BRM Reviews the 11/14/2016 Raw (sick and tired of this bullsh*t)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- well… at least they booked a bunch of matches.
Raw starts with all TWENTY-TWO wrestlers who will be representing Raw at Survivor Series. Stephanie says they are “the elite.” Yes, almost half of the roster (close to exactly half of the roster if we take out people who haven’t debuted/redebuted yet like Gran Metalik and Emma, or recovering from injury like Balor, Paige and Summer Rae. Meanwhile, Steph and Foley get to stand in the ring and talk because they are the real stars. That’s who this feud is about after all: Shane, Steph, Foley, and Bryan.
After Steph was done hyping up that Bryan and Shane would be here tonight to engage in talking with her and Foley, Foley then cut an absolutely terrible promo in which he started off by saying “it’s about more than Raw vs. Smackdown” and proceeded to cite a bunch of things like Owens proving he is a better champion than AJ that all just boil down to Raw vs. Smackdown. Then Steph got to talk about, and just like last week, and she and Foley basically cut all of the wrestlers’ promos for them.
Steph says that tonight is about proving that Raw’s teams can work together. To further this end, they booked Sheamus & Cesaro vs. Roman & Owens, New Day vs. Braun, Rollins, & Cesaro, and Charlotte & Sasha vs. Nia Jax & Alicia Fox.

ROMAN REIGNS & KEVIN OWENS vs. ANTONIO CESARO & SHEAMUS- 6.75/10
Roman & Owens disagree on things. The finish was Roman spearing Sheamus and pulling the unconscious and legal Owens on top of Sheamus for the pin.

JERICHO, BRAUN, & ROLLINS BACKSTAGE- Jericho declares himself to be the captain for tonight. Not this sh*t again. Jericho gives them the gift of scarves. Rollins thinks scarves are dumb. Braun gets to be involved in comedy by demanding that he gets Jericho’s scarf instead. Then he rips it in half like an asshole because he likes neither scarves nor Jericho. This went on for WAY too long.

SAMI ZAYN vs. BO DALLAS- 4/10
They did a bit on the pre-show where Bo said he thought he deserved an IC Title match so Sami told him to prove it in the ring.

SAMI ZAYN PROMO- good stuff.

CRUISERWEIGHTS BACKSTAGE- Kendrick plugs his Survivor Series title defense match and is also a dick. TJP and Swann both lay out valid arguments as to why they deserve title matches. Also, Dar got to speak. His accent falls somewhere between Grado and Galloway (but closer to Grado). Sin Cara got to cut a promo putting over his “friend” Kalisto. Wasn’t the kayfabe reason for their break-up that Cara just decided that he didn’t like Kalisto?
NEW DAY PROMO- wow. I don’t even need to make a joke about the New Day’s unicorn horn gimmicks being dildos this week because they pretty much did it for me.

THE NEW DAY vs. CHRIS JERICHO, BRAUN STROWMAN, & SETH ROLLINS- 6.5/10
Rollins and Jericho didn’t get along but Strowman more than made up for it. So yes, the tag champs did the job even when the angle is that the opposing team couldn’t get along. After the match Jericho bitched and yelled about being the captain until Rollins mercifully shut him up with a pedigree.

FOLEY, STEPH, & HEYMAN BACKSTAGE- Heyman gives Steph a complement so Steph responds by calling Paul fat. What an asshole. Heyman then cut a promo to hype up Brock vs. Goldberg.
Paul leaves, and then Steph finally has the revelation that it will kill interest in the PPV if Brock and Goldberg fight tonight, so Mick calls up a bunch of security. It’s nice to see that they figured that part out eventually, although I’ve got to think that a smarter booker wouldn’t have put them in the same place at the same time until the PPV.

CHAROTTE & SASHA BACKSTAGE- good
Charlotte brags about the meaningless position of captain. Other than that, these two were pretty great. You really got the feeling that Sasha had to try very hard not to slap the taste out of Charlotte’s mouth. Also, I laughed my ass off at the “purple jealousy” line.

BRIAN KENDRICK vs. SIN CARA- 6.75/10

ENZO, CASS, ANDERSON, & GALLOWS BACKSTAGE- fine. I laughed at the “Professor X and… Professor Lower-Case X” line.

BROCK & GOLBERG FACE OFF THROUGH A WALL OF SECURITY PERSONNEL- they wasted a good five minutes on Heyman trying to cut his promo and Goldberg telling him to shut up. Once they started with the actual content this was quite awesome.

NIA JAX & ALICIA FOX vs. SASHA BANKS & CHARLOTTE FLAIR (w/Dana Brooke)- 5/10
Bayley is on commentary for this match because she has to be included somehow. She immediately puts over the Network as a place you can watch great Survivor Series moments of the past, and sounds completely genuine while doing so.
This was a shorter version of a match I’ve seen a bunch of times already tonight. I did really like the stuff Sasha and Nia did together, though. The post-match bit with Bayley and the hugs was good, too.

FOLEY GIVES HIS TEAM A POINTLSS PEP TALK- I’m so sick and tired of hearing this same sh*t over and over again.

EMMALINA STILL ISN’T HERE YET- HURRY THE F*CK UP, WOMAN!

ENZO & CASS PROMO- decent

ENZO AMORE, COLIN CASSADY, KARL ANDERSON, & LUKE GALLOWS vs. THE SHINING STARS & THE GOLDEN TRUTH- 4.5/10
Well… at least the finish was slightly different in this one.

SHANE, BRYAN, STEPH, & FOLEY TALK AT EACH OTHER IN THE MAIN EVENT- because of course this is what you should be doing in the main event. I actually had some medical tests done yesterday, and the doctor concluded that it was scientifically impossible for me to care less about this stupid Raw vs. Smackdown crap than I do right now.
Shane and Bryan came out and immediately started plugging tomorrow night’s Smackdown in a manner so obnoxious that it made me sick and tired of hearing about it, and I am going to be there live. That’s how annoying it was. In my opinion, pretty much every criticism Steph and Foley had of Smackdown was correct while most of the things the Smackdown authority figures said about Raw was wrong. Also, Shane and Steph arguing over who was being a glory-hound was fantastically ironic.
Steph brings out the Raw team with the implication that they’re going to beat up Shane and Bryan, but- in a move that everyone saw coming from the moment that Foley asked the Raw guys to stay around for the talking segment- the Smackdown guys (including James Ellsworth) were hiding in the building. They jumped the guardrail and no one tried to stop them. The obligatory promos were exchanged and the obligatory schmoz was started and who could possibly care? And does it really help the product to have Owens and AJ burying each other’s titles?
Semi-interesting banter then devolved into James Ellsworth and List of Jericho-based comedy. Then Bray cut a promo in which he accused Braun Strowman of “abandoning” the Wyatt Family, as if it was somehow Braun’s fault that they got separated in the draft.
This went on forever. That line where I said “the obligatory schmoz was started?” I typed that while the Smackdown guys were still on their way to ringside. That feels like ten minutes ago. I fast-fowarded through 99% of the schmoz because I knew nothing that happened would matter at all. I did catch Seth and Roman giving Dean the Shield Powerbomb over the top ropes onto the pile was a great spot to close out on, though. The only good part of this is that had any merit was Owens making sure to put his hand directly on Jericho’s breast while holding him back in response to AJ’s “sugar tit” line. This was YET ANOTHER extremely boring repetitive episode of WWE TV. I am SOOOOOOO happy that the build to Survivor Series is almost over because I can’t take another week of this bullsh*t.

[cero2k]

Did you watch that 'state of the WWE address' thing? it's like Dragon has zero fucks left to give, he's playing chicken with Vince

[Big Red Machine]

Did you watch that 'state of the WWE address' thing? it's like Dragon has zero fucks left to give, he's playing chicken with Vince

No, but I might after hearing Dave talk about what a clusterf*ck it was, with Bryan pretending this was supposed to be a shoot debate and Foley being so over-dramatic and then Steph trying desperately to get Shane to do his job well while trying to steer Bryan back to kayfabe. I feel really bad for her.

[cero2k]

Did you watch that 'state of the WWE address' thing? it's like Dragon has zero fucks left to give, he's playing chicken with Vince

No, but I might after hearing Dave talk about what a clusterf*ck it was, with Bryan pretending this was supposed to be a shoot debate and Foley being so over-dramatic and then Steph trying desperately to get Shane to do his job well while trying to steer Bryan back to kayfabe. I feel really bad for her.

just so you get an idea, at one point Dragon shot on Foley for going to TNA, actually name droppping TNA