BRM Reviews the 3/1/2021 Raw (There is nothing they cant't f*ck up right now)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 3/1/2021 Raw (There is nothing they cant't f*ck up right now)

Post by Big Red Machine » Mar 2nd, '21, 23:51

OPENING SEGMENT- fine
Drew McIntyre came out and cut a promo to build up him getting revenge on Sheamus (who he faces tonight) and eventually on Bobby Lashley and The Miz. Miz came out and tried to manipulate Drew into being angry at Lashley and not him. Drew wasn’t buying it. MVP came out (he’s got a fancy cane now instead of crutches because that’s what a cool dude like MVP uses) and cut a promo on both guys. He told Miz that his title defense against Lashley will begin “promptly at 9 pm.”
Wonderful! Now if there is a f*ck finish, I can save the rest of Raw for tomorrow and go back to spending my precious waking hours before I have to wake up at 6:45 to get to work on time to watch Ring of Honor instead (i.e. something I’ve actually been enjoying a lot lately, unlike Raw).
After MVP left, Miz went back to trying to recruit Drew. He was interrupted by Sheamus, who came out and cut a promo on Drew. They mutually decided that they should start fighting now, so they did. A herd of referees came out to separate them so that they could get into the ring and go back to fighting.

DREW MCINTYRE vs. SHEAMUS- 8/10
They beat the crap out of each other.

NIA JAX (w/Shayna Baszler) vs. NAOMI (w/Lana)- 2/10
Naomi was almost unmoving after taking Jax’s finisher, but I’m pretty sure that was a work.

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: The Miz(c) (w/John Morrison) vs. Bobby Lashley (w/MVP)- no rating, bullsh*t segment.
Miz claims to be sick. Lashley comes backstage and throttles him. Pearce tells Miz he must defend the title at 10:00 pm now. And I’m sure they’ll then find a way to push it off to 11. F*ck this sh*t. I’m going to watch ROH, where they will actually deliver on an advertised title match.

BRAUN STROWMAN PROMO- He’s angry because the booking is completely disorganized. Me, too, buddy. Me, too.
In this case, Braun is angry because he’s been booked in a tag match that he just found out about and wasn’t even told who his partner is. So was he (and everyone else in this match) not booked on tonight’s card and this match was made right now to fill for the title match? Why not just swap the title match with whatever was booked for 10:00 pm?
Adam Pearce and Shane McMahon came out and Shane was annoying. He also called Braun stupid. Is the idea here that we want to see Braun kick Shane’s ass? Shane said that the key to resolving Braun’s conflict with management is “communication,” and therefore is forcing Braun to team with Adam Pearce in a tag match tonight. That’s so f*cking stupid I don’t even have the strength to rant about it. Oh… and it’s going to be a tag title match, because those titles aren’t prestigious championships that you have to win matches to earn a shot at. They’re really just props for management to put on the line in a match Shane is booking seemingly just to amuse himself. Braun threatened to attack Pearce if he screwed things up.

WWE RAW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Hurt Business (Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander)(c) vs. Braun Strowman & Adam Pearce (w/Shane McMahon)- no rating, HORRENDOUS segment
Braun utterly destroyed the tag champs all by himself. Then Shane jumped up on the apron and insisted that Braun tag Pearce in. Braun eventually did and Pearce went for the pin on Shelton… only to get rolled up and pinned. In other words, we made the tag champs look like sh*t just so Braun could get angry at Adam Pearce.
Why did this have to be a tag match? You could have done the same thing with two jobbers and no one who matters would have come out of it looking bad, but instead we had to bury the f*cking tag champs. And it’s not like this is the first time they’ve had Braun singlehandedly bury the tag division.
Just to make things worse, Braun did not follow through on his promise that Pearce would “get these hands.” Shane stood there, seemingly amused.

ELIAS (& JAXSON RYKER) BOTHERS BAD BUNNY (DAMIAN PRIEST) BACKSTAGE- Elias wants to record a single with Bad Bunny. Bad Bunny turned the offer down.
At this point I have to ask: Is Bad Bunny actually making a difference in the ratings? He’s been on TV for a month at this point. Shouldn’t ratings be going up?

THE DRIFTER CUTS A PROMO INSTEAD OF SINGING- snore

DAMIAN PRIEST (w/Bad Bunny) vs. “THE DRIFTER” ELIAS SAMPSON (w/Jaxson Ryker)- 4.75/10
This went a lot longer than I was willing to pay attention to an Elias match for.

KAYLA BRAXTON INTERVIEWS RANDY ORTON- terrible
Randy thinks Alexa Bliss! was behind him vomiting magical tar last week. You know, Randy, I think you might be on to something there. He says that if Alexa doesn’t stop doing dumb magical sh*t to him, he’ll set her on fire like he did to The Fiend.
Alexa appeared on the monitor behind Randy and did magical sh*t. She… summoned up an image of Randy for The Fiend to talk through, I guess? I’m sorry… even more sh*t that’s supposed to be magical, I just don’t understand how we’re supposed to think that that is anything other than some tape Randy recorded before the show.
The image threatened Randy and Randy had another coughing fit. F*ck off.

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: The Miz(c) (w/John Morrison) vs. Bobby Lashley (w/MVP)- no rating, infuriating segment
When Miz was unable to talk his out of the match, he just got intentionally counted out. So they’ve jerked us around again.

SHANE, MVP, & LASHLEY BACKSTAGE- Lashley and MVP are understandably upset. Shane says that he will “consider” stripping Miz of the title tonight.” Here’s a f*cking idea: Why don’t you just book a rematch with no count-outs?
MVP got to say “bullsh*t” on the air. Lashley decided he was going to go look for Miz and murderize him.

CHARLOTTE FLAIR PROMO- She wants a title shot. Also, Asuka is injured because Shayna Baszler kicked a tooth out of her mouth. Shayna Baslzer and Nia Jax interrupted her. Charlotte started a fight in which she promptly got her ass kicked. We went to a commercial break, and when we came back we were in the middle of…

CHARLOTTE FLAIR vs. SHAYNA BASZLER (w/Nia Jax)- 2/10
Baszler lost clean in under three minutes because Vince hates us all and won’t let us have anything at this point.

We were told that “Miz MUST defend his title against Lashley tonight” or Shane would consider stripping him of the title and giving it to Lashley. Didn’t Miz already defend his title against Lashley tonight? It was bullsh*t, but- as Shane himself pointed out- Miz did technically defend the title when he lost by count-out in twenty seconds or whatever it was. Shouldn’t this match have a “the title can change hands on a count-out or DQ” stip?

SHANE TELLS PEARCE TO TELL LASHEY THAT MIZ WILL BE STRIPPED OF HIS TITLE IF HE DOESN’T SHOW UP- Okay… but my above complaint is still valid.

MATT RIDDLE & LUCHA HOUSE PARTY vs. RETRIBUTION (w/Mustafa Ali & Reckoning)- 1/10
Retribution lost in less than two and a half minutes. The first two minutes were spent with Riddle getting his ass kicked, then Gran Metalik got tagged in and got the win.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Ali wants to show his guys how to not be losers so he wants a match with Riddle. I just don’t care at this point, and wish Mustafa Ali’s time and talent wasn’t getting wasted with this crappy faction.

MATT RIDDLE vs. MUSTAFA ALI- 2/10
Riddle lost in under three and a half minutes after Ali worked over his elbow. Riddle sold it big, but this sort of quick finish due to that sort of thing doesn’t really work in a patterned WWE atmosphere because fans have been conditioned to know that submissions only work if they’re your finisher. And, of course, after selling his elbow so big, Riddle was then fine when he had to go on offense again.
Ali won after a bunch of distractions and a finish that definitely didn’t go as planned. He looked like he was going for a Super Backstabber, but he wound up on top of Riddle somehow and it looked like he landed on Riddle’s head. Then they showed a replay which made it clear that he didn’t really land on Riddle at all… so why the f*ck would you show a replay that makes the finish look WORSE?

Reckoning was wearing HIGH HEELS. How the f*ck does that fit with Retribution's image?

MIZ AND SHANE BACKSTAGE- a pointless waste of time, and there has been far too much of that involving The Miz tonight.

LUMBERJACK MATCH FOR THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: The Miz(c) (w/John Morrison) vs. Bobby Lashley (w/MVP)- DUD!
Shane made this a Lumberjack match to ensure that the match is “contested fairly.” Yeah… because Lumberjacks are definitely known for only sticking to their appointed job and not getting shots in on people they don’t like. And what’s Shane going to do if Miz just hits Lashley in the groin and gets himself disqualified?
Miz stalled for a bit, then Lashley beat the sh*t out of him for a bit before winning the title with the Hurt Lock.
I’m not giving this a dud because I was expecting fifteen minutes. I’m giving this a dud because they gave me a nothing match after jerking me around for three hours. If Lashley had just beaten Miz in three minutes without any of the earlier bullsh*t, I would have been fine, but instead they had to waste my time with a desperate, transparent, and utterly pathetic ratings ploy. You want a good rating? F*cking EARN IT by putting on a quality program. Sh*t like what we got tonight just pisses people off, and that’s exactly what I am right now: Pissed off. And I shouldn’t be, because one of my favorite acts in the company just won the world title… but I am because they jerked me around for three hours with stupid bullsh*t, and put on an overall terrible show around it, with Drew vs. Sheamus being the exception. If you remove that match from this show, then this would have been a strong contender for the worst Raw of all time.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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XIV
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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/1/2021 Raw (There is nothing they cant't f*ck up right now)

Post by XIV » Mar 3rd, '21, 00:55

I didn’t watch this in full, I have seen the McIntyre / Sheamus match and the last lashley and miz segment where he wins.

They could have gotten to that in such a cleaner manner. For example:

Adam Pearce and Shane O Max come out, point to the cage above the ring. And say tonight Miz vs Lashley and bring up that Miz is trying to dodge Lashley. Then call out Miz and tell him “Miz, if you fail to show for the match, Lashley is crowned champion. Morrison, if you interfere, Lashley is crowned champion. Hurt Business, if you interfere, Miz stays champion.

Or use that phrasing and put it in a cage, to ensure Miz doesn’t run and these people don’t get in. Any person who gets involved will face an immediate 30 day suspension and have any titles stripped from their person.

Anything but promising to deliver the match each hour until it happened.
Have A Nice Day!

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NWK2000
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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/1/2021 Raw (There is nothing they cant't f*ck up right now)

Post by NWK2000 » Mar 3rd, '21, 09:02

Big Red Machine wrote: Mar 2nd, '21, 23:51
LUMBERJACK MATCH FOR THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: The Miz(c) (w/John Morrison) vs. Bobby Lashley (w/MVP)- DUD!
Shane made this a Lumberjack match to ensure that the match is “contested fairly.” Yeah… because Lumberjacks are definitely known for only sticking to their appointed job and not getting shots in on people they don’t like. And what’s Shane going to do if Miz just hits Lashley in the groin and gets himself disqualified?
Miz stalled for a bit, then Lashley beat the sh*t out of him for a bit before winning the title with the Hurt Lock.
I’m not giving this a dud because I was expecting fifteen minutes. I’m giving this a dud because they gave me a nothing match after jerking me around for three hours. If Lashley had just beaten Miz in three minutes without any of the earlier bullsh*t, I would have been fine, but instead they had to waste my time with a desperate, transparent, and utterly pathetic ratings ploy. You want a good rating? F*cking EARN IT by putting on a quality program. Sh*t like what we got tonight just pisses people off, and that’s exactly what I am right now: Pissed off. And I shouldn’t be, because one of my favorite acts in the company just won the world title… but I am because they jerked me around for three hours with stupid bullsh*t, and put on an overall terrible show around it, with Drew vs. Sheamus being the exception. If you remove that match from this show, then this would have been a strong contender for the worst Raw of all time.
I disagree with this much more feverishly than anything you've ever said. Allow me to explain why.

Lashley helps Miz win the title. Miz heelishly doesn't hold up to his end of the bargain. Instead of doing the usual non-finishes (going to a DQ, having Lashley look like a dope as they drag the program out till Mania), Lashley, the heavy of one of the most compelling factions of 2020, just kills the chicken-shit heel dead. This is like how they would book Goldberg during his most recent title runs, but The Miz is being a proper chicken-shit so it's cathartic instead of nonsensical.
Up next on NWK Reviews
Walter vs Ilja in WXW
AAA When World Collide
WWF Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
NWA-TNA Weekly Shows
WWE New Year's Revolution 2006

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Big Red Machine
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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/1/2021 Raw (There is nothing they cant't f*ck up right now)

Post by Big Red Machine » Mar 3rd, '21, 09:58

NWK2000 wrote: Mar 3rd, '21, 09:02
Big Red Machine wrote: Mar 2nd, '21, 23:51
LUMBERJACK MATCH FOR THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: The Miz(c) (w/John Morrison) vs. Bobby Lashley (w/MVP)- DUD!
Shane made this a Lumberjack match to ensure that the match is “contested fairly.” Yeah… because Lumberjacks are definitely known for only sticking to their appointed job and not getting shots in on people they don’t like. And what’s Shane going to do if Miz just hits Lashley in the groin and gets himself disqualified?
Miz stalled for a bit, then Lashley beat the sh*t out of him for a bit before winning the title with the Hurt Lock.
I’m not giving this a dud because I was expecting fifteen minutes. I’m giving this a dud because they gave me a nothing match after jerking me around for three hours. If Lashley had just beaten Miz in three minutes without any of the earlier bullsh*t, I would have been fine, but instead they had to waste my time with a desperate, transparent, and utterly pathetic ratings ploy. You want a good rating? F*cking EARN IT by putting on a quality program. Sh*t like what we got tonight just pisses people off, and that’s exactly what I am right now: Pissed off. And I shouldn’t be, because one of my favorite acts in the company just won the world title… but I am because they jerked me around for three hours with stupid bullsh*t, and put on an overall terrible show around it, with Drew vs. Sheamus being the exception. If you remove that match from this show, then this would have been a strong contender for the worst Raw of all time.
I disagree with this much more feverishly than anything you've ever said. Allow me to explain why.

Lashley helps Miz win the title. Miz heelishly doesn't hold up to his end of the bargain. Instead of doing the usual non-finishes (going to a DQ, having Lashley look like a dope as they drag the program out till Mania), Lashley, the heavy of one of the most compelling factions of 2020, just kills the chicken-shit heel dead. This is like how they would book Goldberg during his most recent title runs, but The Miz is being a proper chicken-shit so it's cathartic instead of nonsensical.
"Instead of doing the usual non-finishes?" DUDE? They did two non-finishes here! First Miz schemes his way out of defending the title with an obviously fake medical issue, then he gets counted out right away!
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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NWK2000
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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/1/2021 Raw (There is nothing they cant't f*ck up right now)

Post by NWK2000 » Mar 3rd, '21, 10:30

Big Red Machine wrote: Mar 3rd, '21, 09:58
NWK2000 wrote: Mar 3rd, '21, 09:02
Big Red Machine wrote: Mar 2nd, '21, 23:51
LUMBERJACK MATCH FOR THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: The Miz(c) (w/John Morrison) vs. Bobby Lashley (w/MVP)- DUD!
Shane made this a Lumberjack match to ensure that the match is “contested fairly.” Yeah… because Lumberjacks are definitely known for only sticking to their appointed job and not getting shots in on people they don’t like. And what’s Shane going to do if Miz just hits Lashley in the groin and gets himself disqualified?
Miz stalled for a bit, then Lashley beat the sh*t out of him for a bit before winning the title with the Hurt Lock.
I’m not giving this a dud because I was expecting fifteen minutes. I’m giving this a dud because they gave me a nothing match after jerking me around for three hours. If Lashley had just beaten Miz in three minutes without any of the earlier bullsh*t, I would have been fine, but instead they had to waste my time with a desperate, transparent, and utterly pathetic ratings ploy. You want a good rating? F*cking EARN IT by putting on a quality program. Sh*t like what we got tonight just pisses people off, and that’s exactly what I am right now: Pissed off. And I shouldn’t be, because one of my favorite acts in the company just won the world title… but I am because they jerked me around for three hours with stupid bullsh*t, and put on an overall terrible show around it, with Drew vs. Sheamus being the exception. If you remove that match from this show, then this would have been a strong contender for the worst Raw of all time.
I disagree with this much more feverishly than anything you've ever said. Allow me to explain why.

Lashley helps Miz win the title. Miz heelishly doesn't hold up to his end of the bargain. Instead of doing the usual non-finishes (going to a DQ, having Lashley look like a dope as they drag the program out till Mania), Lashley, the heavy of one of the most compelling factions of 2020, just kills the chicken-shit heel dead. This is like how they would book Goldberg during his most recent title runs, but The Miz is being a proper chicken-shit so it's cathartic instead of nonsensical.
"Instead of doing the usual non-finishes?" DUDE? They did two non-finishes here! First Miz schemes his way out of defending the title with an obviously fake medical issue, then he gets counted out right away!
But in the end, Lashley overcame the chicken-shittery and destroyed the heel. Goofy excuses to hyper extend a Raw aside, the person I wanted to see win won convincingly, and that's a thumbs up from me.
Up next on NWK Reviews
Walter vs Ilja in WXW
AAA When World Collide
WWF Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
NWA-TNA Weekly Shows
WWE New Year's Revolution 2006

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Big Red Machine
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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/1/2021 Raw (There is nothing they cant't f*ck up right now)

Post by Big Red Machine » Mar 3rd, '21, 10:40

NWK2000 wrote: Mar 3rd, '21, 10:30
Big Red Machine wrote: Mar 3rd, '21, 09:58
NWK2000 wrote: Mar 3rd, '21, 09:02

I disagree with this much more feverishly than anything you've ever said. Allow me to explain why.

Lashley helps Miz win the title. Miz heelishly doesn't hold up to his end of the bargain. Instead of doing the usual non-finishes (going to a DQ, having Lashley look like a dope as they drag the program out till Mania), Lashley, the heavy of one of the most compelling factions of 2020, just kills the chicken-shit heel dead. This is like how they would book Goldberg during his most recent title runs, but The Miz is being a proper chicken-shit so it's cathartic instead of nonsensical.
"Instead of doing the usual non-finishes?" DUDE? They did two non-finishes here! First Miz schemes his way out of defending the title with an obviously fake medical issue, then he gets counted out right away!
But in the end, Lashley overcame the chicken-shittery and destroyed the heel. Goofy excuses to hyper extend a Raw aside, the person I wanted to see win won convincingly, and that's a thumbs up from me.
And my point is that they shouldn't be doing the goofy excuses. Just do the match and be done with it, because the goofy excuses only piss people off.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3

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