John Cena is watching from backstage. Michael Cole talked about how “Every week Jason Jordan says ‘respect needs to be earned’ and how he needs to silence the doubters.” I have never once heard him say any of these things, but they are definitely the types of things that if they would actually let him say on TV, it would feel like he has more of a character than just “Kurt Angle’s son.”
Cole said more things along these lines that, in addition to the above, also kind of bothers me because it almost makes it seem like we’re just supposed to forget that he was ever on Smackdown. The above character I mentioned would work even better with someone we haven’t seen on the main roster before.
During this match, Roman Reigns headbutted Jason Jordan, and then Roman sold the headbutt. Worst. Samoan. Ever. Jordan, for his part, seems to have had his move-set reduced to just punches, dropkicks, and that one overhead belly-to-belly suplex. The match was very good, but not as good, Jordan’s match with John Cena last week. And speaking of John Cena, he was shown watching this match backstage, and turned down a backstage interview with Charly Caruso (in one hell of a dress) in order to go talk to Roman directly.
JOHN CENA & ROMAN REIGNS HAVE A TALKING SEGMENT- bad
John Cena came out to be a douche to Roman, but he was really just turning the tables on the way Roman was being a douche to him last week with his sh*t talking and has now failed to back it up, so I’ll give John a pass.
Roman claims to have been having “a great match,” an all but non-kayfabe concept that his promo on Cena last week seemed to indicate that he doesn’t even understand. He then claimed to have had more great matches in the past two years than Cena has had in his entire career. They really, truly, couldn’t be do a better job of making Roman look like a total douchebag if they tried (and the sad part is that I’m not even sure if they’re trying to do so or not).
Cena rightfully buries this moron for this horribly incorrect statement (I’d even go so far as to say that Cena has probably had more great matches in the past two years that Roman has). So John verbally destroys Roman and starts to walk off but Roman calls him back, then tries another plan of attack, which is claiming that he has been outdrawing Cena. First of all, this is false, and second of all… why should I- or any other fan- give a sh*t who is selling the tickets?
Roman continues to be a douche to Cena about things I don’t really care about so Cena then brings up Roman’s drug test failure, reminding me of yet another reason to be angry at Roman’s continued push and special treatment by the office. I hate this whole feud because I don’t care about anything they are arguing about, and because it is trying to draw my attention by “breaking kayfabe” even though I know that it isn’t, and, perhaps even worse, they’re making Roman act like a huge douche and I know they’re just going to want me to forget about it once the feud has ended (until the next time they want me to remember it). I just don’t see what any of this gets them that they couldn’t have had in a much more productive manner and much earlier (unless, of course, my conspiracy theory from last week about them this all being a way for them to try to trick us into cheering for Cena is correct, in which case I’ll be annoyed for other reasons, which I laid out last week).
Attention wrestling fans: Can I please have someone bring a “Roman Eunt Domus” sign?
They’re giving away Cena vs. Strowman for free tonight. Between this and Orton vs. Nakamura, I think they just might be trying to see how much money they can burn in a one-week period.
SASHA BANKS vs. EMMA- 4.25/10
Emma didn’t even get her entrance shown. Also, SPOILER ALERT, she’s only even in the PPV match to take the pin. They might as well put her under a mask and call her “La Jobbera.”
Alexa Bliss! was on commentary for this match. Right before a commercial break (funny how it always works out that way. Makes you think this whole thing might be pre-planned or something) Nia showed up and sat down next to Alexa. I thought it would have been a lot better for Alexa to run away the moment Nia started walking towards her. It’s not like she (or anyone else) could possibly have had more than a few lines to say to hype up her PPV match so force her to repeat the same stuff over and over again when you could 1) make her look like the chickensh*t heel she’s supposed to be 2) make Nia look like the scary monster she’s supposed to be, 3) have a funny moment, and 4) avoid obnoxious repetition of phrases all at the same time.
Corey Graves said that if Emma were champion “could you imagine the obnoxious hashtags? It would be endless.” Yeah. Because that’s definitely not the case when Emma isn’t the champ.
Michael Cole informed us that “Emma is trying to make a name for herself here in the WWE by using social media.” Umm… Mr. Cole, sir? I have a question: why doesn’t she need to make a name for herself if she is already a “WWE Superstar?” Doesn’t the word “superstar” imply that you’ve already made a name for yourself and everyone knows who you are? I do so love it when their own obsession with crap like branding and social media leads to inadvertently bury themselves.
PAUL HEYMAN & (BROCK LESNAR) PROMO- good.
But more importantly, it ended in…
BROCK LESNAR & BRAUN STROWMAN BRAWL- AWESOME!
Braun won. This was so totally awesome.
BRAY WYATT PROMO- this not only wasn’t terrible, but he tied it into both his ongoing feud with Finn Balor and his opponent for tonight, Goldust. A rare effective promo from Bray.
BRAY WYATT vs. GOLDUST- squash
Didn’t Goldust cut some sort of promo right before SummerSlam saying that he would be getting a new protégé soon? I guess that’s just not happening anymore for some reason. That really sucks because Goldust as a character had been the best he had been since his initial run as Goldust before Vince Russo decided it would be better to break kayfabe and randomly have him be Dustin. Bray beat Goldust down after the match until Balor showed up (thankfully not via teleportation) to make the save.
CHARLY CARUSO INTERIVEWS SHEAMUS & CESARO- great promo!
CESARO & SHEAMUS vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON- no rating, meh segment.
Rollins & Ambrose were on commentary. Instead of a match we got a three-way brawl.
ROLLINS, AMBROSE, & KURT BACKSTAGE- Kurt tells them to find two other guys to team with against the heels in an eight-man tag, but because this is WWE, we had to write in a line that made both Ambrose and Angle look like idiots.
ASUKA IS COMING TO RAW- I figured they would drag this out for a lot longer. Also, Asuka should be on Smackdown because that’s where all of the big match-ups for her are, and most of the first-time match-ups.
NIA JAX & ALEXA BLISS! BACKSTAGE- they’re back to Alexa sucking up to Nia. Instead Nia says that she just talked to Kurt and they’re having a singles match next week.
THE DRIFTER SINGS A SONG- Now they’re actually hyping this up as if it is something people will be excited to hear is coming up next. He was interrupted by Kalisto, who apparently has a match with him tonight. Yup. They thought “The Drifter will sing a song” had a better chance of making people want to stay tuned than “he high-flying Kalisto will have a wrestling match against The Drifter.” That right there says so much about this company.
They’re doing an auction for Connor’s Cure tonight, and one of the item up for auction is the small hand-towel John Cena brought out with him earlier tonight. You know that’s going to wind up in some teenage girl’s secret JohnCena closet shrine.
KALISTO vs. “THE DRIFTER” ELIAS SAMPSON- 3/10
BRAUN STROWMAN vs. JOHN CENA- 4/10
Apparently hip surgery after Strowman’s post-match attack. Hooray for things having consequences.
I had to take a fifteen minute break during this match to banish the visual of a Tyrannosaurus throwing a dropkick from my head so that I could take things seriously again. Thanks, Corey
These guys did what they could, but they knew that the finish made it not worth doing too much here. As for the finish itself, it really irked me because there was no reason other than so neither guy had to do the job, and the ref really should have DQed Braun after the first time he hit Cena with the steps.
CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS ABOUT WHAT BRAUN STROWMAN JUST DID TO JOHN CENA- Thankfully all they had Roman say was “the monster won’t him mercy, and neither will I.” I was quite certain they were going to go a much smugger and more douchy route.
ROLLINS & AMBROSE WILL TEAM WITH THE HARDY BOYZ- all we need now is Balor and Tanahashi you’ll have the women’s
MIZ TV WITH SPECIAL GUEST ENZO AMORE- I’m actually in a lot of pain right now so I’m just going to skip this horsesh*t.
THE MIZ vs. ENZO AMORE- this counts as part of the above horsesh*t.
Apparently TJP and Rich Swann have a “long-standing rivalry” which will blow off tomorrow night on 205 Live. Who knew?
NEVILLE LAUGHS AT ENZO IN THE MOST FORCED AND OBNOXIOUS WAY POSSIBLE- bad.
KARL ANDERSON, LUKE GALLOWS, CESARO, & SHEAMUS vs. SETH ROLLINS, DEAN AMBROSE, & THE HARDY BOYZ- 5.75/10
Matt tripped and was WAY late trying to make a save so the ref just… stopped counting. That looked atrocious. The whole thing with Cesaro and Sheamus kind of walking off felt dumb and forced, and the Hardys barely felt relevant at all.
A very bad episode of Raw.