BRM Reviews CHIKARA Aniversario!(frustrating)

[Big Red Machine]

CHIKARA Aniversario! (5/27/2007)- Philadelphia, PA

This month’s installment of BRM’s now officially intentional and on-going monthly “this day in wrestling history” review series brings us to the wacky and magical world of CHIKARA for the second show of their 2007 anniversary weekend, Aniversario!

We start off with a commercial for last year’s Aniversario Delta show that I cannot describe other than that to say that nit is simultaneously hilarious and embarrassing and you need to see it for yourself. Then we got a highlight video of stuff in the first five years of CHIKARA. It was kind of cool but started to drag on for way too long (though I did, as I always will, pop at the sight of CP Munk, the straight edge chipmunk. By the time the actual show started, the DVD had been running for well over seven minutes.

BRODIE LEE vs. RETAIL DRAGON- 2/10
This Brodie Lee is not yet the greasy trucker we would all come to know and love. He was just… some large dude named Brodie Lee, who looked completely unrecognizable as the powerful force of heeldom and truckery he would become. The match was quite boring. It was guys working at speed four out of ten for things that they needed to be doing at a seven for it not to look hokey.

ORDER OF THE NEO-SOLAR TEMPLE PROMO- UMB did all of the talking. He was cartoonish in the worst possible way. He came across like someone trying to play a camp supervillain very, very, very poorly.

THE OLSEN TWINS vs. THE ORDER OF THE NEO-SOLAR TEMPLE (UltraMantis Black & Hydra) (w/Crossbones)- 2.5/10
The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple came out to Brock Lesnar’s music. The Olsen Twins attacked the Order of the Neo-Solar Temple from behind to start things off. This was a slow, boring not-so-funny attempt at a comedy match.

CREATE-A-WRESTLER vs. SHAYNE HAWKE- 2.5/10
Dull. Hawke won with his feet on the ropes.

MITCH RYDER PROMO- terrible. I know some people love his territory-esque throwback stuff, but promos like this one are the embodiment of everything that turns me off about that era. This guy wasn’t someone like Ric Flair or Michael Hayes who come off like he lived his gimmick. This guy was an overacting blowhard.

EL PANTERA, LINCE DORADO, & PLAYER UNO vs. MITCH RYDER & LOS ICE CREAMS- 5.5/10
More silliness followed by some decent babyface vs. heel stuff. Lince made a great comeback but Mitch Ryder kicked him in the nuts for the DQ. Lince’s burst of offense was by far the best thing on this show so far, so having this DQ right afterwards was extremely frustrating, and not for the right reasons. This was done to set off a completely tepid feud between these two.

KAGRRA vs. DRAGON YUKI- 4.5/10
An uninspired match between two guys I have been given zero reason to care about.

SOUTH PHILLY SCI-FI STREET FIGHT: Dr. Cube & Call-Me-Kevin vs. Dusto Bunny & Giii the Space Pirate- DUD!
They set up some little buildings in the ring for the Kaiju to destroy during the match. They really didn’t do much with them. This was pretty much a match where pro wrestling was played off as a joke by wrestlers mostly wearing suits that hampered their movements, all while goofy music played in the background, and the announcers (UltraMantis Black and Louden Noxious) rambled on in all caps about this goofy sh*t. THANK G-D that no one walked into the room and caught me watching this sh*t.
I’m giving this a dud rather than a negative rating because they did have a story that they told effectively, but that doesn’t mean this was in any way enjoyable. I hope to never see something this annoying again.

PELLE PRIMEAU vs. MAXIME BOYER- 5.75/10
This didn’t even make it six and a half minutes but it has been the best thing so far on this show by MILES. If disc two is anywhere near as bad as the now-concluded disc one, I’m going to be quite angry.

COLONY PROMO- Worker Ant did all the talking. He wasn’t particularly good.

THE COLONY vs. MIKE QUACKENBUSH, SHANE STORM, & EQUINOX- 7/10
A nice, long, action-packed six-man tag that managed to be entertaining despite one or two big botches and the camera missing a huge dive. Quack pinned Fire Ant with what I can only describe as a Super-Dee-Duper Avalanche Tiger Driver.

INCOHERENCE vs. BLK OUT (Eddie Kingston & Ruckus)- 6.5/10
Referee Bryce Remsburg has to immediately separate Eddie Kingston and Hallowicked, who are embroiled in a very bitter feud. BLK OUT eventually jumped Incoherence to start off what turned into a good babyface vs. heels match. Delirious made Ruckus tap but Kingston nailed him with a Backdrop Driver immediately afterwards and also attacked Hallowicked.

HERO, SWEENEY & CLAUDO INTRODUCE THEIR NEWEST MEMBER- Oh crap. It’s Mitch Ryder. Claudio played up his story of not wanting to be in the group (he has to be in it because he lost a match last month at Rey De Voladores and now must be Hero’s servant) by staying quiet and in the background, while the others told him he needs to look happier and participate in their handshake.

THE KINGS OF WRESTLING (Chris Hero, Claudio Castagnoli, & Larry Sweeney) (w/Mitch Ryder) vs. THE KINGS OF WRESTLING (Gran Akuma, Chuck Taylor, & Icarus) (w/Maxime Boyer)- 8.25/10
A wonderful match that built very well over its almost nineteen minutes of action, Claudio, the only theoretical babyface in this match, was isolated and then got to make the big comeback, which gave us something to be excited about. The action in here got quite awesome by the end, which saw Akuma pin Sweeney after Hero and Claudio bumped each other on the outside.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good
Mitch Ryder averts a shoving match between the two factions with a call for unity. Hugs and handshakes are exchanged all around. Claudio was unenthusiastic, but participated anyway.

This was an extremely frustrating show from CHIKARA, simply because you had to sit through so much pointless crap to get to the good stuff. If you happen to want to buy this show from some reason (like if you’re a Mitch Ryder fan… which is a descriptor that probably only applies to members of Mitch’s immediate family) then do yourself a favor and just skip right to disc two. That’s where the worthwhile stuff is.