BRM Reviews the 4/27/2015 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OH COME ON! It’s King of the Ring and you have a three hour long show! How hard is it to just start the show with a 20 minute KOTR match going to a clean finish?

OPENING SEGMENT- everyone has been really good so far
Let the record show that on this night, the Big Red Monster, Kane, mentioned Justin Bieber.
Oh. And can someone please tell whichever asshole keeps taking pictures TO TURN OFF THE F*CKING FLASH!

KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Wade Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler- 5.75/10
Both guys cut inset promos, and Dolph's let us know that he was angry about the events of last night, so hopefully this means the writing team does actually plan to pay off the stips at some point.
Dolph loses when Sheamus comes out and distracts him by reminding him about the events of last night #Sheamus'Anus

TYSON KIDD (w/Natalya & Cesaro) vs. BIG E. (w/the New Day)- 2/10
Short match with a good heel finish. Booker a heel all of a sudden.

BO DALLAS vs. RYBACK- 0.75/10
The match was short. After it was over, Bray Wyatt magicked himself into the ring and hit Ryback with Sister Abigail. Yeah... the matches in this feud will probably be a disaster.

JOHN CENA PROMO- well... that joke was a lot more off-color than I'd expect they would allow Cena to make. Also, is he implying that Lana traded sexual favors for a rematch? Other than that, his promo was great.

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: John Cena(c) vs. Heath Slater- Or not. Rusev beat him up. Also... what's the deal with this whole Lana thing? She's really not that hot. Rusev cut an okay promo.

ROLLINS & KANE (& THE STOOGERWEIGHTS) BACKSTAGE- you can decide the #1 contender to the WWE World Heavyweight Title on the WW App: it's either going to be Roman, Orton, or both.

KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: R-Truth vs. Stardust- 2.25/10
R-Truth cut an inset promo referencing a joke that wasn't funny a few years ago and is even less funny now. Stardust cut an inset promo that made me wish I lived in an alternate reality where Cody's career hadn't been ruined.

ANTI-KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Fandango vs. Adam Rose (w/the Rosebuds)- 0.5/10
Adam Rose pinned Fandango after Fandango was distracted by Rosa Mendes.
Then something almost unprecedented happened...Rosa Mendes was allowed to speak! On the air! and she wasn't bad. She made out with Adam Rose, which made Fandango sad.

DANIEL BRYAN MEDICAL UPDATE- Someone on the creative team finally remember that Dragon and Brie are married. Also, Noami showed up and pie-faced Brie.

NAOMI vs. BRIE BELLA (w/Nikki Bella)- 0,5/10

KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose- 6.75/10
Dean Ambrose says that if he wins King of the Ring, he wouldn't ban music he doesn't like, so no one root for Dean because he's a fascist. Sheamus says he's make all of the smaller wrestlers kiss is ass. So unless you're a fascist or like watching acts of analingus, you should be rooting for a double DQ here, just to be on the safe side.
Sheamus won by DQ when Dolph jumped him. Of course, Sheamus had just hit the Brogue Kick, so it's not like this saves Dean from looking weak.

DAMIEN SANDOW PROMO- intellectual Sandow is back! A GREAT promo here. Heartfelt, true, and a shoot that made perfect sense in kayfabe as well.
Then Curtis Axel came out and Sandow started acting like a four-year old, instantly making me hate him. These writers f*cking suck.

Kidd & Cesaro get their return match on Smackdown. Crap. Now I have to watch Smackdown.

BRAY WYATT PROMO- decent

KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Luke Harper vs. Neville- 6.75/10
HOLY F*CKING SH*T I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT BOOKER ACTUALLY SAID THAT! Not thinking before you speak and thus being a bad wrestling announcer is one thing, but not thinking before you speak and thus being disgustingly insensitive about a tragic death affected many of your friends, fans, and coworkers is a whole other level entirely! Hopefully this will be the thing finally gets this f*cker kicked off of commentary.

I really wish they had given this another ten minutes. It would have been SOOOO awesome.

RANDY ORTON & ROMAN REIGNS vs. KANE & SETH ROLLINS (w/Joey Mercury & Jamie Noble)- 7/10
Well... that spear was quite unnecessary.

The problem here was that the focus of the match was on Kane and Rollins, but the guys we were supposed to care about for the PPV were Orton and Reigns (we're having a triple threat match, BTW). Here's what I would have done:
Rather than vote for the challenger, which makes the match irrelevant, have Kane set the match up as the following: If Orton gets the pin, he'll get the title shot at the PPV, if Roman gets the pinfall, he'll get the title shot on the PPV... and if KANE gets the pinfall, he'll get the title shot for his team. This would lead to dissension within both teams- people making blind tags to steal pins, breaking up their partner's pins, etc. The match would end with Rollins intentionally getting DQed and claiming that because no one got the pinfall, no one would be getting the title shot, but then have Kane announce that because of Seth's bullsh*ttery, it would instead be a Fatal 4 Way at Packback.

From this week's commentary I learned that JBL just recently started watching Game of Thrones.

An enjoyable show from WWE.

[cero2k]

BO DALLAS vs. RYBACK- 0.75/10
The match was short. After it was over, Bray Wyatt magicked himself into the ring and hit Ryback with Sister Abigail. Yeah... the matches in this feud will probably be a disaster.
I'm just gonna assume in my head that Bray came out to save his little brother from heel bully Ryback


WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: John Cena(c) vs. Heath Slater- Or not. Rusev beat him up. Also... what's the deal with this whole Lana thing? She's really not that hot. Rusev cut an okay promo.
no, she's really really hot


KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Luke Harper vs. Neville- 6.75/10
HOLY F*CKING SH*T I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT BOOKER ACTUALLY SAID THAT! Not thinking before you speak and thus being a bad wrestling announcer is one thing, but not thinking before you speak and thus being disgustingly insensitive about a tragic death affected many of your friends, fans, and coworkers is a whole other level entirely! Hopefully this will be the thing finally gets this f*cker kicked off of commentary.
this comes from the man who called Hogan the Nword and came up with Shucky Ducky Quack Quack. you shouldn't be surprised anymore about the stuff that comes out of his mouth without filter

[Big Red Machine]

BO DALLAS vs. RYBACK- 0.75/10
The match was short. After it was over, Bray Wyatt magicked himself into the ring and hit Ryback with Sister Abigail. Yeah... the matches in this feud will probably be a disaster.
I'm just gonna assume in my head that Bray came out to save his little brother from heel bully Ryback
That wouldn't make any sense because that's a babyface thing to do and Bo just grew a goatee, so he must be the heel against the clean-shaven Ryback.


WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: John Cena(c) vs. Heath Slater- Or not. Rusev beat him up. Also... what's the deal with this whole Lana thing? She's really not that hot. Rusev cut an okay promo.
no, she's really really hot
You've been watching too many Russian propaganda films.


KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Luke Harper vs. Neville- 6.75/10
HOLY F*CKING SH*T I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT BOOKER ACTUALLY SAID THAT! Not thinking before you speak and thus being a bad wrestling announcer is one thing, but not thinking before you speak and thus being disgustingly insensitive about a tragic death affected many of your friends, fans, and coworkers is a whole other level entirely! Hopefully this will be the thing finally gets this f*cker kicked off of commentary.
this comes from the man who called Hogan the Nword and came up with Shucky Ducky Quack Quack. you shouldn't be surprised anymore about the stuff that comes out of his mouth without filter
There's a different between insensitivity and shucky-ducky quack quack. The Hogan thing was twenty years ago, and he seemed to feel really bad right after he said it. He gave no apology for these comments on the air at any point.

[Big Red Machine]

Did some research re Lana. I found some hot pictures of CJ Perry, but I also found this, which proves that the internet is wrong and CJ Perry cannot possibly be Lana:

NOT LANA!

Lana.jpeg (480.98 KiB) Viewed 5813 times

[cero2k]

KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Luke Harper vs. Neville- 6.75/10
HOLY F*CKING SH*T I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT BOOKER ACTUALLY SAID THAT! Not thinking before you speak and thus being a bad wrestling announcer is one thing, but not thinking before you speak and thus being disgustingly insensitive about a tragic death affected many of your friends, fans, and coworkers is a whole other level entirely! Hopefully this will be the thing finally gets this f*cker kicked off of commentary.
this comes from the man who called Hogan the Nword and came up with Shucky Ducky Quack Quack. you shouldn't be surprised anymore about the stuff that comes out of his mouth without filter
There's a different between insensitivity and shucky-ducky quack quack. The Hogan thing was twenty years ago, and he seemed to feel really bad right after he said it. He gave no apology for these comments on the air at any point.
what i'm saying is that regardless of the severity of his words, Booker seems to be a guy that talks then thinks, i'm sure if he had given it a second thought, he wouldn't have said the shucky ducky quack quack line either.

[Big Red Machine]

KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Luke Harper vs. Neville- 6.75/10
HOLY F*CKING SH*T I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT BOOKER ACTUALLY SAID THAT! Not thinking before you speak and thus being a bad wrestling announcer is one thing, but not thinking before you speak and thus being disgustingly insensitive about a tragic death affected many of your friends, fans, and coworkers is a whole other level entirely! Hopefully this will be the thing finally gets this f*cker kicked off of commentary.
this comes from the man who called Hogan the Nword and came up with Shucky Ducky Quack Quack. you shouldn't be surprised anymore about the stuff that comes out of his mouth without filter
There's a different between insensitivity and shucky-ducky quack quack. The Hogan thing was twenty years ago, and he seemed to feel really bad right after he said it. He gave no apology for these comments on the air at any point.
what i'm saying is that regardless of the severity of his words, Booker seems to be a guy that talks then thinks, i'm sure if he had given it a second thought, he wouldn't have said the shucky ducky quack quack line either.
And my point is that while "shucky ducky quack quack" is just stupid, this is the sort of thing that proves how much a of liability he is on commentary and will thus hopefully get him removed.

[Chris Everlast]

KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Luke Harper vs. Neville- 6.75/10
HOLY F*CKING SH*T I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT BOOKER ACTUALLY SAID THAT! Not thinking before you speak and thus being a bad wrestling announcer is one thing, but not thinking before you speak and thus being disgustingly insensitive about a tragic death affected many of your friends, fans, and coworkers is a whole other level entirely! Hopefully this will be the thing finally gets this f*cker kicked off of commentary.
this comes from the man who called Hogan the Nword and came up with Shucky Ducky Quack Quack. you shouldn't be surprised anymore about the stuff that comes out of his mouth without filter
There's a different between insensitivity and shucky-ducky quack quack. The Hogan thing was twenty years ago, and he seemed to feel really bad right after he said it. He gave no apology for these comments on the air at any point.
what i'm saying is that regardless of the severity of his words, Booker seems to be a guy that talks then thinks, i'm sure if he had given it a second thought, he wouldn't have said the shucky ducky quack quack line either.
And my point is that while "shucky ducky quack quack" is just stupid, this is the sort of thing that proves how much a of liability he is on commentary and will thus hopefully get him removed.

I think you're overreacting, BRM - Booker apologized and no one was hurt by the comments. It's a slip-up anyone could make.

[Big Red Machine]

KING OF THE RING FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Luke Harper vs. Neville- 6.75/10
HOLY F*CKING SH*T I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT BOOKER ACTUALLY SAID THAT! Not thinking before you speak and thus being a bad wrestling announcer is one thing, but not thinking before you speak and thus being disgustingly insensitive about a tragic death affected many of your friends, fans, and coworkers is a whole other level entirely! Hopefully this will be the thing finally gets this f*cker kicked off of commentary.
this comes from the man who called Hogan the Nword and came up with Shucky Ducky Quack Quack. you shouldn't be surprised anymore about the stuff that comes out of his mouth without filter
There's a different between insensitivity and shucky-ducky quack quack. The Hogan thing was twenty years ago, and he seemed to feel really bad right after he said it. He gave no apology for these comments on the air at any point.
what i'm saying is that regardless of the severity of his words, Booker seems to be a guy that talks then thinks, i'm sure if he had given it a second thought, he wouldn't have said the shucky ducky quack quack line either.
And my point is that while "shucky ducky quack quack" is just stupid, this is the sort of thing that proves how much a of liability he is on commentary and will thus hopefully get him removed.

I think you're overreacting, BRM - Booker apologized and no one was hurt by the comments. It's a slip-up anyone could make.

Maybe, but Booker is so bad anyway that there is no conceivable reason to leave him in there. This is the sort of thing that would scare me as a promoter. They rarely give Flair a live mic, and the stuff he said was nowhere near as potentially offensive as this or other things Booker might say. NO ONE who speaks before they think should be allowed to do live commentary.

[badnewzxl]

The Booker "comment" was a mistake, but disgusting is an overstatement. He was reacting to the context of the situation. If you want him off commentary then just point out how terrible he is all around; no need to blow this out of proportion just to try and sway people to your viewpoint. Booker is bad, but he's not Malicious. You're being ridiculous

[Big Red Machine]

The Booker "comment" was a mistake, but disgusting is an overstatement. He was reacting to the context of the situation. If you want him off commentary then just point out how terrible he is all around; no need to blow this out of proportion just to try and sway people to your viewpoint. Booker is bad, but he's not Malicious. You're being ridiculous

I've been talking about how bad he is for years now. If that was my point, it would have been a long rant filed under "STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES" like I do (seemingly weekly) with Striker and have done with Taz, Tenay, and Lawler.

This is a separate issue. My point here is that he's a liability, and thus should be removed (or at least not put on live TV. I'm not saying it was malicious. I'm not saying it wasn't a mistake. I'm saying it was a tasteless thing to say, and I have seen a lot of people who were offended by it. I'm a big advocate of thinking before you speak. Booker didn't do that, and as a result, there were more than a few fans who became very upset. That's something WWE should be doing their best to prevent from happening.

[badnewzxl]

The Booker "comment" was a mistake, but disgusting is an overstatement. He was reacting to the context of the situation. If you want him off commentary then just point out how terrible he is all around; no need to blow this out of proportion just to try and sway people to your viewpoint. Booker is bad, but he's not Malicious. You're being ridiculous

I've been talking about how bad he is for years now. If that was my point, it would have been a long rant filed under "STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES" like I do (seemingly weekly) with Striker and have done with Taz, Tenay, and Lawler.

This is a separate issue. My point here is that he's a liability, and thus should be removed (or at least not put on live TV. I'm not saying it was malicious. I'm not saying it wasn't a mistake. I'm saying it was a tasteless thing to say, and I have seen a lot of people who were offended by it. I'm a big advocate of thinking before you speak. Booker didn't do that, and as a result, there were more than a few fans who became very upset. That's something WWE should be doing their best to prevent from happening.

Fair enough. Personally, I can't use the word tasteless bc imo that implies Booker intentionally hinted at something involving Owen when he was clearly trying to get Neville gimmick over. Your point about it being a liability I can understand but to say it's "disgusting" or "tasteless" is a complete exagerration. It seems like folks are just using this as a way to try to get Book off commentary and that's wrong. He shouldn't lose his job for this; he should lose it bc he's a bad commentator.