BRM Reviews the 4/22/2019 Raw (holy crap it's actually good!)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- HATED IT!
Raw opens with Hunter’s music hitting and Michael Cole telling us that tonight’s show will be “an unprecedented event.” Wow! That sure seems important. What is this “unprecedented event” will be seeing tonight, Michael?
“We have two Triple Threat matches tonight. The winners of these two matches are going to face off in our main event later on tonight in singles competition. The winner of that match is going to take on Seth Rollins for the Universal Championship at Money in the Bank.”
Unprecedented? That just sounds like a regular old one-night tournament to me.
Graves tells us that the first of these matches will feature three wrestlers who came over from Smackdown in the Superstar Shake-up, and on the screen there appeared a graphic showing us Rey Mysterio Jr., AJ Styles… and Samoa Joe. Yes, Samoa Joe, who was never actually announced as coming to Raw on either last week’s episodes of Raw or SD. They just threw him in here like nothing was amiss. So yeah. The way we found out that Joe got drafted was by him appearing in a graphic at the same time as two other guys. The other Triple Threat is going to be Miz vs. Drew vs. Corbin. Uch.

Before Hunter can say anything, Seth Rollins’ music hits. He gets the hometown pop and starts talking to the crowd about how great it is to be in his home state as the Universal Champion. He starts to go on about how “two weeks ago at WrestleMania I was in the fight of my life” and blah blah blah.
Oh shut up, Seth! How many times have you cut this same f*cking promo already? How is this any different than Corbin constantly telling us that he beat Kurt Angle in Kurt’s last match or Heyman always bringing up that Brock broke The Streak? And why are you cutting this promo now? Hunter obviously came out here to say something and you come out here and just start talking about something else like he’s not even there? That’s rude. If Hunter kicks him in the gut Pedigrees him, counts his own pin and declares himself the new champion I would be perfectly happy with that because at least I wouldn’t have to hear Seth cut any more promos about how he slayed the beast and own the Universal Title at WrestleMania.
Rather than attack Seth, Hunter graciously decides to play along with Seth and talks Seth up. He said that Seth stomped Brock’s “bucket head” into the ring, and Seth piped in to correct him that he actually “stomped his bucket head into the ring three times,” but it absolutely did not sound like they said “bucket.” I went back and checked and Hunter definitely said “bucket” but after going back to listen to it several times I’m still not convinced that Seth said “bucket” and not “f*ckin’.”
Hunter gives Seth the big “the landscape has changed” and “now you’ve got a target on your back” clichéd bullsh*t speech that quite frankly he shouldn’t be giving to Seth because it’s something Seth should already know. It’s also annoying for me to hear it as a viewer because I’m certain I’ve heard Becky give that speech about herself at least twice in the two weeks since she won both women’s titles. Seth responds by saying that he knows that MITB is coming up soon, and then he proceeds to tell Hunter “if anybody knows a thing or two about that Money in the Bank contract, it’s me. You see, I cashed it in successfully and it changed my career, but I’ve also had it cashed in on me.” So now we have Seth telling Hunter sh*t that Hunter already knows. Seth then vows to never let someone cash in on him again.
Hunter tells Seth “that’s great, but don’t put the cart before the horse. You shouldn’t be worrying about who climbs that ladder and takes down that Money in the Bank contract. You need to worry about who you’re defending the title against that night.” Seth guesses that Heyman has been calling to try to get Brock a rematch.” So apparently they not only booked a #1 contnedership tournament without informing the challenger about it, but also news of this tournament has not yet reached the challenger, even though Michael Cole announced it to the entire world the moment the show went on the air. Hunter than proceeds to tell Seth- and us- about the tournament that Michael Cole already told us about.
Seth tried to talk but got interrupted by Samoa Joe. Joe said that he thinks Becky Lynch has come up with a great idea “with this double champion sh*t,” and this time I am certain that Joe actually did say “champion sh*t” and not “championship.”
When Joe finished his piece, Rey Mysterio Jr. came out and told Joe “you’re not the only former Smackdown Superstar™ looking to make an impact on Raw.” Try not to be too shocked, but Rey also wants the title. So does Drew McIntyre, who came out and cut an AWESOME promo on Seth. Cue Miz’s music. I’m already well past tired of this segment. Miz’s promo was actually a pretty great “I’m a changed man” and now worthy of the title” promo. Corbin came out and asked everyone if they had ever beaten a gold medalist in his farewell match at WrestleMania.
Then AJ’s music hit, and as he walked to the ring, Corey Graves and Renee Young took turns reciting their table-setting lines to let us all know that AJ is a big deal and wants to win the title. It’s so f*cking choreographed that it’s painful. You get no points for guessing what AJ said.
Once AJ was done Seth turned to Hunter and said “so this is what you were talking about, huh?” and then got to cut his “I’ll beat whichever one of you winds up facing me” promo and hit his catchphrases. Then Seth’s music hit and he and Hunter left the ring. Then we cut a graphic about AJ vs. Joe vs. Rey match which Cole told us would begin in a matter of moments. Then we cut back to the ring and Miz, Corbin, and Drew had vanished. Then we went to a commercial.

So yeah. I thought this was atrocious. This was actually two segments, first the Seth and Hunter segment and then the one with everyone coming out and cutting their promos. The Seth/Hunter part was a textbook example of how NOT to do the thing they tried to do. You see, in that segment, they weren’t actually talking to each other. They were really talking to us and to the live crowd. The purpose of that whole segment was exposition, which is why they were telling each other things they both either already know or already should have known… which is exactly the wrong way to handle exposition because two people having a conversation where they each tell each other things the other already knows is completely unnatural. Were they trying to impress each other with their ability to give grand speeches? Remember that Becky Lynch promo I mentioned earlier? The one where she cut the same “I’ve got a target on my back” promo? Becky’s promo made sense because she was actually cutting a promo. That was a moment when her job was to make a grandiose speech. Hunter and Seth here were having what really should have been a normal conversation, but were doing so in the form of grandiose speeches, telling each other things they both already knew.
The most annoying thing about it, though, is that there was absolutely no need for it because Michael Cole had already told us about the tournament in thirty seconds at the beginning of the show, complete with visual aids, and the framing of this whole thing as “everyone is gunning for Seth” could have been- and, in fact, was- done by the announcers as each interrupting wrestler came out. The way they did it was grating due to its overproduced nature, but they did do their jobs correctly, even though it wasn’t done well. And it is important to point out that that is, in fact, exactly the announcers jobs. Their role in the show is to convey information to us the fans, because their kayfabe job on the show already requires them to do so, allowing them to be outlets for exposition in a manner that feels completely natural to the course of a simulated sporting event TV show.
So it then begs the question: If doing this is the job of the announcers, then why did they feel the need to have Seth and Hunter do it? The reason gets into the reason that I hated the second part of this segment, which is overproduction and WWE’s general mindset that “this is the way you have to do this.” In WWE’s mind, the way you set up a bunch of potential challengers is by doing a segment where they all come out one by one and cut a promo declaring that they will win the title. And in order to do that, Seth needed to be in the ring, and in order to make it all artistic, the idea of their being a target on Seth’s back had to be brought up. And in order to make it not the same as Becky’s promo, they decided it needed to come from someone else, and having Hunter do it would add more gravitas to the announcement of the tournament to set up the challengers coming out, so Hunter and Seth had to be out there and talk about this, even though them talking about it to each other the way they did made no sense.
Now mix into it the absurdity of each of these big egotistical wrestlers taking their turn to say their piece, then not minding the next person interrupting them and sanding there patiently afterwards. Now add to that the overproduced commentary from the announcers with their alternating sentence-or-two summaries to quickly catch any new viewers up to speed and you’ve got this painfully processed product instead of something that should feel organic. With the announcing in particular, I think that the alternating lines is a major exacerbating factor. It would feel a lot less staged if just one person made the point rather than Graves and Renee alternating lines.

#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH QUALIFIER: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe- 8/10
The announcers told us that Rey is extremely “embarrassed” about his loss to Joe in under a minute at WrestleMania, and that he had said that he wanted a match against Joe at MITB. I don’t remember hearing him say either of those things. The announcers should not be tell me what is on the wrestlers’ minds. The wrestlers should be telling me themselves through their promos.
These three had the expected awesome match, and was one of the best things I can remember seeing on Raw in a damn long time. The only thing I didn’t like was AJ pinning Joe instead of Rey. If we’re continuing with the Rey vs. Joe feud like the announcers hinted then Rey getting pinned so that Joe can blame Rey for causing him not to get this opportunity seems like the best way to go, and AJ pinning Joe should set up a title shot that likely won’t come for long while if we’re continuing with Rey vs. Joe first.

IICONICS PROMO- annoying, as usual
They ask say they are certain Billie will beat Naomi tonight because Naomi doesn’t have Bayley to watch her back tonight.

NAOMI vs. BILLIE KAY (w/Peyton Royce)- 0.25/10
So after moving Naomi to Raw they proceed to have her spend her first two weeks wrestling people who have been on Smackdown with her for the past year. The stupidity involved in WWE Creative never ceases to amaze me.
Naomi won cleanly in one minute and ten seconds, including thwarting an attempt to interfere in the match by Peyton Royce. The IIconics lose again. They must be jobbing the Women’s Tag Team Champions out on purpose as some convoluted attempt at to take a shot at Sasha Banks for being upset about having to lose the belts. That’s the only explanation at this point.
With Naomi’s music playing in the background, The IIconics’ exaggerated body movements as they complained to the referee came off like a celebratory dance.

CREEPY DOLL IN A CHAIR VIDEO- I no longer care about whatever this is.

#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH QUALIFIER: The Miz vs. Baron Corbin vs. Drew McIntyre- 8/10
Another awesome match… and this one included both The Miz and Baron Corbin! I was shocked by how into Miz as a babyface the crowd was. Corbin stole Drew’s pin on Miz to get the win.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS AJ STYLES- GREAT!
Charly asks AJ how he can beat someone so big. AJ gave the old “it’s not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog” line, then explained why even though Corbin is very good, he’s even better. We would occasionally cut to Corbin watching this promo from the ring and reacting.

SAMI ZAYN PROMO- This was an excellent heel promo… but like with pretty much every promo Becky, Kofi, and Seth have cut since WrestleMania, he’s just saying the same thing every time. The story hasn’t moved forward in any way yet. This should have been the week that some babyface came out and stood up for the WWE Universe but instead it was just Sami ranting again.

CEDRIC ALEXANDER vs. CESARO- 6.25/10
Cesaro is still using The Bar’s music, which is mostly Sheamus’ music. These two had a FANTASTIC match for the merely six and a half minutes there were given. Cesaro got the win by countering some sort of attempted springboard move with the huge European Uppercut.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS THE USOS- great
The Usos cut a promo on the rest of the division. Making a joke about Jey’s DUI was probably not a good idea, though. The Revival showed up and Scott Dawson greeted them by referring to them as “Uce” and “Other Uce.” That made me laugh. Promos were cut. The Usos were very funny. GIVE ME THIS MATCH NOW, DAMMIT!

VIKING RAIDERS vs. LUCHA HOUSE PARTY (w/the other member of Lucha House Party)- no rating, good segment
Okay… those stupid headpieces need to go. For one thing, no Viking would ever wear them into combat because when you’re going into combat, it’s not a good idea to wear something with goofy parts that stick out in front of your face and obscure your vision.
War Machine jumped the bell on Lucha House Party and obliterated them. “The Viking Experience” is still the name of their finisher, which is now an assisted powerslam. At one point before doing their pose the Viking Raiders pushed each other to psych themselves up… and at least one fan was heard shouting “GET THE TABLES!” I giggled. This segment did a good job of establishing the Viking Raiders as both heels and a dominant force.

REPLACEMENT-DASHA INTERVIEWS HAWKINS & RYDER- This almost good, until Ryder channeled Hulk Hogan at his most cartoonish and called the Viking Raiders “smelly, horny, wooly mammoths.”

BECKY LYNCH/LACEY EVANS SEGMENT-
Becky cut a decent promo, although I wasn’t fond of her bragging about throwing sucker-punches. The insinuation that Lacey Evans is sleeping with someone in management is something that needs to be addressed in the storyline (even Lacey herself has hinted at it), especially because all of the McMahons are married.
Lacey Evans came out and started off by invoking negative stereotypes of the Irish. Oh goody. Then again, if she’s supposed to be a rich southern WASP, then I guess racist attitudes towards the Irish are at least in character for her. Her promo was good for her character, but that character comes off like a GLOW gimmick. Becky then cut another promo on her before Alicia Fox came out for…

ALICIA FOX vs. BECKY LYNCH- DUD!
They had a very boring match with Fox controlling most of it. They also botched a headscissors attempt. The person who made the decision to give an Alicia Fox match two minutes more than Cedric Alexander vs. Cesaro should be flogged.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good
The moment the match was over, Lacey Evans came out of the crowd and nailed Becky with the Woman’s Right twice, laying her out.

CHARLY CARSUO INTERVIEWS BARON CORBIN- very good promo by Corbin

RICOCHET vs. ROBERT ROODE- 6.75/10
Yeah, Bobby Roode is now “Robert Roode.” This time they at least acknowledged the change, giving the explanation that that’s what Roode wanted. He’s also grown a Rick Rude moustache. They showed us a very good promo from him on WWE.com in which he said he was happy to have been split up from Chad Gable by the Superstar Shake-up because Gable was “dead weight,” which now makes it two straight years during which a former tag team partner of Gable’s has cut this promo on him.
Roode won a solid match with a FANTASTIC high-angle Implant DDT.

FIREFLY FUNHOUSE- okay. I did not see this coming.
Bray Wyatt is now the world’s creepiest PeeWee Herman. The puppets have names that I did not record. He has one glove that says “hurt” and another that says “heal.” He explains that he is not a bad person anymore. He has a cardboard cut-out of his old self that he keeps around as a reminder. He sliced through it with a chainsaw. They had goofy sound effects and a canned audience of children who Bray was ostensibly talking to. This weird, and I did not care for it one bit.

They’re advertising an MITB-edition A Moment of Bliss, in which Alexa Bliss! will reveal all of the Raw wrestlers in both MITB matches. Because it’s not like this is something the wrestlers should have to earn with wins. That would be silly.

WINNER CHALLENGES FOR THE WWE UNIVERSAL TITLE AT MONEY IN THE BANK: AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin- 6.75/10
They told a good story of both the size difference between them and of AJ coming in with an ankle injury. I was certain Samoa Joe was going to come in and cost AJ the match but instead AJ overcame the odds and won clean, setting up a first time ever match against Seth Rollins for the Universal Title.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good
Rollins comes out for a stare-down and a handshake.


A GREAT episode of Raw. Probably the best and certainly the easiest one to sit through in MONTHS!

[KILLdozer]

I told you that's essentially what Wyatt would be doing lol. Something basically to do with toys and children....seemingly inspired by "fatherhood" lmao...

[KILLdozer]

It's "Mercy The Buzzard", and "Peppy The Witch" btw...

[Big Red Machine]

No Braun or Lashley this week.

[KILLdozer]

I'm pretty sure though he'll end up snapping and becoming Crazy Bray Wyatt again...

Now that I mention it...I wonder who "beat the hell out of him for his past deeds" or whatever he said....

[Serujuunin]

I'm pretty sure though he'll end up snapping and becoming Crazy Bray Wyatt again...

Now that I mention it...I wonder who "beat the hell out of him for his past deeds" or whatever he said....

It’s Sister Abigail.

[Bob-O]

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS THE USOS- great
The Usos cut a promo on the rest of the division. The Revival showed up

I know we (Dozer and I) give Lars a hard time for being a big fish in a pond of bigger fish, but holy crap I never realized how tiny The Revival are to be dwarfed by the freaking Uso's... it was noticeable. I was never big on The Revival even in NXT, so I'm not in the camp that's completely appalled by their main roster treatment, but tonight I think I understand why they're used so sparingly. They looked kinda sad. I mean, it's one thing to be dwarfed by The Bar or The Bludgeons or AOP... but The Usos aren't presented as a "big" team, it was painfully obvious how little The Revival is.

Doesn't help that the Usos are not only in a league of their own as a team of late, but have also been trading barbs with The New Day for the last few years, The Revival isn't going to get the best of them in a segment... it's just sad that this is one that they interrupted. I felt really bad for The Revival when The Usos fell asleep... they looked so bad here... and tiny.

[Bob-O]

I'm pretty sure though he'll end up snapping and becoming Crazy Bray Wyatt again...

Now that I mention it...I wonder who "beat the hell out of him for his past deeds" or whatever he said....

It’s Sister Abigail.

I don't think they'll bring it up again, honestly. Just a quick open ended explanation that gets us from Bray A to Bray B. They can revisit it if they get bored of course, but I think they've got a character in mind that has little to do with "how" he became this but far more to do with what "this" is. It's got me confused in a very very good way. I want more. I want to see where this is going.

Found this on Reddit...

My younger brother (who normally never watches wrestling, but knows who Bray is) mentioned that it almost seemed like Bobble the Clown.

If you don't know, Bobble the Clown is an SCP (an anomalous creature/thing etc. from the SCP Wiki), a cognitohazard that's only viewable by children 10 and under. Here's the most relevant part:

SCP-993's anomalous properties become obvious when the program is viewed. Anyone watching aged ten years or older will immediately fall unconscious when the program begins and will remain incapacitated until the end of the program, later reporting a stabbing headache immediately before blacking out.

Children under the age of ten viewing SCP-993 later report that it teaches and advocates activities such as cannibalism, murder, torture, [DATA EXPUNGED]. These activities appear to become ingrained in the subject's mind; repeated exposure to SCP-993 can result in permanent psychotic and schizophrenic symptoms.

So imagine a WWE character that was parts of Bobble the Clown and parts of Pee Wee Herman. I just rewatched the end of the promo and Bray says "all you have to do...is let me in."

If the WWE plays this for super creep factor and starts insinuating that he could be actively doing horrifying things under this guise, I could really see this being huge. I never thought they could make this doll-and-puppet gimmick work, but I'm glad that I might be wrong.

It could be so many things! They apparently went all out on the puppets:

Tom Savini is a legend.

[KILLdozer]

Yeah it's definitely the same promos everywhere with the new champions over and over.

[KILLdozer]

Wrestlemania was what? Better part of a month ago almost? Could we get some progression with these things please?

Oh...also-Hulu had it as "2 Belts Becky", when mentioning she was a part of the show...lmao which is still an improvement.

[cero2k]

Oh...also-Hulu had it as "2 Belts Becky", when mentioning she was a part of the show...lmao which is still an improvement.

apparently the word 'belt' is off the no-no list

[KILLdozer]

Oh...also-Hulu had it as "2 Belts Becky", when mentioning she was a part of the show...lmao which is still an improvement.

apparently the word 'belt' is off the no-no list

I honestly wish it wasn't...because who really needs another "over and over and over again in the same style of speaking/tone of voice, catchphrase*, at this point ?

[KILLdozer]

What about...maybe He's not even actually supposed to be talking to kids actually and this fool is just in his own mental...Funland...and this vignette was simply supposed to illustrate that? I'd say he snaps and goes back to the old ways...or full on Foley even more so...

[KILLdozer]

I've seen so many people are goin' nuts that Lacey Evans "doesn't deserve, did nothing to earn this!", but is there any doubt really that's she not gonna do the loss? I'm sure it'll be hotly and evenly contested...but it's not like she's not being fed to Becky essentially.

[KILLdozer]

So I've noticed something that may or may not become part of this Bray Wyatt thing going forward...(of course btw...the "firefly" refers to the hundreds of phones lifting up in the crowd in the darkness....how much has he really changed?)...

There's the Buzzard...the doll...AND a rabbit in the opening graphic funny thing for the segments...we haven't seen a rabbit "character?" Yet...I just wonder if that's meant to mean anything...so they'll probably introduce him next lol.

[Bob-O]

So I've noticed something that may or may not become part of this Bray Wyatt thing going forward...(of course btw...the "firefly" refers to the hundreds of phones lifting up in the crowd in the darkness....how much has he really changed?)...

There's the Buzzard...the doll...AND a rabbit in the opening graphic funny thing for the segments...we haven't seen a rabbit "character?" Yet...I just wonder if that's meant to mean anything...so they'll probably introduce him next lol.

I noticed the rabbit too.

History has proven that I'm about to give them too much credit, and I'm putting more thought into this than they are, I'm typing things on the internet so that's a given.

That said:

Look at the logo. Buzzard to the left, Abby doll in the center/top, Rabbit to the right. Visually, when he shows his gloves, "hurt" on the left, "heal" on the right, himself in the center. The "hurt" glove is held to his ear before the chainsaw comes out.

If they're going to roll with this, the Buzzard will represent aggression and we'll be introduced to the rabbit (jack rabbit?) as the voice of peaceful reason, while Abby (Sister Abigail) symbolizes the conflict and oversees the madness that is Bray Wyatt.

I'm visualizing crowd reactions already... him going back and forth between the two gloves in the middle of the ring is going to get over so huge...

[KILLdozer]

So I've noticed something that may or may not become part of this Bray Wyatt thing going forward...(of course btw...the "firefly" refers to the hundreds of phones lifting up in the crowd in the darkness....how much has he really changed?)...

There's the Buzzard...the doll...AND a rabbit in the opening graphic funny thing for the segments...we haven't seen a rabbit "character?" Yet...I just wonder if that's meant to mean anything...so they'll probably introduce him next lol.

I noticed the rabbit too.

History has proven that I'm about to give them too much credit, and I'm putting more thought into this than they are, I'm typing things on the internet so that's a given.

That said:

Look at the logo. Buzzard to the left, Abby doll in the center/top, Rabbit to the right. Visually, when he shows his gloves, "hurt" on the left, "heal" on the right, himself in the center. The "hurt" glove is held to his ear before the chainsaw comes out.

If they're going to roll with this, the Buzzard will represent aggression and we'll be introduced to the rabbit (jack rabbit?) as the voice of peaceful reason, while Abby (Sister Abigail) symbolizes the conflict and oversees the madness that is Bray Wyatt.

I'm visualizing crowd reactions already... him going back and forth between the two gloves in the middle of the ring is going to get over so huge...

Yeah I'd say the names are obviously synonymous with aspects of the character going forward as well. I mean the witch is named Abby. Come on lol. I think you're slightly backwards though. "Mercy" the Buzzard ...is obviously meant as "heal", if we're to go with what symbolizes "the left and right hand of his collective consciousness".

Mercy is to have mercy and to heal them. If anything the rabbit's crazy lol.

[cero2k]

So I've noticed something that may or may not become part of this Bray Wyatt thing going forward...(of course btw...the "firefly" refers to the hundreds of phones lifting up in the crowd in the darkness....how much has he really changed?)...

There's the Buzzard...the doll...AND a rabbit in the opening graphic funny thing for the segments...we haven't seen a rabbit "character?" Yet...I just wonder if that's meant to mean anything...so they'll probably introduce him next lol.

Adam Rose retired, not the Rabbit. it's coming back

[Bob-O]

Too far, too soon, never gonna happen... but when I finished writing that up there, it crossed my mind that they might actually try to incorporate the Buzzard and The Rabbit into gimmicks... because Vincelol... and I was really sad for whatever talent would be cursed into the role of playing a rabbit or a buzzard.

Nobody would be able to get that over... I mean a rabbit... or a buzzard!?

Who, a few months from now, could possibly get over wearing a buzzard mask to the ring... making bird noises... all while representing the evil side of Bray Wyatt... you'd need a real Villian to get that over... I can't come up with anyone that could do it.






But for real, if they don't at least give me Nikki Cross in the Sister Abigail role I'm going write them a strongly worded letter.

[KILLdozer]

Too far, too soon, never gonna happen... but when I finished writing that up there, it crossed my mind that they might actually try to incorporate the Buzzard and The Rabbit into gimmicks... because Vincelol... and I was really sad for whatever talent would be cursed into the role of playing a rabbit or a buzzard.

Nobody would be able to get that over... I mean a rabbit... or a buzzard!?

Who, a few months from now, could possibly get over wearing a buzzard mask to the ring... making bird noises... all while representing the evil side of Bray Wyatt... you'd need a real Villian to get that over... I can't come up with anyone that could do it.






But for real, if they don't at least give me Nikki Cross in the Sister Abigail role I'm going write them a strongly worded letter.

Stick Abyss in the role of the Buzzard. Just do it right. Nothing funny or fancy...just a dark ominous character in a strange mask.