BRM's WrestleMania Experience (with apologies to Ernest Thayer)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM's WrestleMania Experience (with apologies to Ernest Thayer)

Post by Big Red Machine » Apr 17th, '18, 11:09

The outlook wasn't bright at WrestleMania that day;
we were well past hour five, with several more to play.
Up and down the card we’d seen new champions crowned all night,
so odds looked poor the champ could now retain in our next fight.

The champion in question was the great Alexa Bliss!,
who despite standing just five foot one should never be dismissed.
For she always retained her belt, no matter what the danger,
and won the first-ever women’s Elimination Chamber.

But quite the task was being put in front of her that day,
for she faced a foe who had her quite greatly outweighed.
Bigger, stronger, meaner was the challenger, Nia Jax.
Before we get into the action, first here are some facts:

Many matches Nia lost in weeks before the show.
What she had done to earn this shot, no one seemed to know.
For to the eyes of all who watched it seemed quite simply that
Jax was getting a title shot ‘cause Alexa called her fat.

With loyal Mickie at her side, Alexa hit the ring
and cheers arose from every fan throughout the whole building.
But as the champion raised the belt above her head up high,
in the hearts of loyal fans there arose a panicked cry.

It was a thought that was so vile that it made them want to hiss:
“What if Nia really is too strong for Little Miss Bliss?”
Then followed another thought that sent them into fits;
”Then Nia would be champion even though she is the sh*ts.”

Jax entered, then a stare-down did ensue between the dames.
And then, for no good reason, Jax assaulted Mickie James.
She threw her into things at ringside, then made her suffer more
by crushing Mickie with a Samoan Drop there on the floor.

Bliss tried to retreat but Nia grabbed her by the hair.
Alexa slapped her. Nia roared. Bliss was slightly scared.
Jax showed everyone that she was big and strong and tall
by tossing poor Alexa 'round and 'round like a rag doll.

But Bliss was not yet beaten; she brought her own best strength to bare:
She used her brain and raked Jax’s eyes (as revenge for pulling hair).
Nia threw a boot but missed because she couldn’t see,
and crafty smart Alexa went to work on Nia’s knee.

Alexa used submissions but the big brute powered out,
and even Twisted Bliss was not enough to end the bout.
The challenger assailed the champ, hoping to steal her prize,
but Alexa cut her off by going right back to the eyes.

Bliss tried to put Nia away with her Snap DDT,
but Nia got her shoulder up before the ref said “three.”
Bliss was certain it was three but the referee said “nope.”
The war waged on and soon the two were both on the top rope.

The two came crashing downward with a huge Samoan Drop.
Bliss landed flat down on the mat, with Nia Jax on top.
The referee rushed over to make the pinning call.
His hand hit once; it hit again; then thrice it began to fall.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
the band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
And somewhere fans are cheering, and somewhere children shout;
but there was no joy in BRM-Ville that day, for mighty Alexa did not kick out.


Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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