BRM Reviews the 2/15/2016 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Dean Ambrose comes out and calls out Brock Lesnar. Instead he gets Steph, and epically sells his disappointment. Steph’s presence here was pointless. She was saying things and making points that the heel announcer should be saying and making.
Steph announces that Dean is going to defend the IC Title tonight in a Fatal-Five Way tonight, and if Roman interferes, Dean will be out of the #1 contendership match at Fast Lane.

FATAL FIVE WAY MATCH FOR THE WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE: Dean Ambrose(c) vs. Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Tyler Breeze- 6.5/10
Somehow Stardust and Tyler Breeze are getting title shots.
Owens winning was 100% the right decision. No one will be believe that Dean has a chance in hell on Sunday if he is still the IC Champ (a mistake they made at the Rumble), plus the title makes more sense in an Owens vs. Ziggler feud than it does with Dean getting pinned by someone who won’t be coming after the title.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS DEAN AMBROSE- AWESOME!

KEVIN OWENS, RENEE YOUNG, & DOLPH ZIGGLER BACKSTAGE- good
I really liked the way they immediately threw it right back to Renee because Owens was harassing her with his “I was right! Give me the recognition I deserve!” bit. It felt different from what they usually do and made Owens feel like quite the jerk.
Anyway, we’re probably getting Owens vs. Ziggler for the IC Title at Mania.

They announce that at WWE’s big Fast Lane PPV, our WWE Tag Team Champions the New Day will be… guests on a joint interview show hosted by Edge and Christian. Doesn’t that just scream “PPV” to you?
To try to convince us to pay money for this, they showed us the Trombone vs. Kazoo clip. Yeah. Really.

NEW DAY PROMO- Because of these three men, there was someone in the first row with a sign that said “UNICORN BOOTY.” At a professional wrestling show. Sam Muchnick is rolling over in his grave. Also, Big E. mimed performing fellatio.
Also, they called out Mark Henry for…

MARK HENRY vs. BIG E. LANGSTON (w/the New Day)- 3.25/10
Mark Henry did JYD headbutts. All of the announcers missed this. Also it looked horrible. He’s THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN! He doesn’t need to do this dumb gimmicky sh*t.
They had a dull match that ended with a weak finish when Mark appeared to have legitimately hurt himself somewhere in his chest.

BYRON SAXTON INTERIVEWS BRIE BELLA- I was going to say that it’s nice that they are letting Saxton try new things, but in the middle of Brie’s answer to his first question, Charlotte and Ric Flair come out to be heels. Charlotte was fine, but Brie wasn’t very good. Yeah, she was give bad dialogue, but her delivery did not help matters in any way at all. The physical portion of this was pretty great though.
The one issue I have with this segment is that all of this talk of “Brie should go home and support Bryan and Nikki” opens up the move obvious question: “why don’t Nikki and Bryan show up at the PPV to support Brie?” The answer to that is because that would make them look a little silly when Brie loses, but that’s obviously not a kayfabe answer.

AJ STYLES vs. THE MIZ- 7/10
Jericho was on commentary, the match was a lot of fun to watch.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- fine, but this whole “eating you up inside” thing would work of much better if AJ had beaten Jericho on Smackdown instead. AJ challenged Jericho to a match at Fast Lane. Jericho said he would answer on Smackdown.

DUDLEYS PROMO- good.
They say the Usos won’t be here because they got injured when the Dudleys put them through a table last week. A table bump that actually hurts someone! Imagine that!

SUMMER RAE vs. PAIGE- 3.5/10
SUMMER F*CKING RAE! When the hell did she get so good in the ring?

PAUL HEYMAN & ROMAN REIGNS SEGMENT- not bad, but not in any way interesting, either.
Does Roman just hang out on the concourse all night? That’s just about the only explanation for why he comes out from the crowd even when someone is making an impromptu call-out.

THE DUDLEY BOYS JUMP ROMAN REIGNS- They beat him up for a while but then Ambrose came out to make the save.
Then Dean tried to hit Roman with Dirty Deeds but Roman blocked it and Dean did a “ha ha. Okay. You caught me.” I didn’t like this part simply because it cheapens the real turn when it happens later, out of jealousy. I think a much better way to do this would have been to have Dean get a chair and set it up like he was going to attack Roman from behind (just like Rollins’ turn), but have Roman turn around and see Dean coming up behind him with the chair. Dean would then explain he was getting it to help fight off the Dudleys in case they decided to charge past the line of referees and the question we are left with is “should Roman believe Dean?”

ZACK RYDER vs. HEATH SLATER (w/the Social Outcasts)- 2/10
We got an in-set promo by the entire Legion of Gloom that, while not entertaining, was, at least, mercifully short.
To give Ryder some credibility, Cole reminds us that he is a former US Champion, at which I immediately snickered and said “yeah. And now he’s down in developmental, teaming with Mojo Rawley.”
They had a short little match, the big spot of which was Ryder diving onto Team Very B.A.D. If you were wondering how low Ryder’s standing in WWE is, the fact that he lost tonight should give you some idea.

R-TRUTH ON A DATE- Goldust shows up to be their waiter. Truth’s date seems completely unsurprised that their waiter is covered in crazy black and gold facepaint. Same with everyone else in the restaurant. The whole point of this was to set up a joke about Goldust ejaculating on R-Truth’s date’s dress.

We’re getting Owens vs. Dolph for the IC Title at the PPV. Also, apparently Kalisto vs. Del Rio will be on the Kickoff Show. What a waste.

NEVILLE & THE LUCHA DRAGONS vs. THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS (w/Wade Barrett)- 4.75/10

DUMB SH*T WITH DIVAS IN THE PARKING LOT- this made Becky look so lame.

Michelle Beadle is in the front row, so I guess she realized what an idiot she was by taking out her anger on Floyd drawing well on Hunter and she is now supporting WWE again.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS ALBERTO DEL RIO- a fine promo, but they’re now doing the same exact angle leading into this month’s PPV that they did for last month’s PPV: the “your win was a fluke” angle.
Del Rio wants a 2 out of 3 falls match. There is no way they will give this the time it deserves, especially with it being on the pre-show (which is a damn shame because it’s not like anything important actually happens on the pre-show and there is no reason why they couldn’t give this match thirty minutes).

BECKY LYNCH vs. NAOMI (w/Tamina)- 1/10
Naomi did the “Speedball” Mike Bailey kicks much better than last time.
They had an extremely short match with an awesome finish. Unfortunately, this was not a match that should have had a clean finish. The finish here should have been Tamina running in for the DQ and then Sasha making the save to build up to their PPV tag team match this Sunday.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Look. It’s that thing I just said should have happened, except that if they had done it my way, they wouldn’t have made Naomi look like a chump.

Dean & Roman vs. Dudleys announced for Smackdown. That should be worth watching.

POINTLESS WYATT FAMILY PROMO- pointless

BIG SHOW vs. BRAUN STROWMAN (w/the Wyatt Family)- DUD!
They went to a quick DQ via Wyatt Family run-in. Then Ryback came out to help Big Show but he got beaten up. Then Kane joined the fight. Normally I’d be happy about this, but this time I’m not because they decided it would be a good idea to have Kane pop up out of the ring to do this, because that totally doesn’t make people roll their eyes and groan every time it happens.
Anyway, our three babyfaces beat up the four Wyatts so I guess they’re not such a big deal after all.

A boring episode of Raw aside from the AJ Styles vs. Miz match.

Oh. And they’re naming an award after Vince Sr. which “no one has deserved until now” which they are going to present next week. I assume this will be heel self-aggrandizement with the award going to Hunter and the guy who wins the #1 contendership match at Fast Lane (read as: Roman Reigns) interrupting the ceremony.

[KILLdozer]

Fuck Wyatts.