BRM Reviews the 2/29/2016 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- boring
Hunter comes out says that he had to beat Roman up because Roman “disrespected” him by “challenging” him. Well if the Authority didn’t feel it was Roman’s place to “challenge” Hunter, then why did they book him in the #1 contendership match?
Dean interrupts Hunter. It’s nice to see that Dean is completely fine after getting murderized by Brock last week. They spent a long time getting around to booking Dean vs. Del Rio for later tonight. Even worse, later tonight, they will tell us whether Dean Ambrose, THE GUY WHO GOT PINNED IN THE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH EIGHT DAYS AGO, will be getting a title shot anyway, making that match almost completely meaningless.

Wow. That Undertaker graphic they have looks terrible.

#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks- 6.25/10
That little sequence early on where they each almost locked in their submission finisher only to almost get locked in the other woman’s submission finisher a few times in a row (and the announcers’ almost total silence during it) REALLY made me wish Mauro was calling this match.
The match seemed destined for greatness until we got a horribly scripted-looking double pinfall- basically the opposite of Zayn vs. Joe. If you’re going to do this, at least let them go a long time so it feels like they BOTH earned it.
Anyway, they play Charlotte’s music after this match because… um… I guess she was the only one who didn’t get her music played on TV yet.

WYATT FAMILY PROMO- Bray started his promo off by saying the following:
“They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”
That’s a good point Bray. If your last 503 promos have been totally pointless, then there is no reason for me to expect anything different from the 504th. Time to fast forward.



Just kidding. I actually did stay and listen to Bray. I wish had just hit fast forward.

So apparently Dolph was an ass to Miz last week on the pre-show, so they are having a match tonight. It would have been nice if they had actually mentioned that segment either on last week’s Raw or Smackdown so that they could have actually announced this match in advance and maybe pretend this is a real sport where the matches matter and thus need to be made to feel important?

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. THE MIZ- 1.5/10
Byron talks about the “long-standing animosity between The Miz and Dolph Ziggler” which has lasted so long and is so intense that it is never, ever brought up.
The match was designed to be extremely short, but they packed absolutely everything they could into it. After Dolph’s overly-intense jackassery on last week’s pre-show, I enjoyed seeing Miz roll him up for the quick pin here.

STEPH PROMO- she’s angry at Shane and angry that everyone is booing her. She was really great here, but I don’t think the people really cared. They were booing and “what?!”ing, but I think they’ve made heel Steph too annoying and smug and never letting her get any comeuppance so that the people are just happy seeing her humiliated by Shane last week that the more personal stuff (about Shane just waltzing in and taking over the show that SHE worked so hard for and that he abandoned) was kind of lost on the live crowd.
That whole “you’ll all be forced to bow down to the Authority”/ ‘bow down to your king and queen’ bit at the end kind of hurt this, IMO. It was a cartoonish ending to an otherwise very real segment.

LUCHA DRAGONS vs. THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS (Sheamus & Rusev) (w/Wade Barrett & Alberto Del Rio)- 4.5/10
Cara was the babyface in peril. He made a hot tag to Kalisto who ran wild for a second before Del Rio distracted him, allowing Rusev to kick him in the head and pin him, which will probably lead to Kalisto defending the US Title against either Del Rio or Rusev. With Del Rio it just feels stale by now, and with Rusev the idea feels stale even though the match doesn’t (and could be pretty great).

Also during this match, two things happened on commentary:
First, JBL compared the League of Nations to the Four Horsemen, saying that all they need is a J.J. Dillion:
1. To paraphrase Bobby Heenan: comparing the Four Horsemen to the League of Nations is like comparing ice cream to garbage.
2. There IS a J.J. Dillon out there for them! His name is Ricardo Rodriguez, and WWE NEEDS to rehire him!


Secondly, the commentators talked about some sort of Bodyslam Challenge earlier in the day with Rusev.
1. I have no idea what the hell they are talking about
2. We’ve seen plenty of people slam Rusev already, so why should anyone care?

POST-MATCH BEATDOWN- Del Rio attacks Kalisto and gives him his crappy, tree of woe double-stomp which I am amazed that WWE hasn’t given a name to yet.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS NATTIE- TERRIBLE!
I get that this was product placement and all that, but still. They actually had Renee interview Nattie just to ask her ‘How do you manage to look so great despite your hectic and rigorous yet also exciting lifestyle?’ That is just the single most un-wresting show question I have ever heard asked. It’s both 100% cliché 100% off-genre, and those two things in combination make it horrid.

And speaking of women, no follow-up of any kind on the Sasha-Becky finish yet.

RYBACK PROMO- it was fine, but it would have been SOOOOO much better if they didn’t include that whole Oscars tie-in. It just came across as trying WAY too hard to say “look at us! We’re culturally literate and totally don’t live in the wrestling bubble,” and it came out of the mouth of someone who it just feels so unnatural for.

RYBACK vs. ADAM ROSE (w/the Main Event & Superstars Mafia)- no rating, good segment.
Other might not enjoy this as much as me, but I was cackling with glee the whole time while Ryback just beat the sh*t out of Adam Rose, hoping that each shot would break Rose’s jaw so I wouldn’t have to hear him cut another unbearable promo ever again.
The spot where the referee tried to pull Ryback off of Rose really should have been the finish, with the referee awarding Ryback the win via stoppage. I get what they were trying to get across, but the way that they did that spot, the only possible outcomes that make any sense are Ryback being given the win via referee stoppage or Ryack getting DQed for not listening to the ref when the ref ordered him to back off.

RECAP OF BROCK MAULING AMBROSE- wow. This would have been a lot better if we hadn’t seen Dean walking around perfectly fine an hour ago. Dean should have been held off of this week’s show (or at least cut a promo from the hospital or something). Holding both Dean and Roman off would allow you a main event spot to do a big angle for someone else, be it Owens or AJ/Jericho or Kalisto or Bray or Ziggler. Hell… give the main event to the women and let them tear the house down. You can still do your double-pin finish if put Undertaker on after them (plus, it would make more sense for us to not get any follow-up to that finish until Smackdown if the match happens towards the end of the show as opposed to happening right at the beginning and then getting ignored).

NEW DAY PROMO- good

AJ STYLES & CHRIS JERICHO vs. THE NEW DAY (w/Xavier Woods)- 6.75/10
AJ & Jericho win. AJ says this win puts them at the top of the list to get a title shot. Huh. I guess he hasn’t figured out how things work around here yet.
They want their title shot next week. Cole made sure to note that this needs to be approve by the Authority first.

VINCE & TAKER- disappointing. Taker just warned Vince that Shane’s “blood would be on your hands, not mine.” Then Taker left and Vince said that if Shane lost, Vince would disown him and write him out of his inheritance. Whatever.
Also, with Vince coming out here right after the previous segment, it would have been nice for Vince to start off by quickly addressing AJ and Jericho’s challenge to the New Day.

BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (w/Devon Dudley) vs. JEY USO (w/Jimmy Uso)- 2/10
So… basically the same match as Raw, but with the other partner. Devon using the table in this instance came off as 100% self defense to me. Devon wouldn’t have hit Jimmy with that table if Jimmy hadn’t tried to attack him.

R-TRUTH & GOLDUST BACKSTAGE- good… if it leads to the end of this f*cking angle.

KEVIN OWENS vs. BIG SHOW- 4/10
Right. Because this wasn’t something we should have been hyping up all show. The match was fine for what it was. It also would have been nice if they had showed us a replay from Smackdown rather than just saying “Oh. Look. That’s the same finish from Smackdown” AFTER the spot happened.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEW BRIE BELLA- she gets interrupted by… LANA?!
Lana was fine, I guess. She says that my man gets me everything I want,” so I guess she just doesn’t want any TV time.

BRIE BELLA vs. NAOMI (w/Tamina)-
Michael Cole apparently found Brie’s comment that Rusev needs to “shave his back” funny. Well… I guess one person had to (and let’s be honest, that person was probably Vince McMahon rather than Michael Cole).
Their kicks looked pretty bad. Lana came out to laugh at Brie after her loss. Also, if you were going to have Brie lose here, why not have her lose to Summer Rae who recently also beat Paige so that you can build summer up as a challenger for after WrestleMania? Just saying.

THE FREEBIRDS ARE GOING INTO THE HALL OF FAME- good

BECKY & SASHA BACKSTAGE- they argue in an atrociously scripted manner. Then Ric and Charlotte showed up so Charlotte could deliver them the news that they are booked in a rematch on Smckdown. Why is Charlotte delivering this news? Should it be Hunter or Steph or even Vince? You know… someone with power? Why would Hunter/Steph/Vince tell Charlotte the decision and then leave it up to Charlotte to tell the two women who are actually in the match?

DEAN AMBROSE vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO (w/the League of Nations)- 6.5/10
Oh. It turns out Dean IS affected by last week’s beating. Too bad we only saw his bandages way after that video package about Brock beating him up. In fact, if they had shown us Dean’s injuries in the opening segment, Hunter booking Dean in this match would have come off a lot more heelish instead of just as the matchmaker making a professional wrestler wrestle in a standard professional wrestling match.
Dean got his ass kicked but fought back. Hunter showed up to cause a distraction, but instead of just Del Rio attacking from behind, all four members of the League of Nations attacked Dean from behind for the DQ because they’re stupid.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good for what it was. Dean fighting back against Hunter got a huge pop, and that Pedigree felt very definitive. Then Hunter gives Dean the title match Dean asked for because… um…

A very blah show from WWE. I know that I am not alone in feeling ambivalent about the big matches, and this show did nothing to make me feel better about them (as well as hurt the build to Brock vs. Ambrose).