BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by Big Red Machine » Oct 10th, '17, 00:45

THE MIZZIE AWARDS- bad
It goes how you would expect. It was extremely boring. He gave Sheamus & Cesaro an award for “Best Supporting Actor.” The announcers were treating this idiotic thing with absolutely sincerity. Why do we have to do all of this dumb sh*t giving out “Mizzie awards” and talking about their “movie,” “The Destruction of Roman Reigns,” when it would be so much easier to just have the guys come out and cut their damn promos. The stupid fans were playing along, chanting “YOU DESERVE IT!” for all of these bullsh*t awards. It was so infuriating.
Roman finally came out to interrupt. Hey. Whaddaya know. Vince & co. finally made me happy to see Roman. Miz says Roman won’t fight four-on-one and that no one should believe the rumors that the Shield are back together, to which Roman responded “who said anything about rumors?” Then Ambrose’s music played and he came out to stand at Roman’s side. Then Rollins’ music played and he came out, too, and this was all put together in such an idiotically overdramatic that I didn’t give a sh*t.
They stand at the top of the ramp for a while then surround it… and as Graves points out, they’re still out-numbered, so why are the heels so afraid? Miz slipped out of the ring and let the other three fight, and The Shield took them out. Then they cornered Miz, who was too dumb to run away when his pals were all taken out, and Dean nailed him with Dirty Deeds, then they hit him with the Triple Powerbomb. This was SOOOO much lamer than it should have been. This felt like a heavy-handed WWE segment designed to get The Shield over rather than feeling like something that would happen naturally. It felt 100% artificial.

Apparently Indianapolis is not only the same place The Shield debuted, but also the place they broke up, so major props to WWE for doing the official reunion here.

JASON JORDAN vs. KARL ANDERSON (w/Luke Gallows)- 1.5/10
They were so f*cking proud of that terrible Facebook live pre-tape from last week that they chose to show it again here instead of letting us get even a glimpse of either wrestler’s entrance. The match was extremely short.

ELIAS SAMPSON STUFF- excellent. They had him cut a heel promo getting cheap heat first so the people actually reacted the way he wanted to shtick. Then Titus O’Neil showed up with banjo. This was great.

“THE DRIFTER” ELIAS SAMPSON vs. APOLLO CREWS (w/Titus O’Neil)- 2/10
The Drifter’s finisher has a name. The “Drift Away.”

Shield vs. Miz, Sheamus, & Cesaro is the main event of TLC in a TLC show.
ENZO AMORE & KURT ANGLE SEGMENT- fine.
Enzo wants to know why the “no contact” clause didn’t apply to Kalisto, so he calls Kurt out and demands an explanation. Kurt explains that it only applied to people on the Cruiserweight roster at the time when it was signed. Whatever.
Kurt then switched Kalisto’s title shot from happening at TLC to happening tonight. Enzo agrees to this, but only if the match will be the main event. Kurt then randomly makes the match a Lumberjack Match and just arbitrarily “suspends” Enzo’s “no contact” clause. So Kurt can just have this “no contact” clause ignored whenever he wants? That’s not how contracts work.

They keep telling me that we will hopefully find out if Bray is telling the truth about Sister Abigail being alive or not later tonight, and all I can think is “who the hell cares?” And I’m not just talking from a “Bray Wyatt is my least favorite gimmick” point of view. I mean in kayfabe, who cares whether or not Bray’s made up thingy is alive or dead?

BRAUN STROWMAN vs. MATT HARDY- 5/10
Corey Graves claimed that Matt Hardy “has been in a delirious state of mind without his brother Jeff by his side.” I haven’t seen any evidence of this. Also, I couldn’t come up with a good “Delirious” joke.
They had just about the best possible match they could have had in the time they were given. Major props to Matt for being willing to sacrifice his finisher to Braun.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- bad
Braun started to carry Matt away, but The Shield (in their new t-shirts that they have already had made, because you’ve gotta sell that merch) come out to stop him. Braun, of course, doesn’t back down, but he gets taken down by The Shield and they just stomped the crap out of him. I know they were saving Matt, but the gang-beating always comes off as heelish, and the Triple Powerbomb (or the “Cerberus,” or the “Shield Bomb,” depending who which announcer is calling it) through the announcers’ table felt unnecessary. I think it would have been best to not do any post-match segment at all.

SHIELD PROMO- they’re going to “destroy everything in our path” and “we run this business now.” Yeah. This was really heelish.

WOMEN’S TITLE SEGMENT- Awesome segment.
Mickie James comes out to cut a promo that started off more than a little worked shoot-y. Then it became a totally awesome babyface promo. Then Alexa came out with a “Mickie James career retrospective.” It was decently funny. It was done in the style of one of those old educational videos with the happy, jaunty announcer. Then Alexa made some old-person jokes at Mickie, to which Mickie responded by saying that she was having trouble hearing in her old age, so why doesn’t Alexa come down to the ring and get close enough for Mickie to hear her. Mickie is SOOOOOOO great in this role.
Alexa headed down the ramp to actually face Mickie, but then stopped and said “Yeah, right. That move is just as old as you are” and turned around and left. And Mickie chased right after her and grabbed her by the hair and dragged her back to the ring and started wailing on her. Mickie went for the Mick Kick but Alexa avoided it and retreated. These two are SOOOOOO great together.

VARIOUS WOMEN PETITION KURT TO BE ASUKA’S FIRST OPPONENT- bad
It started with Sasha and Bayley, who were given the most putrid lines you’ve ever heard. Sasha’s were slightly better than Bayley’s, but does it really matter that much when your choices are being burned alive or being set on fire and then having the fire be put out by burying you alive under fifty tons of dirt? The person who wrote Bayley’s line should have been fired on the spot when he or she proposed them, and the person who pitched Sasha’s lines should have been made to eat the paper they were written o and then ordered to go back and try again.
Alicia Fox showed up and literally whined like a small child, then screamed because she is unhappy with the lack of opportunities she has been getting. Then Dana Brooke showed up and said “sometimes I feel like I don’t even exist,” and I’m not going to lie to you guys: I had totally forgotten she existed until she showed up in this segment. Then Emma showed up and said that she started the Women’s Revolution and therefore she deserves Asuka. She didn’t start it, but getting the sh*t kicked out of you by Asuka is a fitting punishment for that crime, so as fa as I’m concerned, let Emma have the match.
Fox said she wanted a match with Emma for walking out on her last week, which, much like Dana Brooke’s existence, I had totally forgotten about. Kurt lectures the women that “how many times have I told you? We solve our problems in the ring.” Kurt then books a five-way to determine who will face Asuka. I live that they’re making the idea of facing Asuka important, but the execution of this segment was terrible, and that 100% due to the fact that WWE’s way of scripting and directing these segments makes everything feel completely phony.

CEDRIC ALEXANDER & MUSTAFA ALI vs. JACK GALLAGHER & BRIAN KENDRICK- 3/10

KURT ANGLE & MIZ BACKSTAGE- Miz wants to make their TLC match a handicap match because of things Dean said earlier about them facing more than three guys and not caring. Kurt says okay. Miz has apparently already talked to Strowman, who is waiting to enter on cue. I don’t see how The Shield could possibly win this without Strowman walking out on his teammates, which is not something I really want to see in a main event.

FINN BALOR PROMO- “Last week Bray Wyatt introduced the world to… Sister Abigail? I don’t even know what to say anymore. I’m speechless.”
You’re preaching to the choir, Finn.

Balor then said some stuff that… well… he did a fantastic job by somehow being able to make the words he said not sound stupid.
He was then interrupted by Wyatt magic and Bray spewing his usual drivel. It seems that Sister Abigail was someone who died and Bray willingly became her vessel. Dumb screen effects happened and now Bray is wearing a veil and lots of eye shadow. Now he’s speaking in higher-pitched voice, with some electronic distortions mixed in to let us know that this is a possession.
This was completely f*cking unbearable. Here’s a question: Why didn’t this Sister Abigail help Bray wreak vengeance upon Randy Orton or The Undertaker? Because they had no plans for her until they thought of this dumb feud and they don’t care about things making sense. That’s why.

ELIMINATION MATCH FOR THE RIGHT TO FACE ASUKA AT TLC: Emma vs. Alicia Fox vs. Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley- 4.25/10
I don’t ever remember them saying that this was an elimination match until the first pinfall (Bayley on Dana). Even Cole didn’t know.
For some reason Bayley got upset because Sasha tried to pin her in a professional wrestling match. What a baby. Fox pinned Bayley after messing up her Scissors Kick so badly that she kicked Bayley in the middle of the back, not in the head/neck. Sasha eventually beat Fox, then immediately got rolled up by Emma for the win. Well… the last time Emma and Asuka faced off it was pretty awesome, so hopefully they’ll be given enough time to repeat that (although my guess is that Emma is just going to get squashed).

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS FINN BALOR- “I fear that Bray may have unleashed something awful”
Yeah. “Awful” is definitely pretty accurate.
Balor said a bunch of ominous crap.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS KALISTO- He was inspired by Eddie and Rey, because WWE has no idea what else a Hispanic babyface could ever possibly say.

LUMBERJACK MATCH FOR THE WWE CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: Enzo Amore(c) vs. Kalisto- 4.75/10
Hey! The lumberjacks all got their own entrances! And Cedric is still selling his arm from earlier!
Oh no! It’s Hispanic Heritage Month… but also Columbus Day! What is WWE’s PR machine to do? What’s that you say? It’s Eddie Guerrero’s birthday? Well I guess that puts it over the top, then. Kalisto will win.
The match was not good, and the reason for that was this focus on the almost pointless lumberjacks. Yes, it set up for a Mustafa Ali vs. Enzo feud, but 1) I don’t anyone is going to care about that if the title isn’t involved, and 2) the way they set it up was by having Enzo, the heel, have the match won, only to get screwed out of the title he should have rightfully retained, destroying all credibility for Kalisto’s big win.

A terrible episode of Raw. The only good things on this show were the women’s title segment and the segment before the Sampson vs. Crews match, and when Titus O’Neil and the f*cking Drifter are combining for the second-best segment on your show, you’ve got a major problem.


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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 10th, '17, 09:46

The direction they're going to have to take that Abigail nonsense will ABSOLUTELY NOT FIT INTO TODAY'S WWE! AHHHAHHAHAHA! OH-HO-HO AHAHAHA! That Wyatt got me again with all of his nonsense!

Yeah though, the lengths they're going to have to and try to for anything to come together with all of this obnoxious jack shit stupidity is going to be ridiculous and hilarious.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 10th, '17, 10:10

It's taken me a while to actually really get to a point of noticing enough of a difference to say anything, but this "Then, now, Forever." Bouncing tune thing they have for the Raw intro is absolutely horrible. It's just not how you start off a wrestling show. I wanna say Sd uses the same one.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by Big Red Machine » Oct 10th, '17, 10:12

KILLdozer wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 10:10
It's taken me a while to actually really get to a point of noticing enough of a difference to say anything, but this "Then, now, Forever." Bouncing tune thing they have for the Raw intro is absolutely horrible. It's just not how you start off a wrestling show. I wanna say Sd uses the same one.
It's not what I'd prefer, but I don't think it's terrible.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 10th, '17, 10:15

Big Red Machine wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 10:12
KILLdozer wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 10:10
It's taken me a while to actually really get to a point of noticing enough of a difference to say anything, but this "Then, now, Forever." Bouncing tune thing they have for the Raw intro is absolutely horrible. It's just not how you start off a wrestling show. I wanna say Sd uses the same one.
It's not what I'd prefer, but I don't think it's terrible.
It's just so anticlimactic compared to heavy wild rock with guitar from years past.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 10th, '17, 10:16

Can we stop shoving the word "Miz" in front of everything just to be funny and arrogant? Lol.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 10th, '17, 10:32

Cole's such an idiot. Get him off of the table already. The shield came back and then he said "Well they look like they don't know what to expect but they weren't expecting this ."

I'm pretty sure they were lol.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 10th, '17, 11:38

Eddie Guerrero is one of Cole's favorite "Sports entertainers" of all time. Lol this is beyond ridiculous. They don't even care that this language they speak and create is stupid as fuck.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by Big Red Machine » Oct 10th, '17, 13:59

KILLdozer wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 11:38
Eddie Guerrero is one of Cole's favorite "Sports entertainers" of all time. Lol this is beyond ridiculous. They don't even care that this language they speak and create is stupid as fuck.
It's not just that. It's the fact that their idiotic, awkward language has literally zero benefit to them.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 10th, '17, 16:09

Big Red Machine wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 13:59
KILLdozer wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 11:38
Eddie Guerrero is one of Cole's favorite "Sports entertainers" of all time. Lol this is beyond ridiculous. They don't even care that this language they speak and create is stupid as fuck.
It's not just that. It's the fact that their idiotic, awkward language has literally zero benefit to them.
It just makes them look weird and therefore people are gonna pause for a second and say "His favorite sports entertainers of all time? WTF?", Therefore taking them out of the entertainment moment lol. When are they changing the second W to an S , by that logic?
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by cero2k » Oct 10th, '17, 16:17

KILLdozer wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 16:09
Big Red Machine wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 13:59
KILLdozer wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 11:38
Eddie Guerrero is one of Cole's favorite "Sports entertainers" of all time. Lol this is beyond ridiculous. They don't even care that this language they speak and create is stupid as fuck.
It's not just that. It's the fact that their idiotic, awkward language has literally zero benefit to them.
It just makes them look weird and therefore people are gonna pause for a second and say "His favorite sports entertainers of all time? WTF?", Therefore taking them out of the entertainment moment lol. When are they changing the second W to an S , by that logic?
it's their stupid corporate capitalist lingo, everything they say or write on the website has to be a catchphrase or nickname they can add a TM next to and a link to the tshirt store. They don't care about making sense or sounding smart, they just want to sell and get as most money as you can. For sakes, The Shield had a new tshirt minutes after they reunited, that's some Young Bucks level vending right there.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by Big Red Machine » Oct 10th, '17, 17:33

cero2k wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 16:17
KILLdozer wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 16:09
Big Red Machine wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 13:59


It's not just that. It's the fact that their idiotic, awkward language has literally zero benefit to them.
It just makes them look weird and therefore people are gonna pause for a second and say "His favorite sports entertainers of all time? WTF?", Therefore taking them out of the entertainment moment lol. When are they changing the second W to an S , by that logic?
it's their stupid corporate capitalist lingo, everything they say or write on the website has to be a catchphrase or nickname they can add a TM next to and a link to the tshirt store. They don't care about making sense or sounding smart, they just want to sell and get as most money as you can. For sakes, The Shield had a new tshirt minutes after they reunited, that's some Young Bucks level vending right there.
They're different issues. The Shield t-shirt I understand (although, for kayfabe reasons, I would have waited a week). But they're not selling t-shirts that says "Title Opportunity" or "Sports Entertainment" in big letters. There is no tangible benefit to them using these words (they have to know by now that "sports entertainment" doesn't fool anyone into thinking it's not pro wrestling), and it makes show more grating to long-time fans, and, as Dozer said, sounds cumbersome and stupid to new/potential fans, which runs the risk of driving them off. These words come with no benefit and a serious risk (turning off potential fans is always a serious risk), so why do they insist on using them?
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 10th, '17, 18:30

Not just new or potential, but even the constants like you or I are gonna probably hear, "That guy is one of my favorite sports entertainers of all time..." , And, again, just think , wtf is he talking about lol.

I still wonder what's that whole term is about. I suppose I've just gotten it actually, it's all about athletes who are putting on entertainment.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by Big Red Machine » Oct 10th, '17, 18:33

KILLdozer wrote:
Oct 10th, '17, 18:30
Not just new or potential, but even the constants like you or I are gonna probably hear, "That guy is one of my favorite sports entertainers of all time..." , And, again, just think , wtf is he talking about lol.

I still wonder what's that whole term is about. I suppose I've just gotten it actually, it's all about athletes who are putting on entertainment.
It was a term Vince made up when he publicly admitted that the business was a work so that he could get around taxes and regulations that had been into place in New Jersey.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 10/9/2017 Raw (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » Oct 10th, '17, 18:48

Lovely business practice there.
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