BRM Reviews the 11/7/2016 Raw (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Braun Strowman)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 11/7/2016 Raw (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Braun Strowman)

Post by Big Red Machine » Nov 8th, '16, 02:10

OPENING SEGMENT- atrocious
Steph comes out to cut a promo. She starts off by talking about how the Raw vs. Smackdown feud has pit “husband against wife,” “neighbor against neighbor,” “brother vs. brother” and as she finally builds up to saying “Raw vs. Smackdown at Survivor Series”… there was absolutely no reaction whatsoever because NO ONE CARES ABOUT THIS FEUD. She continued to talk up the feud and people continued to not care. She also accidentally said it would be Raw’s three best men, women, and tag teams against Smackdown’s instead of five. Whoops. It finally takes her mentioning Goldberg to get a reaction from the crowd. Goldberg, of course, is not in any way involved in the Raw vs. Smackdown feud.
Steph brings out Raw’s team, which will be: Owens, Jericho, Reigns, Strowman, and Seth Rollins (who is just now being announced). Seth, Jericho, & Owens got cheered heavily. Strowman got no reaction at all, and Roman got booed. Owens whines that Rollins is on their team. Rollins tells Owens that in order to get him to be on the team, he got “certain assurances” from Steph, implying that he’s got another title shot coming to him after Survivor Series. Two things here:
1. Why did Steph need to make concessions to Rollins to get him on the team? Why can’t she just book him in the match like she books him in a match every week? (And if, for some reason, she couldn’t, they have yet to establish why winning this match is so important that she is willing to make concessions to Seth Rollins in order to get him on the team instead of just picking Rusev or Big Show or someone like that?)
2. Um… was it just me, or did anyone else see that announcement last week that Owens was going to face Roman at the Raw December PPV? I didn’t hallucinate that, did I? Maybe I did, because no one has mentioned it on this show so far, and they opened the show with a whole big video package showing Owens and Jericho laying Roman out.

To divert attention from this, Steph calls up a graphic of the Smackdown team on the TitanTron and starts cutting all of the wrestlers’ promos for them like she’s Kevin Kelly on commentary in ROH. Then she tried to fire them up by telling them that Daniel Bryan called them lazy. None of them reacted to this in any way. Then she told them that their jobs depended on them winning this match, threw the mic down and left the ring… and all five wrestlers turned and stared at her with confused looks on their faces, like they had no idea what the f*ck she was talking about.
Yeah. This sucked HARD. As I said above, NO ONE CARES ABOUT THIS FEUD. Now you add in the plot-hole with Rollins and the incongruence between what Rollins implied and the big Owens vs. Reigns, champion vs. champion match they announced on Twitter, and then end it with Steph’s threat to fire them all, and like the wrestlers, I think most fans are confused as well. I know I sure am.
Also, you’ve got to admire the complete and total lack of awareness of doing this Rollins thing to position Steph as being a good businesswoman and doing what is best for Raw despite her own wishes… and then ending the segment by having her tell the top five singles wrestlers on the show that they will be fired if they lose this meaningless match.

After Steph left, Owens picked up the mic and he and Jericho cut heel promos trying to get them the other three to put aside their differences: i.e. do whatever the “co-captains” Jericho and Owens say. At least this was entertaining.
Then, for no real reason, Rollins started a fight. Roman and Owens paired off and spilled out of the ring while Rollins and Jericho fought in the ring. Then Braun felt left out so he just attacked both of them.
If Steph and Foley want these guys to learn to work together, shouldn’t they book them in a ten-man tag against some other team tonight?
Steph comes back out and tells them to “get it out of their system” by having a five-way match. Well… at least that makes some sense, but it (and the Jericho & Owens promo) don’t come anywhere close to making up for how bad the rest of this was.

The tag teams from Raw will be: Gallows & Anderson, Golden Truth, Sheamus & Cesaro, Enzo & Cass, & New Day. So basically it’s everyone but the Shining Stars, which completely buries the Shining Stars. At least on Smackdown they had Nattie lose a qualifying match to determine that she wouldn’t be on the team (which also put Nikki over on her way to the match). Here they are just saying “yeah, the Shining Stars suck and everyone knows it.

RICH SWANN & SIN CARA vs. BRIAN KENDRICK & NOAM DAR- 5.5/10
HUGE pop for Dar, as you would expect, making his Raw debut in his home country. I assume Kendrick will attack him after the match or something to turn him babyface. Poor Michael Cole read his notes diligently and talked up Dar’s “mat-based style,” and then Noam Dar goes and starts off his Raw career with about ten straight strikes and no wrestling moves or submissions of any sort.
Sin Cara? More like Sin Seat On The Bus, amirite? He definitely seemed to be trying to regain some standing by doing the best he could in the ring.

Swann pinned Kendrick with a bodyscissors roll-up. Kendrick reamed Dar out after the match and the sucker-punched him and beat him up but Dar made his own comeback. Also, there was a guy in a Bayley t-shirt in the second row facing the hard-cam and his shirt was at just the right angle so that instead of “I’m a hugger” it looked like there was a different six-letter word that ended in “gger” and no matter how many times I saw it, it made me do a double take every single one.

GOLDBERG VS. LESNAR VIDEO PACKAGE- good

STEPH & SAMI ZAYN BACKSTAGE- Steph says that Shane is too cowardly to come on Raw and talk smack to her face. Instead he wants her to come to Smackdown so he can talk smack to her face there, but she refuses. So doesn’t that make Steph equally cowardly?
Anyway, Steph all of a sudden hates Sami’s guts so she buries him. Apparently Steph wants Rusev to challenge Dolph for the IC Title at Survivor Series but Foley wants it to be Zayn, so Steph books them against each other with the winner getting the title shot. So what’s the deal with Steph? She’s been such a babyface for a while, and yet all of a sudden she now hates Sami Zayn even though she has never had a cross word with him?

TAG TEAMS SEGMENT- pointless
New Day are the captains of the team and are supposed to come out to address their teammates, but they’re too lazy to show up so Sheamus kills time by getting cheap heat by burying Scotland. He has decided that he should be the captain of the team and soon everyone joins in on the pointless bickering. And it is pointless because 1) New Day were already appointed captains, and 2) who gives a f*ck who the captain is? There is no special reward for it.
At least this bickering was entertaining. It continued until Sheamus about to quit, and only then did New Day bother to show up. What a bunch of tools.
New Day come out dressed to get the cheap pop. Sheamus insulted them for some cheap heat. Big E. quotes Braveheart. Gallows and Anderson decide to quit, too, because they think New Day are bad captains. They are, but that won’t have any effect on the match whatsoever because there is no obligation to listen to them.
Enzo signed on. Then Goldust beat the Braveheart joke into the ground. Sheamus decides not to quit. Then Gallows and Anderson announced their intentions to stab the whole team in the back whenever they want. Then they ripped the others for being comedy dorks and “jokes.” Woods says “well if we’re jokes and we’ve beaten you then what does that make you?” YOU F*CKERS CHEATED! That’s how you beat them! How am I supposed to like New Day when they always retain their titles in a heelish manner and then brag about it?

THE CLUB vs. NEW DAY (w/Xavier Woods)- 6/10
They’re actually wrestling in their Braveheart gear. That led to the following exchange, which I will paraphrase:
Graves: Does anyone else think it is shameful that Demolition- one of the most intimidating tag teams of all time, will have their record broken by fools dressed like this?
Byron: They might be fools, but these fools know how to win and work together.

I can only imagine what Vince started to scream into their headsets during this because Michael Cole quickly jumped in and added “and they know how to have fun and entertain, which is what this is all about.”
Well if it’s just about entertaining people and having fun then why is everyone on the show so insistent that Raw must win?
I am truly curious as to what Vince’s thought process is that makes him force Cole to say things like this which come off SOOOOOO stupid and completely kill the atmosphere. Does he think that if we pretend that it’s not just “entertainment” that people tuning in will not watch because they think WWE is still insisting on keeping kayfabe and thus trying to “trick” them into thinking wrestling is real when everyone knows it isn’t? Or does he really think that people just want WWE-style “entertainment” rather than a simulated sport? Or is it something else? What goes through this man’s head that causes him to be so insistent on this to the point of sabotaging his own product?

Anderson & Gallows win the match, pinning New Day once again to set up yet another title match between these four.

GOLDEN TRUTH BACKSTAGE- R-Truth traded their spot in the Survivor Series match for a timeshare at the Shining Star Resort. Well then… I guess it can’t be that important, can it?

BROCK VIDEO PACKAGE- f*cking awesome.

OWENS & JERICHO BACKSTAGE- Jericho wants to yell at Braun but Owens wants to recruit him. Then they went into Braun’s locker room and Owens’ tried to smooth over Jericho’s poor diplomacy. They invited him to Team Kevin & Chris… & Braun. Braun declared himself to only be on Team Braun. This was pretty entertaining.

THEY CLAIM EMMALINA IS PREMIERING SOON- at this point I don’t believe them.

WINNER GETS TO BE ON TEAM RAW: The Shining Stars vs. Golden Truth- 3/10
Corey Graves and Michael Cole debated whether or not the Shining Stars had “conned” R-Truth. I’ve got to agree with Graves on this one. If I tell you “I’ll give you fifty cents if you give me fifty dollars” and you agree to it, that doesn’t make me a conman. It makes you a moron.
The Colons cheated to win. No one cared.

COLE INTRODUCES THE WOMEN’S TEAM- same old sh*t
In addition to those three we already knew (Charlotte, Nia, and Bayley) Raw has Alicia Fox and Dana Brooke. Alicia is on this team to add a “veteran presence.” I laughed my ass off at this. She might have been in the business for over ten years, but she has been on TV so infrequently that no one thinks of her as a veteran. We’re supposed to remember that feud she was having with Nia a few months ago that I thought got blown off at Clash of Champions, but is apparently still a thing here two months later. More bickering ensued. Charlotte’s scared heel reaction to Nia was great.
OH MY G-D GLASSGOW SPOT IT WITH YOUR STUPID SONG AND LET HER CUT HER F*CKING PROMO ALREADY!
Bayley says they have to work together. I feel like I’ve seen this same segment a million times by now.
Charlotte built it up like the final member was going to be Sasha but then said it was Dana. Props to Corey Graves for letting everyone know that he fell for the swerve.
Wait. No. Apparently it’s not Dana. Cole said that “everyone knows that it’s this woman.” No. No we don’t know. Charlotte and Dana and Corey Graves didn’t know and I don’t know either so I bet most fans at home don’t “know” who it is. Odds are that it’s going to be Sasha but don’t pretend that we know when we really don’t.
So Sasha came out and there was more bickering. Snore.

SASHA BANKS, ALICIA FOX, & BAYLEY vs. NIA JAX, DANA BROOKE, & CHARLOTTE FLAIR- 5.75/10
Charlotte accidentally hit Nia, then Bayley pinned Charlotte.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS SETH ROLLINS- Braun Strowman shows up to say he will snap Seth in half like a twig.

WINNER CHALLENGES FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE AT SURVIVOR SERIES: Sami Zayn vs. Rusev (w/Lana)- 5.75/10
Okay… I finally see what people see in Lana. Also, using the usual “Rise, America” line for heat in Scotland was genius. The match was much shorter than I was expecting.

They’re trying to push a “debate” after Raw next week (called “State of the WWE,” so they have no idea about American politics) between the authority figures on both shows. I think I’ll pass. Even funnier, we then got back from the commercial and Byron Saxton plugged Steph’s offer to Shane from last week, asking “do you think [Bryan and Shane] will show?” Doesn’t this debate show make that idea irrelevant?

CHRIS JERICHO vs. SETH ROLLINS vs. ROMAN REIGNS vs. KEVIN OWENS vs. BRAUN STROWMAN- 7/10
So Braun Strowman…
They made him out to be the biggest badass ever and all of the others had to gang up on him to even knock him off of his feet, but the whole time he was getting beaten down I knew I would pop HUGE when Braun made his comeback and destroyed everyone and won in the end… and then it didn’t happen. The finish we did get was a little hokey but well done. Personally, I’d rather Owens pinning Jericho be a choice he makes that leads to a split and not an accident that leads to a split.

This show was rather boring and repetitive and yet somehow managed to mostly be entertaining as well. I can’t wait for Survivor Series to be over. Also, that main event and BRAUN F*CKING STROWMAN!
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Re: BRM Reviews the 11/7/2016 Raw (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Braun Strowman)

Post by NWK2000 » Nov 8th, '16, 07:58

A. How are you JUST now seeing what people see in Lana? She's been the queen of getting heel heat since she and Rusev went to the main roster.
B. You're finally coming around the at least one of the Survivor Series matches? ONE OF US, ONE OF US, GOOBLEGABBLE GOOBLE GABBLE!
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Re: BRM Reviews the 11/7/2016 Raw (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Braun Strowman)

Post by Big Red Machine » Nov 8th, '16, 08:07

NWK2000 wrote:A. How are you JUST now seeing what people see in Lana? She's been the queen of getting heel heat since she and Rusev went to the main roster.
B. You're finally coming around the at least one of the Survivor Series matches? ONE OF US, ONE OF US, GOOBLEGABBLE GOOBLE GABBLE!
A. I meant in the "WE WANT LANA!" sense. I've put her over as being a great promo many times before
B. In no way am I coming around to this dumb idea. (Here's another reason why it's failing: they just split the rosters four months ago so the idea of seeing, for example Becky face Charlotte or Ambrose face Rollins or Reigns doesn't even feel fresh or special). What I am coming around to is Braun Strowman.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 11/7/2016 Raw (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Braun Strowman)

Post by Big Red Machine » Nov 8th, '16, 08:09

There was no mention of the Roman vs. Owens match all show.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 11/7/2016 Raw (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Braun Strowman)

Post by cero2k » Nov 8th, '16, 12:05

Big Red Machine wrote: OH MY G-D GLASSGOW SPOT IT WITH YOUR STUPID SONG AND LET HER CUT HER F*CKING PROMO ALREADY!
i really don't blame the fans, they were chanting for who the like, it's all Bayley's fault for not controlling the crowd or not knowing how to react to it. it put her over as a star, but really exposed her
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Re: BRM Reviews the 11/7/2016 Raw (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Braun Strowman)

Post by Big Red Machine » Nov 8th, '16, 12:40

cero2k wrote:
Big Red Machine wrote: OH MY G-D GLASSGOW SPOT IT WITH YOUR STUPID SONG AND LET HER CUT HER F*CKING PROMO ALREADY!
i really don't blame the fans, they were chanting for who the like, it's all Bayley's fault for not controlling the crowd or not knowing how to react to it. it put her over as a star, but really exposed her
Bayley tried every trick in the book to get them to stop and they didn't want to. It's not her fault. And before anyone says it, this is VASTLY different from the Bryan crowd in Seattle in 2013 because that was a protest chant. This was just singing their stupid song even though Bayley is clearly currently being positioned as a main event player in the division.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 11/7/2016 Raw (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Braun Strowman)

Post by cero2k » Nov 8th, '16, 12:44

Big Red Machine wrote: Bayley tried every trick in the book to get them to stop and they didn't want to. It's not her fault. And before anyone says it, this is VASTLY different from the Bryan crowd in Seattle in 2013 because that was a protest chant. This was just singing their stupid song even though Bayley is clearly currently being positioned as a main event player in the division.
she didn't really tried different stuff, she just went going back to the same promo in the most awkward way possible. Sasha definitely knew what to say. Charlotte knew how to react, yet not do anything to stop it.
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