BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

Post by Big Red Machine » Jun 7th, '16, 02:27

OPENING SEGMENT- utter tripe
Tonight’s Raw opens with most of the guys in the Money in the Bank Ladder match all sitting on the tops of a bunch of ladders in the ring while Ambrose makes his entrance. WHY? It’s like everyone got together and said “we need to find something to do that is at once both completely clichéd and completely ridiculous.” Michael Cole calls this scene “incredible” and he’s right… in the most literal sense. It defies credulity that they would all decide to come out here and do this. This is the sort of thing that WWE thinks looks SOOOOOO COOL but that everyone else thinks looks SOOOOOO DUMB. It’s like a normal talking segment… but in the air.
Jericho starts to cut a promo but it’s Owens who shines. Dean shows his knowledge of wrestling clichés by saying “we’re all out here to fight, so can we just get to the fighting already?”
People said sh*t. Jericho got to make himself look like an idiot by claiming he won MITB when he really didn’t. Dean sucker-punched Jericho, and then everyone started fighting for no reason. Then Theodore Long came out to book a tag team match, playa. No, really. That’s what happened. Theodore Long showed up out of nowhere and apparently still has booking power so he booked a tag team match. I know. I was shocked, too. So were all of the wrestlers. So shocked, in fact, that they even stopped fighting.
Teddy showed up and got cheered for some reason. They he botched his very first line. He tried to book something called a “six man iron peg challenge match.” Steph came out and said “what are you doing here, you senile old man?” Okay, so she said “Teddy Long” instead of “senile old man” but you get my drift.
Teddy said he was here to audition to run Smackdown when it goes live. Steph said they hadn’t made any decisions about that yet. Okay… so then what’s the harm in letting Teddy show his skills so that you can come to a more informed decision about his qualification for the role?
Teddy says he wants to talk to Shane, but it turns out Shane is on vacation. What a f*cking asshole. He hasn’t even been back for three months yet and he already needs to take a vacation. Steph booked these guys in three singles matches. Didn’t I tell you they would be completely out of ideas for how to hype this match up once the first week was over?
Steph books Zayn vs. Del Rio, Owens vs. Ambrose, and Jericho vs. Cesaro, and that last match will start “right now.” With all of those ladders in the ring? That doesn’t seem right.

ANTONIO CESARO vs. CHRIS JERICHO- 7.25/10
Clean win for Cesaro. Great match!

ROLLINS VIDEO PACKAGE- this video package makes Rollins look like SUCH a babyface. Are they just that incompetent?

I imagine that there was a backstage conversation that went something like this:
Vince: Hey, Jack! Do you want to be on Raw tonight from your home state?
Swagger: Golly, Vince, that’d be really swell!
Vince: Heheheheh

JACK SWAGGER vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- 4/10
Titus O’Neil was on commentary and was talking about heroes who have inspired people “both inside and outside of the ring.” The names he chose were Mohamed Ali and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Two excellent choices. What was not excellent was Titus feeling the need to specify to us that Dr. King only inspired people outside of the ring, as if he thought maybe there were some youngsters out there who might rush to go search “Martin Luther King Jr.” on Cagematch.net.
Well… at least they didn’t make Swagger actually tap out in his home state. After the match it took both babyfaces to chase off Rusev.

JOHN CENA PROMO- get to the f*cking point already!
So… is Cena more upset that this cool moment last week got ruined than he is about getting viciously assaulted?
It was nice of him to compare AJ to The Rock, though.
Then AJ came out and cut an awesome promo on Cena. Cena responded with a good promo, and then things got a little worked shoot-y. The Club was about to beat up Cena but New Day came out and they bailed.

THE VAUDEVILLAINS vs. COLIN CASSADY & ENZO AMORE- 2/10
Enzo had Cass’ pre-match promo was pretty great but also went on for too long. Babyfaces lose by DQ when Cass snaps after Aiden English tries to re-injure Enzo.

TOM PHILLIPS INTERVIEWS SAMI ZAYN- This was the only time I’ve ever seen a wrestler be friendly to an announcer. Sami cut a fine promo. Then Del Rio showed up and cut a promo on him.

TEDDY LONG & STEPH BACKSTAGE- bad.
Teddy suggests that Steph book a four way tag title match pitting New Day against Anderson & Gallows (so far so good), Enzo & Cass (still good), and the Vaudevillains… who have lost clean to New Day on the PPV. Dumbass.
Steph wants to know how he got past security and out to the ring before. Now you know what it’s like to be me during Raw, Steph.
Apparently Teddy bribed people. Now he’s leaving and Steph is stealing his idea. Instead of coming out to announce this like you normally would, she calls marketing. This was apparently more important that showing Sami Zayn’s entrance.

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. SAMI ZAYN- 6.5/10
They come back from a commercial with the camera zoomed in on the MITB briefcase. Meanwhile, THERE IS A MATCH GOING ON IN THE RING WHICH WE ARE MISSING. The math could have (and should have) been so much better given enough time.

AMBROSE & OWENS BACKSTAGE- dumb and pointless.

REIGNS VIDEO PACKAGE- “I came into the WWE with brothers… now I stand alone.” Um…. what about Dean and the Usos?
Other than that this was fine.

KEVIN OWENS vs. DEAN AMBROSE- 6.5/10
Dean won. After the match Dean tried to climb a ladder to get the briefcase for no reason. Owens pushed over the ladder, punishing Douchebag Dean for his needless showmanship.

CHARLOTTE & DANA INTERVIEW- meh
New mega ultra-heel Charlotte comes out… to a smattering of cheers, but most of the crowd was totally apathetic to her. Perhaps that’s because THE ONLY ANGLE IN THE WOMEN’S DIVISION IS ALL BASED AROUND AN OLD MAN!
She appears to be wearing the gear they made Lana wear when she was with Ziggler. She looks like a dork. She seems to be apologizing to Ric, saying she only meant he was dead to her professionally, but she still wants to see him for the holidays and stuff. Nattie and Becky came out to interrupt her. They came off as jerks. They try to get Dana to turn on Charlotte before Charlotte turns on her. Has Dana even been allowed to speak more than a sentence since she joined up with Charlotte?
They swerved Dana turning but she sucker-punched Nattie instead. This lead to a brawl where Dana hit Becky with her finish while Charlotte locked Nattie in a Dragon Sleeper… and in the most unintentionally hilarious thing I think I’ve seen all year, Dana does her dismissive “pat you on the head” gimmick to Nattie while Nattie is grimacing in pain with her head bent backwards from the submission hold she’s locked in.
TYLER BREEZE (w/Fandango) vs. R-TRUTH (w/Goldust)- DUD!
A random, pointless DQ. This was all done so that Teddy Long could come out YET AGAIN despite Steph already having supposedly done things to prevent this from happening. He was removed from the building before he could book a tag team match. Steph buries Teddy and says that she will be running Smackdown.

Becky vs. Dana is booked for Smackdown. So is Dean vs. Jericho (yes, again). Next week we’re getting Rollins and Reigns on Dean’s dumb talk show.

THE CLUB vs. THE NEW DAY- New Day cut a bad promo before the match. Then there was a big pre-match brawl but for some reason the match didn’t start. AJ took Woods out with the Styles Clash on the outside.

HANDICAP MATCH: The Club vs. Kofi Kingston & Big E. Langston- 5/10
I’m not going to lie to you: I don’t give a single sh*t about this match right now. Part of it is that it’s currently 4:00 am and I have to be at work at 9:00, but part of it is me knowing that the result of this match won’t matter for sh*t. The only question is whether or not Cena will show up to team with New Day. Turns out he didn’t. AJ pinned Kofi after the Phenomenal Forearm. Cena came out to save Kofi from a beat-down. He eventually succumbed to the numbers game, but then New Day saved him, with all of the heels laid out in the end, which was extremely counter-productive.

They mentioned that Smackdown would be going live at least twenty times but I don’t think they ever once mentioned the concept of the roster split. As I said last week, if they think that the problem with Smackdown is that it isn’t live, then they are even more out of touch than I thought.

This was a boring episode of Raw, which is completely astounding when you look at the match-ups they had booked! This company’s ineptitude is quite amazing to behold.


Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

Post by KILLdozer » Jun 7th, '16, 09:47

Yep. Regarding the ending:FUCK THAT.

Cena is already layin' these dudes out.

.... Stephanie just couldn't fuckin' get rid of Long...(There's a "Ohhh, that's nasty..." , in there Somewhere, Family Guy fans.)...ok?

Wtaf was supposed to be the point of That? He just wouldn't leave, couldn't be ejected?

Sure.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

Post by cero2k » Jun 7th, '16, 14:24

interesting, no Rollins or Reigns
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Big Red Machine
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

Post by Big Red Machine » Jun 7th, '16, 17:46

cero2k wrote:interesting, no Rollins or Reigns
Clearly they have nothing for them to do.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

Post by KILLdozer » Jun 8th, '16, 07:22

I'll just be, you know, waiting for discussion to begin off the points I made lol.

Damn this place has gotten quite and stays quiet!
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

Post by Big Red Machine » Jun 8th, '16, 07:39

KILLdozer wrote: .... Stephanie just couldn't fuckin' get rid of Long...(There's a "Ohhh, that's nasty..." , in there Somewhere, Family Guy fans.)...ok?

Wtaf was supposed to be the point of That? He just wouldn't leave, couldn't be ejected?
I assume it was supposed to be comedy that also pushed that SD is going live.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

Post by KILLdozer » Jun 8th, '16, 08:18

Right. Since Stephanie should be chasing him around through basically a revolving door of a show , akin to the three fuckin' stooges.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

Post by NWK2000 » Jun 10th, '16, 20:00

I loved the opening segment of this Raw for two reason
1.Sami's facial expression when Teddy's music hit. This appeared to be a dream coming true for Sami
2. Teddy saying, "I'm gonna do my thing now" and going over to the side to start dancing to his theme, which was funny in itself, but Steph demanding his music not play, which was also funny in itself. The death glare Teddy gave Steph. All those things combined made this a segment I give a thumbs up.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 6/6/2016 Raw (boring as hell)

Post by KILLdozer » Jun 10th, '16, 21:35

I suppose it's good to see someone's not tired of Theodore Long.

The truth though? I'm sure I'll watch this shit on Hulu Monday and do absolutely nothing but enjoy it. Reading and hearing about it though?

It just sounds like a step backward.

Speaking of ... his theme is far greater than he waswss btw. "YOU KNOW IT'S THE MACK MILITANT ! "

"DON'T TEMPT ME-I'LL LEAVE THE PLACE EMPTY!!!"
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