BRM Reviews the 4/25/2016 Raw (very good)

[Big Red Machine]

They’re advertising Roman vs. Del Rio and AJ vs. Sheamus. How the hell are we not getting AJ, Gallows, & Anderson vs. Roman & the Usos?

OPENING SEGMENT- weird
Shane is in charge again. They’re not even bothering to come up with a reason anymore. Cole and JBL argue over whether or not Shane has been doing a good job. Cole’s defense of Shane is (almost verbatim) “look at all of the great matches he’s given us!” So what? The Authority gave us great matches, too!

STEPH IS BACK! Hooray for the rightful authority figure! Death to Shane the Usurper!
Steph is trying to be a hometown babyface and is talking about her involvement with local politics and I fail to see how any of this matters in any way to this wrestling show.
Steph finally gets around to dealing with the real issue here. She says that at Payback, Vince will decide who gets to run Raw. WTF?! There should be no dispute here! Shane lost to Taker at Mania, therefore the Authority retains control of Raw. It’s that simple!
To make matters worse, we all know exactly how this is going to go: They’re going to come out on the PPV and Steph is going to be all cocky and Vince is going to talk about how much he loves Steph and hates Shane, but then it’s all going to be a big swerve because Vince is going to say that he has to do what is best for business and despite what he assumed would happen, Shane has actually been going a great job of running Raw so he is going to let Shane run Raw from now on.
On the one hand I suppose I should be happy that they managed to turn this clusterf*ck into something logical, but on the other hand I’m still really annoyed that they made the Mania finish mean nothing (Steph didn’t even mention it once!) and that they are now going to waste time on yet another PPV to fix it.
They waste time with a popularity contest, then waste more time with Shane kicking Steph out of the building and her not wanting to leave so Shane has to get security etc. etc. Then they wasted more time with Steph telling security “do not touch me,” and then one of them touched her anyway even though she was leaving peacefully so she went wild and slapped the security guy (I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it. I’m just saying the whole thing was a huge waste of time). So Steph gets dragged off and humiliated while Shane sings Na Na Na Goodbye. I thought this would have been a lot better if they had Steph show up, deliver her announcement, tell Shane to enjoy his last week on Raw ever and then walk off smugly. It would have made the whole thing feel much more like a bombshell, and you could then build the show around Shane wanting to have a blow-away show on his final night running Raw.

Also, can you imagine Steph not slapping ANYONE on the roster for treating her like Shane did in this segment? Of course not. Steph always gets the last word and gets to slap the sh*t out of all of the wrestlers… but when it comes to a fellow McMahon now she is all of a sudden perfectly willing to play the role of the humiliated heel.

AJ STYLES vs. SHEAMUS- 7/10
Great match. I’d love to see Sheamus and AJ get PPV time. Gallows & Anderson came out after the match.

ROMAN REIGNS WAS WATCHING THE MATCH BACKSTAGE- The Usos showed up to let him know they had his back. Apparently they were talking too quietly because the fans were chanting “WE CAN’T HEAR YOU!” even though there was no way the wrestlers could have heard them.

TAG TEAM SEGMENT- bad.
New Day come out to cut a promo but they get interrupted by the Vaudevillians who say that they will win the #1 contendership tournament. This monochrome screen effect is really dumb. English sang. Gotch started to cut a promo but then Colin and Enzo came out and cut a promo on them while New Day stood there looking like goofs. Then they cut a promo and started acting like goofs. Then, with all three teams in the ring… we just cut away to backstage where Gallows & Anderson walked through a doorway (they were leaving AJ’s dressing room). Apparently their in-ring debut will be next, and they’re facing The Usos. This seems like the sort of thing that should have been promoted in advance.

THE USOS vs. KARL ANDERSON & LUKE GALLOWS- 7.25/10
Really great match. There was no doubt after this that Gallows and Anderson are a dominant new force in the tag team division.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Gallows & Anderson beat up the Usos so Roman came out and made the save. I didn’t like Roman getting the best of Anderson and Gallows right after this big win. I think it would have been better to have Roman come out swinging a chair and have Anderson & Gallows run off without actually getting beaten up.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS AJ STYLES- Gallows & Anderson show up and say that they have AJ’s back at Payback.

OWENS VS. ZAYN VIDEO PACKAGE- BEST VIDEO PACKAGE WWE HAS DONE IN YEARS!

SAMI ZAYN vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- 6.75/10
The fans are chanting “WE WANT LANA!” She’s right there, you dumb f*cks!
This was another match that I would love to see set PPV time. Zayn won by countering the Accolade with a roll-up. Lana was very upset about this so she threw her shoe at Zayn. Zayn responded by flipping her off, which shocked the heck out of me. After the match, Owens came out and attacked Zayn from behind to build to their PPV match.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS APOLLO CREWS- Stardust shows up. Crews is nice and respectful but makes the mistake of calling him “Cody.” Obviously I wasn’t very pleased with Crews giving Dusty Rhodes credit for “coming up with the name Apollo.” Why break kayfabe when you don’t have to? I was perfectly content to believe that Mr. and Mrs. Crews named their son Apollo.

COMMERICAL WHERE TITUS O’NEIL IS A DICK AT DOLPH ZIGGLER’S STAND-UP SHOW- This was supposed to make us want to help “be the generation that ends smoking.”

STARDUST vs. APOLLO CREWS- 2.25/10

DEAN AMBROSE & CHRIS JERICHO SEGMENT- bad.
This was everything I don’t like about these two characters. This ended with Ambrose being a dick and sucker-punching Jericho so Jericho beat Dean up and put him in the Walls of Jericho on the announcers’ table. Also, Dean insulted Bon Jovi, so on behalf of the entire state of New Jersey, I’d like to let Dean know that he can f*ck right off.

NATALYA vs. EMMA- 2/10
Ric and Charlotte Flair came out to do commentary during this match because that’s the only thing WWE knows how to do with the women’s division. The match was very short, but they worked their asses off, including Nattie taking a butterfly suplex on the floor. After the match Nattie went over to yell at the Flairs.

WWE SAYS NICE THINGS ABOUT CHYNA- I’ll admit I was not expecting them to be this classy. I didn’t think they were going to bury her or anything, but figured they would just give her a graphic at the beginning of the show and that would be it.

DAMIEN SANDOW vs. BARON CORBIN- no rating.
Sandow is STILL massively over, but for some reason WWE still refuses to try to do anything with him.
Ziggler jumped Corbin on his way down to the ring and sent him running. Referees pulled him off.
THE COLONS WANT US TO VISIT A NIGHTCLUB IN PUERTO RICO- this was all pointless.

MIZ PROMO- GREAT!
Then Cesaro came out and did his best with the terrible dialogue the creative team wrote for him. Miz quoted from famous movies. It wasn’t very good. Miz tried to attack Cesaro but he ate Roaring Swiss Death.

ROMAN & AJ BACKSTAGE- I could barely hear what they said.

ROMAN REIGNS GRANTS A MAKE-A-WISH WISH- he met with thirteen year-old Ivan Rodriguez, who suffers from MD. By the look on Ivan’s face, you could tell that he was really excited to meet John Cena but then found out he was meeting with Roman Reigns instead.

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. ROMAN REIGNS- 7/10
The people hated Roman, heavily cheered Del Rio, and also chanted that they want Sandow. Anderson & Gallows came out to distract Roman but he managed to win anyway. They attacked him after the match but AJ Styles came out to pull them off. AJ yelled at them to go to the back, and when he turned around he ate a Superman Punch. Gallows and Anderson came back and Roman dispatched of them for the second time tonight, but this let AJ come off the top rope with the Phenomenal Forearm to lay Roman out.

A really good show from WWE. They used their time and their matches effectively with the only real filler on the show being the short (but not short enough) Stardust vs. Crews match. Most of the matches were TV main-event quality, they had a few good angles, and made effective use of people who have value but aren’t doing anything right now in order to put over those who needed to win.