BRM Reviews the 1/16/2017 Raw (NO STEPH OR FOLEY! HOORAY!)

[Big Red Machine]

So they won’t let Tamina use her father’s last name due to the controversy, but they have no problem giving the guy an “in memory of” graphic?

OPENING SEGMENT- meh
Roman comes out and cuts a dull promo. He doesn’t seem too upset about losing his title in an unfair match last week. Then Heyman comes out to talk. Then Owens and Jericho showed up and teased a WrestleMania match between the two of them. Then Strowman showed up. Then Brock showed up. The only people who got particularly great reactions were Brock and the Owens/Jericho unit.
Sami Zayn showd up and attacked Strowman from behind which initiated a brawl. We got a Strowman-Lesnar stare-down but then Braun backed down. Then cowardly Roman attacked Brock from behind, but after some other stuff happened babyface Brock got his revenge by laying Roman out with an F-5. Brock and Strowman stated at each other from across the ramp.

COLIN CASSADY & ENZO AMORE vs. JINDER MAHAL & RUSEV (w/Lana)- 4/10
Enzo & Cass win. Apparently I’m supposed to care about him.

Every time they put the xXx graphic up on the screen to promote the movie it makes me do this giant double-take because in my brain it reads as the logo for TNA’s Triple X stable.

ARIYA DAIVARI vs. LINCE DORADO- 2/10
Jack Gallagher is on commentary. He and Daivari are having an “I Forfeit” match on 205 Live tomorrow. You know… because Gallagher is old-fashioned, and as we all know, old-fashioned means you have to use fancy words. I actually enjoyed Gallagher on commentary this week. The match was short because its only purpose was to be an excuse for Gallagher to talk for Daivari to only shout at him from afar.

FOOTAGE OF NIA ATTACKING SASHA WHILE HER KNEE WAS GETTING EVALUATED- this was originally shown on WWE’s Facebook page, where I assume it was originally streamed live or something. I thought this was a clever way to do an angle.

WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Cesaro & Sheamus(c) vs. Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows- 6.75/10
Umm… did they just do a Dusty Finish to screw THE HEELS out of the titles? Anderson and Gallows were understandably frustrated and thus attacked Sheamus and Cesaro after the match.

Every time they try to push the Rumble as “Friend vs. Friend and Foe vs. Foe” that last part makes me burst out in laughter.


EMMALINA STILL ISN’T HERE YET- still

ROMAN, ROLLINS, & ZAYN BACKSTAGE- Sami is trying to come up with a strategy tonight for their match. Seth was a douchebag to him. Then Sami looked like a goof by being overenthusiastic and wanting to do the Shield thing but the other two wouldn’t do it with him (you know… the exact same gag they did with Steph a few weeks ago).

TONY NESE vs. RICH SWANN- No rating, good segment
Neville jumped Swann during his entrance. Swann made comeback but got attacked by Nese. Nese got attacked by Neville, further establishing Neville’s loner tendencies. Neville then came out on top at the end by putting another beatdown on Swann.

NEVILLE PROMO- good

NEW DAY SEGMENT- there are other people in the room, so I’m just going to skip this. If you’re looking for “commentary,” consider that an indictment of WWE’s so-called “comedy.”

IF TITUS WINS HE GETS BIG E.’S SPOT IN THE ROYAL RUMBLE: Titus O’Neil vs. Big E. (w/the New Day)- 5/10

CHARLOTTE PROMO- “I hope Bayley got an F on this essay!” Great stuff!
My only problem with it was that the stuff from Bayley’s diary or whatever had her shoot name all over it. At least edit “Pamela” to “Bayley.” The clips of Bayley reading her essay were a fantastic idea because they served the double purpose of putting over Bayley’s girlhood dream and allow Charlotte to mock her.
Of course when Bayley showed up Charlotte ran away. Then Bayley cut a F*CKING AWESOME promo. Then the poetry ruined it. Whoever came up with that idea should have been flogged.
Charlotte taking a swing at the Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tubemen got me thinking… how much heat would it get if Charlotte just came out and popped them?

OWENS, JERICHO, & STROWMAN BACKSTAGE- GREAT!
Owens & Jericho want to strategize. Their strategy is for Braun to do all the work. Braun saw through it. If he ever becomes a better worker (and I think he will), he is going to be SOOOOO MUCH MONEY.

CEDRIC ALEXANDER vs. BRIAN KENDRICK- 4.75/10
Now Fox is trying to get back to helping Cedric. Cedric snubbed her after the match.

NIA JAX PROMO- good.

ALICIA FOX PROMO- Crazy Fox is back!

KURT ANGLE IS GOING INTO THE WWE HALL OF FAME- which basically means we’ll never see him wrestle again. Oh well. An AWESOME video package.
Is it a bad thing or a good thing that my Pavlovian response to hearing Kurt’s WWE music to get ready to chant “YOU SUCK!” at the appropriate time?

KEVIN OWENS, CHRIS JERICHO, & BRAUN STROWMAN vs. SAMI ZAYN, SETH ROLLINS, & ROMAN REIGNS- 6.25/10
A good match with a rather anti-climatic finish.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Braun brings Sami to the announcers’ table in an attempt to perform unspeakable harm to him but Rollins and Roman make the save. After Braun was taken out, Owens and Jericho attacked them from behind and were going to do the Shield Powerbomb to Roman but Seth made the save. He took Jericho out with a pedigree on the stage, but Owens took both Seth and Roman out with a chair then powerbombed Roman through the announcers’ table.

A very enjoyable episode of Raw, despite some extremely questionable booking and a disappointing main event. I am attributing this to the excellent women’s talking segment, and- more importantly- the complete and total lack of annoying authority figures whining, crying, yelling, and taking up TV time.