BRM Reviews the 11/8/2016 Smackdown (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

AJ’s title defense against Dean at TLC will be in a TLC match. Not unexpected, but still stupid.

OPENING SEGMENT- bad… and that was before Shane came out.
AJ Styles comes out and talks about Ambrose and Ellsworth for a moment, then declares himself to be the captain of his Survivor Series team. Let me guess: Now everyone else will come out and pointlessly bicker over who gets this completely meaningless title.
Yup. Here comes Corbin. Now the Wyatts (including Randy). Now Ambrose. And now Kan- no. We’re getting James Ellsworth coming out instead. I do not understand why people like this guy so much. A and Dean bicker, then AJ wants the other heels to help him beat up Dean and Ellsworth. Corbin walks off. The Wyatts are apparently happy to do so, but before they do anything, Shane comes out. He cuts a promo about how they all have to work together to beat Raw. Then Ellsworth asks if he can be the official “mascot” for Team Smackdown and Shane thinks this is a great idea. Is Shane mentally impaired? Because I could have sworn he just gave a speech about the importance of working together, and that a minute before that AJ Styles just said what amounts to “I hate that Ellsworth f*cker and I don’t want to see him at ringside at Survivor Series.”

Then Shane says that “to get these issues out of the way” he is booking The Wyatts vs. Corbin, Ambrose, & Ellsworth. What issues is he even talking about? There is no heat between these teams! The heat is between Kane and the Wyatts and between AJ and Ambrose. It 100% feels like they decided that because Raw did it, we have to do it, too, even if it makes no sense! I don’t know if they feel beholden to copy Raw for the purposes of artistic mirroring (which this isn’t in any way, for any number of reasons) or because they’re just that f*cking lazy.
After Shane announces this blockbuster match, instead of focusing on the match, JBL decides to complain that Ellsworth will be Team Smackdown’s mascot instead the Philly Phanatic or the Gooker. Rather than talk about the match, Otunga feels compelled to leap to Ellsworth’s defense. Tom Phillips and Mauro, being good at their jobs, ignore that bullsh*t and talk about the match.

SHANE & CORBIN BACKSTAGE- Corbin refuses to be in the match, and dares Shane to kick him off the team if he doesn’t like it. Shane, having no spine whatsoever, immediately gives in to Corbin, taking him out of the match and instead booking him against Kalisto, who Corbin has defeated many times before.

SURVIVOR SERIES QUALIFYING MATCH: The Vaudevillains vs. Tyler Breeze & Fandango- 2/10
I was pleasantly surprised by FaBreeze’s victory.

NEXT WEEK IS SMACKDOWN #900- and not only is TAKER going to be there, but EDGE, too!

NATALYA vs. NAOMI- DUD!
Nikki was on commentary. Carmella came out for no other reason than to bother Nikki. A fight broke out that resulted in Nattie getting rolled up by Naomi. Nikki celebrated with Naomi and they came off like total heels who had just put one over on babyface Nattie. The match went two minutes.

ELLSWORTH, AMBROSE, & BRYAN BACKSTAGE- Not only is Shane a total pushover, but he is also a lazy sh*t as he has left finding a new partner for Ambrose and Ellsworth up to Daniel Bryan. They tried to build up some mystery (and use it for some humor) as to who this partner would be even though everyone already knew it would be Kane.

BARON CORBIN vs. KALISTO- no rating, bad segment.
Corbin attacked Kalisto and easily destroyed him. Then Corbin slipped off the apron and hurt his knee. Corbin’s clumsiness gave Kalisto an opening to dropkick his knee into the ringsteps. The referee told Kalisto the match was over but we never got any bell or announcement of Kalisto as the winner via stoppage. A bunch of referees came to check on Corbin, but Kalisto came back to the ring and hit a big splash on Corbin’s leg, trying to maim him like a heel would. Otunga and Mauro tried to sell this as Kalisto getting revenge for Corbin putting him on the shelf, which would have been a lot more effective if Corbin putting Kalisto on the shelf had been mentioned at any point in the past two months. When Shane was talking about someone returning from injury earlier I was shocked when he said it was Kalisto because I didn’t even know Kalisto had been injured.

WOMEN’S TITLE FEUD VIDEO PACKAGE- great!

SHANE & BRYAN BACKSTAGE- Corbin is hurt and can’t compete at Survivor Series. Why did they air this segment in between Alexa and Becky’s entrances?

WWE SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Becky Lynch(c) vs. Alexa Bliss!- 6.5/10
Um… didn’t they keep telling us that this would be the main event? And shouldn’t it be? It’s certainly a bigger, more-hyped match than the six-man tag.
Alexa dominates the match and works over Becky’s arm the whole time. Becky got lucky and locked in the Disarmer and the referee didn’t see Alexa’s foot on the rope so Alexa had to tap, so this feud will continue, but that doesn’t mean that this wasn’t yet another loss in a crappy day for BRM. The one time when I need to count on WWE’s tendency to beat babyfaces in their home markets to come through for me, it fails.

BRYAN & SHANE BACKSTAGE- Shane says that it was “a controversial finish, but the referee’s decisions stands.” Fine. The decision stands… but we can all clearly see that Alexa got screwed so why aren’t you being a good babyface authority figure and booking a rematch?!
Then they noted that they still hadn’t found someone to replace Corbin at Survivor Series. Really? Not one intrepid, patriotic Smackdown Superstar has volunteered? You haven’t gotten a phone call from John Cena yet? Apollo Crews hasn’t asked to be in the match? Miz hasn’t come by demanding to be in the match like he was doing last week? Really?
Then it got even worse when they started talking about Steph’s challenge for them to go to Raw next week so they could all talk at each other. Apparently Bryan and Shane have not yet discussed this. This is supposed to be major kayfabe news. A big deal. I’d have thought they would have been talking about it last night never mind this morning. They should have had an answer ready to give at the top of the show.
In cast you had any doubts, Shane is going. Then he tells Bryan “I can’t go into fantasy warfare without my general.”
Okay… first of all “fantasy warfare” is the tagline for Survivor Series, not for this episode of Raw. What we are getting on Raw won’t be any kind of “fantasy warfare.” It’s going to be a lot more like “no one wants to see this again because we just way too much of it before the draft talk-fare.”
Secondly, I cannot possibly believe that anyone actually talks like this. Foley and Steph’s dialogue is painful when they are forced to throw in these silly WWE-isms, but with Bryan and Shane they are often scripted to say things that sound like someone wrote them trying to be either dramatic or grandiose or trying to sound cool, and as a result they come off as none of those because they are so unnatural.

MIZ & MARYSE SHOW UP TO COMPLAIN- they want to know why Bryan would let Ziggler defend the IC Title at Survivor Series against a Raw guy. That’s a very good question. Why risk losing a title to the other brand for no reason? Bryan gives two reasons. The first is that he has faith in Dolph as a “fighting champion” that Dolph will win. Still pointlessly risk if you ask me, but fine. Whatever. (Edit: apparently Foley offered to put up not only the Cruiserweight Title but THE ENTIRE DIVISION in a Kendrick vs. Kalisto title match… which seems completely idiotic on Mick’s part). The second reason, though…
Bryan says that pitting Raw against Smackdown “is what Survivor Series is all about,” and the key word there, my friends, is “all.” They were lucky to get Goldberg vs. Brock, and aside from that the whole is “all” Raw vs. Smackdown. And I mean that in just about every sense possible.
First and foremost, as I’ve said before the concept of Raw vs. Smackdown is all that there is to any of these matches. Even with the IC Title on the line it doesn’t feel like there are really any stakes here at all. There are no consequences for winning or losing- just Shane, Steph, Bryan and Foley telling me that it is imperative that their brand win for some unexplained reason. While the characters on the show might feel that this is important, 99% of fans have no particular reason that they would want to see one specific show prevail, so 99% of fans don’t give a sh*t about this PPV, because “all” there is to it is Raw vs. Smackdown.
Secondly, they have taken this to extremes in multiple directions that are going to hurt both this show and the overall product. With “all” of the matches on this show (aside from the main event they lucked into) being Raw vs. Smackdown, the only thing they have to make the 99% of fans who don’t care about this feud interested in this show is Brock vs. Goldberg. I will admit that that is a pretty good hook, but for someone who is looking for a show that will actually have consequences and move storylines along, there is nothing on this show that will do that.
The second way they took this to an extreme is by dumping the ENTIRE women’s and tag team divisions into their respective matches. The only women in the company who are currently healthy but won’t be wrestling in this match are Nattie (who will be at ringside for SD), Dana (who will almost certainly be at ringside for Raw), Emma- who hasn’t re-debuted yet, and Eva Marie. In the tag team division each show also has only one team that won’t be representing them at Survivor Series, and both of those teams lost qualifying matches. This is, of course, an elimination match, so that means that between the build-up and the PPV itself, there will be one show on which THE ENTIRE TAG TEAM DIVISION GETS BEATEN. And because they’ll want to portray the shows as even they will keep it close, so the other show will have at least half of its teams beaten as well. This is also mostly true for the women, which is problematic because they are trying to build up stars when Smackdown really doesn’t have any (maybe Becky). The champions all being in these matches (and the men’s match, too) means those champions are going to have to be pinned, which is the worst thing you can possibly do in a situation like WWE has now where they have three brand new titles (Smackdown tag and women and the Raw main) that have pretty much no credible claim to any title lineage because rather than do disputed finishes to set these matches up WWE just snapped their fingers and created new titles, diluting the meaning of all of them.
And the third, and perhaps most damaging issue in the long term is that because “all” this show has focused on has been Raw vs. Smackdown, nothing new has happened in any division. They’re just in a holding pattern, which isn’t good in the first place, and when you consider that most of the feuds they have going on right now (AJ vs. Ambrose, Nikki vs. Carmella, Kane vs. Wyatts, Orton vs. Wyatts , New Day vs. Club, Owens & Jericho vs. Rollins, Alexa vs. Becky, American Alpha vs. Usos, TJP vs. Kendrick, Cesaro vs. Sheamus, Miz vs. Ziggler, Charlotte vs. Sasha, [and partially Charlotte vs. Bayley]) have been going on since AT LEAST September, that means WWE really won’t have moved forward much at all since right after the match. By the time the December PPVs roll around that will have been almost HALF A YEAR. You want to know why viewership is down? It’s because the product feels stagnant and thus not worth watching.

Maryse points out that if Dolph loses the IC Title then Miz will never get his rematch. Bryan says Miz can have his rematch next week. It’s nice to have a match announced in advance.

APOLLO CREWS vs. CURT HAWKINS- 0.5/10
To set this up they showed Hawkins “in-competition debut” on Smackdown a few weeks ago, which I had totally forgotten about. You know… the one where Crews punched him ONCE and then he walked out on the match? If Bryan and Shane don’t like guys who don’t want to fight, why is Curt Hawkins still employed?

OH COME ON! Hawkins beats Crews clean via roll-up in 1:40. So much for the “New Era,” huh?

DOLPH ZIGGLER PROMO- decent

KANE, DEAN AMBROSE, & JAMES ELLSWORTH vs. THE WYATT FAMILY (Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, & Randy Orton)- 4.5/10
AJ is on commentary because everyone involved had in the Survivor Series match HAS to be out here. The match was meh. Stuff happened, but you knew it wouldn’t end until Ellsworth got tagged in and you knew Ellsworth was going to eat the pin, so it was just a matter of when that would happen… and it happened almost immediately after he tagged in.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- once again the heels were going to beat Randy up but Shane ran out to get between everyone. Then Daniel Bryan came out and pointlessly teased that he would wrestle for a moment before picking Shane McMahon. Right. Because Shane McMahon is a better choice than John Cena or Apollo Crews or Luke Harper. And really… is there anyone who has any interest in seeing Shane in this match? Anyone?

Another bad episode of Smackdown.

[XIV]

There's a history of Shane jumping into these Survivor Series matches.

Back in the invasion angle at the Survivor Series, Shane McMahon ended up in the "winner takes all" 5v5 match when there was clearly better options from his WCW/ECW Alliance.

Just reusing a 15 year old storyline. I was disappointed in that decision 15 years ago, and I'm disappointed now.

[Big Red Machine]

There's a history of Shane jumping into these Survivor Series matches.

Back in the invasion angle at the Survivor Series, Shane McMahon ended up in the "winner takes all" 5v5 match when there was clearly better options from his WCW/ECW Alliance.

Just reusing a 15 year old storyline. I was disappointed in that decision 15 years ago, and I'm disappointed now.

This one is much worse. Back then Shane felt like an active part of the roster, and I believe Vince was supposed to be on the WWF team but was injured, so there was some artistic symmetry there. Now it's just a blatant attempt to try to make people care about Shane. His inclusion actually has me scared about the Brock/Shane Mania rumors and that we're going to get a f*ck finish here just to build that up.

[XIV]

There's a history of Shane jumping into these Survivor Series matches.

Back in the invasion angle at the Survivor Series, Shane McMahon ended up in the "winner takes all" 5v5 match when there was clearly better options from his WCW/ECW Alliance.

Just reusing a 15 year old storyline. I was disappointed in that decision 15 years ago, and I'm disappointed now.

This one is much worse. Back then Shane felt like an active part of the roster, and I believe Vince was supposed to be on the WWF team but was injured, so there was some artistic symmetry there. Now it's just a blatant attempt to try to make people care about Shane. His inclusion actually has me scared about the Brock/Shane Mania rumors and that we're going to get a f*ck finish here just to build that up.

Oh this way worse. Shane back then was younger and there was a proper "my hearts in this, I have to fight in this thing myself". But it was still a terrible idea.

People like Shane. But this is one of those things where they've taken it too far and it's an "oh, really!?" Situations.

I too hope the Brock vs Shane rumours are false. Because all we're going to get is Brock vs Ambrose part two from that match. Shane will hit Lesnar with a few weapons and just be suplexed 50 times, probably few a few tables and on chairs and keep getting up because he's a fighter type situation. We've seen it against Cena and Ambrose. We do not want that again. I like the Brock character. But I do not like those Brock matches because they're not exciting to me.
At least Brock vs Goldberg has a monster vs monster thing going for it, where you know Brock is going to win, but it will be an even match because they will not bring back Goldberg and build him back up as the monster to have him squashed (or rather you'd hope not).

Brock vs Shane would be horrible.

[Big Red Machine]

There's a history of Shane jumping into these Survivor Series matches.

Back in the invasion angle at the Survivor Series, Shane McMahon ended up in the "winner takes all" 5v5 match when there was clearly better options from his WCW/ECW Alliance.

Just reusing a 15 year old storyline. I was disappointed in that decision 15 years ago, and I'm disappointed now.

This one is much worse. Back then Shane felt like an active part of the roster, and I believe Vince was supposed to be on the WWF team but was injured, so there was some artistic symmetry there. Now it's just a blatant attempt to try to make people care about Shane. His inclusion actually has me scared about the Brock/Shane Mania rumors and that we're going to get a f*ck finish here just to build that up.

Oh this way worse. Shane back then was younger and there was a proper "my hearts in this, I have to fight in this thing myself". But it was still a terrible idea.

People like Shane. But this is one of those things where they've taken it too far and it's an "oh, really!?" Situations.

I too hope the Brock vs Shane rumours are false. Because all we're going to get is Brock vs Ambrose part two from that match. Shane will hit Lesnar with a few weapons and just be suplexed 50 times, probably few a few tables and on chairs and keep getting up because he's a fighter type situation. We've seen it against Cena and Ambrose. We do not want that again. I like the Brock character. But I do not like those Brock matches because they're not exciting to me.
At least Brock vs Goldberg has a monster vs monster thing going for it, where you know Brock is going to win, but it will be an even match because they will not bring back Goldberg and build him back up as the monster to have him squashed (or rather you'd hope not).

Brock vs Shane would be horrible.

This.