BRM Reviews the 10/18/2016 Smackdown (worst TV show of the year?)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 10/18/2016 Smackdown (worst TV show of the year?)

Post by Big Red Machine » Oct 20th, '16, 03:30

T-Minus 21 days until Alexa Bliss! becomes the WWE Smackdown Women’s Champion:

T-Plus 9 days since Alexa Bliss! should have become the WWE Smackdown Women’s Champion:

OPENING SEGMENT- bad
Randy Orton comes out and cuts a promo which started as follows: “The evil inside of Bray Wyatt runs deeper than I thought.” Yeah. This sucked. Then it got worse when Bray appeared on the TitanTron, apparently just awakening from having taken a nap inside a casket and he cut a bad promo about “suffocating.” Just when I thought nothing could make this feud more boring, they decide to build to a Casket Match seemingly for no reason other than to make me suffer.
Bray ends his promo by warning Randy that “he’s here.” Then Bray disappears from the Tron with his usual silly screen effect and the lights in the arena go out, and when they come back on… Randy is standing alone in the ring while Luke Harper makes his entrance like a normal person. Because it’s not like the Wyatts have magical powers of teleportation and have shown no compunction about using them to gain a surprise advantage in a fight or anything.

LUKE HARPER vs. RANDY ORTON- DUD!
Based on the previous segment, JBL felt compelled to ask the following question: “How do you explain somebody talking to Randy Orton from a casket?”
Right. Because that’s the thing that needs an explanation. Not the Wyatts’ teleportation or ability to control the TV feed or anything like that. But JBL just doesn’t understand how Bray could possibly lie down in a casket while talking to Randy Orton.
So they wrestled for a few minutes until Bray used his magic to turn out the lights and then he was carried out onto the stage in a casket by sheep-masked acolytes. Then we were subjected to about fifteen consecutive sentences by JBL, Mauro, and Otunga in which they made sure to point out that Bray Wyatt was “in a casket.” I started to scream.
When we got back from the commercial the casket and Bray were at ringside and Orton was in the midst of being counted out and I immediately found myself hoping that he would be counted out because that would mean this segment would end quicker. I kind of got my wish, as it went on for another minute or so (with Harper almost getting tossed into the casket) before Bray ran in for the DQ. Has there been even a single non-bullsh*t finish yet in this entire feud?
JBL and Otunga in particular were insufferable here. They were apparently both completely clueless as to why Bray would bring a casket out with him, asking questions like “what message is he sending?” and saying things like “we don’t know where this plan ends.” Really? You’ve both been in the business for a while now and yet you can’t figure out that when someone brings a casket to ringside it means they probably want a casket match?
So they go to put Orton in the casket (JBL and Otunga still haven’t figured it out) but Kane has magically teleported to inside of the casket. JBL exclaims that we haven’t seen Kane since Bray magicked him away last week. Acting on a hunch, I did a quick search of the internet and, of course, Kane worked on the Smackdown brand house shows this weekend, so I guess JBL is just a f*cking idiot. Kane made the save for Randy until the Wyatts teleported away. This Orton vs. Wyatt feud has got to be the absolute worst of the year.

CHARLY INTERVIEWS AJ STYLES- started off fine but AJ’s delivery got progressively more cartoonish. Everything starting with “I will find you Dean Ambrose!” was terrible.

ALEXA BLISS! vs. NAOMI- 4/10
They cut out Alexa’s entrance. At this point I determined that this show was out to get me. Alexa did win clean, but then what was the point of her losing to Naomi at the PPV?

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS ALEXA BLISS!- good promo by Alexa. Also, once she got out of the ring Alexa apparently realized that the referee never raised her hand so she demanded that he come over and do it. She is such a great heel.

APOLLO CREWS vs. CURT HAWKINS- DUD!
This has got to be Crews’ first appearance on Smackdown in over a month. I didn’t even notice he was gone. So much for one of the guys who was supposed to propel “The New Era.” Hawkins took one punch and then walked off. Between this and his entrance they have essentially given him Eva Marie’s gimmick, except it’s played for comedy instead of being played straight like Eva’s is, and that’s what makes it work for Eva. This was pointless and stupid.

NIKKI BELLA & CARMELLA SEGMENT- Carmella spills the beans on Nikki’s big “secret,” which is that she is dating John Cena. Yes. Shocker. Nikki came out and pointed out that there are “two reality shows and pictures of us together all over the internet.” Carmella then changed to alleging that Nikki is a gold-digger and that she has only gotten to where she is because of Cena. Nikki said this wasn’t true and said Carmella should be ashamed for trying to attribute Nikki’s success to a man. Nikki is a strong, independent, empowered woman, which means that the only person responsible for her success is Stephanie McMahon! (Fun Fact: did you know that all of the women who go into STEM fields do so because they have been inspired by Stephanie?)
Carmella then shows us a bunch of clips from Total Divas/Bellas to demonstrate the Nikki is needy and clingy, because I guess Carmella somehow thinks this will help her. Nikki goes into a long speech about why she wears the word “fearless,” on her gear, attributing it to her neck injury. Two problems here:
1. She started calling herself “fearless” and writing it on her gear before the neck injury
2. I cannot possibly take Nikki’s speech here seriously where she claims to not be afraid of anything less than a minute after you just showed me a clip of her being afraid of a small frog.

Carmella continued to make pointless accusations and then walked off. This wasn’t even bad so much as it just felt weird because it was such a departure from the rather standard “pro wrestling feud” that this has been for the past two months.

RENEE INTERVIEWS JAMES ELLSWORTH- snore.

RHYNO & SLATER PROMO- Heath says he saved Dolph last week to be a role model for his kids, so I guess he was paying attention to Goldberg last night. Rhyno said he helped save Dolph because he doesn’t like male cheerleaders. This seems to completely go against the Rhyno of a few weeks ago who had constituents and was running for public office.

HEATH SLATER, DOLPH ZIGGLER, & RHYNO vs. THE SPIRIT SQUAD & THE MIZ (w/Maryse)- 5.5/10
Dolph was the babyface in peril. Rhyno did all of the work for the comeback… and then Slater got pinned by a member of the Spirit Squad.

DANIEL BRYAN TALKS TO PEOPLE ABOUT SURVIVOR SERIES- bad.
First he talked on the phone with Shane. Then Nattie showed up and volunteered herself to be on the Smackdown women’s team. Daniel Bryan responded to this offer by asking “with only five spots, I mean, why you?”
Why her? Because she’s f*cking Nattie! That’s why! She’s BY FAR the biggest badass you have available to you, she’s the woman in the company with the most experience and also the most technically proficient woman in the company, and because what choices to you really have? You’ve only got seven women on your roster in the first place, and one of those is Eva Marie, so you really only have six choices, so odds are you’re going to pick her anyway!
Instead of saying any of this, Nattie just quotes some inspirational songs or something and then asks Daniel Bryan to follow her f*cking cat on Insitigram. It is completely incomprehensible that this was the same woman who was kicking Becky Lynch’s ass all summer.

BARON CORBIN PROMO- decent

BARON CORBIN vs. JACK SWAGGER- squash.
Well… so much for this feud.

NATTIE & BRYAN ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT HER F*CKING CAT- and just when I thought this couldn’t get any worse, Douchebag Dean shows up.

BRYAN & AMBROSE BACKSTAGE- bad.
Bryan won’t let Dean be the Special Guest Referee tonight (good), but he will let Dean do whatever else he wants at ringside.

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: AJ Styles(c) vs. James Ellsworth- 4/10
Dean Ambrose was the Special Guest Everything But Referee. He was an annoying piece of sh*t the whole time. Also, the referee saw Dean throw Ellsworth back into the ring. This should have been a DQ. AJ did eventually get DQed for beating on Ellsworth in the corner and not breaking on five, which means we’ll be getting even more of this bullsh*t in the future. I despise this. I wholeheartedly agree with JBL’s statement that he never wants to see James Ellsworth again, but I’ll go even farther and add Ambrose and the Wyatt Family to that list as well.

Last week’s show was atrocious, but this week’s show somehow managed to be even worse. This has got to be the single worst episode of any WWE TV show this year. Possibly even in all of wrestling (there might be some Impacts that have been worse, but just the fact that I’m not sure should tell you how bad this was).


Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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cero2k
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/18/2016 Smackdown (worst TV show of the year?)

Post by cero2k » Oct 20th, '16, 08:11

So The Spirit Squad is getting a title shot, right? It's 2016, right?

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Big Red Machine
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/18/2016 Smackdown (worst TV show of the year?)

Post by Big Red Machine » Oct 20th, '16, 10:09

cero2k wrote:So The Spirit Squad is getting a title shot, right? It's 2016, right?
I told you: this show was personally and maliciously at targeted me. By setting up this match they are attempting to force me to cheer for Heath Slater because cheering against him would therefore mean cheering for Mike Mondo.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
WWE in 2005
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
wXw 16 Carat Tournament 2016
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
ECW Guilty As Charged 1999

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