he doesn’t pay attention to WWE. Way to bury the company, there, writers. At least have him be trying to find Randy to try to talk him out of being a Wyatt.
CURT HAWKINS vs. MOJO RAWLEY- 0.5/10
At least it was short.
WHAT? ELLSWORTH ISN’T DEAD? BOO!!!!!!!!
Ellsworth was all bandaged up and clearly in pain. Dasha kept asking him questions like whether he has any comment on “being dismantled” in his big title shot. It was Ellsworth and I hate his guts so I was laughing the whole time, but objectively, this is very douchy on Dasha’s part, and you know it’s douchy when CARMELLA has to point out to you how much of a douchebag you’re being.
WINNER GETS ZIGGLER’S WWE TITLE SHOT NEXT WEEK: Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin- 7.75/10
AJ Styles was on commentary. The match went to a double count-out. Because AJ didn’t know what this meant for his title defense next week he just grabbed a steel chair and started wailing on both guys. Bryan came out and stumbled over announcing this as a triple threat match for next week.
This was a pretty good episode of Smackdown. The women's division was excellent and the stuff revolving around the world title was fine, while the IC Title picture took an interesting enough turn that I am going to load up Talking Smack when I get home from work tomorrow, but the thing I liked the most is that someone in WWE seems to have finally figured out that when you have six weeks between PPVs you can take the time to build up an episode of TV or two as mini-PPVs where you set stuff up and blow it off so that the storylines don't stall for weeks until you're really ready yo build to the next PPV. If only they could have not used such a goofy name like "Wild Card" whatever.
BRM Reviews the 12/20/2016 Smackdown
- Big Red Machine
- Posts: 27378
- Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 15:12
BRM Reviews the 12/20/2016 Smackdown
Hold #712: ARM BAR!
Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3
Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3
- Big Red Machine
- Posts: 27378
- Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 15:12
Re: BRM Reviews the 12/20/2016 Smackdown
Becky and Corbin were great on Talking Smack. So was Renee in her addressing of the Miz thing.
Meanwhile, Santa showed up and sexually harassed Renee.
Meanwhile, Santa showed up and sexually harassed Renee.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!
Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3
Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3
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