BRM Reviews the 7/11/2018 Lucha Underground

[Big Red Machine]

We open with Cortez Castro in the ring. Mr. Cueto shows up and outs him as an undercover cop, then books him against Matanza as a sacrifice. The fans then all chanted “SACRIFICE!” as Matanza came out and we got…

CORTEZ CASTRO vs. “THE MONSTER” MATANZA CUETO- no rating, squash
This match went a total of MAYBE ten seconds… and in those ten seconds, of course Matt Striker had to run his mouth, bringing up Mount Moriah and misquoting Genesis 22:7 (top of my head, by the way). The reason this stuff is so annoying is because you know that what happened was that Striker was told that there was going to be a lot of death and sacrifices this season, so he went on his computer and searched the Bible and works of poetry and philosophy and so forth, and then looked up various historical events he thought he could relate to things and then he went home and wrote these stupid soliloquies and figured out which allusion to use where, because despite being an announcer for a decade at this point, Matt Striker has still not figured out that he is not the star of the show.

WINNER GETS AN ANCIENT AZTEC MEDALLION: Joey Ryan vs. Ivelisse- 2.25/10
This went WAY longer than it needed to. Joey Ryan does absolutely nothing for me in LU. If you want to keep him around to do jobs then that’s fine, but they haven’t done anything with the guy in what feels like forever (at least since he told Dario that Cortez Castro was an undercover cop), and he is all the same dull shtick all the time in the ring.

GUY WHO GETS PINNED OR SUBMITTED DOES NOT GET AN ANCIENT AZTEC MEDALLION: Killshot vs. Son of Havoc vs. Da Mack- 5.75/10
Apparently we’re rewarding people for merely “not losing” now rather than requiring them to actually win.
Matt Striker tells us that “a lot of people feel that there is a little bit of difference to Killshot” this season and that he “went into business for himself” when he rolled Da Mack up and tried to eliminate him from Aztec Warfare. This is the sort of thing they should be showing via backstage segments.
When this match began, Matt Striker referred to it as a “ménage a trois of violence.” The fact that he still has a job constantly confounds me. Striker wondered if Killshot and Da Mack resented Son of Havoc’s placement in their team because he “isn’t part of the family.” Since when are these two related? Da Mack was related to Big Ryck, no one has ever said a word about Da Mack and Killshot being related. Hell… we don’t even necessarily know Killshot’s name. The only person who does is Dante Fox.
Spots happened. Da Mack pinned Killshot, so both Da Mack and Son of Havoc get an Ancient Aztec Medallion. They tried to be friendly to Killshot after the match but Killshot rebuffed them.

WINNER GETS AN ANCIENT AZTEC MEDALLION: Cage vs. Mil Muertes (w/Catrina)- 4.5/10
Catrina is now wearing red a red dress instead of her usual black cat suit, to show that she is more alive. Based on absolutely zero evidence, Matt Striker says “I don’t think there’s anyone in Lucha Underground that carries such a deep connection to the Aztec Medallions more than Mil Muertes.”
The important thing here was that Pentagon Dark hid in palin sight by pretending to just be a fan in a Pentagon Dark mask and attacked Cage to cost him the match. This needed one ref bump, the three we got (Cage’s visual pinfall and the attack could have been done in the same ref bump) and certainly didn’t need two ref bumps that occurred because wrestlers assaulted referees because they were upset they didn’t get the pinfall.

PENTAGON DARK PROMO- very good
He tells Cage they’re having a title match next week and vows to not only win the match but also break Cage’s arm.

MASCARITA SAGRADA TAKES THE RABBIT TRIBE TO MEET THE WHITE RABBIT- weird
He’s a bald Caucasian man with some faint facial hair, seated on a wacky throne. He has an unknown luchador trapped in a cage made of roots. The Rabbit Tribe beseech him for guidance. He tells them he will guide them only if they kill Mascarita Sagrada. He magically floats his staff over to him, and Paul London beats Mascarita Sagrada to death with it. Mascarita apparently just stood there and allowed this to happen. The White Rabbit laughed and said “now we will see how far you are willing to go.” This was f*cking weird.


Another very meh episode of Lucha Underground, but, like last week’s show, at least it feels like things are progressing at an acceptable pace.

[cero2k]

GUY WHO GETS PINNED OR SUBMITTED DOES NOT GET AN ANCIENT AZTEC MEDALLION: Killshot vs. Son of Havoc vs. Da Mack- 5.75/10

you're getting your Macks confused, this ain't wXw

[Big Red Machine]

GUY WHO GETS PINNED OR SUBMITTED DOES NOT GET AN ANCIENT AZTEC MEDALLION: Killshot vs. Son of Havoc vs. Da Mack- 5.75/10

you're getting your Macks confused, this ain't wXw

Dammit! I actually thought about it when I was typing it and was certain that this was the correct spelling for this Mack. This is why neither wXw nor LU should ever go on breaks! How else can I possibly keep my spellings straight?