BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by Big Red Machine » Aug 29th, '17, 02:23

Booker T isn’t at the show because of the hurricane, but because we’re in Memphis we’ve got Jerry Lawler on commentary in his place. Not sure that’s an improvement.

OPENING SEGMENT- Kurt came off like a total dick here, sending Miz out to do a promo, then coming out and cutting him off the moment he started speaking. Miz cut a fine promo on Kurt, who then announced that Miz would defend his title next week against the winner of a battle royale which will take place right now.

BATTLE ROYALE FOR A SHOT AT THE WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE NEXT WEEK: Bo Dallas vs. Curtis Axel vs. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy vs. Finn Balor vs. Goldust vs. R-Truth vs. “The Drifter” Elias Sampson vs. Jason Jordan vs. Luke Gallows vs. Karl Anderson vs. Kalisto vs. Apollo Crews vs. Curt Hawkins-
They showed us a bunch of entrances, the cut a commercial... so why couldn’t the referees have come out during the commercial break instead of all being coincidentally out at ringside in a segment that didn’t even have a scheduled need for one referee, never mind four.
Clean-shaved Big Show looks horrific. Like some sort of disturbing cross between Big Show and unmasked Kane. Like someone tried to stretch Kane’s face over Big Show’s.
The first spot of the match was everyone grabbing Hawkins, picking him up, and throwing him out. It was hilarious. Then they all turned on Big Show but he roared his way out of the corner and started to chop the sh*t out of people.
The next guy out was Kalisto, who was not only eliminated second, but was eliminated by the Miz-tourage, which shows you how far he has fallen. Metaphorically, I mean. Literally we can find out how far he fell by measuring Axel’s height up to his shoulders and then adding that to the height of the ring.
Gallows, Anderson, & Balor teamed up to eliminate Big Show. Cole said that “of course, we know about their history from Japan.” Do we really, Cole? Because it’s been three years since Balor was in Bullet Club, and I’m betting that a large chunk of WWE’s audience doesn’t know about it because it has never really been explained on TV. If you’re not willing to explain it, then you shouldn’t bring it up at all.
The only explanation for Bo Dallas’ current look and gear is that he wants people to mistake him for Rhyno at a quick glance. I know I did so several times. I also know that if I was Bo Dallas, I would want people think I was just about anyone else on the face of the Earth, so there is your motive.
Anderson helped to illegally eliminate Matt after Matt had eliminated him. Balor started to dominate the match but was eliminated by Bray Wyatt magicking himself into the ring behind Finn and tossing him out, then magicking himself away. I wish he would go away forever.
Kalisto’s earlier elimination actually set up for a spot where Jason Jordan avoided being eliminated in a similar manner and then eliminated both Miz-tourage members on his own before eliminating The Drifter but then being eliminated by Jeff Hardy for the win. Jeff’s win was certainly unexpected, making him an excellent choice for this random title defense here, as he has certainly viewed as a guy who is at the level required to be an Intercontinental Champion and is a beloved underdog babyface to function as an excellent foil for the despised Miz.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS ALEXA BLISS!- really great promo by Alexa, except for that one line about how “the WWE Universe if ready to worship their goddess once again” or whatever. She can clearly talk, so why do they insist on forcing her to say idiotic, unnatural bullsh*t?
Alexa pointed out that Sasha has never, ever successfully defended the title, which is quite pathetic, and is a reflection on just how stupid WWE’s booking of the Sasha vs. Charlotte feud was. Unfortunately for Alexa, this seems like the exactly the sort of time where WWE will have her end that streak and successfully defend her title.

ENZO AMORE PROMO- horrible. And even worse it dragged on forever.

ENZO AMORE vs. NOAM DAR- 2.5/10
Enzo wins in his Cruiserweight Division debut.

NEVILLE PROMO- good

PAUL HEYMAN & BROCK LESNAR PROMO- good
Brock summed this up by telling Braun “Suplex City, bitch!”

SETH ROLLINS (w/Dean Ambrose) vs. CESARO (w/Sheamus)- 7/10
I am SOOOOO tired of seeing these guys against each other every damn week. Between the babyfaces’ entrance and the heels’ entrance, we cut to a recap of last week’s interactions between Roman Reigns and John Cena, because that’s totally not a completely awkward time to do that.
Rollins got distracted by Ambrose and Sheamus fighting on the outside, allowing Cesaro to hit a European Uppercut for the win. This feud continues to go nowhere.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Sheamus challenges Ambrose to a match right now and Ambrose says okay. Graves tells us that Kurt okays it, so I guess this means he didn’t have anything booked for right now. Either way, we get…

DEAN AMBROSE (w/Seth Rollins) vs. SHEAMUS (w/Cesaro)- 6/10
This seems like a fine place to reiterate my above comments about how bored of this feud I am. The babyfaces cheated and won, so now each team got a win, meaning we’ve that just wasted almost half an hour going absolutely nowhere. Way to go, “Creative.”

EMMA & MICKIE JAMES BACKSTAGE- Emma started this off by saying “Twitter is just blowing up about the VMAs” and at that point I started to tune out. I zoned back in just in time to hear Emma say something along the lines of “I might have lost to Nia Jax last week, but I was the one trending on Twitter after our match.” Mickie James then responded by pointing out that hashtags don’t mean sh*t and maybe you should save being proud of yourself for when you’ve actually done something good productive. That’s kind of odd, as I would have relished the chance to give that exact lecture to Creative.
Emma takes credit for starting the Divas Revolution, which is a lot like taking credit for convincing Harry Frazee to sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees. This then combined with the subject matter mentioned in the above paragraph to lead to perhaps the least consequential stipulations in the history of pro wrestling being added to tonight’s match: If Emma wins, Mickie must send out any Tweet Emma wants, but if Mickie wins, Emma will never be allowed to claim credit for starting the Divas/Women’s Revolution ever again.
This seems like kind of a win-win, because ether Mickie will win and I’ll never have to hear someone try to take credit for starting the Divas/Women’s Revolution ever again, or Emma will win and Mickie will be forced to Tweet out something hilariously awkward, like a Tweet thanking Emma for teaching her that “Foster’s” is Australian for strap-on.


MATCH WITH ABSURDLY INCONSEQUENTIAL STIPULATIONS: Mickie James vs. Emma- 0.25/10
Emma has new music. It is atrocious. Her old music was awesome. BRING BACK HER OLD MUSIC!
The match was extremely short. Emma won clean by sitting down on a sunset flip, so Mickie must now Tweet out whatever Emma wants (#FunWithFoster’s).

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- terrible.
Emma grabs a mic, but instead of telling us what she is going to make Mickie Tweet out, she just repeats “I started the Women’s Revolution” over and over and over again the whole way to the back.

CENA-REIGNS CONTRACT SIGNING- Cena talked a lot about “protection,” and especially with what he said about Roman, there was no way to read it that made sense in kayfabe. So basically the pitch for this match is “find out who Vince’s favorite is.” I really don’t care about that. Other than that aspect- which was often present in Cena’s remarks- both men were pretty great (Roman, especially had an excellent performance here) although neither of them came off unlikeable. Roman for his arrogance, and Cena for what seemed to be a slight disconnect from reality (which Roman did often call out). After watching this segment I definitely want to see these two fight, but I honestly don’t care who wins so long as I get a good fight.
This will probably be a great segment for some, but it was WAY too inside for my liking.

Then Gallows & Anderson showed up to provoke a match against Roman and Cena, because G-d forbid we let the big promo segment stand by itself and we let a week go by without Cena and Roman winning.

JOHN CENA & ROMAN REIGNS vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON- 4/10
Yup. Same thing that happened last week, but this time not only were Roman and Cena angrier at each other than they were last week, but they also had less time to get over what the other said. Then factor in that Gallows & Anderson didn’t last anywhere near as long as Bo & Axel did last week, it turns out that Gallows & Anderson got buried even worse than the Miz-tourage did last week.

THE DRIFTER DEBUTS A NEW SONG- why is this a scheduled segment on my wrestling program?
The Drifter plays an Elvis parody insulting Memphis. Jerry Lawler interrupts him, then brings out Pelvis Wesley. Yes. From Southpaw Regional Wrestling: the fake wrestling joke territory that WWE makes funny videos of. I giggled when The Drifter assaulted this loser (who is actually Heath Slater, so my giggling was intensified). Why did this happen instead of giving more time to the tag match or the main event.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS THE MIZ- Miz, Maryse, and Renee were all great. Renee made all of the right babyface point while Miz & Maryse’s heel points didn’t feel totally outrageous.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS SASHA BANKS- this felt like a heel promo.

WWE RAW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Sasha Banks(c) vs. Alexa Bliss!- 7/10
They started off with Bliss trying to get the quick win on Sasha with a bunch of roll-ups but she had to stop when Sasha countered one of them into a Banks Statement. From there they worked a great babyface vs. heel match with some big spots (Alexa pulling out a Code Red was great!), and building to a great finishing sequence in which, well… I think I’ll let Corey Graves call this one:
“All is right in the world, as the goddess has reclaimed her throne!” because Alexa Bliss! is your new Raw Women’s Champion.
Oh! That reminds me: I forgot to add the +10 “Alexa Bliss! wins the title” modifier to this match. New rating is 17/10, tying it with Alexa Bliss! vs. Bayley from Paybak for the greatest match in the history of professional wrestling. It doesn’t matter how many extra stars Dave keeps giving Omega’s matches. He’ll never beat Alexa f*cking Bliss.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good.
Nia Jax comes out to celebrate with Alexa. Then she squashes Sasha in the corner just to add insult to injury. Then she picks Alexa up onto her shoulders… and then the invisible Triple H gave her the thumbs down and she hits Alexa with a modified Electric Chair Suplex.
I’m usually a vocal opponent of short title reigns, but I really liked the booking of this whole thing (and not just because Alexa won). Sasha beating Alexa in Brooklyn and ending supposed Brooklyn curse set up the expectation that Sasha would win here and break her other unfortunate record, only to defy our expectations, and yet still serving to effectively set up the “Sasha always loses in her first defense” storyline for a payoff at a later date. The Alexa-Nia part obviously gives us a pay-off on that storyline, and the quick change to Sasha and change back to Alexa gave them an excuse to not kick off the Alexa vs. Nia program at a time when they can hold off on the Alexa vs. Nia title match until the PPV without violating the Thirty Days Rule.

A pretty dull show from WWE, but with a few good surprises, and a promo segment between Roman and Cena that everyone should see.


Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by cero2k » Aug 29th, '17, 07:42

so the rumor was correct all along, the women's title change was just so Alexa wouldn't break Charlotte's record (112 vs 113), but they never had the intention of changing the title at all
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by cero2k » Aug 29th, '17, 08:53

Big Red Machine wrote:
Aug 29th, '17, 02:23

Clean-shaved Big Show looks horrific. Like some sort of disturbing cross between Big Show and unmasked Kane. Like someone tried to stretch Kane’s face over Big Show’s.
so King Kong Bundy?
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by Serujuunin » Aug 29th, '17, 09:19

Somehow they've made me feel robbed in a match that Jeff AND Finn were in together. Give me a singles match!

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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by cero2k » Aug 29th, '17, 10:03

Serujuunin wrote:
Aug 29th, '17, 09:19
Somehow they've made me feel robbed in a match that Jeff AND Finn were in together. Give me a singles match!
i got the feel that that's where they'll go
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by KILLdozer » Aug 29th, '17, 10:04

Serujuunin wrote:
Aug 29th, '17, 09:19
Somehow they've made me feel robbed in a match that Jeff AND Finn were in together. Give me a singles match!
Oh, I'll rob you!
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by cero2k » Aug 29th, '17, 10:06

CENA: "I'm still here because you can't do your job"

I can't remember the last time Cena sounded so frustrated cutting a promo
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by KILLdozer » Aug 29th, '17, 10:25

Stop changing titles so much every time... everyone's a 3 or 4 time Champion already!
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by Big Red Machine » Aug 29th, '17, 12:47

cero2k wrote:
Aug 29th, '17, 08:53
Big Red Machine wrote:
Aug 29th, '17, 02:23

Clean-shaved Big Show looks horrific. Like some sort of disturbing cross between Big Show and unmasked Kane. Like someone tried to stretch Kane’s face over Big Show’s.
so King Kong Bundy?
But less fat.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by KILLdozer » Aug 29th, '17, 20:07

Oh, wait, the constant instant title changes are because everyone HAS to become a "GREAT!!!"
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by Serujuunin » Aug 31st, '17, 18:56

cero2k wrote:
Aug 29th, '17, 10:06
CENA: "I'm still here because you can't do your job"

I can't remember the last time Cena sounded so frustrated cutting a promo
I just watched this segment... and this promo cut a little close to the bone, I was fascinated but uncomfortable at the same time. Like kayfabe isn't a thing, and it's weird.

What happens after this match, when Roman wins?

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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by Big Red Machine » Aug 31st, '17, 23:44

Serujuunin wrote:
Aug 31st, '17, 18:56
cero2k wrote:
Aug 29th, '17, 10:06
CENA: "I'm still here because you can't do your job"

I can't remember the last time Cena sounded so frustrated cutting a promo
I just watched this segment... and this promo cut a little close to the bone, I was fascinated but uncomfortable at the same time. Like kayfabe isn't a thing, and it's weird.

What happens after this match, when Roman wins?
Then Cena will cut a promo telling us he was wrong about Roman and putting Roman over as a hard worker and as the future and everything will go back to the status quo because WWE still hasn't learned that having someone tell us that Roman is the best will not make us like him. It's almost like they don't even understand who the anti-Roman crowd is. If those people (and I include myself among them) won't be persuaded by Paul Heyman or The Rock, then they sure as hell won't be persuaded by John Cena.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/28/2017 Raw (shoot promos, brother)

Post by cero2k » Sep 1st, '17, 00:31

Big Red Machine wrote:
Aug 31st, '17, 23:44

Then Cena will cut a promo telling us he was wrong about Roman and putting Roman over as a hard worker and as the future and everything will go back to the status quo because WWE still hasn't learned that having someone tell us that Roman is the best will not make us like him. It's almost like they don't even understand who the anti-Roman crowd is. If those people (and I include myself among them) won't be persuaded by Paul Heyman or The Rock, then they sure as hell won't be persuaded by John Cena.
exactly, those two have the same fans anyway.
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