BRM Reviews the 2/22/2016 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

VIDEO OF BROCK MURDERIZING AMBROSE IN THE PARKING LOT- good.
So I guess Dean will be the babyface in this feud.
Also… am I the only one who giggled when Cole said that Brock was “driving Dean Ambrose into the windshield of that limousine?”

PRESENTATION OF THE VINCENT J. MCMAHON SR. LEGACY OF EXCELLENCE AWARD-
It’s going to Steph. I’m shocked they’re doing this at the beginning of the show.
HOLY F*CKING SH*T IT’S SHANE O’MAC! And dear G-d does he look… weird. He’s got all of this gray hair, but still has a young face (a babyface, if you will). No hug for Vince. Not even a handshake. Steph is rightfully pissed off that Shane is stealing her moment… and becomes doubly pissed when Shane says she’s not deserving of winning this award.
Steph makes sure to let us know that “it’s easy to just sit at home and say what you would do with business” but running things in the real world is hard.
And holy f*ck Shane is just GOING OFF on the company, all in a completely reasonable tone and manner. Stock is down. Ratings are down. Lots of injuries to the key talent. Steph responds by bringing up the fact that Shane hasn’t even been to WrestleMania the past few years.
Shane apparently cut some sort of deal with Vince before he left in 2009 that allows him to just come back whenever he wants to and assert the ancient right of the dominance of the older sibling. This is because Shane apparently has some big blackmail on Vince.
Apparently Shane named his kids “Declan, Kenyon, and Rogan.” Those are the most preppy Connecticut rich kid names I have ever heard.
Vince asks Steph to leave. She does, but vows to never forgive Shane for this.
Shane says that Vince and Steph have been running things into the ground, so he wants control of Raw. Vince then said that controlling Raw was effectively controlling the entire company, at which point I screamed “YOU HAVE FOUR MORE HOURS OF TV EVERY WEEK, INCLUDING TWO IN PRIME TIME ON THIS SAME NETWORK!”
Vince says he’ll give Shane what he wants as long as he wins “one match, on one night.” Shane accepts. Then Vince said some stuff that got bleeped presumably about beating Shane as a child. They are teasing that it will be Vince vs. Shane at Mania… but instead it’s Shane vs. Taker… and it’s Hell in a Cell.
And just like that, I have lost all interest in this for the following reasons:
1. Taker’s involvement feels clunky. Even in kayfabe: If you want to ensure that Shane can’t win, why not book him against Brock? Or against the entire League of Nations?
2. This feels like a waste in many ways:
A) Shane gains nothing by being in there with Taker, whereas Ambrose or Owens or Sheamus or even Dolph or Del Rio would gain something even in a loss to Taker.
B) Why is Taker being used as an enforcer for the will of the Authority? Why not use this chance to make a new star (Samoa Joe and Karl Anderson immediately jump to mind)?
C) Taker only has a few Mania matches left in him, and sticking him in there with SHANE just seems like a waste. They should be sticking him in there with guys who everyone WANTS to see him face! Shane would create buzz no matter who he is facing, so why not maximize buzz by having two buzzworthy matches instead of one?
3. We all know Taker isn’t going to lose. It’s in Texas and it might be his last match at Mania. He isn’t losing. And that’s without taking into consideration the fact that Shane might not be sticking around, anyway, so this stip would almost force him to have to lose. If you want people to think Shane might win, you need to have him face an enforcer people think he might beat. Someone like Sheamus (or even Rhyno).
4. Most importantly… this feels like a lose-lose for me as a fan. In order for Shane to take over and make the reforms I want, I’d have to be rooting against THE UNDERTAKER at WRESTLEMANIA. You could look at it as a win-win (either Taker wins, or Shane wins and makes Raw better), but because of the division of loyalties this creates within me, it feels a lot more like lose-lose: either Taker loses or The Authority stays in control of Raw.

Oh. And also… Taker in a WreslteMania match for the purpose of ensuring that Steph has control of the company? #BRMBookedItFirst.

ADRIAN NEVILLE & THE LUCHA DRAGONS vs. THE NEW DAY- 7/10
You’ve got to love WWE’s logic: whenever the Lucha Dragons need a tag partner, they go to Neville because he’s flippy, too, and in WWE’s world, all flippy guys are friends.
I was so happy we didn’t get the League of Nations interference that I was dreading. They definitely had the right finish here if New Day is going babyface. That stuff on the outside towards the end was crazy!

There is a guy holding up a sign that says “Naggle 3:16.” I have no idea what “Naggle” is, but if you are still holding up 3:16 signs here in 2016, you need to get with the times (note: John 3:16 signs get a free pass on this because of my love for irony).

JOJO INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS- no substantial update on Ambrose yet. Roman also said there would be no more “family stuff” at Mania, which I guess means they’ve scrapped the supposed plans to do Hunter (w/Vince & Steph) vs. Roman (w/The Rock).
Then Roman said that him winning at WrestleMania would rely on “this (his fist) and this (he pointed to his t-shirt).” So remember fans: if you want to see Roman Reigns defeat the evil dastardly Triple H and regain the WWE World Heavyweight Title, make sure you buy as much Roman Reigns merchandise as possible!
Oh. He probably meant his heart, didn’t he?

HEYMAN PROMO- Promo of the Year
Was it just me, or was there supposed to be pyro that went off while Brock was on the stage that didn’t go off.
Heyman’s promo was F*CKING AMAZING!
Did they really mute the word “pissed”? Come on.

Then Dean Ambrose showed up in a stolen ambulance, looking like a f*cking idiot, crawling and rolling pathetically down the ramp. He didn’t look brave. He looked like a joke. Then Brock stepped on his head on the way by. Then Dean cut a promo asking Brock for a street fight at WrestleMania. Then Brock gave him an F-5. This f*cking sucked.
Ambrose should not have been back this week. He should have come back next week when Brock and Heyman aren’t there and demanded that they show up and fight him. He could still be injured, but he’d be in a position where he wouldn’t look pathetic.
Then, the next week, you have Heyman show up and say that Brock already kicked Dean’s ass so he doesn’t care about him anymore and doesn’t need to fight him. Then you have Dean go nuts and ruin the Authority’s big main event (saving Roman in the process), so the next week, the Authority can talk offer Heyman a big WrestleMania payoff for Brock to destroy Dean in a street fight. This way, you have an actual story unfolding (with some larger context as well) as opposed to what WWE has given us, which is getting all of the story out of the way tonight and then spending the next five weeks treading water.

DUDLEYS PROMO- awesome! Bubba is a strong early contender for Best on Interviews.

THE USOS vs. THE ASCENSION- 2/10
Short. How about that flying knee from Viktor, though?

JERICHO & AJ SEGMENT- otherwise fine segment ruined by the Social Ass-Hats.
Jericho calls AJ out and says he now respect him and they shake hands and then the Meh-volution has to come out and ruin everything with their unbearable presence. This resulted in…

AJ STYLES & CHRIS JERICHO vs. HEATH SLATER & CURTIS AXEL (w/the Social Outcasts)- 2.25/10
AJ and Jericho handily defeat the Nega-Powers while also taking out the rest of the Main Event & Superstars Mafia on the outside. They seem to be pushing the idea of “Y2AJ” as a team. If this is what they have in mind for AJ’s first WrestleMania, I do not approve.

HUNTER & STEPH BACKSTAGE- fine.
They have a FRAMED POSTER for THE EDGE & CHRISTIAN SHOW hanging up in their office. Why the hell does a framed poster for the Edge & Christian Show even exist?

STEPH BOTHERS ROMAN BACKSTAGE- she tells him he is booked against Sheamus tonight.

GOLDUST GETS TRUTH AN “I’M SORRY” CAKE- At this point, I’m rooting for Truth to beat the sh*t out of Goldust. I want him to kick Goldust in the nuts and then stomp that stupid cake into his face.
Well… I kind of got part of what I wanted, and in a segment with R-Truth and Goldust, I’ll call that a win.

KANE, BIG SHOW, & RYBACK vs. THE WAYTT FAMILY (w/Braun Strowman)- 5/10
The fans chanted “GOLDBERG!” at Ryback. Then they chanted “GILLBERG!” at him.
This was long and boring. Ryback walked out on his team for no reason, allowing the Wyatts to win, and also making last night’s PPV match completely pointless.

RYBACK INTERVIEW- he turned heel because he wants to be a singles guy. Hasn’t he been a singles guy for the past year and a half?

SASHA BANKS vs. NAOMI (w/Tamina)- 4/10
Becky comes out to help Sasha deal with Tamina. Then Sasha beats Naomi. I’m amazed they are still showing signs of unity.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Charlotte wearing that Bella Twins Halloween costume is a little disturbing. Other than that, she was completely fantastic here! She also announced that at some point down the line, Becky and Sasha will be facing off in a #1 contendership match.

VINCE & STEPH BACKSTAGE-
Once again, they are pretending that Shane winning control of Raw would be him having control of the whole WWE as if no other shows exist.

THE GODFATHER IS GOING INTO THE WWE HALL OF FAME- presumably he will be inducted into the “midcarders wing” which from what I understand is what WWE plans to name the elevator in their future physical Hall of Fame.

ROMAN REIGNS vs. SHEAMUS (w/the League of Nations)- 3.75/10
Hunter came out to brawl with Roman. He has a stupid new shirt. The League of Nations seems to have completely disappeared. Despite the fact that this should have been an obvious DQ, the bell was never rung and there was never any sort of announcement of the result. Hunter beat Roman up and made him bleed a lot.

No Ziggler or Owens, and not even a mention of the fact that they were missing.

There was a sign saying that “Raw is Stale Coleslaw.” This was the first week in what almost feels like years that that has not been true. I don’t like a lot of where this seems to be going and there were other things that I hated the execution of, but it’s hard to deny that tonight’s show was exciting.

[cero2k]

There is a guy holding up a sign that says “Naggle 3:16.” I have no idea what “Naggle” is, but if you are still holding up 3:16 signs here in 2016, you need to get with the times (note: John 3:16 signs get a free pass on this because of my love for irony).
i thought it was Maggle

Then Dean Ambrose showed up in a stolen ambulance, looking like a f*cking idiot, crawling and rolling pathetically down the ramp. He didn’t look brave. He looked like a joke. Then Brock stepped on his head on the way by. Then Dean cut a promo asking Brock for a street fight at WrestleMania. Then Brock gave him an F-5. This f*cking sucked.
good for Dean getting this match, but this feels like a huuge waste of Brock Lesnar.

DUDLEYS PROMO- awesome! Bubba is a strong early contender for Best on Interviews.
BULLY RAY!!

[Big Red Machine]

There is a guy holding up a sign that says “Naggle 3:16.” I have no idea what “Naggle” is, but if you are still holding up 3:16 signs here in 2016, you need to get with the times (note: John 3:16 signs get a free pass on this because of my love for irony).
i thought it was Maggle
Either way, no more NAME 3:16 signs, please.

Then Dean Ambrose showed up in a stolen ambulance, looking like a f*cking idiot, crawling and rolling pathetically down the ramp. He didn’t look brave. He looked like a joke. Then Brock stepped on his head on the way by. Then Dean cut a promo asking Brock for a street fight at WrestleMania. Then Brock gave him an F-5. This f*cking sucked.
good for Dean getting this match, but this feels like a huuge waste of Brock Lesnar.
I kind of agree that it's a waste of Brock, but what else is there for him to do? Lesnar vs. Owens would kind of be the same as Owens vs. Ambrose, except that it would require beating the IC Champion and possibly turning Owens face when what they really need right now are strong heels.
Rusev or Del Rio would have been awesome, but we can still get those later on.
Assuming the rumored Ambrose heel turn is happening after Mania, this makes perfect sense in WWE's way of thinking, which is that if this guy is about to do a big turn, it's okay to beat him (which I wouldn't have a problem with except that the feud deriving from said turn requires Ambrose getting a world title shot.

DUDLEYS PROMO- awesome! Bubba is a strong early contender for Best on Interviews.
BULLY RAY!!
No. Not Bully Ray. Bubba Ray Dudley. The difference between the two is that Bubba cuts great promos. BUlly Ray just rambles.
"Do you know who I am?"

*three minute pause*
"I'm Bully Ray!"

*one minute pause*

"Look at my calves!"

*One minute pause*

I carried Devon!

*two minute pause*

Aces & Eights. Bikah Gang! Brooke Hogan!

*One minute pause*

"Do you know who I am?!"

[cero2k]

Then Dean Ambrose showed up in a stolen ambulance, looking like a f*cking idiot, crawling and rolling pathetically down the ramp. He didn’t look brave. He looked like a joke. Then Brock stepped on his head on the way by. Then Dean cut a promo asking Brock for a street fight at WrestleMania. Then Brock gave him an F-5. This f*cking sucked.
good for Dean getting this match, but this feels like a huuge waste of Brock Lesnar.
I kind of agree that it's a waste of Brock, but what else is there for him to do? Lesnar vs. Owens would kind of be the same as Owens vs. Ambrose, except that it would require beating the IC Champion and possibly turning Owens face when what they really need right now are strong heels.
Rusev or Del Rio would have been awesome, but we can still get those later on.
Assuming the rumored Ambrose heel turn is happening after Mania, this makes perfect sense in WWE's way of thinking, which is that if this guy is about to do a big turn, it's okay to beat him (which I wouldn't have a problem with except that the feud deriving from said turn requires Ambrose getting a world title shot.

you know what would have been a hard task for Shane? Brock Lesnar, a man that will fight for money, and it would be the same thing as with Taker since it's both guys people don't want to boo.

the one that i don't know what to do with is Dean, but Dean could just fight AJ, or the League, or Bray, because no one cares about him anyway

[Big Red Machine]

Then Dean Ambrose showed up in a stolen ambulance, looking like a f*cking idiot, crawling and rolling pathetically down the ramp. He didn’t look brave. He looked like a joke. Then Brock stepped on his head on the way by. Then Dean cut a promo asking Brock for a street fight at WrestleMania. Then Brock gave him an F-5. This f*cking sucked.
good for Dean getting this match, but this feels like a huuge waste of Brock Lesnar.
I kind of agree that it's a waste of Brock, but what else is there for him to do? Lesnar vs. Owens would kind of be the same as Owens vs. Ambrose, except that it would require beating the IC Champion and possibly turning Owens face when what they really need right now are strong heels.
Rusev or Del Rio would have been awesome, but we can still get those later on.
Assuming the rumored Ambrose heel turn is happening after Mania, this makes perfect sense in WWE's way of thinking, which is that if this guy is about to do a big turn, it's okay to beat him (which I wouldn't have a problem with except that the feud deriving from said turn requires Ambrose getting a world title shot.

you know what would have been a hard task for Shane? Brock Lesnar (which I said in my review), a man that will fight for money, and it would be the same thing as with Taker since it's both guys people don't want to boo.
I think people are a bit more willing to boo Brock than they are to boo Taker (as their feud this year showed)
the one that i don't know what to do with is Dean, but Dean could just fight AJ, or the League, or Bray, because no one cares about him anyway
If you're not going to do Brock vs. Rusev or Brock vs. Del Rio, Brock vs. Ambrose is best. There is nothing else for Dean to do that would both make sense and be worth his station. Maybe he could beat Jericho.
AJ vs. Del Rio
Jericho vs. Ambrose
Lesnar vs. Rusev

would be a cool card.