BRM Reviews the 3/11/2017 ROH

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 3/11/2017 ROH

Post by Big Red Machine » Apr 23rd, '17, 17:15

PROVING GROUND MATCH: ROH World Tag Team Champions The Young Bucks vs. Coast To Coast- 4.75/10
This was pretty good for the time it got. The Bucks antics were all almost completely absent, which was very nice. The match was structured for them to be the babyfaces, which was kind of odd but it worked here because they weren’t doing anything heelish.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- forget everything I just said. After a nice, clean win, free of antics, where everything was structured to make them the babyfaces, the Bucks then attack Coast To Coast after the match and hit the Hardys’ finishers on them, with lots of “suck it!”s and “delete!”s. If you want to do this and want the Bucks to be heelish, why not just have them win the match with the Hardys’ finishers?

LIO RUSH & KENNY KING CONFRONTATION- good promos brought down by the stupid premise that set them up. These two will have a match next week, which should be quite good if it’s given time.

TOP PROSPECT TOURNAMENT QUARTERFINAL MATCH: Curt Stallion vs. Preston Quinn (w/Andy Vineberg)- 3.25/10
Remember my review of last week’s show where I made a comment about “Brutal Bob’s old-ass buddies?” Well Preston Quinn takes that to a whole new level, as he has been wrestling TWENTY-THREE YEARS. That’s longer than last year’s winner, Lio Rush, has been alive. Brutal Bob makes a point of saying that “it’s not about age,” and I could maybe even understand Bob’s argument if these old motherf*ckers were actually impressive in any way.
Curt Stallion looks painfully generic and cut a generic promo. This is a “top prospect?” Quinn’s promo was a little bit better, but, well… to be frank, it seems like both he and his manager are stuck in the early 90’s indy in which Quinn probably started. I don’t know how ROH thinks that these short fifteen second promos will help us care about a bunch of guys we’ve never seen before when all they each say is that they want to win the Top Prospect Tournament. They need full-on ninety second video packages or something like that.
Both guys are in black trunks, black kneepads, black boots, and black elbow pads. Quinn also has black wristbands while Stallion has white ones. These two men might actually be related, as both seem to be El Generico’s American cousins.
Some of their head-drops actually looked pretty good, but they did absolutely nothing that made me ever care whether or not I see either of them again. Quinn kicked out at 3.0000001, and there was no follow-up to that whatsoever (he hasn’t wrestled another match for ROH since then, and it’s been over two months- and two TV tapings- since this was taped).

CODY RHODES PROMO- he challenges Jay Lethal to a Texas Bullrope match at Supercard of Honor XI. He made Adam Page come out to hand him the rope and just stand there while he talked, which made Page look like a lackey.

JAY BRISCOE PROMO- very good.

JOHNATHAN GRESHAM vs. DALTON CASTLE (w/the Boys)- 5.75/10
A fine example of a match that was too short to help Gresham in any meaningful way, and this actually hurts the product by cutting into the time that should have gone to the main event.

MARTY SCURLL PROMO- all he said was that he was going to be at Supercard of Honor IX, and with no one to actually cut a promo on or interact with, he came off looking like a giant goof.

NO DISQAULIFICATION: MATCHS War Machine vs. BJ Whitmer & Punishment Martinez- 6.5/10
Mark Briscoe replaced Alex Shelley on commentary for this match, presumably just so we could get Mark’s obnoxious cartoon voice on the show.
This match started when War Machine, the babyfaces, jumped their opponents from behind during their entrance. You know… like heels would. The match was a good brawl with some table spots. Martinez pinned Rowe for the win. Then he randomly turned on Whitmer as well.

Another frustrating episode of ROH which reminded me why I’ve let myself fall so far behind on it. Quite frankly, I think it would be good if they just stopped doing the Top Prospect Tournament at this point- or at least confine everything but the finals to VOD only shows. Delirious either has no idea to manage time on a TV show or has no idea how much time a certain match might need to help the wrestlers involved get over. Or probably both. Either way, we all know what the problem is, and it has a lizard face.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Alex Shelley totally buries an impressive display of athleticism by Leon St. Gionvanni by calling it “cute.”


Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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