Jim Ross runs down the card. One of the matches (Reed vs Taylor ) is happening because on the last episode they colidded in the middle of the ring and they ran out of time. Jim Cornette is on color, replacing Bill Watts, who was attacked by the Midnight Express. Jim puts over the Midnights, which causes them to throw to footage from 2 weeks ago, which is....
THE GREATEST SEGMENT EVER
Jim Cornette and the Midnights have a cake and party supplies at ringside because they're celebrating the tag team title win. They're all wearing party hats Jim Cornette tells the Midnights to "Go show the crowd how much fun we have being in the Midnight Express. Apparently what this meant was "Go throw confetti at people in the first two rows because that's what they did" Jim Cornette goes to cut the cake, which he makes sure to tell Jim Ross, who's the emcee of the event that he can't have any of. As Cornette is cutting the cake, The Rock n' Roll Express show up and ram him face down in the cake. Jim Cornette of course falls on his ass covered in cake, and sells being disoriented as the Midnights scramble to help him, but one of the things he does to sell this is scream like a girl. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.
Abrupt jumpcut to later that night, where Jim Cornette is screaming at Jim Ross, who is now interviewing him. He threatens to sue everyone, including the people in the studio. Bill Watts (the on camera president of Mid South) shows up and says he asked to play the footage because he thought it was funny. Jim Ross is trying to hold laughter. Watts invites Cornette to sue him with his mom's attorneys. Cornette insults Bill Watts, saying Mother Cornette will buy controlling interest in Mid South and he will demote Bill Watts to janitor, and his "geeky" son will have to sell Midnight Express merch. Watts is mad now, and threatens to beat up Cornette if he persists. Jim Cornette attempts to grab him, and Watts throws literally the loudest right hand I've ever heard. This apparently hits Cornette so hard he literally flies out of frame.
Cut to last week. Watts was interviewing Terry Taylor, and Cornette starts yelling at him from the background. The Midnights show up and beat up Watts. Apparently Taylor is a heel because he just walked off.
Cut back to the announcers desk, Jim Ross uses this opportunity to put over Bill Watts, cut to ANOTHER pre-tape in which JR is interviewing Bill Watts
Watts cuts a promo in which he says that the world is out of control. He puts himself over, saying that he's always been sportsmanlike one or lose. However, he lost his temper when he Jim Cornette insulted his son. He says that fines or beating him up won't A. Teach Cornette a lesson, or B bring him any satisfaction. He wants to beat the Midnights with a partner and humilate Cornette.
Cut back to present time, for a commercial, and MORE talking. with Bill Watts. He says, word for word, what he said in the pre-tape, except the audience pops for it. He tells us that we have footage of his partner in North Carolina
Cut to possibly the most bizarre footage ever. The camera is clearly a hand held camera, Jim Ross is apparently behind it, watching from afar. What is he watching? Junkyard Dog, in an all-white tracksuit, lifting weights, with his back to a pond. Bill Watts is also stalking JYD, and he says "Let's go down and talk to him." Were they just filming a dude working out without his permission? Anyway, Watts and Ross go down to the pond. Watts asks JYD to be his partner. JYD says that he wants to stay inactive for 90 days just like he said. Watts basically tells him he helped him against the Freebirds so he owes him one. JYD still says no. Watts says he can't wait 90 days to have this match? Ummm....aren't you the President? Couldn't you wait? JYD is repeating himself now. JYD mentions that he has an idea who could help, some guy named Ance Lee, who he has some history with involving the North American Belt. JYD joins Bill and Jim on their quest to go talk to this dude.
Cut to now, where Bill informs us that they were talking about Stagger Lee. Watts provides exposition about how Stagger demand Jim be blindfolded so no one can see his face (he's apparently masked) We cut to more footage with Jim Ross being blindfolded. Stagger Lee tells Jim Ross not to touch his car, and as he does, the video cuts out, but the sound doesn't, so in my imagination Stagger Lee got so angry he ended the universe. Stagger Lee rants about JYD, and Stagger agrees, if Bill pays him the money and if he BANS EVERY OTHER MASKED WRESTLER FROM MID SOUTH
Bill Watts plays more footage from 1982 which was the debut of Stagger Lee against Ted Dibiase. Stagger lee is a masked man who wears a red and blue jumpsuit and mask. The announcer has enough time to tell him that Stagger Lee bullied JYD as a kid before Lee pins Dibiase in about 10 seconds.
We then get a highlight package of Bill Watts wrestling. When we cut back to the ring, a Little Bo Peep dress is hanging behind Ross and Watts. Watts explained that's one of Mother Cornette's dresses, and he's going to make it so if Watts and Stagger Lee win, Cornette has to wear the dress, as well as drink milk out of a bottle. I feel the Cowboy has some weird fetish stuff going on. And as I'm typing that he says that Cornette will also have to wear a diaper. Bill Watts also has a pacifier but only to explain that he wouldn't have the teeth to use it once he got his hands on him
This finally ends the segment that took up HALF THE SHOW, and so we get
Mr.Wrestling takes the mic during his opponent's introduction and claims that he is not Mr.Wrestling II, but Mr. Wrestling, as he's always been #1 (Apparently the title card guy thought the same thing, as he was just Mr.Wrestling, but Jim Ross doesn't think so, as he called him what the ring announcer calls him)
-They cut to Mike Jackson. The girls in the arena pop, even though he looks like children's singer Raffi in a singlet.
Oh, the reason why they popped is because Magnum TA shows up, and whispers in the ear of Jackson. Jackson just leaves, and TA informs us that he's replacing Jackson because Mr Wrestling has been threatening him.
-Mr.Wrestling rightfully says that he's not going to wrestle TA, he wants to wrestle Jackson, and he has to, because that's how the powers in Mid South told him to wrestle, TA tells him that one of the lessons he retained from Mr.Wrestling II was that the ultimate humiliation was to be slapped. He slaps him twice. They tease a standoff. Mr.Wrestling leaves.
Before this match we learn that Volkoff, Darsow, and Misao Ito tried to injure Hacksaw with a coal miner's glove but Rock n' roll Express saved the day.
The match literally goes, punches by Duggan, Irish whip reversal, Spear by Duggan, and the other Russian guys, including a masked man Ross doesn't know about. ambush Duggan. Rock n' Roll Express come out to save the day again, as does Terry Taylor (who, despite being a babyface, did nothing to help Watts last week). Butch Reed comes out to beat up Terry Taylor. but he takes a ring post bump from Terry. The faces clear the ring, and we find out that the next match is in fact Terry Taylor vs. Butch Reed
Butch Reed isn't in the ring to start the match. He comes out, but his arm is in a sling. There's a big argument with the ring announcer that he either wrestle or forfeit. SWERVE, Reed has the coalminer's glove. Once again, because they're in every segment, the Rock n' Roll Express make the save, but not before Terry gets beaten to the point that he is foaming at the mouth. Butch Reed looks like an actual villain here.
Masao Ito squashes Santana, and actually looks impressive doing it, We also learn that Butch Reed is expelled from the tournament and will go on to face Darsow in the finals.
Jim Ross comes back to commercial to put over Watts again and show the same video from an hour ago. It abruptly cuts to tell us next week's card which
A REALLY bad episode of Mid South Wrestling bar the best segment of all time, and one or two impressive performances.