BRM Reviews the 1/11/2016 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- there’s a bunch of wrestlers on the stage including Damien Sandow! Conspicuously absent from the stage are Roman, Brock, Kane, the Wyatt Family, & Sheamus. Then Vince told us to “look at the next WWE Champion” and pointed to the guys on the stage. He also said that “of these thirty men, one of them is going to make history.” Does that this is the entire field for the Royal Rumble
This whole thing was annoying and stupid. It’s just the McMahons telling the wrestlers things they all already know. Even the part where they were trying to psych up guys like Owens and Ziggler felt lame. New Day danced lewdly right in front of bathrobe-wearing sophisticated-gimmick Damien Sandow and he didn’t react at all.
Then the Wyatts magicked themselves to the announcers’ table, and Bray said “anyone but you, Roman.” Thanks for dropping in and making that important comment, Bray.
Then Vince mentioned that Brock would be in the Rumble. At this point he have to be well over thirty guys.
Roman comes out through the crowd. Steph buries the crowd for their inability to chant in unison. That made me laugh. Roman came out to be smug and annoying and ask a stupid question. What happens if you win, Roman? You keep the title. Duh.
The McMahons book Roman in a super-handicap match of some sort.
Vince announces that Ambrose is in the first match on tonight’s show, which was apparently the cue for Sheamus to assault Dean from behind. Dean’s best pal Roman Reigns made no move to go help Dean, or even check on him to see if he is okay. I guess that’s payback for Dean not helping Roman in his TLC match when the League of Nations came out to interfere.
Wow. It only took fourteen minutes to finish the segment!


DEAN AMBROSE vs. SHEAMUS- 6.75/10
They were having a really great match until they had a double count-out. They fought on the outside with Dean getting the best of it. Dean started to take apart the announcers’ table but Kevin Owens jumped him from behind and beat him up.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS DEAN AMBROSE- good

HUNTER & STEPH RUN INTO PAUL E. BACKSTAGE- Paul says that Brock wants to skip the Royal Rumble and just be named the automatic #1 contender for WrestleMania. Vince rightfully thinks this is dumb. Steph suggests that they go “behind closed doors” for this conversation… and here is where WWE’s silly “pretend the camera isn’t there” thing falls apart: If the purpose of “pretend it’s not there” camera is so that we can see all of the important backstage happenings, why won’t we get to see this one?
(My prediction is that they will reach a deal by which Brock will enter the Royal Rumble at #30.

STARDUST vs. TITUS O’NEIL- 3/10

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good
Stardust attack Titus from behind while he was celebrating with the fan at ringside.

NXT COMMERCIAL- I don’t ever remember seeing a commercial for NXT on Raw before. Also of note, this was focused entirely on one Mr. Finn Balor. Hmmm…

CHRIS JERICHO’S HIGHLIGHT REEL WITH SPECIAL GUESTS THE NEW DAY (kill me now)-
Jericho announces that he will be in the Royal Rumble. The New Day come out and have lame banter with Jericho. This brought out the Usos (because New Day claimed to be the “real Slammy Award Winners” for Tag Team of the Year), who tried to be funny. Also, they apparently carry their Slammys around with them everywhere they go, just like Owen Hart… WHO WAS A HEEL. This resulted in…

THE NEW DAY (w/Xavier Woods) vs. THE USOS (w/Chris Jericho)- 7/10
I tuned the announcers out for a second and all of a sudden they were talking about proper Royal Rumble strategy.
I liked the match a lot but didn’t like the overbooked finish. Also, it was WAY too early to break Xavier’s trombone. That’s a WrestleMania thing right there.

JBL lets the cat out of the kayfabe bag that Umaga was an Anoa’i, which I didn’t like, both because it needlessly broke kayfabe and also because it makes you wonder why it was that Umaga was still a stereotypical “Samoan savage” in the 2006 while the rest of the family was not.

WWE “REAL FACTS”- they claim that Dolph “has successful improv comedy career.” Everything I have heard says that the “successful” part of that is a work.

PAUL & STEPH BACKSTAGE- Apparently Paul made Vince angry and he storm off. Paul says the same thing he said before. Steph calls him out on this, but it seems to me that the reason Paul is repeating himself is because Steph doesn’t understand his point (they should have had Heyman explain it on air, though). At this point, we have no deal.

STING IS GOING INTO THE WWE HALL OF FAME- well-deserved.

The Wyatts magical blackout has gotten so dull at this point that it didn’t even phase Michael Cole one bit. He just kept plugging how you can get tickets to the WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

It will be the Dudleys vs. the Wyatts in a Tables Match on Smackdown. Haven’t we done this in this feud already? And why isn’t this feud finished already?

THE WYATT FAMILY vs. THE SOCIAL OUTCASTS- DUD!
Before the match, The Main Event & Superstars Mafia cut a promo whose only purpose seems to have been to make me hate WWE for giving them time to speak.
The Wyatts tossed Los Shat-adores around for a minute or so before Ryback did a run-in. There was no disqualification for this. Stupid Ryback attacked the Wyatts one-on-four, so he got beaten down. The Desperation Corporation tried to help Ryback and holy crap they actually did something useful.
Apparently the point of this whole stupid waste of time was so the announcers could tell us that these alliances will break down during the Royal Rumble because it’s “every man for himself” in the Rumble for approximately the 438,240,329th time so far tonight.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS KALISTO- I won’t say that this wasn’t a good promo, because it was good, but I can already tell they are making the same mistake with Kaliso that they made with Del Rio in 2013: They are trying WAY too hard to push him as the “HISPANIC BABYFACE” instead of pushing him as a babyface who happens to be Hispanic. The former won’t catch on nearly as well because it feels forced.
Speaking of Del Rio…

ALBERTO DEL RIO PROMO- great!
At least this time they are actually giving Del Rio credit for putting Cena.

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Alberto Del Rio(c) vs. Kalisto- 7.75/10
Del Rio works over Kalisto’s back. Kalisto comes back and winds up winning the title!

JOJO INTERVIEWS CHARLOTTE & RIC FLAIR- Charlotte was great. The only thing I would have changed would be to have her say “I’m the hero” instead of “I’m the victim.” It’s less delusional, but more arrogant, which is where I think Charlotte needs to be. Ric needs to not be on TV anymore. His presence does nothing but make people cheer for the heel.

BRIE BELLA (w/Alicia Fox) vs. CHARLOTTE (w/Ric Flair)- no rating, okay segment
Becky jumps Charlotte on her way down the ramp. Flair yells at the ref and says Charlotte is in no condition to wrestle, so we won’t have a match.

BECKY LYNCH PROMO- awesome!

Neville & Ambrose vs. Sheamus & Owens as well as Del Rio’s rematch announced for Smackdown. Looks like it should be a great show.

“ONE VS. ALL” MATCH- no rating. Bad segment.
Apparently Roman only has to face ten guys now. If you were the McMahons, why would you stop at ten? And why would you pick guys like Sheamus and the New Day and Del Rio who have already wrestled tonight?
Of course, the first guy they pick to job to Roman is Kevin Owens, who they should be protecting right now. Owens actually lasted a damn long time. Now we’re getting run-ins right in front of the referee and there is no DQ. Everyone beats down Roman, but then Brock shows up. New Day seems to think he’s on their side but he beats them up. Owens laughed at them, then tried to fight Brock on his own and lost. Brock then beat up the rest of the heels. Then he gave Roman an F-5.
Owens and Roman put on a pretty good match (in the 7/10 range), but there was so much that didn’t make sense about the set-up and the lack of DQs that I really didn’t like it.

A pretty good episode of Raw.

[KILLdozer]

"Anyone but you, Roman."

No. No way. No got dang way!

Anyone else but you, Roman, yes! Anyone he could say that to...all the motha fuckers he could talk shit to...he has to continue to bother me by saying this. Isn't it a little late for that same old, nothin' but a bunch of horseshit, got dang line of his?

He was sayin' "Anyone but you , Roman" what feels like 8 months or so-a year ago. Now he's champion. What's wrong with your ideology there, Wyatt?

Or...that means MORE of that got dang crap!

This was, in fact, a serious post-diatribe filled or not.

[cero2k]

THE NEW DAY (w/Xavier Woods) vs. THE USOS (w/Chris Jericho)- 7/10
I tuned the announcers out for a second and all of a sudden they were talking about proper Royal Rumble strategy.
I liked the match a lot but didn’t like the overbooked finish. Also, it was WAY too early to break Xavier’s trombone. That’s a WrestleMania thing right there.
I'd never thought i'd say this, but I wish Jericho would just go away from wrestling, or at least WWE, or at least go heel forever.

WWE “REAL FACTS”- they claim that Dolph “has successful improv comedy career.” Everything I have heard says that the “successful” part of that is a work.
to bad he's not funny in WWE

The Wyatts magical blackout has gotten so dull at this point that it didn’t even phase Michael Cole one bit. He just kept plugging how you can get tickets to the WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
I understand that the whole Appareo is cool for some people, but the one thing that everyone loves is the Wyatt's entrance, I don't understand why they would take that away from the fans. Wyatts made their magic stunt twice this show

THE WYATT FAMILY vs. THE SOCIAL OUTCASTS- DUD!
Before the match, The Main Event & Superstars Mafia cut a promo whose only purpose seems to have been to make me hate WWE for giving them time to speak.
The Wyatts tossed Los Shat-adores around for a minute or so before Ryback did a run-in. There was no disqualification for this. Stupid Ryback attacked the Wyatts one-on-four, so he got beaten down. The Desperation Corporation tried to help Ryback and holy crap they actually did something useful.
I'm not gonna lie, I got excited that Ryback was joining the Social Outcasts

“ONE VS. ALLOwens” MATCH- no rating. Bad segment.
let me fix that for you

A pretty good episode of Raw.
we watched different shows, aside from Alberto vs Kalisto, this was totally worthless

[Big Red Machine]

A pretty good episode of Raw.
we watched different shows, aside from Alberto vs Kalisto, this was totally worthless
Worthless? Yes. But at least there was some great wrestling and some great promos.

[XIV]

Anyone else notice that Michael Cole was a slightly different announcer this week?

He was calling more actual wrestling moves and talking a little bit more psychology than he usually does.

[Big Red Machine]

Anyone else notice that Michael Cole was a slightly different announcer this week?

He was calling more actual wrestling moves and talking a little bit more psychology than he usually does.

I didn't notice it. Maybe they liked Mauro so much that they told Cole to be more like him?

[cero2k]

Anyone else notice that Michael Cole was a slightly different announcer this week?

He was calling more actual wrestling moves and talking a little bit more psychology than he usually does.

i did notice that for the first time, i was more annoyed by JBL than Cole, so maybe there's something there

[XIV]

JBL was delivering Jerry Lawler level announcing with quips and the usual crap.

Michael Cole was really on point. One can only hope that maybe Vince was sat next to Ranello backstage getting pointers.

Usually Cole just calls signature and finishing moves, but he was calling crossbodies, tornado DDTs and all kinds of bog standard moves.

[cero2k]

Usually Cole just calls signature and finishing moves

well, it's not hard when all moves are called the "OH MYY!" and the "He didn't get all of it!"

[XIV]

Usually Cole just calls signature and finishing moves

well, it's not hard when all moves are called the "OH MYY!" and the "He didn't get all of it!"

Exactly there was less of that shit. So I will be listening closely to Raw next week to see if it was a one off or whether it is a noticeable change.