BRM Reviews the 8/22/2016 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

FINN BALOR HURT HIS SHOULDER LAST NIGHT AND HE’LL BE OUT OF ACTION FOR SIX MONTHS- well… so much for the Universal Title.
But on the bright side, I guess Vince can pencil in his first match for WrestleMania XXXIII
OPENING SEGMENT- Steph and Foley are in the ring. If I were Steph I wouldn’t have given such an enthusiastic “WELCOME TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW!” right after they broke the news to everyone about Balor being injured and having to vacate the title.
They brought out Finn who have a speech thanking everyone and saying he would be coming for the title when he is healthy again. Then he heads to the back. There are some fans in the front row trying to get Balor to 2 Sweet them. I guess they didn’t see last night’s PPV. Finn doesn’t do that sh*t anymore.
As Finn headed to the back, Rollins came out and laughed at him. He also got lots of heat for putting over the design of the Universal Championship belt. That was great. He wants to be given the title. Sami Zayn comes out to a HUGE pop! Here comes Jericho to another HUGE pop. Owens, too. Now Enzo and Cass as well. Didn’t they lose last night?
Roman out, too. He gets massive boos, obviously. Some fans are chanting “WE WANT SLATER!” I guess they haven’t heard that Dick Slater has been retired for twenty years. They can’t possibly be chanting for Heath.
Steph and Foley have decided that all of these guys are worthy of being champion, even though Enzo and Cass loss last night. It is announced that there will be “a series of matches” “culminating next week” to determine the new champion. No further details are given. We’re getting Zayn vs. Rollins right now. Rollins jumps Zayn while he is distracted wit Owens and we go to a commercial, then return in the middle of…

SETH ROLLINS vs. SAMI ZAYN- 7.75/10
Sami hurts his ankle and does a fantastic job of selling it. The story of this match was the injured ankle giving out on Sami any time he tried to do anything offensive. Unfortunately they told their story almost too well, so Sami’s defeat seemed like a certainty. Perhaps a few more roll-ups for false finishes would have made it feel like Sami had more of a chance.

KEVIN OWENS vs. NEVILLE- 7/10
So Neville is part of this Universal Title “series of matches,” too? Also, Cole said that Rollins “advanced” and that one of these two will do so as well. Does that mean this is a tournament? Then why not just say so?
Good stuff, with lots of good nearfalls. Jericho helped Owens by distracting Neville at some critical moments, so I guess this tag team is going to be an on-going thing.

MORE DETAILS ABOUT THE UNIVERSAL TITLE SITUATION- the winners of some matches tonight will be going to a Fatal Four-Way next week to crown a new champion. The other matches tonight will be Roman vs. Jericho and Rusev vs. Cass.

NEW DAY PROMO- they say dumb, annoying sh*t and celebrate like they’ve actually accomplished something even though they would have lost the titles last night if not fir copious distractions, and even with said distraction, still needed to lose via DQ to save their titles.
Then Gallows and Anderson come out and save the day, with Gallows scornfully and correctly declaring that “this is stupid!” Then Anderson reminds everyone that New Day lost last night. New Day themselves even admit that they have absolutely no response for this. Then The Club says they will do some terrible things to Big E. in his return to action, which is apparently against Karl Anderson and up next. This seems like something that should have been hyped up more.

BIG E. LANGSTON (w/New Day) vs. KARL ANDERSON (w/Luke Gallows)- 4/10
Big E. wins, even though this needlessly damages Anderson & Gallows as contenders. Anderson winning via cheating would have been a MUCH better finish here, as it would protect Big E. as well as get some heat on The Club to hopefully undo some of the damage last night’s finish.

We are now an hour into the show and they have finally gotten around to mentioning this Dudley Boyz “goodbye.” Cole is selling it like a retirement.

TITUS O’NEIL CUTS A PROMO ON DARREN YOUNG- I thought this was a GREAT heel promo by Titus. The fans started chanting “we want Slater!,” but I looked around the front row and didn’t see Mario Lopez anywhere, so I have no idea why they were chanting that.
Bob Backlund eventually had enough of Titus’ BS and came out to confront him but Titus beat him up. Darren came out to make the save and he got beaten up, too. Great segment.

TOM PHILLIPS INTERVIEWS STEPH ABOUT BROCK ATTACKING SHANE- she vows that “there will be repercussions.” Here’s an idea. How about you suspend Brock. Oh. Whoops. Can’t do that. Of course, I’m sure these repercussions will greatly affect Brock when we see him next in early 2017.

COLIN CASSADY (w/Enzo Amore) vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- 4.75/10
Rusev, the heel, has taped up ribs due to Roman’s assault last night. Rusev takes a count-out loss on purpose and we’re supposed to boo him, but I can’t help but feel bad for him because of the injury.

TOM PHILLIPS INTERVIEWS OWENS & JERICHO- Tom wants to know what will happen is Jericho also qualifies for next week’s title match. They bicker. The best part of this was Jericho saying the word “glorious” in the middle of a sentence, probably not even realizing what he was doing, and the crowd responding by singing the word a la Bobby Roode’s theme song.

I will admit to actually enjoying Miz’s Dominoes commercial.

WOMEN’S TITLE SEGMENT- good
The camera unfortunately cut away from Dana just as she was starting to do a Flair strut on the ramp. Now Dana is chanting “YOU DESERVE IT!” loudly while the fans are booing. Dana is such a great lackey! Charlotte cut a very good promo. Then Foley came out. The fans want either Becky or Bayley. I can’t tell which. It turns out that they get Bayley. Well… that’s it for the Smackdown women’s division ever getting any more star power.
Foley and Bayley build up to a hug and a cheap pop. Charlotte cut a promo on Bayley saying that there was a reason Bayley got “left behind.” Bayley wants a title shot. Charlotte says she isn’t dressed to wrestle but Dana is so she pawns the match off on Dana. Foley approves, so we get…

BAYLEY vs. DANA BROOKE (w/Charlotte)- 5/10
Dana worked over Bayley’s back. Bayley won, but it’s Dana who is really growing on me.

TOM PHILLIPS INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS- meh

THE CRUSIERWEIGHT DIVISION DEBUTS ON SEPTEMBER 19TH.

ANDREA INTERVIEWS SHEAMUS- he buries the New York sports teams by name. I assume he’s going on ESPN tomorrow because he didn’t mention the hockey teams.

BYRON INTERVIEWS THIS WEEK’S STROWMAN SQUASHEE- his name is “Johnny Knockout” and he says he likes “big sweaty men.”

BRAUN STROWMAN vs. JOHNNY KNOCKOUT- squash.
“LET’S GO JOBBER!” chants from the crowd. Strowman continues with a post-match beat-down and orders the referee to count a second pin.

DUDLEYS SEGMENT- Considering how smarky and up to date on their rumors the Brooklyn crowd has been this weekend, I can only assume we are going to get chants of “TURN ON DEVON” *clap!* *clap!* *clap!*clap!*clap!* which will ruin this segment in the most hilarious way possible.
Holy sh*t there was no turn here. They gave nice speeches. Then the Shining Stars interrupted them, and I will admit that I thought the Shining Stars were pretty funny here. Then the Dudleys beat up the Shining Stars, hit their signature moves and were going to put Primo through a table… but ANDERSON & GALLOWS ATTACKED THE DUDLEYS. OMFG I WANT TO SEE THIS FEUD SOOOOOOOOO BADLY!

ROMAN REIGNS vs. CHRIS JERICHO- 7/10
Owens tried to help Jericho but of course Roman overcame it and won.

A very good show from WWE.

[KILLdozer]

I hope all three New Dumbasses get suspended. At once.

[NWK2000]

You thought Titus' promo was good? I mean it was good in substance sure, but he bumbled his way through it in a way not seen since Kallisto's "good lucha thing, goddamnit WOO" promo.


Edit: Hire Johnny Knockout immediately. A "I like big sweaty men" character has legs

[Big Red Machine]

You thought Titus' promo was good? I mean it was good in substance sure, but he bumbled his way through it in a way not seen since Kallisto's "good lucha thing, goddamnit WOO" promo.


Edit: Hire Johnny Knockout immediately. A "I like big sweaty men" character has legs

I think the bumbling is part of his character. He's a guy whose so cocky that he think he has something to say but doesn't so he stumbles to come up with something. It fits in with his general goofiness.

[cero2k]

You thought Titus' promo was good? I mean it was good in substance sure, but he bumbled his way through it in a way not seen since Kallisto's "good lucha thing, goddamnit WOO" promo.


Edit: Hire Johnny Knockout immediately. A "I like big sweaty men" character has legs

I think the bumbling is part of his character. He's a guy whose so cocky that he think he has something to say but doesn't so he stumbles to come up with something. It fits in with his general goofiness.

definitely not, he just sucks at promos.

[Big Red Machine]

You thought Titus' promo was good? I mean it was good in substance sure, but he bumbled his way through it in a way not seen since Kallisto's "good lucha thing, goddamnit WOO" promo.


Edit: Hire Johnny Knockout immediately. A "I like big sweaty men" character has legs

I think the bumbling is part of his character. He's a guy whose so cocky that he think he has something to say but doesn't so he stumbles to come up with something. It fits in with his general goofiness.

definitely not, he just sucks at promos.

He says things that I believe Titus O'Neil would say and says them in a manner I believe Titus O'Neil would say them in.

[cero2k]

He says things that I believe Titus O'Neil would say and says them in a manner I believe Titus O'Neil would say them in.

that just means you have really low standards for Titus

[Big Red Machine]

He says things that I believe Titus O'Neil would say and says them in a manner I believe Titus O'Neil would say them in.

that just means you have really low standards for Titus

A little bit, but that's because he comes off as a bit goofy no matter what he does.

[KILLdozer]

Yeah, you obviously don't know Titus O'Neil. General opinion from what I've seen is he just fucked the fuck up out that promo.

[KILLdozer]

So watching this and when I first see Saxton my immediate thought was "get him off on commentary...why is he still on commentary?"

Wtf was he again anyways? Some guy off the second season of that NXT competition who wore a fuckin' scarf?

[KILLdozer]

Cassidy nor Amore do not deserve shit.

They lose all the time and those are tag matchs.

[Big Red Machine]

So watching this and when I first see Saxton my immediate thought was "get him off on commentary...why is he still on commentary?"

Wtf was he again anyways? Some guy off the second season of that NXT competition who wore a fuckin' scarf?

His commentary on NXT was better than on the main roster, but still not good. Meltzer has all but said that he and Otunga are only on commentary for diversity purposes.

[KILLdozer]

I noticed it seemed like a lot Cole didn't say much. It's like he was letting those take it.

[NWK2000]

So watching this and when I first see Saxton my immediate thought was "get him off on commentary...why is he still on commentary?"

Wtf was he again anyways? Some guy off the second season of that NXT competition who wore a fuckin' scarf?

His commentary on NXT was better than on the main roster, but still not good. Meltzer has all but said that he and Otunga are only on commentary for diversity purposes.

I didn't think Otunga's commentary was bad during Summerslam. But then maybe Renallo and JBL can fill in the gaps better than Cole and Graves can?