BRM Reviews the 10/31/2016 Raw
Posted: Oct 31st, '16, 23:59
GOLBERG!
AND HEYMAN!
AND BROCK… or not. Darn that lying Paul Heyman!
AND RUSEV!
I never knew it until now but I’ve always wanted to see Goldberg vs. Rusev!
So we got a few seconds of it and it was glorious (Rusev just lost to Roman last night to end that feud so he is expendable tonight). Also, Paul E. ate a spear.
TRICK-OR-STREET FIGHT: Enzo Amore (w/Colin Cassady) vs. Luke Gallows (w/Karl Anderson)- 4.5/10
A random gimmick match that is happening to celebrate a holiday? Did Vince Russo book this? Usually WWE at least does some segment to set this up. Also, I’m quite disappointed that Anderson and Gallows are even at Raw. I figured they would take a personal day so they could make good on their promise and we’d get some tweets from The Club that they went to West Newberry tonight and beat up John Cena.
Enzo and Cass and dressed like Buzz Lightyear and Woody from Toy Story. Grown adults about to engage in a f*cking street fight.
So yeah. Too much comedy. This never should have happened. Hopefully the whole night isn’t like this.
BRIAN KENDRICK PROMO- good
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Brian Kendrick(c) vs. TJ Perkins- 3/10
Cole says that “Cruiserweights traditionally shake hands before the match-up.” Really? And do they also follow some sort of code of honorable conduct? A “Code of Honor,” if you will.
They went to a quick count-out with the implication that Kendrick did it on purpose. This came right after a nasty landing that had me certain that this was an audible because TJP broke his neck, but he was alright enough to attack Kendrick afterwards. Great facials and body language from Kendrick after the refs pulled Kendrick off of him.
STROWMAN TELLS FOLEY HE WANTS TO BE PART OF TEAM RAW AT SUVIVOR SERIES- he makes some very good points (and also threats). Despite months of killing people, Foley makes Strowman have to earn this spot by winning a battle royale tonight.
FOLEY, OWENS, & JERICHO SEGMENT- bad.
Foley admits that what they did last night wasn’t illegal, but says he still wants to punish them anyway. That seems rather unfair, don’t you think? But alas Mick cannot punish them because he “needs” them to win this Survivor Series Raw vs. Smackdown elimination tag team match that despite having absolutely nothing on the line, everyone seems to be treating as “must-win” for no adequately explored reason.
Foley brings out Roman, who will also be on the team. Snore. Roman was served up some easy one-liners to help get him over. Because that’s what will do it. They set up for a US Title match between Roman and Jericho later tonight.
BATTLE ROYALE TO EARN A SPOT ON TEAM RAW- 5/10
Fine for what it was. It had an exciting finish and an important spot between Sheamus and Cesaro.
EMMALINA STUFF- Oh my G-d just get here already!
NEW DAY PROMO- they’re all dressed up as incarnations of Charles Wright. That was funny.
They’re going to be in the Tag Teams’ Survivor Series match on Team Raw. Xavier says he doesn’t watch Smackdown. Way to bury the product, dumbass. They made fun of some of the Smackdown teams, which marks the first time that anyone on either show has cut a promo on anyone from any other show. They did make sure to put American Alpha over strong. This was a good promo, although I was quite disappointed that Big E. didn’t say “we shall over-Kama” instead of “we shall overcome” (because he was the one dressed like Kama Mustafa).
RICH SWANN, LINCE DORADO, & CEDRIC ALEXANDER vs. TONY NESE, DREW GULAK, & ARIYA DAIVARI- 5.75/10
I see Ariya is dressed up like his older brother for Halloween. Wait. No. That’s just the only gimmick WWE thinks to give to Muslims.
They had a random match. It really feels like whoever is booking this show has no understanding of what made the CWC so great. I can just hear Vince saying, “I put your vanilla and chocolate midgets on TV, Hunter. What else do you want?”
Anyone else hate this “fantasy warfare just got real” tagline they’re using for Brock vs. Goldberg?
CHARLOTTE & BAYLEY SEGMENT- AWESOME
If this is a celebration of Queen Charlotte then why is her chief lackey not here lackeying for her?
Charlotte cut an AWESOME heel promo on absolutely everyone. Then she called out Bayley, who was 100% a good sport about everything, to which Charlotte responded by being, as Bayley put it, “the biggest jerk.” This was all great. They swerved us with the prospect of another Bayley vs. Dana match, but instead Charlotte set up…
BAYLEY vs. NIA JAX- 2/10
(Also, we now know that Nia will be on the Survivor Series team.) Charlotte did commentary for this match, and Dana was indeed standing behind her, ready to perform any lackeying Charlotte might need.
Nia won clean. I actually like the idea of Charlotte kicking Bayley off of the team (and the team losing) and Bayley using that as motivation to prove she can beat Charlotte when their title feud begins.
CESARO & SHEAMUS vs. THE SHINING STARS- 2.75/10
GOLDEN TRUTH IN A HAUNTED HOUSE- dumb and pointless waste of time. But still more entertaining than those Hardys trick-or-treating segments from Impact. I laughed my ass off at Goldust’s “I’m old!” comment.
JERICHO & OWENS BACKSTAGE- good, especially Jericho.
WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Roman Reigns(c) vs. Chris Jericho (w/Kevin Owens)- 7.5/10
Great match until the disappointing DQ finish. It’s a freakin’ main event. Is it really that hard to not do a DQ in the damn main event?
Roma get double-temaed after the match. Rollins shows up, but way too late to save him (which is good because the longer they hold off on these two actually working together the better). Instead Seth took out both heels on his own. I like that we didn’t get a hand shake or anything like that between Seth abd Roman at the end.
A better episode of Raw than usual. But…
As of the end of tonight’s show, we know that the Universal Champion, US Champion, Women’s Champion, and BOTH sets of tag champs won’t be defending their titles at Survivor Series (and the Smackdown Women’s Champion will almost certainly be on SD’s team, unless they want to have Eva Marie wrestling). The main event will be between a part-time and a retired dude coming back for one last match, and most of the card will consist of interpromotional matches in a feud no one cares about and with nothing on the line. I might just skip this show. This isn’t Survivor Series: This is Bragging Rights. Survivor Series is supposed to be a Big Four show. It’s supposed to matter!
AND HEYMAN!
AND BROCK… or not. Darn that lying Paul Heyman!
AND RUSEV!
I never knew it until now but I’ve always wanted to see Goldberg vs. Rusev!
So we got a few seconds of it and it was glorious (Rusev just lost to Roman last night to end that feud so he is expendable tonight). Also, Paul E. ate a spear.
TRICK-OR-STREET FIGHT: Enzo Amore (w/Colin Cassady) vs. Luke Gallows (w/Karl Anderson)- 4.5/10
A random gimmick match that is happening to celebrate a holiday? Did Vince Russo book this? Usually WWE at least does some segment to set this up. Also, I’m quite disappointed that Anderson and Gallows are even at Raw. I figured they would take a personal day so they could make good on their promise and we’d get some tweets from The Club that they went to West Newberry tonight and beat up John Cena.
Enzo and Cass and dressed like Buzz Lightyear and Woody from Toy Story. Grown adults about to engage in a f*cking street fight.
So yeah. Too much comedy. This never should have happened. Hopefully the whole night isn’t like this.
BRIAN KENDRICK PROMO- good
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Brian Kendrick(c) vs. TJ Perkins- 3/10
Cole says that “Cruiserweights traditionally shake hands before the match-up.” Really? And do they also follow some sort of code of honorable conduct? A “Code of Honor,” if you will.
They went to a quick count-out with the implication that Kendrick did it on purpose. This came right after a nasty landing that had me certain that this was an audible because TJP broke his neck, but he was alright enough to attack Kendrick afterwards. Great facials and body language from Kendrick after the refs pulled Kendrick off of him.
STROWMAN TELLS FOLEY HE WANTS TO BE PART OF TEAM RAW AT SUVIVOR SERIES- he makes some very good points (and also threats). Despite months of killing people, Foley makes Strowman have to earn this spot by winning a battle royale tonight.
FOLEY, OWENS, & JERICHO SEGMENT- bad.
Foley admits that what they did last night wasn’t illegal, but says he still wants to punish them anyway. That seems rather unfair, don’t you think? But alas Mick cannot punish them because he “needs” them to win this Survivor Series Raw vs. Smackdown elimination tag team match that despite having absolutely nothing on the line, everyone seems to be treating as “must-win” for no adequately explored reason.
Foley brings out Roman, who will also be on the team. Snore. Roman was served up some easy one-liners to help get him over. Because that’s what will do it. They set up for a US Title match between Roman and Jericho later tonight.
BATTLE ROYALE TO EARN A SPOT ON TEAM RAW- 5/10
Fine for what it was. It had an exciting finish and an important spot between Sheamus and Cesaro.
EMMALINA STUFF- Oh my G-d just get here already!
NEW DAY PROMO- they’re all dressed up as incarnations of Charles Wright. That was funny.
They’re going to be in the Tag Teams’ Survivor Series match on Team Raw. Xavier says he doesn’t watch Smackdown. Way to bury the product, dumbass. They made fun of some of the Smackdown teams, which marks the first time that anyone on either show has cut a promo on anyone from any other show. They did make sure to put American Alpha over strong. This was a good promo, although I was quite disappointed that Big E. didn’t say “we shall over-Kama” instead of “we shall overcome” (because he was the one dressed like Kama Mustafa).
RICH SWANN, LINCE DORADO, & CEDRIC ALEXANDER vs. TONY NESE, DREW GULAK, & ARIYA DAIVARI- 5.75/10
I see Ariya is dressed up like his older brother for Halloween. Wait. No. That’s just the only gimmick WWE thinks to give to Muslims.
They had a random match. It really feels like whoever is booking this show has no understanding of what made the CWC so great. I can just hear Vince saying, “I put your vanilla and chocolate midgets on TV, Hunter. What else do you want?”
Anyone else hate this “fantasy warfare just got real” tagline they’re using for Brock vs. Goldberg?
CHARLOTTE & BAYLEY SEGMENT- AWESOME
If this is a celebration of Queen Charlotte then why is her chief lackey not here lackeying for her?
Charlotte cut an AWESOME heel promo on absolutely everyone. Then she called out Bayley, who was 100% a good sport about everything, to which Charlotte responded by being, as Bayley put it, “the biggest jerk.” This was all great. They swerved us with the prospect of another Bayley vs. Dana match, but instead Charlotte set up…
BAYLEY vs. NIA JAX- 2/10
(Also, we now know that Nia will be on the Survivor Series team.) Charlotte did commentary for this match, and Dana was indeed standing behind her, ready to perform any lackeying Charlotte might need.
Nia won clean. I actually like the idea of Charlotte kicking Bayley off of the team (and the team losing) and Bayley using that as motivation to prove she can beat Charlotte when their title feud begins.
CESARO & SHEAMUS vs. THE SHINING STARS- 2.75/10
GOLDEN TRUTH IN A HAUNTED HOUSE- dumb and pointless waste of time. But still more entertaining than those Hardys trick-or-treating segments from Impact. I laughed my ass off at Goldust’s “I’m old!” comment.
JERICHO & OWENS BACKSTAGE- good, especially Jericho.
WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Roman Reigns(c) vs. Chris Jericho (w/Kevin Owens)- 7.5/10
Great match until the disappointing DQ finish. It’s a freakin’ main event. Is it really that hard to not do a DQ in the damn main event?
Roma get double-temaed after the match. Rollins shows up, but way too late to save him (which is good because the longer they hold off on these two actually working together the better). Instead Seth took out both heels on his own. I like that we didn’t get a hand shake or anything like that between Seth abd Roman at the end.
A better episode of Raw than usual. But…
As of the end of tonight’s show, we know that the Universal Champion, US Champion, Women’s Champion, and BOTH sets of tag champs won’t be defending their titles at Survivor Series (and the Smackdown Women’s Champion will almost certainly be on SD’s team, unless they want to have Eva Marie wrestling). The main event will be between a part-time and a retired dude coming back for one last match, and most of the card will consist of interpromotional matches in a feud no one cares about and with nothing on the line. I might just skip this show. This isn’t Survivor Series: This is Bragging Rights. Survivor Series is supposed to be a Big Four show. It’s supposed to matter!