NWK Reviews the 2/24/1997 Raw (Worst wrestling show ever?)

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NWK2000
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NWK Reviews the 2/24/1997 Raw (Worst wrestling show ever?)

Post by NWK2000 » May 6th, '19, 17:11

The Godwins vs The New Blackjacks


This is the second show that's started with a cold open. Maybe Kevin Dunn is embarrassed about the Raw theme song sounding horribly outdated?

Anyway, the guys have a fun moose fight. The crowd is full of surly ECW fans who shit on Bradshaw, but not Windham, even though he fucks up GOING OVER THE TOP ROPE! HOW! The Blackjacks are still telegraphing elbow drops like it's 70s Mid Atlantic. The camera cuts to a bemused looking Ken Shamrock in the crowd. Jerry is very happy to see him. The Blackjacks win even though the legal pig farmer has his foot on the ropes.

3/10

Post-match: They slop the ref. Did they really think the crowd there for ECW would respond well to this shit?

The Eliminators murder a ring attendant: The ring attendant super transparently braces for the Total Elimination bump. Heyman is with them. and says Lawler's challenge has been accepted. Some research on the Pay Per View this was meant to plug, Barely Legal, was on ONE Pay Per View Channel, and that channel was a year from death. I bet there were people who were watching Raw who couldn't order the Pay Per View or that were so far out of ECW's market range that even if they could, if they didn't trade tapes THIS would be their first, and most prolonged, exposure to it, which we'll get to in a minute.

Little Guido vs Big Stevie Cool (w/ the BWO)


So....we just get this match, cold as ice. No video about why they're fighting, no clips of them being cool in ECW, nothing. The BWO get their gimmick over well enough, but why WWF host a parody group, in which no one can legally let anyone in on the joke? And like, I get that you're supposed to infer who they're parodying, but what if you don't know? Vince says "This has nothing to do with the NWO clothing line." Research doesn't indicate a clothing line called that exists, so I like the idea that in WWF kayfabe, the NWO aren't an invading force, they're just super fashionable lke LL Bean

Also, Raven just....shows up to scowl at Stevie. No indication of why these two people have beef, nothing. WHY NOT GIVE RAVEN A MIC! As if this couldn't be any more confusing, Goldust shows up in an in-set promo, and says that compared to him, everyone else is a B-Movie. Booooooo! We lose Goldust, and Paul quips about wanting to bang Goldust if Marlena is involved. Fucking what? Anyway, Goldust is back. Goldust says Marlena is here to do her job, which is arm wrestle Sunny. Goldust calls Chyna an "it" (which Jerry Lawler points out is HILARIOUSLY hypocritical), and ends his promo with "I'm here, Goldust" and a wink.. For the first time this entire segment, the wrestlers have 100 percent of the camera....for about three seconds, during which Vince talks up La Femme Nikita, and a graphic appears. Stevie hits the Stevie kick and wins.

DUD
Sunny promo: Good heel promo. Why didn't Sunny get more of this material
Arm wrestling match, (Honky Tonk Man is special guest ref

Sunny vs Marlena

No rating: bad segment
Sunny apes Rick Rude word for word. She also does the thing where she makes a big show about offering a forfeit. Marlena barely gets through a promo. then being a coward when it came time. Sunny throws powder in Marlena eyes, which causes Savio Vega to appear and start to have his way with her, until Goldust shows up. Then we get.

Goldust vs Savio Vega (w/ PG-13, Crush, and Sunny)


A guest is on commentary, who Vince identifies as "Miguel Perez". I know Vince hates the "Junior" suffix, but until I did some reading I thought that this was the guy who had wrestled Tiger Mask in MSG and stuff, and thought he looked super jacked. Turns out it's his son, which would've been helpful for the commentators to actually explain. It doesn't matter though, because Miguel is terrible on commentary, and repeats the one line he was given. Also Sunny is randomly with the NOD.

Savio has the heat forever, Goldust fires back, but Savio gets more heat. Goldust finally gets his babyface comeback. Ken Shamrock is in the crowd looking absolutely confused. Savio has the heat, but then Goldust knocks Savio off the turnbuckle to block a super kick. Goldust blocks the "do a flying nothing right into a person's extended foot spot. Goldust gets distracted by Crush and Savio whiffs his finish. D'Lo randomly appears, and Crush just....gets in the ring to prompt a DQ

At least these guys tried.
4/10

Post match: Didn't care for it Miguel jumps in the ring and helps Goldust ward off the NOD. Even though he does a cool missile dropkick, we have NO context for who this person is, except that's he's Puerto Rican and a babyface, which was basically Savio Vega, so another Savio Vega has just appeared, which is something the wrestling world needs more of *eyeroll*. Also, the random, non competing NOD Henchman have to salute and just act midly bothered by two of their core guys getting beat up. I don't think I've ever hated a show more.

A bunch of women are filmed BEHIND A FENCE to advertise next week's Raw from Germany: The camera is like, right up to the fence, and these random women are speaking German to the camera FUCKING WHAT? OF ALL PLACES TO FILM WOMEN BEHIND FENCES, GERMANY!!!!

Jerry Lawler/Tiny Tim flashback from 1993: ECW, vague Nazi and/or communism imagery, and a dead ukulele player, oh my!

Jerry Lawler interviews Ken Shamrock: Jerry, as he's done all night, big ups Ken like they're best friends, but Ken doesn't know him. This was mildly amusing, as Ken sold amusement/annoyance rather well, and Jerry is Jerry.

When we come back from commercial, Paul is in the crowd and says the show has sucked sans ECW. He throws to

Mikey Whipwreck vs Taz (w/ Bill Alphonso)


The guys wrestle around. Jerry and Paul trade barbs, one of which Jerry just straight up says they're not selling their product very well. Taz kills Mikey. Of course, during all this, we get an in set promo to set up Farooq vs Undertaker. Once Farooq shifts to Ahmed he cuts a good promo. The crowd looks towards the entrance, but it takes the commentators longer to see that Sabu is on the 'R' of the Raw set, and tumbles onto Team Taz. What a terrible, bush league first impression. Sabut puts his hands on Bill, and Taz BARELY Belly to Belly's Mikey onto Sabu. Team Taz subdues Sabu and drags him away after Bill throws Mikey back in. Taz finishing killing Mikey for the win. Paul brings up Ken Shamrock, which calls attention to the fact that they have MMA killer Taz in the ring and not one reaction from Ken. This was a failure.
No rating, bad squash

The Headbangers vs The Legion of Doom

The LOD are the "big surprise" Vince has been touting all night. Of ALL SHOWS, you choose to bring back the greatest tag team ever HERE?
And rather than murder the Headbangers, as they should, they have a normal ass tag match. It's more fun and explosive than anything else on this show, which ends in a DOUBLE COUNT OUT. They do not know how to push THE LEGION OF DOOM!
4/10

Post match: The LOD hit the Doomsday Device on one of the Headbangers. If you were going to do this, why not have your big returning tag team WIN? FUCK!
Vince says Shawn is in therapy, hopefully not in need of surgery, which naturally throws to the debut of...
"Tell me a Lie" music video: Are you....are you serious? You just said, at BEST, he needs therapy. Yet, they still have the tone-deafness to play this video, as if he has died.

We're with Paul again, and he throws to.
D-Von Dudley w/ Sign Guy Dudley vs Tommy Dreamer w/ Beulah:
Tommy gets some offense, and throws D-Von to the outside, and they start going to the wrestling. Now THIS is a good showcase. It looks wild, out of control, and something so different. Jerry dials it up to 11 here, coming across as the crotchety old man next to young, hip Paul Heyman. We get a picture-in-picture of Paul and Jerry arguing, while Vince looks terrified, like the grandpa at Thanksgiving while his two adult sons argue politics. This is a fun show, until Undertaker gets a boring in set promo and we MISS THE FINISH! ARGH!
That aside, this is still the best thing on the show tonight and the only thing to come close to breaking average.


5.75/10

Post match: GREAT Bubba Ray shows up, which prompts Sandman to show up, which causes a wild brawl. They even got the vibe of an ECW show closer right, with the music playing all the way throughout. Paul and Jerry even get into it. prompting a wild brawl which is filmed in such a way that it looks like crowd members are participating.

Raw in Germany promo: Thankfully it's just wrestling and stock Berlin Wall teardown footage

We get a quick promo from Jerry when we come back from commercial, which leads to
Jim Ross recaps last week's Raw: This has a weird Dragonball Z vibe to it, with bouncy, synthy music leading into each clip and playing throughout the narration. Luckily the finish to last week's main event is played sans all this. Then we get a Superstars exclusive, which as post-show footage of Bret throwing things around and cursing narrated by Jim Cornette, then we get footage of the Sid/Taker staredown

Todd Petengill interviews with Ken Shamrock: Ken says generic stuff. We get introduced to his wife and dad. He says generic stuff about Sid vs Taker and Bret vs Austin (which, for some reason, we get a picture-in-picture of Jerry reacting to). They tease more crowd interaction bull honky, but The Nation of Domination comes out. Farooq sounds like a grandfather, intentionally saying the wrong acronym. Vince is trying to pitch La Femme Nikita while Ken Shamrock cuts a promo sounding remarkably like Scott Steiner, challenging Farooq one on one.


The Undertaker vs Farooq (w/ The Nation of Domination)

Shamrock and Farooq's confrontation is alluded to after break, but nothing comes of it. Undertaker is distracted by D'Lo, which allows Farooq to take advantage until Taker takes momentum seconds later The Nation get the heat as we go to commercial. Taker finally gets the momentum back after having his leg worked, but Farooq goes back to it. A "WE ARE THE NATION! OF MASTURBATION!" chant starts, which might be the best chant I've ever heard. They tease Taker being out, he fights back but powers Farooq to the outside, going out himself. He kicks the stairs back into Farooq and then no sells a Farooq piledriver in the ring and the match just ends on a DQ when more Nation members come in.

In a capsule of this show, this was a match that went JUST above average, but couldn't even maintain enough flow to justify an average rating.

4.5/10
Post match: The LOD run down for the save. This means in an entire show One thing got built up. One.l


A terrible episode of Raw and possibly the worst 1 hr 45 of wrestling ever. Nearly everything was cold, nothing made sense, and when it did, it was marred by some other bullshit from a company that should know better.
NWK Reviews is closed for business for now.

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