BRM Reviews the 12/21/2015 Raw (Slammys. BOOOOO!)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Steph comes out to run her mouth about nothing. Then Roman shows up to interrupt her. Shouldn’t ROMAN have opened the show, seeing as how he is the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion. He is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO smug that I want to punch him. This guy is a heel. He’s just a giant douche bag (sorry Seru, but I call it like I see it).
Steph yells at him to leave and he is annoying about it. Then she yells at him to not leave, so he leaves. I usually like it when Steph’s inner, bitchy, spoiled “Billion Dollar Princess” comes out, as it shows that underneath the corporate façade, she is still that same spoiled brat heel, but this time it didn’t feel like there was any other point to it than to get people to laugh at Steph. It didn’t feel like Steph’s inner feelings were coming out so much as it felt like they scripted a situation in which Steph did something humiliating so that the fans could laugh at her.
Steph says that she will make Roman know what it feels like to be in her shoes, at which point I was really hoping that she would book a match with a stip that Roman lost, he would have to wrestle in heels, but unfortunately, she only meant it metaphorically.
So Roman defies Steph, and as result Steph books the Usos vs. New Day in a handicap match, and Ambrose vs. Sheamus in a cage. So basically, we have Steph punishing Roman’s friends because of his actions… which feels like what we’ve been seeing for a month already.

Oh… and ironically, this whole deal with Steph wanting to punish Roman is the one time that TNA’s favorite storyline, “the title gives me power” would actually make sense… and yet WWE doesn’t bring it up at all.

SLAMMY FOR BREAKOUT STAR OF THE YEAR-
Nominees are:
Kevin Owens- good choice
Neville- a midcarder at best
Charlotte- good choice
Tyler Breeze- he’s been on the roster for two months and lost more than he’s won, which basically makes him a jobber at this point.
Braun Strowman- a guy who doesn’t stand out at all because he is in a stale in which the smallest member is 6’3, 285
The winner is Neville, a midcarder who has done nothing, and yet somehow beat a guy who debuted by beating John Cena clean and went on to win the IC Title, and Charlotte, who won the Divas Title, and around whom all of the stories in the women’s division have been focused for the last half of the year.
Then Kevin Owens showed up and told Neville to f*ck off… and Neville, the babyface, just gave in. Owens buried the Slammy for the reasons I listed above. The he made fun of Dolph, so Dolph attacked him and they had a pull-apart. JBL proudly declares that “you don’t see this at the Oscars.”
If the end goal of this was to do a pull-apart, do you know what would have been better? Just have Owens win the award, and then have him bury Dolph for having only one two Slammys in his entire seven years in WWE, while Owens has only been in WWE for eight months and has already won one. THEN you could do a pull-apart. Or even better- get some actual heat by having Owens lay Dolph out by hitting him with the Slammy.

Then the lights went off and the Wyatts were in the ring. Does Bray have it written into his contract that he is only required to walk down to the ring a limited number of times per year or something?

KANE vs. BRAY WAYTT (w/the Wyatt Family)- DUD!
Weren’t we already done with this feud last month? Anyway, the go for about a minute before the Wyatts attack Kane for the DQ. Then Dreamer and the Dudleys came out to make the save. Weren’t we done with this feud, too?

THE WYATT FAMILY vs. KANE, TOMMY DREAMER, & THE DUDLEY BOYZ- 2.25/10
The Dudleys did Whazzup right in front of the referee, but there was no DQ. Harper pins Devon with a spinning clothesline, which is a terrible finisher.

SLAMMY FOR “LOL MOMENT OF THE YEAR”- Am I the only one who hates the fact that they call it “LOL Moment of the Year” instead of the “Funniest Moment of the Year?”
Santino is the presenter. The nominees are:
E&C & New Day- Kazoo vs. Trombone
The Bushwhackers HOF induction.
Miz’s ED commercial
Hunter & Steph Dance with the New Day
R-Truth thinks he’s in MITB, but really he isn’t.
Yeah… the only good one of these was the ED commercial (which also deserves bonus points for also being relevant to a storyline.
The winner is… R-Truth, but Santino decides to steal it. Truth is made to look like an idiot by falling for the old “look! Over there!” trick. Santino runs off with the award, and Truth pursues him.
“You don’t see this at the Grammies!” JBL informs us.

Owens vs. Ziggler has been booked for tonight because of their earlier confrontation. Maybe we should save this for the big LIVE Smackdown happening tomorrow night? You know… the one they haven’t even mentioned on the air yet?

MICK FOLEY SANTA SAYS STUFF- there was a joke that his younger elf (who I assume was his daughter), said that he should check his list once and check it twice on his iPad instead of using a paper list, because WWE writers can’t resist the most clichéd, hackneyed jokes in existence. Also, there was a dumb New Day joke.

SLAMMY FOR “OMG SHOCKING MOMENT OF THE YEAR,” which is an idiotically redundant name. I love how WWE tries to pretend the Slammys are some sort of important award… and then gives them names that sound like they were named by stereotypical teenage girls. What’s next, the “Totes the Best Superstar of the Year” award?
Paul Heyman is the presenter. He looks a lot chubbier than I remember. He says that every Slammy should go to Brock, aside from LOL Moment of the Year and Diva of the Year (so I guess Paul hasn’t seen the Histeria! countdown of the Greatest Canadians of All-Time.
The nominees are:
Rollins cashes in MITB
Taker screws Brock at Battleground
Kalisto’s Salida Del Sol from the top of the ladder (should have been the winner)
The Wyatts beat Taker up at Hell in a Cell
Sheamus cashes in MITB
HOLY SH*T! The right guy actually won! Kalisto then cut a good babyface promo.

KEVIN OWENS vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER- 6.75/10
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MATCH, they felt the need to go to a G-d damn split screen to show us the altercation from earlier tonight that resulted in this match being booked. WHY?! If the whole point of that segment was to build to this match… WHY WOULD YOU INTERRUPT THIS MATCH IN ORDER TO SHOW US THAT SEGMENT?!
(After the replay was done, JBL reiterated that the Slammys are not like other awards shows).
They decided that, after not doing so for Owens’ first eight months on the main roster, tonight would be the night where they would explain what they mean when they say that Owens is a “prize fighter” (for those that didn’t already get it). This has got to be the first time in at least a decade that the idea of winner’s purse has been mentioned in WWE.

SLAMMY AWARD FOR SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR-
Steph comes out to present the award. The nominees are-
Everyone.
Well… that makes this whole thing of “introducing the nominees” a little silly, doesn’t it?
The winner is… Seth Rollins. Isn’t this Slammy usually the main event? This seems a little early to give this one away. Anyway, Rollins is here, on crutches, to accept his award. He cut a great promo. It’d be kind of cool if they used this Slammy win, voted on by the fans, as impetus for Rollins to return as a babyface.

Cena’s return (vs. Del Rio) will take place next week on Raw.

JACK SWAGGER vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO (w/the League of Nations)- 6/10
Byron Saxton referred to Zeb Coulter as Jack Swagger’s “father figure” which is crap because Swagger’s father figure is Jack Swagger Sr., and we saw the close relationship between the two on air many times back in 2010. In fact, Zeb only met Swagger because he was one of Jack Swagger Sr.’s war buddies from Vietnam. Learn your history, Saxton!
Swagger gets Brogue Kicked after the match. Then they played what I assume is the League of Nations theme.

“HERO IN ALL OF US” AWARD- It’s one of those community service awards. I didn’t pay attention to the nominees or the winner.

PRE-SHOW SLAMMY AWARDS:
Rivalry of the Year- Brock vs. Taker (this was a pre-show award)
Best WWE Network Show- Austin’s podcast (which, IMO, shouldn’t even count as an Original Network).
Extreme Moment of the Year- Roman beats up Hunter at TLC.
Double Cross of the Year- Sandow won for… um… something. They didn’t say what, and I don’t remember it, and that right there should tell you that it didn’t deserve to win. Also… why is there even a Double Cross of the Year Award? I love how WWE tries to portray itself as a family-friendly company, and yet they have an award whose very existence rewards employees for stabbing others in the back.

SLAMMY AWARD FOR SURPRISE RETURN OF THE YEAR- Bo Dallas was dressed up as Santa. He claimed to be the real Santa. I don’t know about you, but I can’t ever hear the phrase “the real Santa” without thinking back to In Your House 5: Seasons Beatings, and Vince’s reaction to Santa Clause selling out to Ted Dibiase.
The nominees are:
Dudleys
Chris Jericho
Alberto De Rio (they completely edited Zeb out of all of the footage)
Kane
Sting
All of these would be fine winners, but Sting and Del Rio were the two best. Sting won, but he’s not here, so Bo takes the award instead… and everyone is just okay with this.

NEW DAY PROMO- Woods buries Sting for not even showing up on a day when he was nominated for a big award. That made me laugh. I also laughed at Big E. trying to get revenge on the fans by threatening to spoil Star Wars. Then Kofi said he hadn’t seen it yet. His excuse was that he was spending time with his son, who is not yet old enough to see the movie, which I say that is bullsh*t and Kofi is clearly a terrible parent. Apparently the Slammy for Tag Team of the Year was already given out (to the Usos). When did this happen?
HANDICAP MATCH: The Usos vs. The New Day- 6.5/10
The Usos beat the tag champs clean.

R-TRUTH PRESENTS THE SLAMMY AWARD FOR DIVA OF THE YEAR-
The nominees are:
Nikki Bella
Naomi
Paige
Sasha Banks
Charlotte
Wow. ALL heel nominees. Paige won. Wait no. They’re making a Steve Harvey joke, because apparently retelling the same joke we all saw last night with Steve Harvey is supposed to be funny. The real winner was Charlotte.
Hahaha. No. I’m just f*cking with you. The real winner is the returning Nikki Bella, because it’s not like they have been pushing Charlotte, the current champions as the be-all, end-all of the division or anything. Nikki and Paige hug, even though last time I checked, they hate each other. Then Nikki makes a speech about she is dedicating this award to all of the women in WWE and NXT and all of the female fans, which, IMO cheapens what is supposed to be an individual achievement. And also, if you are going to have someone dedicate this award to all of the women in WWE and all of the female fans, then it doesn’t matter who wins the award… so why not give it to someone whose victory won’t annoy fans. Also, this speech felt SOOOO fake coming out of Nikki’s mouth. Becky Lynn or Bayley or maybe Nattie could have made it work.

ADRIAN NEVILLE vs. RUSEV (w/the League of Nations)- 5.25/10
Miz is on guest commentary. Neville the Breakout Star of the Year… lost clean in less than ten minutes, then are a Brogue Kick after the match, too.

SLAMMY FOR “THIS IS AWESOME MOMENT OF THE YEAR”-
Miz is the presenter. The nominees are:
Brock destroys J & J’s car
The finish of Orton vs. Rollins at Mania.
The beginning of the Divas Revolution. (If this wins, I will throw something)
The Shield reunion Triple Powerbomb during the four-way match a Payback
That horrible waste of time with Hunter, Steph, Rock, and Ronda at Mania. (If this wins, I will throw something else).
CRASH!
Rock and Ronda won… but neither one of them won, so Miz just took the award. Well… that’s dumb.

BRIE BELLA vs. BECKY LYNCH (w/Charlotte)- 4.25/10
We know Nikki Bella is in the building, but she’s not at ringside with her sister because… um…
The fans are singing the dumb NXT “Hey! We want some Bayley!” song!
Team B.A.D. was shown watching backstage. I wonder when was the last time we had a women’s match with no one at ringside or on commentary or no one shown watching backstage. It feels like it’s been months.
Becky wins totally cleanly.

SLAMMY AWARD FOR MATCH OF THE YEAR-
The presenter is Ric Flair. The nominees are.
Brock vs. Cena vs. Rollins from Rumble
Sting vs. Triple H from Mania
Cena vs. Owens from Elimination Chamber
Reigns vs. Ziggler vs. Owens vs. Del Rio from Raw the night after Hell in a Cell
Brock vs. Taker from Hell in a Cell
The winner is Brock vs. Taker. Heyman came out to accept the award. He said that Brock only wants to show up to fight, not to accept awards. The crowd as disappointed with this.

LEAGUE OF NATIONS JUMPS THE USOS BACKSTAGE- this was good until Sheamus started ordering them to do their signature submissions, which just came off as goofy.

STEEL CAGE MATCH: Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus (w/the League of Nations)-
“Sheamus is boring!” chants. Steph is watching from backstage. The League of Nations stopped Dean from winning a few times, so Roman came out to beat them up. He wound up stopping Sheamus from winning and he also tossed Dean a chair, which Dean beat Sheamus up with. Dean won accident because they were both hanging and Sheamus knocked him to the floor. Then Roman speared Sheamus for no reason. I had totally forgotten that Dean was the IC Champ until Lilian announced him as such at the end of the match.


TOM PHILLIPS INTERVIEWS STEPH- she is unhappy, so she assaults him. One would assume that Tom Phillips would sue her ass for this.

Another bad show from WWE. We got the same sh*tty Slammys “comedy” we always get, except that this year, half of the winners weren’t even here. As for the actual storyline content… we are now two weeks past TLC, and it feels like nothing has changed… and keep in mind that in this time, they crowed Roman Reigns as their new top guy and WWE World Heavyweight Champion. We getting the same feuds and same stories that it feels like we’ve been getting for months now.




STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Michael Cole says that Braun Strowman reminds him of Chewbacca.
Right. Because they’re both tall and covered in hair… wait. No. Strowman is not, in fact, covered with hair. Nor is he a skilled pilot like Chewie. Also unlike Chewie, he lacks any sort of personality. So really they are both just tall. By that logic, Giant Baba, Kane, and Yao Ming should also remind Michael Cole of Chewbacca.
I also despised the way that Cole had to say “Chewbacca, from the new Star Wars film,” as if there was some other Chewbacca we might think he was talking about. Of course, the reason he said it that way is because this is how WWE announcers show that they are hip and know what is going on in pop culture. The problem is that saying it this way doesn’t make it seem like you actually know anything about pop culture so much as your PR department wants to you say things to let everyone else know that you know about pop culture.

[cero2k]

SLAMMY FOR BREAKOUT STAR OF THE YEAR-
Nominees are:
Kevin Owens- good choice
Neville- a midcarder at best
Charlotte- good choice
Tyler Breeze- he’s been on the roster for two months and lost more than he’s won, which basically makes him a jobber at this point.
If the end goal of this was to do a pull-apart, do you know what would have been better? Just have Owens win the award, and then have him bury Dolph for having only one two Slammys in his entire seven years in WWE, while Owens has only been in WWE for eight months and has already won one. THEN you could do a pull-apart. Or even better- get some actual heat by having Owens lay Dolph out by hitting him with the Slammy.
if there was ever a time to rig fan voting, this was it. Neville made no sense at all.

SLAMMY FOR “LOL MOMENT OF THE YEAR”- Am I the only one who hates the fact that they call it “LOL Moment of the Year” instead of the “Funniest Moment of the Year?”
Santino is the presenter. The nominees are:
E&C & New Day- Kazoo vs. Trombone
The Bushwhackers HOF induction.
Miz’s ED commercial
Hunter & Steph Dance with the New Day
R-Truth thinks he’s in MITB, but really he isn’t.
Yeah… the only good one of these was the ED commercial (which also deserves bonus points for also being relevant to a storyline.
The winner is… R-Truth, but Santino decides to steal it. Truth is made to look like an idiot by falling for the old “look! Over there!” trick. Santino runs off with the award, and Truth pursues him.
“You don’t see this at the Grammies!” JBL informs us.
i actually thought the Truth thing was the better of all of those, but realistically, WWE wasn't funny at all all year, maybe one of the very first New Day stuff before they jumped the shark, but that's it.

“HERO IN ALL OF US” AWARD- It’s one of those community service awards. I didn’t pay attention to the nominees or the winner.
I can't remember either, but i do remember Steph was in there, and then she closed the show beating the shit out of Phillips. Seemed inappropriate.

PRE-SHOW SLAMMY AWARDS:
Double Cross of the Year- Sandow won for… um… something. They didn’t say what, and I don’t remember it, and that right there should tell you that it didn’t deserve to win. Also… why is there even a Double Cross of the Year Award? I love how WWE tries to portray itself as a family-friendly company, and yet they have an award whose very existence rewards employees for stabbing others in the back.
it was Sandow turning on The Miz at Wrestlemania. It kinda feels like there should have been something better.

R-TRUTH PRESENTS THE SLAMMY AWARD FOR DIVA OF THE YEAR-
The nominees are:
Nikki Bella
Naomi
Paige
Sasha Banks
Charlotte
Wow. ALL heel nominees. Paige won. Wait no. They’re making a Steve Harvey joke, because apparently retelling the same joke we all saw last night with Steve Harvey is supposed to be funny. The real winner was Charlotte.
let's be real, no one saw that until it was on reddit or facebook
Hahaha. No. I’m just f*cking with you. The real winner is the returning Nikki Bella, because it’s not like they have been pushing Charlotte, the current champions as the be-all, end-all of the division or anything. Nikki and Paige hug, even though last time I checked, they hate each other.
for most of the awards, i actually felt Nikki deserved this one. I mean, the divas suck, but Nikki was the face of the division all year.

BRIE BELLA vs. BECKY LYNCH (w/Charlotte)- 4.25/10
We know Nikki Bella is in the building, but she’s not at ringside with her sister because… um…
The fans are singing the dumb NXT “Hey! We want some Bayley!” song!
Team B.A.D. was shown watching backstage. I wonder when was the last time we had a women’s match with no one at ringside or on commentary or no one shown watching backstage. It feels like it’s been months.
Becky wins totally cleanly.
it's getting really stale having BAD watching matches, will something ever happen, and I also feel like they watch everyone else's matches, but no one cares about watching their matches. I could be forgetting if they've showed other girls watching BAD matches (bad as in the team, not quality)

[NWK2000]

Me, logging into the forums: Based on the updates I was getting on my phone last night, I'm sure BRM will bury this Raw, but I don't know why I was so sure

*Sees it's Slammy time*

Me: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Just reading your review long for a time where the Slammys were separate from Raw. And they have no excuse not to move it to the Network, like they've done with a lot of their non-wrestling content in the past.

[cero2k]

Just reading your review long for a time where the Slammys were separate from Raw. And they have no excuse not to move it to the Network, like they've done with a lot of their non-wrestling content in the past.

i was thinking this too, but i guess with the season, it's best to have this type of filler. What in hindsight seems like a bad decision is to have Reigns win the title the RAW before the holiday filler starts

[Big Red Machine]

SLAMMY FOR BREAKOUT STAR OF THE YEAR-
Nominees are:
Kevin Owens- good choice
Neville- a midcarder at best
Charlotte- good choice
Tyler Breeze- he’s been on the roster for two months and lost more than he’s won, which basically makes him a jobber at this point.
If the end goal of this was to do a pull-apart, do you know what would have been better? Just have Owens win the award, and then have him bury Dolph for having only one two Slammys in his entire seven years in WWE, while Owens has only been in WWE for eight months and has already won one. THEN you could do a pull-apart. Or even better- get some actual heat by having Owens lay Dolph out by hitting him with the Slammy.
if there was ever a time to rig fan voting, this was it. Neville made no sense at all.
Yeah. It makes no sense to give this guy this award because fans legitimately like him, and then annoy those fans by making him look like a chump. Better to work the on-screen result, but take the legit result into consideration as you book towards WrestleMania and beyond.



“HERO IN ALL OF US” AWARD- It’s one of those community service awards. I didn’t pay attention to the nominees or the winner.
I can't remember either, but i do remember Steph was in there, and then she closed the show beating the shit out of Phillips. Seemed inappropriate.
LOL yeah, but they probably didn't even think about that because legit Steph was nominated for the award but kayfabe Steph was the one beating up Phillips. What they fail to realize is that all of the other rewards are for kayfabe people, and this one was not presented any differently, so why should anyone assume it is different?

Hahaha. No. I’m just f*cking with you. The real winner is the returning Nikki Bella, because it’s not like they have been pushing Charlotte, the current champions as the be-all, end-all of the division or anything. Nikki and Paige hug, even though last time I checked, they hate each other.
for most of the awards, i actually felt Nikki deserved this one. I mean, the divas suck, but Nikki was the face of the division all year.
Not all year. Just until the Divas Revolution started. After it cooled down, Charlotte and Nikki were equally the faces of the division, and once the title change happened, it was all Charlotte. I'm not saying you can't make a strong argument or Nikki or that she wasn't the face of the division for the majority of the time. I'm just saying that it would have been SOOOO much better to give it to Charlotte, who is clearly the woman they are building the future of the division around. There's nothign that says "oh boy! This Divas Revolution was so great and successful!" like having the face of the Divas Revolution and current Divas Champion lose the Diva of the Year Slammy to the woman that the new Divas were all trying to topple and who, to many, signifies everything negative about the term "WWE Divas."

BRIE BELLA vs. BECKY LYNCH (w/Charlotte)- 4.25/10
We know Nikki Bella is in the building, but she’s not at ringside with her sister because… um…
The fans are singing the dumb NXT “Hey! We want some Bayley!” song!
Team B.A.D. was shown watching backstage. I wonder when was the last time we had a women’s match with no one at ringside or on commentary or no one shown watching backstage. It feels like it’s been months.
Becky wins totally cleanly.
it's getting really stale having BAD watching matches, will something ever happen, and I also feel like they watch everyone else's matches, but no one cares about watching their matches. I could be forgetting if they've showed other girls watching BAD matches (bad as in the team, not quality)
I'm certain they did during the three-way era.

[cero2k]

Hahaha. No. I’m just f*cking with you. The real winner is the returning Nikki Bella, because it’s not like they have been pushing Charlotte, the current champions as the be-all, end-all of the division or anything. Nikki and Paige hug, even though last time I checked, they hate each other.
for most of the awards, i actually felt Nikki deserved this one. I mean, the divas suck, but Nikki was the face of the division all year.
Not all year. Just until the Divas Revolution started. After it cooled down, Charlotte and Nikki were equally the faces of the division, and once the title change happened, it was all Charlotte. I'm not saying you can't make a strong argument or Nikki or that she wasn't the face of the division for the majority of the time. I'm just saying that it would have been SOOOO much better to give it to Charlotte, who is clearly the woman they are building the future of the division around. There's nothign that says "oh boy! This Divas Revolution was so great and successful!" like having the face of the Divas Revolution and current Divas Champion lose the Diva of the Year Slammy to the woman that the new Divas were all trying to topple and who, to many, signifies everything negative about the term "WWE Divas."
to quote JBL: "Many believe that Nikkie Bella started the Divas Revolution"

but yeah, i see what you're saying, it's pretty much as with Owens, they leave it to legit votes and doesn't necessarily work towards what you're building storyline wise

[Serujuunin]

Hey, I never said I liked the character they were gave him. He's just pretty to look at.

[XIV]

It was a terrible episode with nothing really happening. I was massively disappointed in it. Don't get me wrong the Slammys were shit and the names of some of them are just outright terrible. BUT the wrestling and storylines didn't progress.. At all!

Kane came back against Wyatt - Backwards step.

Breakout star loses - Backwards step.

Ambrose still bouncing around not really having much of a feud with anyone despite having one of the most sought after titles - Backwards step.

The women's division being stuck in some stupid cycle where it's BAD on top one week, then a its Bellas then it's blah blah blah blah Charlotte and Becky Lynch aside I'm pretty fucking bored of the Women's division again - Backwards step.

It was good to have Santino around though. I miss his skits.