MATT STRIKER READS A LETTER FROM ANTONIO CUETO- This was just announcement of tonight’s main event. Doing it in this format was extremely weird. Said main event is a four-way between Pentagon Dark, El Dragon Azteca Jr., Mil Muertes, and King Cuerno to determine who will face Marty The Moth for the Lucha Underground Championship at Ultima Lucha IV. The arguments he gave for Pentagon Dark and El Dragon Azteca Jr. made sense (Pentagon had already defended his title that night and was cashed in on right away, and El Dragon Azteca Jr. had been beaten up by Fenix right before he lost the Gift of the Gods Championship to Marty), but why the hell to either Mil Muertes or King Cuerno deserve another title shot? They lost to Pentagon Dark fair and square last week.
JACK EVANS PROMO- He’s supposed to wrestle tonight but refuses to wrestle for Lucha Underground as long as X.O. Lishus is employed. He also claimed that if he was at Johnny & Taya’s wedding, he would have kicked Matanza’s ass. Mr. Cueto comes out and tells Jack he is going to be a sacrifice, so we got…
JACK EVANS vs. “THE MONSTER” MATANZA CUETO- 1/10, but fine for what it was
Jack tried to run away but it did him no good (especially with Mr. Cueto tripping him up with his cane). They let Jack make a brief match out of it, but in the end, it was the same as all of the other Matanza sacrifices. Speaking of which…
By my count this is the seventh sacrifice so far this year. I like the idea of the sacrifice as a way to write characters off in a productive manner, but the way they have done it really hasn’t felt productive. We still don’t know what these “sacrifices” do for Matanza. We assume they make him stronger, but he has pretty much only wrestled these sacrifice squash matches so we really haven’t seen that. We also haven’t heard a peep from anyone about what they do and how they interact with the god that is possessing Matanza and all of that. We haven’t even gotten some sort of cool backstage segment where we see the sacrificed person’s essence being transferred to Matanza or whatever. The wrestled just loses to Matanza and then disappears.
LUCHA UNDERGROUND TRIOS CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: The Reptile Tribe (Kobra Moon, Daga, & Jeremiah Snake)(c) vs. Ivelisse, X.O. Lishus, & Joey Ryan- 1/10
Do you know who would make a good sacrifice? Joey Ryan. His shtick is tired and useless, so just get rid of him.
Before this match started, Paul London came out and introduced us all to “El Bunny” and “the White Rabbit.” They watched the match, which went a bit longer than five minutes in which very little happened other than one or two dives.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- El Bunny beat up Joey and Lishus on his own. Ivelisse tried to save them but got blindsided by London, then takne out by El Bunny. London and El Bunny held their necks against the bottom rope while the White Rabbit got in their faces with his pocket-watch and said “Tick! Tock!” Maybe I would have cared about this in an earlier season, but they have pretty much killed my interest in all of these guys at this point.
HANDICAP NUN-CHUK MATCH: Jake Strong vs. Drago & AeroStar- 7/10
Not only was this very fun and exciting, but they managed to do it in such a way that losing two-on-one didn’t feel like it was burying Drago and AeroStar. Strong tried to break AeroStar’s ankle after the match but Drago made the save, so Strong broke Drago’s ankle instead.
WINNER CHALLENGES FOR THE LUCHA UNDERGROUND TITLE AT ULTIMA LUCHA IV: El Dragon Azteca Jr. vs. Mil Muertes vs. King Cuerno vs. Pentagon Dark- 4/10
Fenix showed up to… menace Melissa? Or maybe he just needed to be near her to work out his feelings or shake off his post-resurrection mental fog or whatever. Melissa managed to run away from him, then El Dragon Azteca Jr. hit him with a MONSTROUS dive that slammed him right into the announcers’ table. This was probably the most awesome-looking dive (factoring in athleticism, hang-time, and the aesthetics of the result) that you’ll see all year. Or possibly all decade.
Those two brawled, taking El Dragon Azteca Jr. out of the match. Then The Mack came out and attacked Mil Muertes, so that feud apparently isn’t over. The Mack gave Mil TWO stunners and he didn’t go down, because there is no better tribute to your hero than killing his finisher. These stunners did make Mil stumble around so Pentagon Dark could hit him with a Panama Destroyer. One superkick to stop King Cuerno from breaking it up later and Pentagon Dark pinned Mil Muertes to punch his ticket to the main event of Ultima Lucha IV. This big main event went a grand total of 5:19.
THE MACK PROMO- great
He stood over Mil Muertes’ fallen corpse, declared that he was not only no longer sacred of Mil but also no longer scared to die, and challenged Mil Muertes to a deathmatch at Ultima Lucha IV.
Oh crap. Here comes one of Striker’s soliloquies. I’m just going to shut this off before I get angry.
I really don’t want to call this a bad show from LU, but I was extremely frustrated by the shortness of the matches and the lack of backstage segments. It’s Lucha Underground for G-d’s sake! They should be Lucha Underground.
PWG, EVOLVE, AAW, WWN, etc
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